My Toby-bear's osteosarcoma returned...

[Chimama83]

I have a 9 yr old chihuahua named Toby who was diagnosed in June with osteosarcoma in his rib. He had already had surgery to remove the tumor and they took 2 ribs when they realized the tumor was growing out of his rib. I work in the veterinary profession and see these kinds of things everyday. I always thought it would be easier to deal with a cancer diagnosis because in my head, I'd already decided what I would and would not do. But everything changes when it's your own puppy. This cancer is very aggressive and my research said 5-8 months without chemotherapy. So, almost 3 months after his surgery ( when I was just starting to think maybe I'd get more time than that), I found a lump on the same side where the original cropped up. So, it's growing everyday ( literally- visibly growing every day) and I'm having a very hard time. I cry every day thinking about losing him and when I might have to make that decision. He's on a lot of strong pain medications,  but this cancer is very painful and I know at some point I'll have to make that decision.  I'm just not sure how to accept that I'll need to euthanize him at a young age ( for a chihuahua- his 12 year old "sister" is still ticking). I'm just sad.

[kayc]

I am so sorry.  Sometimes anticipatory grief seems even harder to deal with than the actual death, especially as we see them suffer.  My heart goes out to you and I pray you will know when the right time is and try not to second guess your best judgment...it's not a science and sometimes it's hard to know "when".  We can only do our best and love and make them as comfortable as we can in the meanwhile.  I know of nothing harder than what you're going through.  I had a 19 year old cat that was misdiagnosed and when I discovered he had cancer I had him put to sleep immediately because by that time he'd been suffering horribly for about a month, but I'd thought treatment would pull him through it.  It's one thing to let them suffer when there's light at the end of the tunnel, but his suffering was horrible and it was only getting worse.  As long as Toby still has good quality time, try to make him as comfortable as possible.  Trying to stay in the present helps in situations like this so you can enjoy what is, there will be time enough tomorrow for the what ifs.

[Chimama83]

Thanks I appreciate your words- I definitely have gotten caught up in the anxiety of "when will it happen". I realized that and a few days ago I took some pictures of us together and I did a clay pawprint and painted it so I will have something good to remember him. Most days are ok, he seems happy enough and I get lulled into thinking he'll be ok longer. Then he has a day where he walks stiff with his head and tail down and it brings reality back to me. I'm so sorry about your kitty:(

[Critterdoll]

Chimama83, I have not experienced cancer in a pet before, but just the same my heart goes out to you knowing you love your pet dearly and only want the best for him.  In that, we are all in the same boat.  We want the best for our furbabies, and grieve when something terrible happens, whether it involves illness, natural death, or euthanizing.  I just pray that God gives you the strength to deal with your sweet Toby and that you can make him as comfortable as possible and just shower him with all the love you have in you (which I know you are doing anyway).

Blessings,

~ Mia ~

[kayc]

I understand, and maybe it's okay to think he'll be okay a while longer...it will hit when it will hit, today I hope you enjoy your time together.  My cat, King George, was amazing to the end.  Even when having to do something distasteful to him, something that caused him pain, he purred.  It both broke my heart and humbled me.  I will miss him forever.