clam Posted February 14, 2006 Report Share Posted February 14, 2006 so my mum died when i was eight (im now 17), she got breast cancer when i was 4. she should have gone in for the surgery to remove the tumour over christmas but she didnt want ruin christmas so she waited till after (predictably i have to think wot that delay could have meant).the cancer came back, to her liver and her bones, there was noway, there could be no miricle. we were told 2/3 times i think by my dad that she would not make it past the weekend. after the first time tho this didnt seem to matter because if she can surprise doctors once....but she did die.i have been without my mum for half my life.she is never bloody talked bout coz my dad "sealed that box away a long time ago and it hurts to open" my elder sisters cant or wont remember-blocked it out and then theres me...the one that cant quite ever get over it. the one thats too young to have memories that arnt created frm photos or scrapes from other people.the one that never bloody gets to tlk about it.my step mum gets moody withany slight mention of it- like a dead women is competition to her.i thought i had reali grieved ( and i did ) in 2004. in 2004 altho she died in 1996 it reali hit me and i dunno i suffered, i wept it was awful so hard and it was just for me. after my mum died the family went wrong for years. bt 2004 wasnt too bad so i think it just came and hit me-hard. but tonight trying to sleep my thought snapped back to her and i thought that u can find anything on the net right.....this year for her anniversairy i will be away at uni. my family doesnt do anything 4 it- havent reali 4 ages. but i knw wot this year wil mean:as soon as death is passed the 2 year mark no1 cares-its just a battle scar10 years no1 will give a **** she will just b dead to every1. does that make any sense? she will b dead to every1. i make it worse by shrugging it off saying "ah well it was nearly 10 yrs ago" it becomes less than trivual and that keeps me awake i think. its so "in the past" to every1well as u can tell this isnt me making much sense or at the best of times i just want something....some answers that i knw arnt there....some help that nevr seems to come. maybe i just had to put it out there yunno Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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