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A little over a month ago my soulmate was in a fatal car accident. I drive a truck so I had just delivered my load and got a phone call. She was in MI working when someone crossed into her lane hitting her vehicle head on. It was instantaneous for her, which was a blessing. I had to leave my truck and go up there to get her in MI. I had no one to help me or to really understand what I needed. Anyway less than 24 hours had passed and her kids (22 & 21) filed a lawsuit for Wrongful Death, with the guidance of another relative. I found out this like two weeks later, as well as one of those kids filing for Administratrix of the Estate, basically trying to make sure I had no say. Anyway she had a two life insurance policies. Our main life insurance and a secondary for her kids. Oh I raised those kids for 18 years. She and I never got around to getting a will drawn up. We discussed how to make sure things were done. Her kids had a whole separate policy and my kids were to get about $25k each. The rest was for bills and me to put away some, as well as have some to survive off of for a bit. Long story short I gave my kids the $25k each and her kids $15k the oldest had a baby, and the other of her kids $10k. Well one of my kids told the other children I only gave her $200, even though I told her about her banks rules. So this started a shhhh storm. Needless to say I am now the most horrible person on this earth, not welcome in my own home, and told that I deserve nothing but to die. This is starting to weigh heavily on me and I know it's a trial, but it is so hard when I have done nothing but try to support them. I plan on selling the house she and I had, moving and buying one. Anyone been through this and how do you cope, does it ever feel as though the weight is lifting off you? I don't know if the relationship with the kids can ever be saved. I know that I did what was asked and now it seems as though greed has kicked in.

My mother died on November 6th 2015. Every time I think of it, I cannot breath and then go into a sobbing fit. I don't know how to move forward. Some days I feel okay and somewhat normal. Other days are like today. I have so much guilt I don't know what to do. I was planning a vacation for my husband and me. Planning was done in February 2015 for a cruise in November 2015. While planning, I had a gut feeling. I couldn't tell you what it was, just something not right. I bought insurance (which I never do). Around September 2015, my mother decided to see a doctor (even was not big on Western doctors and medicine). She was only going to prove everyone wrong (everyone except for me thought she may have suffered a small stroke as you could no longer understand her when she tried to talk). Test came back negative. No stroke. She and I knew it. She didn't want to go for countless tests as she said she was not a lab rat. The Dr. Said that just the physical looks and speach, she is diagnosing ALS. She fell a couple times within two weeks and two weeks before my trip. I talked to her a couple of times telling her I wanted to cancel. She insisted that we go. My son was going to stay with her to watch her and help and my dad was going to stay at my house to be with my daughter. My son was 21st his girlfriend was leaving the next week so he really wanted to spend time with her. My mom wanted my daughter (17) to stay with her. My dad was at my house taking care of my dogs. When my daughter got up at 6 am to check on grandma, she found my mom had died. My daughter tried to call my dad but he was in the shower and didn't answer. He called back when he was out. The phone lines got crossed and all he could do was listen to 911 instruct my daughter on giving her grandma CPR. I saw my aunts post on face book while in the airport waiting to come home. I feel guilty, horrible, despicable and everything else. I knew in my heart I should have canceled. I should have never put every one in that position. I could have spent more time. I know my daughter is messed up. She turned 18 and moved out. I know the family is a constant reminder for her, so she doesn't talk to us. I know my dad is lonely. My son feels guilty for not being the one home with her and I put everyone in these shoes. I'm the only child of my parents (and put them through he'll when I saw younger. I have only recently been able to start making up for how horribly I treated them). When will I start to be okay? When will the guilt, depression, anxiety and fear of my father being so lonely / passing ease?

Hello My Name is Shannon I am new to the forum. I lost my significant other of 6 years only 4 months ago. We shared 4 children together and life is just not the same. I cant figure out why I am numb, frozen and slowing down. Things have gotten very hard, I truly don't want to express how hard. The pain I feel is crazy but I keep striving to be positive and to also find a new identity in this process. Nothing is the same. I started a blog only a week ago called grievingd.com dedicated to him in hopes of finding other women(or anyone) who has lost their partner because I feel very alone in my battle I wanted to express my feelings truthfully and freely amongst individuals in hopes to connect and help heal. I lost Damian to murder so connecting with people who understand that part as well were my hopes. Id like to hear other stories and also have the wisdom of others as well. Hopefully this site can give me this , but I would love for other women to connect and share their stories as well and hear me vent lol...