Rochel

Steely, how did you get your photo on this site?? Keep your chin up.....

Oh Steely,

I love your name and you look like such a sweet gal....What is your husband's name...I say is because you will find that as long as you don't drop "my husband" too soon and "my marriage"...you can live in a little bit of the "back then"...I totally agee with the others, don't think about what to do with his clothes, etc...It definitely is a journey that you will find that we all need eachother...The Boos, Linda, Kat, Laurieb, Korina, and many others...When I open up this webpage, I can be real, sad, post by wailing head off and know I talked with friends today...When I leave this family here...I know that I have company (unfortunately for all of us) but nevertheless, we have one another...Yes, I too know about wandering from room to room and feeling lost...mindless tv...try not to look at photos all around the house and afraid to put them away...kid myself and think he is on a long trip...try not to look at his clothes when I absent mindedly go into his closet for something else...I used to love to eat with him..miss that..you need to take care of yourself...have noise in the house...get a pet...if you have one nuzzle your face in their fur...take walks-long ones...get into nature...I cried when I was driving today all of a sudden I heard this song on the radio and thought of him...I watch Dr. Oz and listen to ways how to take care of myself...Read as much as you can out of the grief book...Finding Your Way through Grief: A Guide for the First Year...I pray that you will have good counseling sessions and learn new stuff to share with all of us...So my Dear Steely...be good to yourself and the Lord will see you thru...that is my main anchor to hold onto...Bless you and keep coming here to talk with us...Rochel

Hi My Dear Friend,

I will grieve right along with you today...The grief always waits for you...and I'm noticing that I'm such a downer to be with..I cry on the phone when I least expect it...Yesterday, I wanted to be with my daughter at a jewelry show..but I found myself thinking of Bob and how I would rather be spending my Sunday with him and then feeling guilty because I can't be in present time with my Debbie...I looked at a lot of jewelry and was left sad and cold...My daughter even asked me if I wanted to go home...that freaked me out because I didn't want to spend the day alone...Sorry Linda that you are so sad waiting for the grief to leave...and Brian to be alive...what a bad dream this is....I don't even like fixing my house up because Bob is not here to say "Good job Dear" "looks great"...I guess I lived for the kudos more than I thought....If your hungry you eat, if your tired, you sleep, if your lazy, you drink coffee...but if your lonely for your Brian and me for my Bob, you wail like a sick animal...nothing seems to take it away and it always waits for you and it is always there...This Thurs is my 6 weeks and it feels like day 2....I just ordered another grief book entitled, "Love Lives On, Learning From The Extraordinary Encounters of the Bereaved"...I will be happy to share it with you and the rest of our family here...I hope it is not way out there and it pertains to what we all can attain from our loved ones...just sweet dreams would be nice....Good to talk with you Linda, you are such an encouragement to all of us...I will pray for you...Rochel

Bo

Dear Linda,

I totally agree with you that It is a lot harder than I thought it would be....There are so many triggers all during the day...Today, I went to Ross and just stared off in space...no life at home...no one waiting for me at home...except my Cocker Spaniel...When I go out into our backyard...I felt sick inside...this is the hardest thing I have ever had to live with...Today, my daughter and I both had a meltdown...she screamed and was so angry that Bob did not take care of himself and "now my mom is alone"...we cried and screamed together and it took everything out of me...it was awful and yet, I know that it needed to happen for a release for her and for us to become closer...I'm leaving at the end of next month to live with my mom, so my daughter is so sad to lose me for while...I hate to see her sad and she hates watching me be alone, night after night....so my Dear Linda, I'm so sorry for your Brian of 3 1/2 years being taken from you...I will pray that you have that dream that you so badly need...and that it is romantic and sweet...He sounded like a wonderful person and that he loved you very much...Be good to yourself and take baby steps....Blessings, Rochel

Dear Debbie,

You will find that this is an up and down journey so whenever you feel like you are doing something you do not understand just know from all of us that it is totally normal and it hurts so bad....and you will find out that we are all here for you...my hubby "Bob" passed on 9/24/2009 and I'm on a roller coaster everyday...I'mo sorry you lost your wonderful husband...and when you come across his clothes, you will find that it is a time for tears to release the loss and hurt...I will pray for you Debbie and hope that you have friends and family to come along side and comfort you....Also God will help you whenever you call upon Him...He is there to catch your tears...Bless you, Rochel

My advice is keep praying (ask Jesus if you believe) that He visists you in a dream and don't give up if nothing happens soon; there may be many factors involved, so be patient - but don't give up. I hope taking class will distract you enough and if it doesn't maybe you should try joining a club or anywhere were you can be around other mourners. you can add me on your msn: syoks@hotmail.com

sorry to hear about your recent loss.

