Given up .

[Forever His x]

31 minutes ago, kayc said:

I didn't understand some of the things you wrote...you said you're on a mission to find him.  ???  How?

You also said:

Cruse people???  Not sure what you're talking about.

Your little boy needs you, and yes it'd be great for him to have his dad but since there's just you, you're all he knows.  Do you have a father or brother or friend that could help fill the male role in his life?  If not, maybe a big brother program when he's older, even things like boy scouts can help.  My son had a dad but spent a lot of time with men in our church (hunting, men's breakfasts, workdays, etc.), as well as sports (coaches, etc.).  It all helps!

Yes because I don't want to believe this has happened nore that it is my reality so that's how . And also if you read the comments above . As suggested in the UK there are people who run an organisation as such for bereavement called cruse . Yes I have my dad and my brother . And reading that your son had his dad isn't rubbing salt in the wound ! 

Sometimes things can be worded different and come across a little unsensitive . 

[Forever His x]

1 hour ago, rdownes said:

I feel your pain it does stink and hurt beyond words my kids are older but it is still just as hard on older kids because they had them in their life longer, there is no easy way out of this  we will struggle everyday now but it is the price we pay for love, I have had some really bad days lately just coming out of them but if it meant not having my Kevin in my life for the time I did to avoid this pain I would take this anguish anyday he showed me what is was like to be unconditionally loved, try to hold on to the love I know it is hard since we can't see them or talk to them anymore, or feel their touch anymore but I truly believe they are only a breath away I hope you find a sense peace hugs.

Thankyou . That's a good and positive way to look at things . With them showing us the true meaning of love I'm going to cherish that thought . 

[JJ660]

2 hours ago, Forever His x said:

Hello , 

thankyou for replying to me , it really helps hearing from people in the same situation and having the little ones . im also very sorry for your loss and what you have had to go through . as i just replied a few seconds ago i havent looked into a grief support group i think its something i might try as others have said its good . How old is your daughter now ? how is she , im worried for my sons future with what has happened, its all so wrong i dont know how to stay strong and i dont know how to carry on when i dont want to but have to for him . his so beautiful and such a lovely little boy makes it harder . How do you cope  ? 

Id love to keep in contact, 

The grief support group should really help you. I'm so thankful for mine. The meeting coordinators and guests there are very helpful, and it's nice to know you're not alone.

 

My daughter is now 4 months old. I battle everyday with postpartum depression and have felt like maybe I should let a family member adopt her. I never wanted kids, and I am so scared to raise her alone. Have you felt that way at all?

 

I've been keeping busy with friends until I go back to work. I think I need structure and friends to keep me busy. That's all I can do at this point.

[kayc]

4 hours ago, Forever His x said:

Yes because I don't want to believe this has happened nore that it is my reality so that's how . And also if you read the comments above . As suggested in the UK there are people who run an organisation as such for bereavement called cruse . Yes I have my dad and my brother . And reading that your son had his dad isn't rubbing salt in the wound ! 

Sometimes things can be worded different and come across a little unsensitive . 

Wow!  Would you have preferred my son NOT to have had his dad?  Nothing can be gained by comparisons. 

I did read about the organization, I'm sorry, I just forgot.  If you prefer I not respond to you, I can do that.  I did so only out of the kindness of my heart. I tried to offer some good suggestions, but you ignored those.  I am not rubbing salt in your wounds, I would never do that to anyone, I'm sorry you are so offended.

[Forever His x]

4 hours ago, kayc said:

Wow!  Would you have preferred my son NOT to have had his dad?  Nothing can be gained by comparisons. 

I did read about the organization, I'm sorry, I just forgot.  If you prefer I not respond to you, I can do that.  I did so only out of the kindness of my heart. I tried to offer some good suggestions, but you ignored those.  I am not rubbing salt in your wounds, I would never do that to anyone, I'm sorry you are so offended.

What do you think , At what point did i actually say that i said things can be worded differently as it comes across very unsensitive , if you want to think that then by all means do .
id rather you didnt reply to my responses as i wont be replying back to yours , ,reason no one else has come across so abrupt they just listen and hear what you have to say instead of asking silly questions that are not helpful , so if thats your kindness ive definitely missed something there . Not everyone is going to be ok with you being so abrupt with in a situation like this , so yes im happy to not talk and i will continue to "ignore" . 

