6 Weeks Out

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My husband of almost 54 years died on October 6, 2012. He was diagnosed with Pulmonary Fibrosis on June 29, 2012, so he only made it a little over 3 months. This is a little unusual for PF. The doctor even thought he was getting better on the Thursday before he died on Saturday. Seeing his name with the word "died" or "death" linked together breaks my heart every time. I can't really believe he is gone. We would have celebrated our 54th Wedding Anniversary on December 20, 2012, along with my birthday and our daughter's birthday. I cannot type anymore. I can't see through my tears.

Kathy

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Dear Kathy,

I am so very sorry about the loss of your beloved husband. I know you are in a state of disbelief and the tears are profuse. I lost my husband in 2010 and though I deal better with the loss now, the pain and sadness is there as well as frequent tears. You found a very good place here in this group. You will find we all "get it" as we are all walking this path. One day at a time and sometimes an hour at a time. The tears heal. Get sleep as you ca, get outside for a walk if you can each day. It is time just to grieve and take care of yourself. People are here for you. Come often.

Peace,

Mary

[enna]

Dear Kathy,

I am so sorry for the most recent loss of your husband to Pulmonary Fibrosis. I’m sure that the suddenness of your loss has sent you into a whirlwind of emotions. You are in shock right now - a way of protecting us from the reality all at once.

You have taken a first step by finding this grief healing discussion group. We are a group of caring, understanding souls who all know what you are going through. You need to take care of yourself. Breathe, get rest and spend some time in the sun.

There are so many other materials to help you on your journey on this web site.

If you go to: http://www.griefhealing.com you will be introduced to our Bereavement Counselor, Marty. She is our lifeline and knows just how to direct us to the articles, songs, poems and many other links to guide us through our grief journey. The responses from other members are sensitive and caring. We all ‘get’ what you are going through.

I understand about words that can ‘break our hearts.’ I am sure that nothing seems real to you. It’s too soon. December sounds like it will be a very hard month for you. We have something in common, Kathy. My Jim passed in May this year, we celebrate our wedding anniversary (big forty), my birthday, and Christmas all in December. Firsts I have been told are hard.

You will cry and cry. We are told that tears are good for us because they help to cleanse the toxins out of our bodies. I have found crying to be a good release. I’ve even bawled, screamed, and sobbed. I am glad that all these reactions are ‘normal!’

HOV has both group and individual programs available to us also. I have used all of them and I find the online site to be most helpful. I do not feel so alone. I am also taking the online class, directed by Marty called: Finding Your Way Through Grief: A Guide for the First Year. I am glad you have come to this site. Anne

[Wifflesnook]

Dear Kathy

My husband Pete died in May. We had been married almost 50 years and we were everything to each other. I can't say that I am coping, only that I am existing without him and managing to eat, walk our dog, and do basic things. I have received so much help from being on this forum because the people here truly understand. They won't say things that don't help like others, however well meaning do. They know that when you have lost your life partner you are lost. We have to carry on but as Anne says its just one step after another. I know that my life wil never be the same (and to be honest I am still in denial in many ways as I can't beleive Pete has really gone). But with the help of people like Mary, Marty and Anne and others here I have survived six months. It's good that you have found this site. I live in 3England but distance is meaningless when I can talk to people who truly get what it is like to lose a life partner. I never expected it to happen to me as my Pete was so well before he had a devastating stroke and our lives changed utterly. I still can't think of him as dead and I try very hard to think that because he loves me so much he is near me. I am not conventionally a believer but nevertheless the only way I keep going is to think that. Please post regularly as this forum is a life line. We are here for you and we check in daily. Please do know that you are not alone and that we know what it is like to lose our beloved husbands or partners. Everyone's loss is different but a partnership like you and I had is a lifetime. What is his name? Jan

[kayc]

Kathy, I am so sorry. My husband passed unexpectedly at barely 51, I can understand you thought you'd have years left ahead of you. You have found a very special place here, we go through this together, some have new loss, others of us have been around a while...we have all gone through some common experiences and are a support for each other, as we will be for you. I wish I could put my arms around you, for I remember like it was yesterday how it all felt. The intensitiy lessens eventually and it becomes more copeable, but we always continue to miss them, they were and are special to us in a way no one else ever could be.

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His name is Darrell. He was my best friend. He was my dancing partner. He was my travel companion. He was a pilot of single engine planes. We had many wonderful flights around the Puget sound. One of the last things he said to me was "It's been a great ride, a wonderful 54 years." He said that about a month before he died. At that time my mind and heart had not even considered that his life would end so soon. He had Rheumatoid Arthritis for about 7 years. It is likely that is what caused his Pulmonary Fibrosis. As it got harder for him to manage our stairs, we decided to move to a single level home. Unfortunately, he didn't live long enough to join me in that enterprise. I am in the process of organizing what to take to a smaller place after 48 years in this one. If only he were here to go with me. He did have a wonderful life but I can't believe he's gone. He wasn't done with what he wanted to do. I am missing him so much. I sometimes just sit and stare at his picture. It brings him closer.

Kathy

[ANC1117]

Kathy,

I am sorry to here of your loss. My parents have been married for over 50 years and there love for each other was a testimony for my marriage to Celene. I too stare at Celene's picture and when I am having a rough day I speak to her, just as I did when she would meet me at home to here me vent. I send out my compassion and support to you during these early days. October 6th is a very special day for me, it is my birthday. Hugs

Anthony

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Dear Kathy, moving after all those years will be yet another hard thing (though I guess everything is hard anyway right now). Wll you have help to do that? I have a photo frame in our living room that changes every minutes or so and Pete's photos are always there. I put it on in the morning and turn it off as I go to bed. At first it gave me more pain than pleasure as in every photo he looks so well and vibrant. Now I can bear it and I suppose it helps to see him. We have been blessed with loving husbands, and not everyone can say that. A partnership like ours is wonderful but the pain when we lose them is correspondingly hard. All this sounds so trite in the light of you loss but what can I say? I will never get over losing my Pete and indeed I don't even want to. But I am managing somehow to live on even if the living is hard. Jan