An Interesting Short Story

[Dusky]

Hello Everyone,

Hope the following is helpful to you - it was to me.

I recently found this short story in a book I was reading and thought you might all like to read it as well. I modified it slightly to read to my specific loss – I found it to be very inspiring.

By Stephanie Hess:

Evolution

In the beginning, I walked around wringing my hands constantly like Lady Macbeth. Now I still wring them, but only on the anniversary of the hours leading up to his death and when hearing tragic news.

In the beginning, the videotape in my head played events of the day before and after his death again and again. I was powerless to stop it. Now I can frequently turn off by consciously thinking of other things.

In the beginning, I felt that my skin was to tight for my body. Compulsively, I had to move to make it fit. I walked for long periods in order to feel comfortable. Now I walk just for exercise.

In the beginning, on Sunday leading up to 6:00 P.M., I tensely counted the minutes. Now Sunday is usually just an ordinary day.

In the beginning, everything was counted in days and weeks. Now it is numbered in years.

In the beginning, everything that belonged or related to him was scared. When the ring he had given me was misplaced I was frantic. Now if it were lost, I would be very sad but I could cope. Now I donate many of the things he owned.

In the beginning it was hard to think or talk about anything but his death. Now I have reinvested in life, have other topics of conversation and actually find much of life enjoyable.

In the beginning I cried when I passed his favorite foods in the supermarket. Now there is a pang but the tears no longer flow.

In the beginning the words to “Wind Beneath My Wings” and “Somewhere Out There” echoed painfully in my head for months. Now when I hear those songs there is sadness, but it is softer and ends quickly.

In the beginning, I was sure I was crazy. Now, although I still question my sanity at times, I accept the fact that my thoughts and feelings are normal for a bereaved spouse/mate.

In the beginning there were many things I wouldn’t do. Now I do some of them but still avoid others. Perhaps in my continued evolution, I will decide those things are possible, too.

If you are at the beginning, take heart. There is evolution.

By Stephanie Hesse

Hope this helps you – I know it gave me some hope. I’m still making my way through this “Evolution”

I also found this passage from my readings, which I feel is also perfect – at least its how I feel – it reads (I modified it slightly):

“ Because he had been here, I will be different than I would have been. I will have to become his legacy. He travels with me into tomorrow. He may have died, but love never does”.

For me that says it all!

Love to you all,

John – Dusky is my handle on here.

[kayc]

John, Thank you...it is true, we have come further than we think and we will go further yet. Somehow people survive this horrible loss, somehow we find life again...not as we knew it or even necessarily as we would like it, but we rebuild and we live. We are the survivors.

[Dester]

Thanks for that. Sometimes it's hard to let go and move on because then you have to take on the responsibility of making a new life....it could be easier to stay stuck in one place. Movement and change is the most difficult thing of all. That's what I've found anyway.