One Mistake Millions Of Consequence

[SunShine3]

It will be three months from when my father passed next week, seems like forever, yet the time had flown at the same time. My life has been turned upside down and there is no common denominator to what it once was. My dad and I were best friends; we leaned on one another through everything.

It was a late Friday night when I heard the loudest sound in my life, my older cousin scream to call 911. I ran down stairs to evaluate the situation and found my dad face down on the stone floor unresponsive. He was breathing like a fish out of what, which is a very disturbing sound. I proceeded to call the paramedics, and tried to explain to them my father had fallen over the banister on the stair case. My dad did come to, and kept trying to get up and telling us that the floor was uncomfortable. Then he was wondering were I was, he wanted to talk to me. He rolled over on his back and I held his hand, while his face was covered in blood, I just talked to him. He told me he will always be with me, and look at how far we have gotten. I told him I loved him and he replied “I love you too!” but then I said I love you more. He looked at me and smiled and said “How cute.” That’s an image I can’t get out of my mind, from the flashbacks to the nightmares. When the paramedics arrived I walked on the back deck I found an empty bottle of Jack Daniels, he had consumed it all in less the two hours. I was running on pure adrenaline, I don’t think I had ever beaten that fast before. When they arrived he stopped talking, I was the last person to have a conversation with my dad.

They flew my father two hours away, it was around one in the morning when my grandmother and uncle and I arrived. It was the longest walk to the ICU, I just felt as if I knew what was to come and I didn’t want to face it. My father had broken his jaw and fractured his face, and had major brain damage. He was brain dead, at age 47. I was heartbroken, and just in disbelief. He was the strongest man I knew how could he be so weak now. He was on life support for four days and then we removed life support and he kept breathing for five days.

I always think how easily it could’ve been prevented it from not drinking the whole bottle. Why did you drink it all dad?

I love you dad!

[enna]

Oh my dear SunShine3, I am so so sorry for the loss of your dad. What a sad event for you to have to witness. I know that you are in shock. Three months is such a short time for you to process what has happened. Please know that you have people here that care for you and want you to share with us what is in your heart.

Some questions will never be answered and you will have to accept that as you grieve the death of your dad. You will never get the answers to your questions about why he chose to drink a bottle of Jack Daniels. It was his choice and had nothing to do with how much he loved you. We will never know why some people take to the bottle. As much as I loved my father and I know that he loved and always cared for me I could not understand why he drank until he drank himself to death. Liver disease is an awful thing and that is what my dad chose when he drink alcohol. My father chose the path of alcoholism and I have never found the answer as to why he developed that weakness.

You are in my heart and prayers as you begin your grief journey. Anne