[Forever His x]

7 hours ago, JJ660 said:

The grief support group should really help you. I'm so thankful for mine. The meeting coordinators and guests there are very helpful, and it's nice to know you're not alone.

 

My daughter is now 4 months old. I battle everyday with postpartum depression and have felt like maybe I should let a family member adopt her. I never wanted kids, and I am so scared to raise her alone. Have you felt that way at all?

 

I've been keeping busy with friends until I go back to work. I think I need structure and friends to keep me busy. That's all I can do at this point.

Im definitely going to look for one of thoses with in my area , you seem to gain alot from it , i think it will be daunting at first but worth it in the end as everyone will be in the same boat . 

im not glad you have said that but ive felt so bad because ive had the same thoughts , my son is young not as young as your little girl , but they dont realise what has happened and wont remember , so i think to myself if he wont Remember him then he wont remember me so give him to mum and dad and go and join him , then i look at his little face looking back at me and i cant . i know he needs me but in the situation it is very hard and yes i am struggling , feel so guilty i get to watch him grow and he doesnt . i dont worry about anything anymore as i dont see the point but i worry about his upbringing i hate the fact i cant give him what i want and its all me now . 
So i totally understand where your coming from. 

Its so difficult no matter what we seem to do nothing helps us within this . horrible horrible journey. 

[Jgillen]

On August 15, 2016 at 4:05 PM, Forever His x said:

hello , 
i am also very sorry for your loss and experience too , i would love to be able to stay in contact and chat , as i dont know anyone who has suffered this loss and especially who have children . me and my fiance loved the out doors and so does our little one now , breathing in the fresh air seems to help both of us but is so upsetting too . 
i feel so guilty im seeing him grow and his not and just how are you meant to carry on with this life when it wasnt meant to be this way . you sound very strong for your children i hope i can be for my beautiful son . 

I would love to stay in contact!  I think its important to not feel alone.  You are strong.  This is just very hard.  And, for you to admit this is hard and reach out shows a tremendous amount of strength.  I have my moments too.  I feel very low some days, and then I find that some days go a little easier.  I went to a grief support group for families last night and the volunteer who took us on a tour was only a baby when her dad passed away.  Her mother brought her to grief support to be around other kids who had lost a parent and she was able to express her grief through art.  She is now helping others!  I hope you can find a place like this for you and your son.  Keep your head up! 

[Forever His x]

On 17/08/2016 at 2:16 AM, Jgillen said:

I would love to stay in contact!  I think its important to not feel alone.  You are strong.  This is just very hard.  And, for you to admit this is hard and reach out shows a tremendous amount of strength.  I have my moments too.  I feel very low some days, and then I find that some days go a little easier.  I went to a grief support group for families last night and the volunteer who took us on a tour was only a baby when her dad passed away.  Her mother brought her to grief support to be around other kids who had lost a parent and she was able to express her grief through art.  She is now helping others!  I hope you can find a place like this for you and your son.  Keep your head up! 

Hey , Sorry i take my time to reply , as everyone does i find it hard to come on here , but like i also said would be so nice to stay in contact as you have young children too , 

Ive read your recent thread about how youve moved and left your house , me and my partner have always lived with my family but had separate living areas complete shut off from one another but it was only a walk down the hall to see each other . so right now our house is on the market , it is coming up to four months since that horrible day , ever since it happened we have all been debating and finally came to the decisions weighed out the pros and cons , i havent been back into our bit of the house i cant do it , at the moment i am living in the city and we have the opportunity to go and live in the countryside our little boy is only 16 months i feel and i know he would love this as he never liked the city area that i can bring up our boy in a different area and have a different life a better life . i dont personally want a better life nor will i get one because i havent got him , but i feel i cant move forward here everything is constantly in your face it will always be in my head and him in my heart , but its a kick in the teeth i havent got him , so if the house sells we will be moving , so as much as i feel this is the right decision for my little boy , i cant help but hate it too i feel guilty for leaving the house where he was where he walked around ect i feel guilty im going to move to the countryside and he isnt i feel guilty for raising our son and he isnt i feel guilty for me breathing and he isnt . but i cant do it here i dont want to do it anywhere but need to try for our son . and the family i live with will be going to we always believed that we shouldnt do what society wanted we are such a close family so live together and enjoy each others company ect , we only ever wanted everyone to be happy and safe was never greedy yet we couldnt even be given that . i know i need to try and move forward im never moving on . 

