Rochel

Thanks Phyllis,

This was a real person...oh yeah, since your husband has passed...we may have to up the premiums...well, that's nice...good news for the widow on a Thursday afternoon...can you tell a little bent-ness....Rochel

Hi Ted,

The grief group (Hospice) that I attended was older people and kind of moved on from where I'm at...so, therefore you can't bare your soul like a one on one session....and since I don't want to cry among many people, I chose not to attend...Since I'm going to Cali for awhile anyway, why get started....Ted, if you like to read, there are some good books on Amazon (used) on grief that are pretty good...such as "I'm Grieving As Fast As I Can" by Linda Feinberg...Hope you are doing better tonight...of course, you don't know when the "thing" is going to hit....Blessings, Rochel beautiful weather huh!!!!

Hi Forum Family,

Today is my husbands birthday...and I was reminded by our insurance company because they called to wish him a Happy Birthday...which started much sadness...I was doing okay until the call and I looked at our pictures from our Hawaiian photos...Now, I can't kid myself like I do somedays when I don't want to cry...It is so hard to give the grief a Holiday...and tell it to go away...So to honor Bob...I want to give him a big kiss and hug and say Happy Birthday my Darlin Man...Rochel

Ok MartyT...I will resend it Rochel style...

Hi Martyt,

Yes, I just read that it cannot be duplicated...thanks for letting me know...Did you get my email??? If I send these from now on I will put into my own words, except for the scriptures...Bless you, Rochel

Korina,

Your family is a major blessing in your life...I'm so glad you have them and they are a comfort instead of a stress....Hugs, Rochel

Hi Korina,

Very well put about the lightning bolts...You are right, this forum is where we are all welcome to share anything on our hearts and we can stay as long as we want...Rochel

Dear Korina,

I'm so happy for you to make this move...sure, it will be difficult for you to make this major move but it will soften the grief spells and you and Kailyn will have love and company...What a great idea...You will have be better off financially and that will take the stress away...May God help you with your move...when do you think it will be? What is wub?? too personal you don't have to answer...Bless you, Rochel

Thanks to Lindakoz I can share these with all of you everyday...when you read about the losses it will start the tears but that is the only way we will heal...Love to you all...Rochel

Petra is on the eastside Hospice office...not too many questions..

Hi Mary Linda,

It will only hurt you...and not them...having this bitterness is harmful to your health...It is like you are taking poison and hoping the other person dies...I heard this at a counseling session once and I never forgot it...My husband was not a forgiving person and that has hurt many people including me...He was never unforgiving to me, but hard on others and it bothered me because I didn't want that bitterness to kill him...looks like I didn't get my way after all...Be good to yourself...Rochel

Hi Ted,

This gal is named Petra Luna (good name huh!) maybe you can write a song....do you write songs??...Here I go again talking about music.. anyway, she is a really good counselor...I got to talk my head off yesterday and she just listened with her heart....she has been counseling for years...She told me yesterday to call her anytime...even when I'm in Calif...Ted, I would much rather see you go to a counselor than try and go this alone, lonely and too much alcohol...I understand the boredom...I'm too young to be a widow and not keep busy and yet, where do I fit....????These are some of the things that I talked to Petra about...Make that call and get some counseling...better than doing the bachelor thing and really get mad at yourself....There can be lots of trouble out there in the world...be careful....Rochel

On Friday night I was having dinner with my sisters and found myself laughing. I immediately looked at my sisters and asked if they thought Brian would be okay with me having a little fun. They immediately said he would because of who he was -- a guy who really enjoyed having a great time and laughing. I spoke to my counselor about this and she asked me to think about Brian and what I thought he would want. She then explained that in the midst of my grief, small bursts of joy will occur. She called this an oasis of life in the midsts of the shadows of death and said it would not take away from the fact that I am grieving for the loss of Brian or mean that I miss him any less. Rather, it will help me through this grief journey toward healing.

Does anyone else feel guilty if they find themselves having fun? Do you allow yourself to smile or laugh? Do you feel guilty? All thoughts are welcome. Sometimes I feel like I am driving myself crazy. I want to get better though I know it is early (eight weeks today). I want to feel as if I want a new life but I still miss Brian with my entire being. I'm still trying not to look too far ahead. I still love Brian with all of my heart and soul but I think I want to live . . . and in the beginning I did not want to go on. Is this shift "normal"? Thanks for listening again.

Peace, love, and blessings,

Linda

Hi My Friend,

I'm so glad that you are laughing...I have been praying for you...It blesses me to see this...I don't feel guilty but I don't want people that hear me laughing to think that I have totally come off of my grief, because I could change at any given moment...I thought of you today because it is Wednesday and tomorrow is Bob's birthday on a Thursday when he died and it is also 8 weeks for me too...I think you laughing is normal...You go girl....Rochel

Very cute....I still have to figure out how to put my photo on here...I'm very glad to hear that you are not going to go thru life talking to ashes...that is so not healthy....You sound like you are such a bright gal...No your hubby would not want you to go thru all this pain, but we do don't we...I prayed for you this morning...In fact this whole family is the second thing I think about after Bob in the morning...You sound better tonight...hang in there...be good to Steely

