Many Thoughts Of My Dad Dying Alone

[Karen2424]

It's been 12 days since my Dad passed away. I find my thoughts keep going to he moment he died and imagining him. Did he have time to think he was dying? What did he do? Did he get up from the kitchen chair not feeling well and keel over? Did he say anything? Did he feel any pain? Did he feel it when he fell and hit his head? Was he scared that my Mom was not there?

He was on the kitchen floor when my Mom got back from the store after being gone only one hour. He was face down and hands/arms down like he just fell forward and did not brace himself. The cause of death was listed as sudden cardiac arrest. I have been looking it up online and found that he would have needed a shock from a AED within 4-6 minutes to have any chance to survive. I keep wondering if my Mom had not left when she did would anything be different? Would it have mattered? If he had not fallen on the stone tile floor of the kitchen he would not have cracked his head and bleed out. Sorry for being so detailed. I just also keep imagining how my Mom found him when she walked in. She has told it over and over again and how much blood there was and seeing his head cracked. It has to be so hard to keep seeing that in her head too. I know she wonders the same thing. If she could have made a difference if she was there.

I hate that he is gone. I hate that my kids don't have a Grandpa here to play with and learn from anymore. I hate the thought of him being cold in the ground. Oh, this is just so hard!!

[mfh]

I am so sorry that you were left with unanswered questions and it is quite normal that they would roam through your mind at this point. It surely does not sound like he would have survived even if someone had been there and called for help but of course, you and your mom wonder about that also.

I can't remember if you were referred to information about children and grief but here is one from Marty's blog and it has many links at the bottom to more articles.

http://www.griefhealingblog.com/2013/07/explaining-death-to-children.html

I do understand hating that he is gone. I hate that my husband is gone also and so many here have similar feelings about their beloveds. It is indeed hard...very hard. One of the hardest journeys you will make...loss and death and the shock of its suddenness does not make it any easier. One day at a time, Karen.

[kayc]

It is good that you vent how you are feeling here. It IS a hard journey, especially in the beginning...this is so fresh, it's hard to wrap your head around it, much less process it. Is it possible you could talk to the attending doctor that saw him afterwards and find out some answers?

[Joanne Lombaard]

I understand exactly what you feel. I lost my Dad in April, he also passed away alone. I still imagine everything, but I am starting to realise that "what if " changes nothing to make the hurt better. I love my Dad and I know he watches over me and has forgiven me for all I should have done and did not when he was still here, now I have to forgive myself. I feel with you, stay strong and try focus on the good memories. Joanne

[sharirouse]

my dad passed last month and i had a lot of those questions too. i was very lucky to be called the night before he passed because he lived alone and i was terrified he would die alone and no one would find him, especially since he refused to call the ambulance. i hope I am not over stepping my boundary or offending you in anyway but i think you should pray about it. i was so terrified of my dad dying alone, especially since I am in college 3 hrs away, that i prayed for months. He never told me that he was scared to die alone but he didnt. He had cancer so we knew it was eventually coming but to be honest, i think when its their time to go, its time to go. I think that even if your mom had been there, and this is just an opinion so its highly possible that i am wrong, that it wouldnt have worked out anyway because it takes longer than 4-6 minutes for Paramedics to get there and get all of their supplies ready. I really feel that he didnt suffer and it was more of a surprise because when the brain is deprived of oxygen, nothing really communicates. Ive read a LOT about the dying process and it says that when they're dying, they feel no pain and so forth. I know i was there for my dads passing but he couldnt speak. he moved his eyebrows and that was it so i too have questions.

talk to him and ask to let him know that he is okay and better now. i do that all the time and it really helps. I am so mad that my dad wont be here for my kids either. Im 20 and havent even found a person to have kids with but he will never get to hold them. but as time goes on and i really think about it and talk it out, even with myself (sounds weird i know) it helps. im passed the "what ifs" stage and it feels much better! but address it head on. it hurts so bad but its like cleaning a wound. it hurts now but it will feel so much better. feel free to talk to me any time you want to because i am struggling too and its easier to struggle with people