Hi Linda,

I'm right with you and agree with Jsp110, don't give up and ask the Lord for the Comforter...the Holy Spirit...Sometimes we have a lot of head knowledge about the Bible, but the true relationship is with Jesus Himself...I read the Bible, but until I buckle under with my praying and seeking out my true friend...I come up empty and want to crawl in a hole...Last night I was looking for something warm to wear in my closet and I forgot that I put Bob's warm flannel shirt in there and I just crumpled up and howled...I hear it is normal, but it hurts like crazy and I'm told in the grief book that we should cry everyday...in that case I will feel like I have a sinus infection...I'm sorry for your Brian to not be in your life anymore and I would just tell you to cry it out and ask for that dream with his presence....wear him clothes if you can...Bless your heart Linda..I will pray for you...Rochel

Hi Linda,

You have inspired me to read the Book of Romans...I do notice that when I read the Bible or my Devotionals I feel better...Mindless tv can only go so far...I need to do something like a class or Bible Study...Maybe when I move to my moms in California...Sleeping is good until you wake up and it starts all over again...I pray that I can dream of my Bob...I just want to see how he looks now..of course, don't we all....I enjoy your sharing....keep coming here to release the pain in your heart...Rochel

This is a beautiful Poem...I thank you for sharing with all of us...My daughter is doing a memorial for her favorite Aunt and she will be reading it at the Eulogy...Good for you to do all this typing...when you do things like this, it does get you moving at least...The healing with this seems to take forever...Rochel

I feel so bad for all 3 of us and many of the others...I too feel cheated when I look at other couples...I have learned pretty early in this grieving who to be around and who not to be around and what calls I really want to take...just talking takes a lot out of me and if who I am talking with starts with their problems, I listen for awhile but excuse myself and get off the phone...Most of my close friends do not do that to me..I have a large support system, also my daughter who is wonderful...Just yesterday, we went to the Sate Fair..took my mind off of things for the day...then when she dropped me off and just my Cocker greeted me, I felt lonely and you know the drill...hurry up and get busy with something..mostly it is visiting here...which makes me cry a lot of the time too....I'm still taking care of all the switching over our names to just mine, and that is very painful...Yes, I have also thought how could I get thru this and I miss the kisses, hugs and let's face it, the sex...The female part of this is screaming out....When will this pain end..I'm with you Linda and Kat, it is unbearable sometimes and the empty pit in the stomach is very difficult too...That happens with a wiff of the aftershave, his clothes, looking at our wedding rings, looking at our photos and many other thousands of things during the day...Today is my first attendance at a grief group...I hope it will be good for me and not a mistake...Bless you gals...I'm with you and in your corners....Rochel

I think the triggers are set up by life and God...to help us over the hump of this terrible grieving over and over...I have the book from Hospice entitled "Finding Your Way Through Grief" A guide for the first year...It is very good and timely for this Season of my life...for all of our lives...I'm also reading "Heaven" by Randy Alcorn....I feel close to my Bob when I read about Heaven...I'm sure that he went there and I want to join him...One of the things mentioned in the Grief book is facing the death squarely name it, spell it, and talk it out...Replace delicate phrases like passed on, passed away with died, dead and widowed. Believe me, I underlined this but can I do it "NOT"...I need a lot of healing yet...Also, your brain doesn't get it because it is loaded with memories of your loved one..Although the person has died, the one still exists in your memory and in the memories of others..Holding on to your emotions takes more energy than releasing them....Good to talk with all of you..Blessings, Rochel

