I Thought The Pain Would Be Gone By Now

[bmb60]

Three years ago my wife and I suffered tremendous losses. In August of 2002 my step-father (age 60) (Over the years he had become one of my best friends) underwent major heart surgery. He eventually had a heart transplant as well. After four longs months of suffering he died on the day after Christmas in 2002. As if this wasnt bad enough in October of 2002 my Dad (age 72) (my hero and very best friend) suffered a heart attack. He had stints placed in his heart and everything seemed to be going well. However on New Years day 2003 as he was out for his daily walk he suddenly had a second heart attack and died beside the street where he lived. This was only two days after we had buried my step dad. On the day of my Dad's funeral my wife's grandmother (90+)passed away. Grandmother's death had been expected for sometime but still this was a lot for us to cope with in a weeks time.

I have never suffered such pain in my life. I thought like most people that over time the loss of my dad and step father would be easier to cope with but I find myself struggling desperately to keep from falling into depression. For the most part I cope very well but this time of year is especially difficult. I feel like I am cheating my wife and son out of their "happy holiday" spirit becasue I am so desperatly depressed.

Has anyone else experienced anything like this? How long before I can bounce back to my old self?

[Bebekat]

This seems to be a good place to start to hea because we DO know what you are going through. Sometimes it helps just to read others' posts. Other times I can try to send a comforting word or two. Welcome to the club that nobody wanted to belong to. Your loss is so overwhelming, to lose so many in a few days time. Sometimes it helps just to write and get your feelings out into the open. I hope you can find some peace here.

[Maylissa]

bmb60,

I'm very sorry to hear about all your terrible losses, within such a short period. You've really been through the wringer! My husband and I had 5 losses over one year as well. It really complicates mourning. I lost my Mom and brother within 2 months in '04 and my husband lost an uncle, aunt and grandmother the same year. We also lost our furbaby coming up 6 years ago ~ our 'child', so one of our greatest losses.

Yes, one hopes that in a few years the pain will lessen, and in some ways it can, but in other ways, it almost seems to grow worse. I put it down to missing them even more because it's been that much longer since we've had them here in the physical. This year was particularly hard for me, too, even though, as of today, it's been 2 years since my Mom passed. It doesn't seem that long at all! I also found I had the holiday 'guilts' and was trying desperately to find little moments of contentment, trying to stretch them out longer so as not to 'ruin' the season....I wasn't very successful. So you're not alone there. I couldn't even post here as often as I usually do, as it's been so draining on me. I still have 2 anniversaries, besides today, to get through in the next 2 months (our furbaby's and my brother's), so I don't imagine it's going to be an easy ride yet. How long? I honestly don't know. I'm just plugging away with it all, one day at a time.