southern eagle

Marty, Thank you for the links, they were a great help. Feeling numb but at peace after a 2 hour walk/run and venting time with myself and my ipod, the trees thought I was strange, but that is fine. Patti

In Memory of my best friend: You always followed me home from school asking questions about the world and how it works, While I figure skated, you played hockey:how did I end up as the goalie and you perfected jumps and turns? You built igloo's while I made snow angels:how did you end up bringing Christ into my life and I built teams. I loved to read and you to think:you ended up writing the books and I was the idea person. People always wondered why we didn't date:that would have been wrong in so many ways we always said: you married a student and I a teacher. I loved the snow and ended up in the south:you loved the warmth and water and ended up in the north. We have loved and laughed as you traveled the world to find and adopt your loving children:I traveled close to home and always found the stray animals. Dear friend we have always been one of the same cloth, quiet souls who were gifted with the art of speech presentation. While folks around us perfected loving a few friends, we had to love all whom we touch..... You were my twin and my opposite, my friend, my savior in Christ:you cheered me on thru my grief and pain proud of your pit bull for humanity. You saw life as romance yet mastered the art of facts:I saw life as black and white yet mastered the art of compassion. Ours was a trip on a road not traveled but built one day and step at a time and always in the same direction. We grew from two skinny kids that other kids thought were different into adults that others wondered where we got our "Presence" from........ We learned together, loved together, fought for others together, made families and friends together. We always were two sail boats at the same dock in storms and calm waters. Now you are a million stars that shine in the night and I can only watch, Your beauty, compassion, warmth, trust, humor and love have gone quietly from our dock and left many with no wind in our sails. Breath life back into our nights, warmth in our days as you smile from on high. Help us to share your dreams and continue what you have left behind sweet prince. Walk with me in the green pastures, lead me to the still waters, show me how help others recover from your pain. Until we meet again, be calm my dear friend and rest in the peace of eternal love.

No worry there! All I want to do is cry and scream and wish that I had done more for so many.......I hate and love taking care of the world!!!!! Let me cry and Jesus bring the rain.....and snow if you can.....

Hey there A sign will come when you stop looking for it. It is simple and pure like an animal that shows up to you and gives you love. Going thru my second death in 4 months, I pray for you and you are not alone....this group is here for you day and night...reach out and trust that god is with you..... (((((((((((((((((hugs and love in god)))))))))))))))))))) Patti

Hey all, I am laying over on the way home and wanted to fill you in. My best friend from the days of the dinosaurs, well anyway, he has been having a hard time lately with loosing his mom to cancer 3 weeks ago, supposedly went on a business trip Tuesday to Texas, was found in a hotel room where he had shot his brains out because he lost his job and was too ashamed to face his wife and three kids under the age of 15..... We had been im'ing since Monday and I knew that he was down, but not that far down.....I know don't do the woulda, shoulda, didn't thing......He stopped being on line early weds. morning and would not answer his phone, both cell and hotel.....his wife asked me to fly back to the states and go find him, which i was in the process of trying to do when I got an im from the police.....he had addressed the note to me so that his wife would be spared any pain.....yeah right! He said that he had failed his family and friends by loosing his job to take care of mom....does this all sound familar???? He thanked me for being the strong one for some 40 years in his life as his big sister....yes we were that close....telling him he was a fool if he did not marry the love of his life......18 years ago....took him a while to work up the nerve.....and that he was ashamed that he could not tell me what he was planning on doing....... He was the one who sent me to Australia to help because he knew that I needed to get away and get busy,,,,,always calling me the pit bull for humanity....I think that he wanted me to be far away. He was a best friend to Stew and godfather to my Sheryl.....and we are all at the end of our ropes...Sheryl is glad that I hate guns, but is afraid that I will end up the same way.......not going to happen...maybe become a hermit in Alaska.....Stew, well he is shell shocked and is coming to meet me to bring the body home....yet another funeral to arrange......deep breath! I thank you all for being here and was glad that I had a place to turn as panic turned to fear to complete lose! All of your prayers helped so many in the past few days come to grip with their grief and lose. His death is such a waste of a great and caring man.....I want to find him and slap him upside what is left of his head.........crying, hurting, mad, and down right tired of death......... Patti

I came here and I tried to be an angel, and i lost at home...........i am on my way home and have no home left.....pray for me,,,,,,,,god please make it go away,,,,,,,,,

thanks to all who have helped me, you have been the best,......i have had another death in the family......very close to me....I am done...sweet dreams to each of you and god bless.....wish me luck

