Shoosie2

Hi Katie32188 I am very sorry for your loss- we've all joined a club no one wants to be in. In response for your question, see page 3 - Has anyone had anything 'strange' happen in your house since your spouse passed? Lots of folks posted replies, myself included. I am almost 9 months out, and it does get a bit easier, but just be gentle with yourself. Please don't beat yourself up, but I know your guilt. My brother died of cancer caused by alcoholism, so I get it. Just keep posting and reading, and seek out supportive people. I've been blessed with a wonderful bereavement counselor, and she really has helped me over the last 2 months. Peace to all of us Steph

MB I am SO sorry this sleeze took advantage of your vulnerable situation. KayC gave you good connections on the Sexual Abuse Hotline. While I understand the feelings right now of not wanting to involve Law Enforcement, it would still be good to have this assault on record somewhere. I don't know if there is a statute of limitations on sexual assault, but later on, when you feel strong enough, you may think 'hey, you S___T- you don't get off scott-free and do this to some other vulnerable woman!' Just know that we are all there for you and supporting you through whatever decision you make. Please don't blame yourself- he's the one who assaulted you, not the other way around. Be gentle with yourself. Grad school will be a busy time for you, and your grief only complicates the workload. You are making in-roads to a new life, so give yourself LOTS of kudos for stepping forward! Well done and onward! Peace to all my grief brothers and sisters Steph

thank you all for your replies, and of course privacy and confidentiality is paramount!

This may not be allowed on this site due to privacy concerns, so maybe someone can answer my question. As there are so many of us struggling with our grief journey, and we all understand other member's losses, is it permitted to post our phone numbers to reach out and actually talk to others here when we are having a bad day? Just asking. thanks Steph

RLdownes I'm sorry all of us have to go through crappy anniversaries like what you are preparing to do. I'm almost 6 months out, but when my first year comes without my Rick, I will rejoice that he's not here in pain and suffering, and I am grateful that his cancer journey was blessedly short. Of course we all miss our sig. others/spouses, but I don't think there's one person here who would want them back if they still had to suffer. Sure, it sucks that Rick got cancer, but at least he was able to get out fast. I know he didn't want to leave me, but his body gave out. I try to visualize him being happy and healthy again, and I know that he's happy being reunited with his deceased loved ones. We all will get reunited again, and now I'm trying to live for Rick, too, since he can't be here in the flesh, but I know he's here with me at times. I wish you peace tomorrow, Robin. Maybe something totally selfish would be in order, like a spa day to pamper yourself to help get through the day, or some retail therapy. Steph

Hi everyone On another grief message board, someone posted this beautiful poem. TomPB, there a few lines that may particularly resonate with you. Sonnet 89 - Pablo Neruda When I die, I want your hands on my eyes: I want the light and wheat of your beloved hands to pass their freshness over me once more: I want to feel the softness that changed my destiny. I want you to live while I wait for you, asleep. I want your ears still to hear the wind, I want you to sniff the sea's aroma that we loved together, to continue to walk on the sand we walked on. I want what I love to continue to live, and you whom I love and sang above everything else to continue to flourish, full-flowered: so that you can reach everything my love directs you to. so that my shadow can travel along in your hair, so that everything can learn the reason for my song. And LindaE- you took the words right out of my mouth F them all if they can't support you!!! Peace Steph

Here's something I just ran across on the state of loneliness in America. We are not the only ones feeling this way, although our reason is very different, but the end result is the same. https://www.npr.org/sections/health-shots/2018/05/01/606588504/americans-are-a-lonely-lot-and-young-people-bear-the-heaviest-burden Peace Steph

Marg M I got a Life Alert as a 61st birthday present to myself last week. It's worn like a wristwatch. I live 45 minutes to any one of 3 hospitals, but it's still 45 minutes. My neighbors aren't close by, so as a matter of self care. My sister had been with me every day in the guest house since my Rick passed 12/20/17, but the second week of April, she drove back to her home in Palm Springs. She won't be back until mid June. First she said mid May, and I thought, 'OK, I can get to that'. But last night she said mid-June, and it's the first time I have experienced the loneliness we all have felt. Of course I've missed my husband and was lonely without him, but with her presence, I never felt alone. Does that make sense? Being completely alone is scary, which is why, for my own peace of mind, I bought the Bay Alarm medical alert. Much cheaper that Life Alert, BTW. So now I won't feel anxious about being outside doing yardwork, or worrying about falling. For me, now that it's only me, the price is worth it. Peace Steph

