LoriS. Posted July 14, 2007 Report Share Posted July 14, 2007 Hi everybody. Today was my first day back to work since I broke my arm last August and then my moms' death in October. I had two clients (I've been a manicurist for 23 years on and off) that have been my regulars for years. It was great again to feel needed and wanted. They were really happy that I decided to come back to work. I'm at a new place which is small and really comfortable for me. I'm going to keep it at a very part time level for now. Of course I lost a lot of my business last year, but I still have a few die hard clients that know me and support me. They went through the loss of my dad and now the loss of my mom with me.It feels right for me right now. I'm glad I took the plunge. I'm hoping this will help me with my grief.Take care...Lori Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shell Posted July 14, 2007 Report Share Posted July 14, 2007 Lori,I'm so glad it went well! And proud of you for taking the plunge...I know it's hard to get back into things sometimes. Good for you.Hugs,Shell Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LoriS. Posted July 14, 2007 Author Report Share Posted July 14, 2007 (edited) Thanks Shell.I am looking at this "going back to work" as part of my grief work. The girls I am working with seem nice enough. I guess it's progress when people introduce themselves to me, or me to them, and they ask how I am and I don't even hesitate to say "fine, how are you?". I didn't find myself compelled to talk about anything deep. I used to walk around thinking how can everyone go about their business day after day as the world goes on and I could barely get out of bed. I would resent that. But now I don't even think about it in that way anymore. I'm sure as I get to know my new coworkers, my mom will come up in conversation, but I don't feel the need to tell anybody there what I'm going through. I guess that means that I've made some progress without even realizing it until now.So, today is another day. One foot in front of the other...Take care...Lori Edited July 14, 2007 by LoriS. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DoubleJo Posted July 15, 2007 Report Share Posted July 15, 2007 LoriS; I'm so happy for you. Isn't it interesting how without outside feedback we think we're still going in the same circle? Just goes to show how important it is to get ourselves out and about even if we feel yucky.You must be some good nail artist to be so fondly thought of. ( not to mention a really nice person). doublejo Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shell Posted July 15, 2007 Report Share Posted July 15, 2007 Lori,This is such a huge step for you and the way you are handling it. You have indeed made more progress than you realize. I think it's great!I think grief becomes more private as time goes on. There's that period in the beginning when you want to talk about it, need to talk about it. After awhile I found I wanted to NOT talk about it, keep my thoughts more to myself. It's like it is my own special "world", where just a very few people belong. Does that make any sense? But in a good way, a healing way.Wish I was close enough to come to you for a manicure...my nails are a mess!Hugs,Shell Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LoriS. Posted July 15, 2007 Author Report Share Posted July 15, 2007 Shell, I agree about wanting to keep it in to myself more now, but in a good healing way. You hit the nail on the head with that. I was trying to figure it out to try to understand the feeling of not having it (my grief)at the front of my mind, yet knowing it's always in the back of my mind and yet I'm able to go about my day better now. Did I make sense?!! I know what I mean and I know what you mean so I guess it makes sense...I may just not know how to write it!I wish you lived closer too! I'd love to give you a manicure!!!Take care...Lori Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LoriS. Posted July 16, 2007 Author Report Share Posted July 16, 2007 Thanks, DoubleJo...I really appreciate your kind words. I don't expect to be busy at first...and that's ok. When I have down time, I'm going to work on my knitting and start to make a couple of things (scarves and beanies) to start selling at the shop for the upcoming fall and holiday season. My mom always loved the scarves I made for her and my dad would love that I'm back working. He always thought it was great that I had a job that I actually enjoyed and that I was lucky enough to be part time when the kids were young. So, we'll see!Thanks again...Lori Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DoubleJo Posted July 16, 2007 Report Share Posted July 16, 2007 Sounds like you have a good plan. I'm glad things are going back to some sense of "normal" routine. We need that. I feel the same way as you and Shell regarding keeping our grief inside in our own special place. When the anguish has poured out it seems to make room for a "pocket" to hold thoughts and feelings that are personal only to us so the need to talk seems almost irrelevent. The general grief people can sympathize with, but the relating usually can't go any further. Have a good week to you both- Doublejo Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chandrasmom Posted July 17, 2007 Report Share Posted July 17, 2007 Lori, Congratulation on taking a huge step forward! You were smart to wait until you were ready, and it sounds like you carefully chose the right place to ease back into your profession. It is good to feel needed and appreciated and that will likely help you immeasurably.I know what you mean about the grief being always in the back of your mind if it isn't right there up front. I told someone Sunday that it feels like a movie reel that runs continuously. I may be doing or saying something totally unrelated, and others might not even guess that thoughts of my daughter are present, but they are there ALL the time.Your progress is an inspiration and gives me hope that I will get there one day too. I have gone back to some of the places I've worked in the past, but I don't think I can continue. Too many people know what happened. I think I would like to start over someplace fresh like you have done.Good luck.Deborah Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LoriS. Posted July 18, 2007 Author Report Share Posted July 18, 2007 Thanks Deborah for your words of encouragement. It's a tough road we face when we lose our beloved family members. It's like losing a body part. I have a couple events coming up this year that I hope I will not fall apart being that my mom won't be there. You're right...it is like a movie reel in the back of my mind, but it really is getting easier for me. Yesterday would have been my dads' 87th birthday! I hope that my mom and he were together celebrating!Take care...Lori Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shell Posted July 18, 2007 Report Share Posted July 18, 2007 Deborah,You put it perfectly..."a movie reel that runs continously". It's always there. I know what you mean about starting fresh. My brother and I were talking about how hard it is to have to tell people, that we just don't want to talk about it anymore. I can talk to all of you, but other than that, I just want to grieve privately and try to get on with life as best as I can. Hang in there, we are all going to make it.Hugs, Shell Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lorikelly Posted July 18, 2007 Report Share Posted July 18, 2007 Lori I am so glad that you went back. i think it will help. you will find lots of new clients and meet new friends. just take it slow. that is all we can do. lori Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jess22 Posted July 18, 2007 Report Share Posted July 18, 2007 Hi LoriCongratulations on taking such a big step, that is very courageous of you and an inspiration to other members. Lots of hugsJessica Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LoriS. Posted July 19, 2007 Author Report Share Posted July 19, 2007 Thanks Lori and Jessica. I'm doing a lot better with everything lately and it's nice to have words of encouragement!take care...Lori Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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