Whatever possessed me. Only 2 1/2 months have gone by since Duke's passing. Some days I think I'm dealing fine, though I still cry a lot. Today I came home after physical therapy and I have a whole closet full of clothes already outgrown by our beautiful first grandchild, Danica, 20 months. Thought maybe I might wash them up and bring them to the local consignment shop. Also in the closet were a lot of Duke's police uniforms and dress clothes. After going through Danica's section, I started through Duke's, then to our bedroom into his closet. What a mistake. Though I just reorganized, very little to Goodwill, just touching his Harley shirts, and hunting shirts brought on the TEARS.....it gets worse. He had a small plastic tote where I always stashed his STUFF cleaning out his dresser drawers..he was a paper saver and he had STUFF...going through old wallets..pics of the kids..my picture taken when we announced our engagement...the newspaper articles about 2 of his best friends who died in 1976..tattered and torn from being in his wallet...well I know some of you may have experienced this but having really no intention to do this yet, I urge you to be ready.. I wasn't and now I feel so out of control.

Dear jrm,

I wasn't ready yet, but Social Security wanted Service papers and our marriage certificate and I went rummaging around his closet and I found all his clothes and his belts, shoes, boots and cried like a baby...I know what you mean, you have to be ready for this..It has only been a month and I feel so alone today..most of my friends understand but after awhile I get tired of talking about it and then I want to talk and no one is around...this is a good site to have...Bless you, Rochel

Everytime I pick up our mail...their I go again..our...my mail..his name is stll on it...I know that the word hasn't gotten around, but why must there be so many triggers...many Sympathy cards, and I appreciate them, but why must the world still go on their merry way when we are all grieving deeply...I was okay today until I was watering out back and I imagned the screen door sliding and my Bob telling me that "the garden looks good Dear"....With this grieving, you cannot look ahead to evenings and Sundays being alone...I think when our energy goes, it is easy to be depressed and non-productive...Glad I can come here......

Brian looks like a very nice guy...I just clicked on the thumbnail and it was enlarged so that I could view the both of you...I too have tears today..the day started out okay..and it is Saturday...rough, weekends seem to be..I'm feeling sorry for myself...which does not help...Yes, it is not fair..Brian should be with Conner...I haven't gotten angry yet, just a little...I think it is coming though...because I took such good care of my Bob, but he destroyed his life with his on addicted hands...Now, I'm alone without him and he is in a better place..what is your homework??? I need to get busy and take some classes or something to keep myself occupied...Have a good weekend and good as can be expected...Rochel

You are right..somebody needs to accompany me to landmine appointments...I forgot that my husband had his dogtags and wedding rings in his desk drawer..I went into there for stamps and "boom" I was hit with the emptiness that I am becoming horribly acquainted with...It feels like the bottom drops out of your stomach...I'm surrounded by friends but not my best friend..when I wander between rooms in our house, again I get hit again....don't know what to do with this lonliness for him...As funny as it my seem, the only thing that fills it is reading the Bible...guess I will hang out there for awhile since it takes this bad feeling away...Glad that your job is keeping you busy...Bless you, Rochel...

Susie Q,

Thank you so much for sharing your wonderful dream. Brian hasn't visited me in my dreams yet. Perhaps it is because I'm not ready or perhaps it is because I don't get very much sleep. I long for the night when he will visit me and tell me that all is well. Tomorrow marks the one-month date of his passing. Life is really rough right now but I know some day he will come to me in a dream and I will know that he has found peace. This knowledge will give me tremendous comfort.

Peace, love, and blessings,

Linda

Hi Linda, we have something in common..tomorrow is one month that my sweet hubby is gone..and tonight is rough with that empty pit in my stomach..I did have a dream that he came in the house looked at me, "with that look" smiled picked something up off of a shelf and then left...I could hear the familar door sound and walk..woke up feeling strange, but now I will call it blessed..I had to put "widow" on an application for a blood test and I cried..very sad today..I find when I do not get enough sleep, that I'm a mess the next day..wow, this is hard..I love this site and use it everyday..the folks here can relate to our pain..they are having the same pain..Hope to see your posts in the near future...Bless you, Rochel

This poem will touch all of us:

THE REUNION HEART

Since Heaven has become your home.I sometimes feel I'm so alone.And though we now are far apart.You hold a big piece of my heart;

I never know how much I'd grieve.When it was time for you to leave.Or just how much my heart would ache.From the one fragment you would take;

God lets this tender hole remain.Reminding me we'll meet again.And one day all the pain will cease.When He restores this missing piece;

He'll turn to joy my every tear.With thoughts of you I hold so dear.And they'll become my special way.To treasure our Reunion Day....

