keyboardplayer

What a beautiful love story. It's just sad that you only had a short time with your beloved.

Just want to let you know I'm praying for you and sending you a big hug.

I've noticed that too. It's like if I try deliberately to picture their voices, it's not as clear, but when I remember something I heard them say, their voice comes back clear. I say they because I've lost a whole bunch of people in a short period of time.

I could give you scads of grief songs. I didn't realize there was a grief songs page. I could have everybody crying in their RC for hours. I'm a classic country and bluegrass fan, and they have a lot of sad songs.

Darn it, you just made me cry again. I guess this whole forum needs a tearjerker warning attached to it. Oh, yeah, it's a grief forum. Sorry I have to be goofy. It's just what I do when I'm sad to try to not be sad anymore.

I am listening to oldies on Youtube and trying to look at stuff that will make me laugh to keep my mind off stuff. I just heard this song that I absolutely love, and I stopped my speech on my computer to listen to it, and the dad blasted song made me cry like a waterfall. I've heard this song a bazillion times on the radio and have never reacted like that, but geeze, it just killed me today. I guess it'll have to go in my grief songs playlist. Oh, I guess I should probably put a tearjerker warning on it.

Sweet, you collect bears, too. Cool. My puppy's name is Prot, but it's pronounced like Prote. If you've ever seen the movie K-PAX, that's where his name came from. I'm not really sure where I got him. I have several bears and critters that I don't remember where I got them. I wasn't really attached to him until I saw him again a few weeks after my sister passed away, when I was trying to distract myself by looking at all my bears. Prot doesn't usually wear glasses. Those belong to my stepdad. He was getting bored. We were in Michigan two months ago for another dadgum funeral, this time for my great-uncle. I loved him, but I really didn't know him that well. I was there because he had asked me to sing and play the piano at his funeral. While I was drinking my coffee, Roy was trying to make me laugh, and he grabbed Prot and put his hat and sunglasses on him and took the picture. My mom put it on facebook. I'll tell you another cool story involving Prot. Granny always hated stuffed animals and thought I was a nut for collecting them. When I was there for Christmas, her mind was starting to deteriorate very badly, and she would be scared to death, especially at night. Whenever she got upset, I gave her Prot to hold, and would you believe that she sat there and held him for a long, long time. This was a woman who used to threaten to throw my bears away, and she would hold Prot like a baby. I'm not sure whether this is a testament to how bad her mind had gotten or to how awesome Prot is, but I prefer to think it was because Prot is very therapeutic.

This is why I record my family obsessively. I have a braille notetaker, which is a PDA for braille readers. It had a digital recorder in it, but the audio doesn't work anymore. When I got it, every time I was with my family, I was always recording, but the stupid thing crashed and had to be reformatted, so I lost several recordings including the last Thanksgiving with my Papaw and my sister who have both passed away this year. I never got the blasted things saved in my computer. I feel really bad about that, but I thought I would have another opportunity to record them again. I never expected they would be gone, especially my sister who was just a few weeks shy of her 21st birthday.

I appreciate all of you. Granny lost her husband 40 years ago. I never got to meet him because that was before my time. I'm only 24. She talked about him all the time. Everybody said we would have hit it off because we share a deep love for music. When I got the call that she passed away, I could almost picture in my head that Jesus tapped Papaw on the shoulder and said, "Hey, I need you to come with me. There's someone coming I think you'll want to see." And then Papaw and Jesus were both at the pearly gates waiting for her when she walked in.

I have a fear that I will forget what my loved ones' voices sound like. I do not have vision, so I am unable to see their picture. Their voices are how I saw them. I'm so afraid I'll lose their voices inside my head, and then I won't have any connection to them. The man who was my Dad in every way except DNA passed away on July 14, 2008, but I didn't find out until August 25, 2008. He had been out of my life for seven years before that because after he and my Mom separated, she did not allow me to see him anymore, and then he moved out of state, and I had no clue where he was or how to find him. It's been so long since I've seen him that I'm afraid I'm going to lose the sound of his voice in my head. Sometimes I can hear it clearly when I remember something he said, but sometimes it is not as clear. Mom found some videos of my sister, Kristen, who passed away four months ago. She has seen them, but she won't let anyone borrow them. She says she'll make me a copy when she is ready. I don't want to be a jerk about it, but I really need to see the tape ASAP because Kristen and Dad are both on the tapes. I can't explain this to Mom because she trivialized the relationship I had with Dad. She expected me to get over him because she did and stop thinking of him as Dad after he'd been Dad for five years, but now that it was over, he was supposed to be KC. That was what people called him. When she found out he passed away, she actually said, and I'm not exagerating, "I know he was a close friend to you, but that's all he was." WTF? After she said something callous like that, how can I explain to her how bad I need that tape? Wow, sorry for the bitterness. I try not to think about it because I'm trying to put all the bullcrud behind me after the loss of my sister, but GRRRRRRRRR!