Blue eyes, I am glad to help as others have helped me, I lost mom 10 years ago to cancer and dad in november of last year. I know the fear that I felt after loosing mom and having to try and take of dad.....you know what,,,,he knew how to take of himself just as he has taken care of me for years as a very loving father,,,could be that this is what your mom is trying to do for you. All she feels is lose and grief and her heart breaking, since she has lost her best friend, lover and husband. There is no where, except in the Irish plan where guilt is built into the general plan of death and yet we all feel it.....and why, your father is in heaven and embraced by love and light...what is there to feel guilty about joy and love...we will share that in due time and should rejoice in those who have gone before us. Let her grieve in her own fashion, and let her know that you do want to share the pain with her,,,,as a team......just trust me on this one. A daddies girl or grandpa's girl is a tough role, why, because we are the ones that men trust to take care of them. Nothing more and nothing less. We are loved because we give love so easily to everyone. This is the time to learn to validate who you are just from you... My dad had reached the point where he could not drive or walk, that is what the surgery was for. He loved to drive every day and that was taken from him and I cried when I got his car before this trip....he was not able to take care of us...sound familar? He is know dancing and driving in heaven and smiling at the family with the level of our love. Blessings and sweat dreams. Patti

Dear dear blue eyes, From one blued eyed daddy's girl to another, I am glad that you are feeling the anger, the frustration, and the pain.........don't get me wrong this is as I have learned thanks to this site, only proves one thing. You are a caring and compassionate woman, mother, and most importantly daughter. I lost my dad suddenly after a surgery gone bad and as Mary Linda would say, went thru 2 months of the shoulda, woulda, coulda, and didn't phase. Your dad will be there for every mile stone that your children accomplish, on a different plane then here, but there never the less. I still talk to my dad everyday and cried today as my daughter called me to say that she is having her wedding at Jekyl Island, because that is where grandpa would want it and she is sure that he will be there for her......and they are having ribs and bbq because that is what my dad would enjoy. Learn from my mistakes and take time out for just you, take the grief out everyday when you are ready and mourn what you had with your dad. Yes be there for your mom and understand that she is working thru her grief in a way that is best for her, just as you need to do the same for you. I tried to be the strong one for the family, and here lately, that my family knew that I could not be strong this time around and wanted to take care of me for a change....let your kids and husband do that for you. When you feel as tho you are freezing and wonder why,,,, know that this is normal and is from the intense emotional pain that you are going thru...hey you are a caring and compassionate human being. When you think that you might be loosing your mind......understand that it is very busy with your memories, emotions, needs, and the keys really were on the table. It is normal. Bless you my dear, and may the wind always be at your back to help you along this journey....we are always here, welcome to the family. Patti

leeann, You are in all of thoughts and prayers tonight, please send personal thoughts to temmie....have a great night! Patti

Kath, It is our common journey that makes each and everyone of us as individuals and then together as a team that make us great! Celebrate our common love and pain as we share together on this day of love....thank you for the prayers and dream of the sweat Koala's tonight..they really are the most loving of all bears.... Blessings Patti

Hey there, Wanted to update any of you are feeling this bone chilling cold. I am here in Australia on a mission and each and everyone person who I am working with feels the same chill even when it is 100 degrees during the day. A nurse that I have met tells us that it is the shock of what we are going thru and is completely normal!!!! Yeah for that, shock is a terrible thing,,,,,you cannot control what your mind or body does,,,,,it is normal and this too shall pass. So have a peaceful and warm night and know that we are all in this together.....100 degrees and still need a jacket with all that we have seen and gone thru here. Patti

Annie O Thank you so much for this post....as I reread my journey, your words have always been a great help. Patti

Happy belated birthday Shelley! hugs!!! Patti

Good morning everyone! I hope that this Valentine's day finds each of you full of love and enjoying a wonderful day...... I have a special request of each one of us today to help us share all of the love that we are needing to give since losing our loved ones.....with a special group. I am on a special mission trip for the families in Australia and the fires and every person here that I have met feels the love and caring that we share on this site. I am asking for no money or donations, only a moment of love and compassion for this group of individuals, families, and friends who need our help today, nothing more and nothing less. Take this moment to put away our own individual grief and share our compassion with those who really need us right now. Thank you for everything that we do...keep the wind at your back. Patti

(((((((hugs))))))) to each and everyone of you. I hope that you can keep the people in Australia land in your thoughts and prayers. Blessing to each of us for what we have shared on this sight, because it has been an inspiration to me and the team here. We take notes and the hundreds of people that I have met so far are glad for all of our insites. Yes leeann, I have realized and embrace my dad's love down here and yes I am proud but more importantly take joy and peace from this mission. You all are in my prayers nightly....sweet and peaceful dreams to each of you.........this site is just the beginning of our purpose here on earth that takes each of us beyond the pain. Blessings, Patti

