What To Do On That Day

[Guest jmr]

It's so difficult to believe this, but February 9th will be one year since my husband, Guy, passed away. I never thought that I would be able to get through one week, let alone a year. Losing your best friend/protector/companion/spouse is something you never wanted to experience, but are forced to. I know I ignored any warning signs, it was just unacceptable to not have this wonderful man with me all my years. My Guy knew, and he tried to get all the important things settled. Teaching me things like how to maintain the house and car. He knew that I would need to know these things. I can sense that dreadful year anniversary coming closer and closer. I feel that I should do something to honor Guy. I honestly don't know if I will be able to do anything. If I want to be alone, or with others. Grief is a terrible thing, holidays, birthdays, anniversaries, once days to be celebrated are now just days that we would like to forget. But we just continue, walking each day, one step at a time.

[kayc]

I think, like Dusky, that it helps to honor them somehow. But I also feel that however you find it best to deal with those days is what you need to do. We are all different. My husband died on Father's Day...I'm not sure how I will handle it and may not know until that day arrives. I only know that the day will not escape unnoticed and I sincerely doubt it will be easy. Father's Day for me is forever ruined as it was the worst day of my life. I don't know how it can be otherwise. Perhaps for me I will call his grown children on Father's Days...if I could think of something special to do for them it would help to make the day salvageable. And I know that's something George would like. Is there something that meant a great deal to your loved one? A cause, a hobby, a sport? Any way you could contribute to it that would honor him in some way? For example, if teaching was his life, you could volunteer reading to children. Or if he loved plays, you could attend one in his memory. Be creative, something will come to you. I wish you the best.

[Grace]

People tried to comfort me by suggesting that I carry on things that my husband loved. Problem was, he was a rather solitary person. I was the one who ran for office and won and who was involved in all kinds of community organizations. One person (I guess she thought she was being helpful but . . ) suggested I turn my house into a place for kids to come and learn how to use computers! Sure he was a computer genius. He was so many things but never taught kids nor wanted to teach kids. And why would kids need to come to my house which I would have to completely rearrange to accomodate computers and kids? Kids around here have computers at school and at the public library. And real teachers. What I did instead was increase my contributions to our favorite charities and causes and sent the money in his memory. I will do that every year until I die. A science fiction book section has been set up at a middle/high school in his memory. We both read SF constantly. We met at an SF convention that I didn't want to go to. I have had a really hard time getting involved again. It is so hard to go to events. I feel like I will break into pieces. So I don't go to much of anything. I have put up photos of him all over the house. I find that a little bit comforting. His birthday is coming up and I know it will be hard. Very hard.