Hi Kimi,

I think with grief anything or anyway our bodies react is normal, however the shaking after coffee and just cereal could be a blood sugar problem...You may have low-blood sugar...Try to eat just protein and cut down to 1 cup...I know easier said than done...If you have your blood test done, then you will know and can rule out some things...I know about the tossing and turning....I'm right with you missing my husband...I can't journal lately because when I write out my feelings I get so down in the dumps I have to lie down...be good to yourself Kimi....Rochel

Hi Steely,

Your photo looks great...I know how you feel about this one...I put them outside at first...then "NO" I can't leave him outside in the cold...then the storeroom..."NO" I have to have him in the house or have them (ashes) maybe the closet...It is haunting and very sad to have to go thru this...and it does make it more final...It is so hard for you to go thru, but like Linda said, you will get thru this lousy grief journey one breath at a time...we are all here for you...and about screaming...yah do it as loud and long as you can...and as far as scattering them or burying them or whatever you need to do...you don't have to until you are ready my friend.....Bless you this hard day...Rochel

Hi Everybody,

I just opened my email and this was my word for the day...Good to share with the family here...

Grief affects everything you do. It can disrupt every aspect of your life in ways you might not expect.

"I don't think I had time to think because psychologically I wasn't with it," says Nancy, whose husband passed away. "I would do stupid things. I would be coming home thinking I was on X Street, and then I'd realize, 'Well, I'm on the wrong street.' It was dumb things like that."

When life seems chaotic and your world has lost its predictable order, remember that God does not change. Like Nancy, you may find yourself driving down the wrong road, but God is with you, and He is able to get you to your destination.

"What a God! His road stretches straight and smooth. Every GOD-direction is road-tested. Everyone who runs toward him makes it" (Psalm 18:30 MSG).

Creator God, You are a steadfast presence in my forever-changed world. Amen.

Sounds to me like you just have a sense of humor...it is always good to have in this stage of the game...Have a better day....

Hey you guys, looks like we all live here in beautiful sunshiney Arizona...The weather is perfect to walk....I have been walking for the last 3 years and it is my sanity and a way to keep the weight off...me and the dog...The mornings are perfect now...My counselor said yesterday...if we don't get the grief out when it needs to rip thru our entire system like a 220...it will come out in other ways later on and also seep into other relationships, especially new relationships...now that is nice huh...really gives us something to look forward to...Let's all work on getting it out...Like Lindakoz says..she just lets it happen...do we have a choice????

Thanks Kath,

I know they are cold companies without heart...and here we sit numb by our loss...I have a debit card so that is what I will use in Cali...I'm not one to charge a lot anyway..it is the "like you said" an insult because of taking part all these years paying the bills...Have a griefless day...if that is possible...Bless you, Rochel

Hi Korina,

It looks like the whole family here has been up all night..good to hear your voice again...We all missed you...Yes, my Abbey (cocker spaniel) is the only one that hears the sobs...Do you nuzzle your nose in your kittys fur???...How is your sweet little girl..???You have the best day that you can have...Maybe we should all have a contest on who can have the best day...haha...who am I trying to kid...but I will try...It seems we have to make a conscious effort to do so...Bless you,Rochel

My Dear Kat,

I bet that was tough everybody crying...but how neat that the boys were holding you up...bless them huh!!...I totally recommend one on one counseling with a Hospice counselor...It is somebody to just let it all out, like we do here...In fact, they really recommend this site and to give out and take in as much as you can...Hospice has been a wonderful experience even though it has been the worse experience of my life...They are very qualified and will listen to your heart and be there for you like we are for eachother at this forum family..This is my spot to fall instead of tv...I get more out of here than anywhere else...I feel your hurt in many ways...be good to yourself..and Bless you, Rochel

Hi Linda,

Who knows why people do or don't do the things they do...this can be so hurtful...My husband was estranged from his sister and we did not see her at the Memorial..she just couldn't handle it and besides that I sent the dvd of the entire service to her and I have not heard from her...There was anger on both sides I guess... Now he is in a better place and he would probably forgive her for what he knows now (in the sweet by and by)...what can be that important to be angry about in light of all this grief..I see life differently in that things people think are so important are not...what is important is Love...Loving your mate and living in the now and don't fight unless you really know how to make up...these lonely nights can get to you...Anger on top of grief is very difficult...try to shake it off and stay with us here..."your family"...we love you...let go of the anger...it will only hurt you...Bless you, Rochel

Hi Ted,

My counselor told me today that the 3rd month is really rough as you are experiencing...and we thought it was going to let up

...This grief thing is truly a monster...and without God, we would be helpless and hopeless..."He" has a plan for our life...and we have to remember this...Jeremiah 29:11 (New International Version)

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

So you see my friend...we will have a future...Next week I will probably have to read this for myself over and over....Bless you, Rochel

Hi Kat,

What did you take to honor your hubby to "Celebration of Life"??? I have been thinking of going if I can make the time...I'm leaving for Cali the end of next week...I'm glad that you went...did you have someone go with you for support??? After this grief trip in my life...I sure would go with somebody for support...Hospice was wonderful to Bob and now they are helping me with bereavement issues...one on one counseling and group counseling...Have a good evening Kat...Rochel