Cheryl

thankyou

Although I would never act on a suicidal thought. I now understand the feeling of wanting to die. I miss Mark so much that a often wish with all my heart that God would take me too. I have two kids and I sometimes feel that I am not capable of being a good mom any longer. You are normal and of course getting your nails or hair done won't make you happy! I have found that sometimes it does help fill the time and it forces me out of the house. The nail lady doesn't know my pain and I don't have to explain how I feel today.Then I go home and pour a small glass of wine and put on a sad song and cry.You are not alone! We all feel so similar!

I understand the feeling of not being able to get answers. I found that writing down all my feelings, anger and questions helped me work through the anxiety of not knowing what happened. I even asked and screamed the questions out loud. I didn't get the answer I longed for but getting the anxiety out of my body helped me move on to another level of grief. Grief is such hard work and there will be more challenges to face. Be proud of yourself for facing what is troubling you and keep searching for an answer until you feel satisfied or more peaceful. Not asking or facing what is bothering you will cause you more pain. I hope this makes sense?

I attend a group therapy for families. The kids are in small groups based on age and the adults are in small groups based on their type of loss. Some of us lost spouses, some children. But we all have heartache in common. What I love about group is that you realize you are not crazy and their is strange comfort in being with and sharing with others who are feeling similar. it is also wonderful to see the growth each person goes through. But most of all I walk away feeling like I might have been able to help someone else survive the pain. Don't be afraid to try everything. You've already been through the worst experience possible!

Mark died 10 months ago in a motorcycle accident. I have cried, screamed, slept, cleaned, organized, walked, read every grief book, journaled, joined a support group, talked to therapists, gardened, ect.. I'm feeling better than the first few months but still so very sad and lonely. I'm tired of people telling me how good I'm doing. I'm not!! What do I do now? How do I find happpiness again? I miss being a wife, I don't think I can survive this agony. Cheryl

HI John, I feel like you do. So sad. So alone. So scared. So ready for the pain to end. So tired. I don't know what to do. No one understands the depth of my pain. Someone asked me if I thought I needed medication to help me feel better. Wouldn't that be easy! I don't need medication to feel better. I need Mark. I need my old life back. I need to not cry at absolutely everything. I need to feel like my life isn't over. I need the things I can't have. So I am sad. So very, very sad.