Hello All Today is my beloved Rick's birthday- he would have been 65. I had some wonderful, blessed events happen last night and this morning. I took the day off from work because I'm too emotional to do anything away from our home. I've posted before about the MiniCooper's radio giving me messages- it happened again twice last week. I leave the radio on for the dogs while I'm at work. My mom was a bit of a 'cougar'- her long-time sig. other, Tom, was 20 years her junior, and HER song was Rod Stewart's Maggie May. Rick and I had an artisan jam and marmalade business. When he went to get the personalized plates for the van, he wanted Jammin, but that taken, so he settled on Marmvan. Our theme song was Eddie Grant's 'We Jammin, I'd love to be jammin with you'.........Guess what song was playing the second I walked in the door last night? WE Jammin, followed by Maggie May!!! So both my mom and Rick are hanging out together! Then my sister called last night about 8. I hung up, put the phone of the coffee table and went into the kitchen to feed the dogs. The phone then rang as the intercom......totally different ring tone and tempo. The other handset for the intercom is down in the guest house! Guess Who!!! Then this morning when getting up ( I still sleep on the couch) I looked at the TV/Sat remote on the coffee table, and it's all lit up! The buttons only light up when you touch it! All this on the eve of and on his birthday! I feel truly blessed to have been given these messages. I know I'll be devastated if they stop, but for now, I am truly grateful. Happy Birthday, my honey- you were, and always will be, the best thing that ever happened to me! I love you! Peace to All Steph

Nayajan: I know the pain that you are going through, as I just lost my husband of 18 years on 12/20/17. But there are some consoling things that I had forgotten about. I had been a devote of Paramahansa Yodananda for many year prior to meeting my Rick. He was 100% western beliefs, so I let my Eastern beliefs slide.I am now getting my lessons again, and soon will be attending weekly meditation groups.I hope that some sort of mediation can help you- it calms the mind. Whatever your beliefs, please do some gratitude's, as I have found that a way to not only give me peace, but open the door to 'the other side'. I have had multiple 'visitations' by my Rick in the form of electrical aberrations, such as the car radio turning itself on and off with no key and other things Just because we can't see them due to our physical body limitations doesn't mean our loved ones aren't there. There is another site that I have found great comfort in: https://www.soulproof.com/loved-one-died/ but it's only in IMHO.. I know this must be agony for you with having young sons, but know they were somewhat prepared as your wife had been ill for a long time That doesn't make their or your loss easier. We all understand your agony right now. But breathe.....and then next breath, between sobs, will come. I am only 4 months out, but I know that our day-to-day living gets easier. I never had children, so I can't fully understand how hard must be for you. You are grieving your wife, but also grieving the mother to your children, who are also lost at this time. I send you great hugs for having to go through this as a parent, and still finding the personal grieving and knowing your sons need help too.. We all know how HARD the first few months are.....know that we are all here for you, Nayajan. Hugs,,,,Steph

Kayc someone should call the ombudsman for you area and make a formal complaint about the elder abuse. Steph

Oooh.... I love the idea of a group home! Someplace with no snow, but with 4 seasons. Communal dining room, communal gardens, and a rotating kitchen crew! Sign me up! Steph

and BTW, all of the links, in this and all of the other articles, are truly inspiring and comforting- IMHO. Peace Steph

Tom and Sandra If you have chance, please take a look at this article and website. It has lot of uplifting ideas on how our loved ones are, right now. https://www.soulproof.com/loved-one-died/ I love the term 'earth-suit'. Sort of like the old Sting album title, 'Soul-Cage'. Peace Steph

Mitch, that is spot-on! We have been robbed of the 'our' future, but we still will have a future. It's what we do with it from now on that will make or break us. I just came across an interesting article while taking a break at work. It's very uplifting. https://www.soulproof.com/loved-one-died/ Peace Stephanie