so i suppose what im asking is deep down how do you honestly feel about moving away from the house ? as im not being made to move for whatever reason financial or whatever its something im just choosing to do . i feel its right yet life is just so wrong now . 

[mittam99]

3 hours ago, Forever His x said:

so i suppose what im asking is deep down how do you honestly feel about moving away from the house ? as im not being made to move for whatever reason financial or whatever its something im just choosing to do . i feel its right yet life is just so wrong now . 

Just to chime in here with my two cents. Let's face it, everything in this life of grief is hard. Even the smallest decisions can overwhelm. Our emotions all already unstable and tears are ready to gush out at any moment. A big decision like moving away from a house can be traumatic. And since everyone's situation and grief is different, it's all an individual thing. There's no right or wrong in grief. It's doing what you think is best for you in the moment and accepting your choice in the long term.

[Jgillen]

On August 30, 2016 at 2:49 PM, Forever His x said:

Hey , Sorry i take my time to reply , as everyone does i find it hard to come on here , but like i also said would be so nice to stay in contact as you have young children too , 

Ive read your recent thread about how youve moved and left your house , me and my partner have always lived with my family but had separate living areas complete shut off from one another but it was only a walk down the hall to see each other . so right now our house is on the market , it is coming up to four months since that horrible day , ever since it happened we have all been debating and finally came to the decisions weighed out the pros and cons , i havent been back into our bit of the house i cant do it , at the moment i am living in the city and we have the opportunity to go and live in the countryside our little boy is only 16 months i feel and i know he would love this as he never liked the city area that i can bring up our boy in a different area and have a different life a better life . i dont personally want a better life nor will i get one because i havent got him , but i feel i cant move forward here everything is constantly in your face it will always be in my head and him in my heart , but its a kick in the teeth i havent got him , so if the house sells we will be moving , so as much as i feel this is the right decision for my little boy , i cant help but hate it too i feel guilty for leaving the house where he was where he walked around ect i feel guilty im going to move to the countryside and he isnt i feel guilty for raising our son and he isnt i feel guilty for me breathing and he isnt . but i cant do it here i dont want to do it anywhere but need to try for our son . and the family i live with will be going to we always believed that we shouldnt do what society wanted we are such a close family so live together and enjoy each others company ect , we only ever wanted everyone to be happy and safe was never greedy yet we couldnt even be given that . i know i need to try and move forward im never moving on . 

so i suppose what im asking is deep down how do you honestly feel about moving away from the house ? as im not being made to move for whatever reason financial or whatever its something im just choosing to do . i feel its right yet life is just so wrong now . 

Everyone's situation is different.  But, for me, seeing how well my kids are doing in their new home makes it easier on me.  I made the decision in the first month after his death, and of course, I still think of how crazy my life is with all of the changes we've been through.  But, I did it for my kids.  The last couple of visits at our house before the closing were very hard.  One of those visits, I couldn't stop crying.  I cried all day.  But, I needed to do that.  So, it won't be easy.  However, once you have made that decision, just trust that it is a good decision.  One thing that is helpful is you will meet new neighbors and feel a bit of relief from a fresh start.  I'm sure you know this...Wherever you live, you will miss him.  Whatever you decide, isn't a remedy for grief.  It is simply the best option for your family.  I wish you the very best of your difficult situation.  big hugs!       

[mittam99]

1 hour ago, Jgillen said:

So, it won't be easy.  However, once you have made that decision, just trust that it is a good decision. 

And that's a key right there... trusting that you made the right choice. Especially in grief, we tend to be saddled with the woulda-coulda-shoulda guilt/regret syndrome. It's sort of a self imposed pain that we just don't need in our lives. This new life of grief is hard enough without that added pressure from within. - Mitch