Hope this is medicinal for all your little souls!!!!

Today I went to the Social Security office to change over all the benefit information and the papers read...marriage ended because of death...they asked me to send our marriage cert and after I found it and his clothes in the same closet (the closet that I have been trying to stay away from) I lost it...I have been bawling like a baby...to hear again that my marriage ended because of death and his beautiful Aloha shirts all hung up waiting for him to wear them...his robe, slippers and boots are waiting, waitiing, waiting...he will never wear them again....little did I know that this was going to blindside me today....when does this hell go away..I'm close to a month and I still so raw...from talking to others, it goes on for a long time...I loved my man dearly and took good care of him..my life will never be the same again...So hard to live without him and impossible not to have reminders..I will be leaving my home for awhile to get my head on straight....I have a major support system here in Arizona..now in CA. I will have to make new friends, find a good church, and live as a widow...Lord! I hate that word...Thanks for letting me lose it here..my tears, anxiety, sadness and mind....Bless you all brave widows and widowers...Rochel

It will be 4 months this week that I lost my husband of 25 years. We met at work and worked our entire lives together. We were together all the time. I have lost my best friend. He was diagnosed with a very aggressive cancer September 2008. I didn't realize that it was so aggressive and that I would only have 9 months with him. I am second guessing myself. I keep asking myself if I should have noticed signs earlier. Could I have gotten him to the doctor sooner. I just feel like I have failed him in some way. I keep wondering if I told him everything that I wanted to since I thought we had more time. I think of him from the time I get up in the morning till I go to bed at night.

I'm so sorry to hear about your loss...I too had my head spin when my hubby of 34 years had an aggressive cancer and kidney failure...I took care of him for 4 months and still think if I said everything and did I do everything I needed to do to get him better...little did I know was that he was dying and I couldn't do anything to change it..I'm suffering daily without my sweethear..He would call me Darlin Girl and I will never hear it again..He too was my best friend...I will miss him dearly and can't believe that he is really gone...I can tell you Kat2005 not to blame yourself but it won't help...There are many thingsthat you will go thru and I'm finding out that it is one big painful process...please be good to yourself..and dump your tears here on this site...Bless you, Rochel

Thank you Korina, I have already discovered not to get rid of anything yet...the Good Lord showed me this very early in this loss...One day at a time...thanks for your encouragement...

I lost my hubby 2 1/2 weeks ago and I have bad days and worse days...Just when you think that you are getting alittle sane - "BOOM" you cry like a baby and freak out....I have decided to move in with my mom next month and I know it is too soon to make such plans, however my home has too many memories and reminders that I can't breath sometimes...My mother is 90 and I know that I will regret not helping her...I was a caregive to My Bob for 4 months and I know that my mom will require some care so I have to pray that the Lord will give me strength for this venture...I have many friends here in Arizona and I will miss them and my home and my daughter...I hope that I am doing the right thing...Please, if any of you wonderful spouses with tremendous loss can give me any advice, I will surely appreciate it....Bless you all..Rochel

I just lost my Buddy, my pal, and my friend 2 weeks ago tonight...I'm like the gal that said if I had 5 minutes that it would be impossible to say goodbye again...I still cannot look at his pictures, his clothes, his chair without bawling my eyes out.It hurts so much this broken heart of mine..Here's hoping that my tears and the Lord will set to repair the pain in my heart...We had the memorial on Sunday the 4th and he never wanted one, but all the people that loved him showed up blessed me...and my friends will talk about him and use his name...At first it hurt...but it sounds like in the future that it will comfort me....It amazes me how all the things that trigger in the howling and pain....I went to Lowes the other day and it made me almost throw up with grief beyond belief....It is very early in the game for me and I keep losing things too...sleep at night is hit and miss...eating is not fun....I miss so many things about my Darlin Man and my life is completely different...the life I knew is gone and that makes me feel the punch to the stomach...does it ever let up??? I plan to close the house for awhile and live with my elderly mom just to get away from the memories and that alone makes me howl...Love to you all...it helps to read about your Honey's Blessings, Rochel