southern eagle

This is an awesome thank you for starting it. Here was my dad's favorite song: Jesus bring the rain and it started to rain just as dad passed. He loved his water and rain is his way of saying Hi. Patti

leeanne, Stew has boycotted dust bunnies as well, and what do you know, the cats love them. Sweet dreams tonight dear one. God bless and may the wind always be at your back. It is an Irish thing. Patti

Deb, I am taking today off and all 3 cats and the dog are wrapped around me. Thanks for the advice you were so right. Bless you Patti

Think spring, As I reread thru this string, the thought of a victory garden came to my mind. When the spring comes mix in some of your mom's plants and some that make you think of all of the victories that she had in her life. My dad planted a garden in my back yard after mom passed and I was walked around the yard, it all came back to me. Thank you for that memory. As I cleared the leaves away, yes behind in the yard work too....I found the little white tags that dad had put next to each plant....a short description of of each happy moment in her battle against the disease. There is strength in memories 10 years later. I will have you in thoughts and prayers. Patti

Midnight, When your family gets stuck on stupid and says that you killed your dad, understand that they are feeling guilty about themselves. Rise above them for the time and thank you for your kind words on my behalf. Bless you and may the wind always be at your back. Patti

leeann, You have been a rock for me and I am learning so much from you and thanks for the smiles. It is kinda fun to laugh at myself, haven't done that in years.....and yes I am spending tomarrow at the lake, it is not the ocean, but better then a bath tub..... Bless you dear friend

Thanks to each and everyone of you. The glass is in the sink, the attorney is helping. My employees have been calling all day, and yes my boss is a jerk. Glad that I am not him. As far as dust bunnies go........I will work on improving on that another day. Thank again for listening. Patti p.s. Yes I am taking the rest of the day just for me....got to buy more kleenex and watch more old movies and if the urge hits, listen to disco....thank goodness my daughter is not in the house.......family joke.

Well folks it's official, I am out of job while out on medical leave. I am seeing my attorney in the morning. Thoughts and prayers would be appreciated. Patti

We took an entire box of Teddy Bears out of Dad's apartment, he had saved everyone I had given him since I was a child. Each member of the family got one including cousins and grandbabies. We all agreed that the remaining 43 would go to the hopice/intensive care unit where dad passed, that way, he can continue to pay it forward. Just a thought. Patti

Think spring, I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my mom 10 years ago to cancer and a 15 year battle. I am so glad that you are seeing the tender side of your dad. My dad would not admit his pain for a month, and then I saw how much Dad really missed his Juliet. Take it one day at a time and know that you are blessed to be at this sight, everyone is wonderful. As you think about your mom's garden, remember that after a very cold winter, the colors and volume of the plants seems to go crazy. Each plant will bring back a smile to your face. I moved some of the plants from Mom's garden and put them in mine. The Queen Elizabeth bloom every years since on Mother's day morning. Patti

Dawn, Try your local assisted care facilities, we have one near by where the ladies love to make quilts for the community. It keeps them busy and gives them a sense of purpose. Good luck. Patti

WOW, WOW, and again WOW Leanne! I just got home from the counselor and read your post............ Yes, I have been saving up the grief from my uncle norm,(my other dad), mom, dad, a dear family friend who passed at our house with colon cancer. The song big girl's cry is way off base and I am spending the day watching Titanic with 2 boxes of kleenex. The family is working and I have my house to myself. Yes I have been judging myself and holding myself to a ridiculous standard as a person. I have done more than other have and have done it willing because I never learned to set up the boundaries to let others take care of their family members. My daughter learned how to handle a crisis and emergencies from me but also learn from my husband that perfection stinks. I am working on that and did not make the beds this morning...wierd but felt good. Yes, I have put away the cape and taken a serious look at how I am treated by my boss. Since I went to the counselor, I have found out that 5 of my associates have also gone to the eap program because of the way he makes them feel. We are all on medical leave this week, and he having to explain why it happened. I too feel sorry for him and rejoice the fact that I am not like him. Yes this is the worst pain I have been thru, but you are so right, I am blessed to be human and giving birth at last to all the grief over the years. As my doctor said, grief and depression is like an emotional flu, it is curable, but takes longer than a z pack. He was proud of me for coming in since he knows how much I hate doctors, but love him as a person. My family is the world to me. I am usually a glass half full type gal and so here I sit, staring at a glass that is half full, being thankful to you for your words and the time that you took to help me. May God bless you and keep the wind always at your back. Thank you xxoo Patti and crew.

Thanks for the thought, I have tried this and cannot make the pain go away. Looking for a new job, taking medicine now that makes me feel week, and yes feeling very sorry for myself, sorry to all of you who have supported me.