Temmie, I am very worried about you. I too lost my job because of the loss of my dad and now realize that I really needed 2 solid weeks of sleep and rest and just time for me when the family is at work. We went out tonight to a community theater production of father of the bride that was free and that was a huge victory for me to be out in public, with friends,,,,,,and I cheered when we got back into the car...remember, one day, one hurdle at a time...you can do it, I believe in you gal! You need to stop focusing on the little things that you don't get right and rejoice in what small victories you have each day. Trust me that it does work, one day at a time. Learn to take the grief out once a day, when you are able to handle it and then put it back away and do something fun, something simple like a walk... I worry about our bills and money, unemployment is out there and mac and cheese is awesome....try it with tuna and peas...the whole thing feeds 3 people for under $1.00. With the full moon, take a great trip down memory lane a just go out and lay down on the grass and look up and know that you will never be alone ever. Glad to see that you are back here, because we all care about you and are here for you to be human. Keep the wind at your back and believe in baby steps! Lots of love, Patti

leeann, No snow and it's 70 degrees now. I am working with my friend to organize a mission trip to Aussie land to help out with the fires and people who need help. When one or more doors close, many more open. Blessings to you and the family. I am off to make a difference, thank you to God for giving me the time off to rest and for always putting me there for people in need. ps. Dad would be very proud. Lots of love, Patti

leeann, I have taken a week off for just me...what a relief! There is no stress from the job that I no longer have, thank god. My associates are upset that my boss took over my job and miss the calm that was there when I was there.........my garden is a huge challenge and it will take me weeks to get in order. A friend from days past needs my help.....and I am glad to be there. Robert Frost talked of the road less taken...that is my road at this point.....wishing for snow. That means peace and fun all wrapped up into one,,,,,,Georgia,,,,snow,,,,yeah right. Thank you for all your help and support.....I will be fine and much wiser from this journey. My heart is in heaven right now with my dad and mom and uncle.......Missing them all and yes, I cleaned the house and yard today and can't move...... Lots of love to each and everyone of you! or in my terms, lol Patti

Stacey, The first step is to breath and count to 10. I know how my daughter felt at the same age when my mom died. Think of all the great times that she gave to you and know that it is ok to let school take a back seat for know. I am sorry for the pain that your feeling, but take it one step at a time and take time to smell the roses. I bet that mom loved those. Patti

Hey everyone, 3 days and nights of sleep has done a world of good! YEAH! It really is important to take care of yourself as each and everyone of you have said. Just a few thoughts for those starting this journey of grief: 1. Enjoy your home and know that this is where your heart truly is. 2. Mac and cheese is wonderful! Remember when your parents made it for you. 3. Take time to go outside, the fresh air and wonders of nature may bring you the sign that you are looking for. A deer came to my back door the day that Dad died and when I went outside today, there the deer was in my woods looking at me and I was able to get about 2 feet from it before it turned and walked away. 4. Talk to your family, they miss you. 5. Learn from my mistakes and stop working 7/24, it only delays the pain and you end up loosing in the long run. 6. Ask and accept help! Yes leeann, we are all human and it is positive thing that you are human enough to grieve. 7. Embrace the dust bunnies in your house, it shows that it is lived and loved in.... trust me it works. 8. Never be afraid to post on this site with your real emotions, we all learn from each other that we are not alone....... 9. Chocolate chip cookies made from scratch are uplifting to the soul of all that you know. Have an awesome night. Patti

Thank you Marty. He will now continue to send his message of hope, love, and kindness. Blessings from the crew. Patti

Midnight, Thank you so much for your post! I thought the driving thing just meant I would have to buy a gps system for the car. Yes the medicine is helping alot. So is the councilor, Yes I am trying to control this grief and rush the healing, so it is time to take a whole week off..............I am going to work in the yard and trim all the trees. Best of all, working on a list on Face Book-Things that you missed while being a workaholic. Bless you and may the wind always be at your back. Patti

leeann, Were we sisters in a previous life? Thanks so much for all that you have done! Spent part of the day at the lake on the sailboat and listened to music as the clouds went by. Remembering when life was easy as laying on the ground and looking for shapes in the clouds. I then went and talked with my councilor and loved it when she said that I was so use to putting emotions into each of their own boxes and closing the top. I told her about what you had said about thinking that I could came thru unscathed. So ok, I am taking the next week off from lists, tasks, superwomen jobs and letting the family know that I still love them, but I need to be an emotional blob for a bit. When I told my daughter that she laughed and asked if the two of us could have a remember grandma sleep over while the boys do manly things...... What a great idea! Popcorn with lots of butter and yes made from scratch chocolate chip cookies and a box of kleenex, I am buying stock! The guys think we are crazy, but we both need to deal one loss at a time, that surgery that you were talking about. I have an attorney who will take care of all the legal stuff, he is trained and I am not....is this progress???? Any way, it is time to take a nap.......no I can't remember the last I did that......Yeah! Have a great weekend and God bless.' Patti the recovering perfectionist........baby steps

Chai, Thank you for starting this string, you really have many great ideas and don't be afraid to share. The greatest gift that my mom gave me was all the time that she spent with my daughter teaching her to draw, paint, and photograph. She is now using that talent to help underprivileged children with art therapy. She loved to garden and my home is surrounded with natures little treasures. My father's gift was his unconditional love and attention to detail. As we cleaned up his apartment, I found my baby spoon from 49 years ago and a card addressed to me and my husband. It was for our 25th anniversary 45 days after he passed. It is still on my night stand. His love of the water is shared with my entire family and everytime we go out on his sail boat that he gave to us 2 years ago, I will know that he will be in that place with us. LOL Patti