Lost Mom 3 Years Ago; Just Lost Dad

[joyNmourning]

I'm really not wanting to be here again. http://www.griefhealingdiscussiongroups.com/uploads/emoticons/default_sad.png' alt=':('> December 15th was the three year anniversary of my mom's death. I posted about her here: http://hovforum.ipbh...ama/#entry39752. On the anniversary, I was thinking...thank God I am feeling a lot better than I was. I still have down moments, but I felt that I had healed a lot.

Then, on December 26th, I lost Dad. I have been pulled under again. I'm finding it hard to do anything.

[Miss Ngu]

Hi - please accept my condolences for your Dad's passing. My dear Mom died on May 12, 2011 -- and, like your Mom, she was the perfect Mom for me. I also have had a difficult relationship with my 81-year-old Dad (my Mom's surviving spouse), and think I will have more mixed (and more complex feelings when he passes on) -- but -- only time will tell. The grieving process (the upset, the changes, and, ultimately, learning life's new lessons) has been broader and more challenging to me than I could ever have imagined. Please know that my heart goes out to you -- and is here with you.

[joyNmourning]

Thank you, Miss Ngu. I am sorry for your loss.

After I typed that original post, things between my dad and I got worse for a while...and then, fortunately, ended up better. We were never as close as Mom and I were, but things did improve some. I am thankful for that.

[joyNmourning]

I feel like I'm being pulled in all directions. I am so sad and just want to grieve, but there is just so much to do...work...estate mess (no will)...grandma (Dad's mom) is still alive and needs care...my sis lived with Dad but doesn't drive/work. I need someone to take care of me, but it seems like everyone is needing help from me.

[kayc]

joyNmourning,

I'm sorry you're again facing loss. It is hard to be there for everyone else when you need someone there for YOU right now. Maybe if you state to those closest to you what you need from them...sometimes people want to help and really don't know how to.

Estates do take time to sift through, I don't envy you there. Your sis will have to find her own way right now, you do need to look after you. Grief has a way of being there when the dust settles, so if it's neglected for a time due to the urgency of other matters, it will still be there waiting when at last you have time. Perhaps you could set aside a time every day just to reflect, it'd give you some outlet now.

I, too, am glad that things improved between you and your dad before he passed.