Russell, I am so sorry, you put me in perspective, is there anything that I can do for you? Patti

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Temmie, Bless you and please let me know where you found the strength, mine left me this morning. Patt

Ok, so I rested this weekend and then this morning I totally lost it. I have been crying, screaming, and feeling like my very soul has been torn from my heart. My boss has been sending out all these threatening emails to all of us in the region that we don't know what we are doing and that he will run each of our hubs. When he is in the hub, our production goes down and associates break down in tears because of the way he talks to them. I have called human resources numerous times and will try again today. He laughs at me and says that loosing my dad is no big thing and get over it. He lost his mom 1 year ago and is so proud of the fact that he handled it like a business and was back on track the next day. I am stronger than this, but cry so hard that I don't have my dad to hold me right know. I hold his cat snuggles, but it is not dad. I have tried hot chocolate, blankets, hugs from hubby, and I can not get warm. This is the worst grief spurt that I have had and I cannot get it to end. My husband has been so proud of the progress that I have made and I feel like I am back at square one. Please make it go away, Patti

Em, Your Dad now has the best front seat in the house. He can watch over you and be with you in your heart and mind no matter where you are. He got his wish and he knows how much you will always love him. This phrase could very well be your sign that he is in heaven and loves you. Hugs and smiles Patti

Temmie, I know what you are going thru. I found a great site called Remember The Milk to organize my lists of million of things to get done. It breaks it down into personal work and others. My boss has been at the hub for the past 3 weeks and keeps saying that he is helping. I sent him the list of what he had given me to change in the past 2 weeks and it had 48 items. When he saw it in that format, he stopped, looked, and said no wonder you are under so much stress.....might help you. I too have thought about dying, but then I asked for God's help. It helped to find peace in accepting that we are not alone and that it is great to be less then perfect at this time in our lives. If you need to take more time, thank your boss for the opportunity to have that time. I wish that I had taken up that offer from HR 2 months ago and will be asking on Monday for a few days when I get a new assistant. Mine quit 2 weeks after dad died. You are loved and you are not alone. Take one task at a time and just finish it. Cross it off the list, breath, and tackle the next one. Then stop and take another long warm bath and rejoice in what you did accomplish and don't worry about whats left. You can tackle that when your strength is up a bit. One step at a time. Patti

To each and everyone of you who have listened and helped, THANK YOU! Last Saturday we finally finished cleaning out the apartment, that day was the hardest yet and my husband let me be alone for a while to just cry my eyes out and say goodbye. I realized then that I was saying good bye to his home not my dad and that made me feel better. Many donations to good will and friends. My daughter and boyfriend got to donate wallmart furniture and fill their apartment with all of my mom's furniture that she loved so well. My mom was my daughter's side kick as she was growing up and taught Sheryl how to paint. Sheryl is now using this talent as an art therapist for under privileged children. My home is sprinkled with loving memories of dad and we all laughed as we threw out our coach from 25 years ago at a yard sale and brought dad's in. I still work too many hours, but put a stop to that this weekend and said no more. My boss is a jerk, but I am grateful that I am not like him and so are my associates. Life is a diary of experiences and when I look back at the last 10 years, I let everyone let me do all the work, no more. Will be taking it easier and every day we have a hawk that flies over the hub at 5 am, the time when dad died. A gentle reminder to spread my wings and fly. Thanks dad. Tons of love to each of you and thanks again. Patti

Temmie, Bless you for your post. Even tho parts of our life stories are different in many ways, our fathers final day were the same. Thanks you for putting it so lovingly and so wonderfully, your dad and mine would be proud. We are cleaning out the rest of dad's house Saturday, and I agree that I still feel overwhelmed. Believe in yourself and let me know if I can help you. Thank you again. Patti

Hey everyone, After I finally got the nerve to go back to the apartment and start organizing and sorting thru Dad's things, the cold went away. I agree that it was fear and panic, afraid to feel the hurt and say ggod bye for now. While cleaning out Dad's closet, I cried when I found his favorite sweat shirt that I wear know when I get home from work, it helps the cold and warms my heart. I sat down and talked to Dad, telling him how I miss him and asked for forgiveness for not doing more in the end. I opened the bottom drawer of the dresser and found my baby spoon tucked away with a card to me for my 25th anniversary. My Dad always planned every thing to the nth degree. The cold is normal, the fear is normal, the pain is unbelievable, the need to talk and actually doing it with the ones who love you most is the key. Thanks to each one of you and let's all keep posting and pay it forward to help one another. Patti

Temmie, You are not alone...I lost my Mom 10 years ago and Dad in November. It has been almost 2 months and this weekend we finally did a treasure hunt in Dad's home. I was afraid to do this and thanks to family and friends including this website, we made it fun. I too was immobilized for these past 2 months and have learned to take it one day at a time. Yes you are human and so are each one of us. The grief spurts, love that phrase are real and are fine in the process. We found out together to understand that you can't keep everything and in these economic times, most of the boxes went to various charities. Thru the church, I found an elderly man that needed clothes and he got Dad's, after saving a few for myself and my husband, great to cuddle with a night and wear with pride on tough days at work. Another young family who lost their home to fire over the holidays at the Salvation army got the furniture. They had come asking for help as we pulled up to make the donation and tears were shared by all. As Dad would say it is better to give then receive. A warm fuzzy that was sent as a sign. When the siblings want things done in their time, take time for you. My family wanted it done yesterday and I have learned to share that we all need to talk and share and come to a common time line. Accept that what you feel is normal, and learn that it is great to ask for help. Thanks to this website, there are alot of folks that I know that are gladly helping for all that I put on hold to pay it forward. Give and it will be given back to you 10 fold. Take a look at all the great advise that I got under the post My Dad. I am here for you and will help you in any way I can. Patti

You know what the wonderful thing is about this site, others helping to point out the obvious to each other. I called my friends this morning and they are making this into a treasure hunt party. Sheryl wanted this done so that she can move on, but as we talked and went thru 2 of Dad's 35 boxes of memories and paperwork, the man was a pack rat, she realized that 80+ years of memories can't be tackled in a day. Thank you as always for helping our family going in the right direction. Patti

I have to say thanks to both of you and this site. It is good to know that I am not the only one that this happens to. Stew and Sheryl say thanks to both and send warm hugs back at you.