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I want to go to Grandad

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I lost my Grandad 7 weeks ago after a 3 year battle with cancer. I thought I was doing ok but I'm not. His passing has begun to really hit me now. It's very sudden.and almost like a wall falling down upon me. A light has gone out of my life and a big part of me is missing that I cannot replace. I feel like I have lost not only my Grandad but a very dear trend. I think about him every single day. I miss him so much. I have had thoughts lately of just going, just leaving this god forsaken world. I just want to be with him. I yearn to see him, to see his wonderful smile and hear his gentle voice again. I just want to be with Grandad. I feel utterly hopeless and alone.

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I am so sorry for the loss of your grandfather.  It's very hard, losing someone who was an integral part of your life, someone you love very much.  Today is my wedding anniversary...my husband has been gone over ten years.  

I hope you will give yourself the time you need to adjust to these changes in your life and not doing anything rash.  it's not uncommon to feel this way after a loss, that's why it's so important to see a grief counselor, who can help you find your way through this maze of grief.  Right now it's hard to think clearly, at least it was for me, for a very long time after my husband died.  It takes a long time for the fog to lift and it takes great effort to help yourself through this.  It's important to take care of yourself, eat something healthy, drink a glass of water, take a walk, even when you don't feel like it.  Often you will not feel like it, but it gives you the very best chance of making it through this with a positive outcome.

I'm sure your grandfather would want you to continue to live your life and find what good there can be in it someday.  If you cut it short, you will never get to discover what you shortchanged yourself...for believe it or not, there will be good in your life...just give it a chance so you can discover it.  

It took me about three years to process my husband's grief, it's different for everyone, but just to say, it's not a quick or easy process, but I've found it to be a journey rich with learning and discovery.  I felt as you did at first...I'm glad I've given it that chance.

Today would have been our anniversary.  I think of and talk to my husband every day...I know he is waiting for me and I will be with him again someday.  Right now I have family and friends and pets to be here for.

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  • 4 weeks later...

True story Tom.  My father hated my grandmother.  I loved her more than my own mother.  She has dementia back then. Fancy word you will understand is Alzheimers. My mom went to her while she was passing.  She called and told my dad it was time.  He would not take me to the bus so I didn't get to go to her funeral.

I am old now Tom. 52.  I just lost my husband which is why I read your post.  

Here is the deal Tom.  Grandparents don't ever go away. Sorry but that is my belief.  My grandmother has been beside me since I was 11 even if it is only in my own mind.  Knee surgery.  Talked to grandma.  Mother died.  Talked to grandma.  Husband died.  Still leaning on grandma for strength.  Truth.

Talk to him Tom.  He will hear you.  GOOD Grandparents are allowed. They don't have to play by the rules the rest do.  They earned the right to hear.  They may not be allowed to respond but it my belief that they are allowed to be sitting right beside you your whole life to give your strength. I may be wrong but I have believed this with all my heart for 41 years.

I have been in your shoes Tom. Don't know how old you are, but 11 was my age I lost the one who saved me. Made me feel loved and safe and then had to go. Except she really didn't and I am betting your grandfather really didn't either.  Use the advice he prepared you with Tom.  What would he be telling you if he was beside you.  No, you won't hear the words outloud but don't you already know the words? 

I can tell you the color of my grandmothers curtains, the floorpan of her house, the smell of her basement after all these years Tom.  She reminds me so I don't forget.  

I hope when you are my age you can too.  It means we are still together.  


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