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March is coming. 3/1/17 we left for our last vacation together at the Virgin Islands Campground and had a wonderful time, loving the beach and with Susan going up the hills like a teenager and no hint of a life threatening condition. On 3/31/17 she died. Since Susan was a compulsive planner, one year in the past she would have been already going over her list, making sure we had sunblock in 3oz TSA approved bottles, etc. I've been extremely sad and tired and even tho I've already been through a year of "first without" including our 48 Anniversary, our birthdays, holidays, Valentine's day...I feel March coming like a huge dark cloud.

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Tom, I feel your pain. Do I ever. Those darn triggers! They are our curse now, aren't they?  My 1st year anniv. was Jan 1st, 2016. How I got thru it I'll never know, but I guess I obviously did. I have a trigger coming up in a few days. Our 43rd wedding anniv. is March 7th. March 7th, 1975...the best day of my life! I've found that the best medicine for me as I muddle along is to just keep myself busy or at least occupied. It works for me. My thoughts will be with you on March 31st, as you struggle thru that unhappy trigger day. 

One foot in front of the other...

Darrel

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Tom,

I also feel for you.  You spent your life together but it's so much more than just being used to being with this person, she was the love of your life and whether it's five years or fifty, that person cannot be replaced and you'll always remember her and miss her.  We can get used to that somewhat, but it still hits us, we still feel it, it stabs us every day.  Our life is not the same without them in it, in a real and tangible way, physically touching, able to talk to each other.  

It helps to have some kind of a plan for how you're going to spend this upcoming anv.  This article is helpful, I think even though it mentions Valentine's Day, it can be applied to an anniversary as well.
https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2011/02/grief-rituals-can-help-on-valentines.html  
Note there are many other articles linked at the bottom of this one that you can click on and read.

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On 2/27/2018 at 7:15 PM, TomPB said:

March is coming. 3/1/17 we left for our last vacation together at the Virgin Islands Campground and had a wonderful time, loving the beach and with Susan going up the hills like a teenager and no hint of a life threatening condition. On 3/31/17 she died. Since Susan was a compulsive planner, one year in the past she would have been already going over her list, making sure we had sunblock in 3oz TSA approved bottles, etc. I've been extremely sad and tired and even tho I've already been through a year of "first without" including our 48 Anniversary, our birthdays, holidays, Valentine's day...I feel March coming like a huge dark cloud.

Yes, the year of "Firsts" without my beloved wife were so tough. I felt like I couldn't make it, yet I have.   I was in such shock the first year.  Give yourself credit for the accomplishments you have made on your grief journey.  You are acknowledging and learning to cope with this grief that never just disappears. This is no casual stroll through life after loss.  We share your pain and loss.  Our thoughts and prayers are with you Tom. - Shalom

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Today is my husband's 86th birthday his second in heaven.  Never spent any of his birthday's apart before. For 57 years we talked to each other everyday, sometimes on the phone when he would be away starting a new job. I have been in the house we bought when he retired for ten years now, ten years of memories that come to me everyday.  It is hard to believe that he is gone. I am sorry for anyone who is living with the memory of a birthday, anniversary or any special time they spent with their wife or husband. It is so hard. I am just sitting at my computer listening to songs that have meaning and I can't keep from crying.  I need to do something with myself today instead of just sitting. But what? Where ever I go it's always the same when I come back home. 

 

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Thanks so much for the replies, my virtual friends. MJ I really feel for you. Susan's first birthday as a spirit was last summer and I had some of her friends over and we signed a card, which made me cry. For 3/31 I'm having a 1 yr memorial informal get together of friends. The waves continue. Woke this morning thinking of so many sweet things Susan did for me and there was no point to live without her. Now after spending the afternoon with another grieving friend I'm back to OK. Who knows what 3/1 will bring? When Susan didn't want to take a vacation I would always tell her we had to do it while we still could. I just meant becoming incapable of sailing or camping, I wasn't thinking of her leaving this world in 10-15 min with no warning. I'm really glad we went 1 yr ago, when Susan had 1 month to live and we had no idea.  We took every vacation together. Ever since there was online check in I've checked in the two of us and printed our boarding passes. My trip to San Juan last week was the first time I checked myself in for a vacation flight. Just seeing my name alone on the page set me off. 

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Tom, all of these things we do alone for the first time (or second, etc.) are hard.  But I'm proud of you for doing it, you bravely forged ahead even though it wasn't without the complicated tears, you did it!  Invite her with you when you are going it alone, I do that with George.  Who knows, maybe they are with us, I wish it was like before, we all do.

Martha Jane, I'm sorry I'm reading your post too late, but by now his birthday is passed and you have survived it.  It's hard to know how to feel or react when we have such a day as that.

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On ‎28‎.‎2‎.‎2018 at 3:13 PM, kayc said:

...whether it's five years or fifty, that person cannot be replaced and you'll always remember her and miss her...

5 years with my beloved Jan meant to me more than 50 years to someone else...

Nothing has changed...He is my eternal love...

5a9d727dd1eaf_Heart-couplesholubicami.gif.c34cce9d3c543490affc7566569bbb7e.gif

Janka

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That is a beautiful picture Janka. Thank you for sharing it. You are always such a breath of fresh air. 

One foot in front of the other...

Darrel

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