Is Two Years Too Long To Hurt

[Sprklingjem]

I lost my husband of 9 years dec. 30,2012. I was 28 and he was 32. We have 3 kids together. Two boys who were 7&5 and a girl who was 8 months. He died suddenly one day. No warnings. He was my only family really. He was my husband and best friend. He was the one who was there. Not my family. I think I was numb for way too long. I still fed the kids, kept them in sports took care if the baby. But I found no use for myself as a human being.

Within the first 9 months, I lost him, I lost my job because I couldn't handle the stares and whispers and I was isolated in the town because his job was why we were there. I lost my home cause I couldn't afford it alone. I moved to be closer to siblings. They offered to help but quickly became overloaded trying to help a grieving mom with 3 young kids.

Dealing with my sons grief has been debilitating in itself and often leaves me feeling like I'm horrible. I said once "nothing prepared me to be a father so italways feels like I'm failing as a mother".

I hurt so bad and people just tell me to move on. Take steps. Try something. I'm literally exhausted. When I have time I just want to lay down and have quiet or the comfort I've found.

I was staring at the Christmas tree yesterday and my breathing quickened. I felt sick. I realized it's because when I was trying CPR our Christmas tree branches kept poking my face. I try to keep up with the holidays. I still laugh sometimes. I still cry sometimes.

I just really feel alone. Today I had someone say. You act like you're the only person who's had a husband die. Gaw!! It hurts.

[marsha]

SJ - two years is nothing. It's no time at all, not really, when we've lost so much. And added to that the responsibility of raising 3 young ones? And the anniversary of your husband's death coming up? It sounds like you're doing the absolutely best you can. You're not horrible - you're surviving the best way you know how. Please don't buy into the "you should be over it/moving on" thing. It's utter and total crap. It takes as long as it takes. I'm thinking of you today - please be easy on yourself. Hugs, Marsha

[kayc]

I'm so sorry, all of us here know what it's like to lose our spouse and those comments are clearly from people who don't get it! Very inappropriate! I could write a book on dumb things people say to the grieving.

It's been nearly ten years for me and just yesterday I found myself sobbing, missing my husband so much. Most days I do okay, but when something happens with job, finances,health, it really hits how alone I am and how much I miss his presence.

It takes a long time to go through this grief journey and everyone is different. Not all had the close loving relationship we had, not all have the same coping skills, not all are exhausted trying to parent three little ones. You've met a caring wonderful place, and we'd love to be there for you, whenever you want to share.

[annew]

SJ, I am so sorry for your loss. It has a life and timing all its own a lot of the time. Being on our own is so tough and after a while there really is no one to talk to except those that have experienced it and know one doesn't just get over it. Lately, it has been bery hard for me to imagine how I will go on without him and sure don't have the desire most of the time. Stay in touch here, I have not been let down or told to get over it. AnneW