I've always collected teddy bears ever since I was a kid, but here lately, I have been burying myself in my bears. It seems like they can reach me when nothing else can. I'm trying to learn how to make bears to give to my family and friends who are going through grief because I think bears are the best medicine for a broken heart. I would like to show you guys a picture of one of my little fur balls who has been my therapy during all this stuff. I've had him for a while, but didn't really get that attached to him until a few weeks after my sister passed away. I was looking through all my bears, when I found this guy and decided to name him Prot after the main character from my favorite book and movie K-PAX. Ever since I found him, I've been carrying him around, and I cry on him a lot. He's got a hat and sunglasses on in this picture, but that was just my stepdad goofing around trying to make me laugh. He normally doesn't look like that. Oh, yeah, he's a puppy dog, not a bear.

My great-grandma passed away Saturday. I called her Granny. She was 93 years old, and she had been sick for a long time. I'm glad she's not suffering anymore, and all she talked about was going to heaven, but it's still so stinking hard. She and Meemaw, who is her daughter and also my grandma, are like my second and third moms. They are my dad's mom and grandma, but he wasn't really in the picture, so they filled in that gap where a second parent is supposed to be. I keep thinking of all the memories I had with her. Granny had a beautiful singing voice. She used to always be singing when she was working in the house when I would stay there. She played this old Gibson guitar, and we would sit on the front porch and sing mostly gospel songs. I used to love to stand beside her in church just so I could hear that clear, high voice.

To the lady whose fiance says he didn't want to be with her because she is negative, you're an awesome human being, but you're going through one of the worst things a person can go through. If he can't be there for you and support you during this difficult time, he needs to learn what unconditional love is.

I am praying for you and sending you a big bearhug.

Hello. I can't actually relate to what you are feeling because I have never been in your situation, but I know that sometimes, when people are dealing with the terminal illness of a loved one, it freaks them out, and they can't deal with it, so they don't go around that person. That could be what's going on with your brother. It still doesn't make it right, but if that is the case, he probably beats himself up for bailing on you and your mom.

I feel that way a lot, where I can't cry. I lost my Granny Saturday, and we just got back from her funeral last night. I've cried some, but not like I thought I would. I cried when I went up and looked at her, and then I teared up at the funeral during the prayer and when a guy sang a very powerful song. I did most of the music for the funeral, and while I was singing the last song, I almost got choked up. I thought I would be a puddle when it happened, but we've had so many losses back to back that I guess there are no tears left.

I think he would really appreciate knowing you are thinking of him during this time. People who have never lost someone close sometimes don't understand that the pain will be with you always, and it doesn't just go away.

I appreciate all of your comments. I guess that usually I try not to think about it, but it's really hard. During the day, I can usually escape in my work and my hobbies, but in my dreams I can't get away. I describe my grief as a monster that I try to keep in a cage. Sometimes I can keep it there for even a couple of days, but sometimes it breaks out of the cage and pounces.

Hey, guys. Sorry I haven't been on here in a while. Sometimes it's hard to talk about, and I want to distract myself from it, but today I really need help. I have been having nightmares ever since I lost my sister. We had several losses back to back and several people who we found out had cancer or other sicknesses, some of them I knew and some I didn't. On New Year's Day, my great uncle passed away. I didn't really know him that well because he lived out of state, and I didn't see him that often, but he had asked me for years to sing and play the piano at his funeral, so I went. It was major flashback city because of losing my sister. Before that, we lost my grandpa six months ago today. Anyway, ever since she passed, I have been having nightmares about finding out that another family member has passed away. I just don't think I can handle it again. This morning before I got out of bed, I had a dream that my Meemaw passed away. For those of you who don't know, Meemaw is a word for Grandma. She's the closest person to me on this earth other than God, and I don't know what I will do when that day comes. My Granny, who is her mom, does not have very long to live, and all she talks about is going to heaven. I'm afraid every time I hear the phone ring or check facebook that I'm going to get some more bad news. I just needed to vent because I've been messed up all day from this flippin' dream. The worst part is that I think my cat dropped my cell phone, and I can't find it, so I can't call her until I find the stupid thing.

I have so much anger inside me right now I want to destroy something. My sister passed away October 25 of this year. She was 20 years old. I know they say anger is part of grief, but I've never experienced it like this. I just have this white-hot rage inside me. I'm not mad at God or anyone else, at least I hope not, but I'm just so mad because it happened. It scares me because I'm usually a happy person, and this isn't me. I was trying to play my piano today, and at first I was playing my favorite song, but then I started BANGING on the keys as hard as I could. I just needed a way to release the pressure. I'm a work-from-home medical transcriptionist, and I haven't really been able to work today because I have been having a major-league melt down. It hurts so bad it feels like it's stabbing me in the heart. I try to read to get my mind off of it, but it seems like my brain is stuck. It's so hard for me to do the basic things that you have to do. I have to give myself a pep talk in order to get out of bed and get in the flippin shower. I just want the pain to go away, but judging by the posts on this forum, it probably won't go away anytime soon. I just hope my piano can handle being played hard.

Yes, she has had seizures for several years. Last January she had an episode like this, and she was in the hospital for a long time, but she pulled through. She did have some problems with her memory after that. We thought she would come out of this one, too. This is so hard. I haven't been worth a flip today.

Aww, that almost made me cry. Yep, I'm dreading the firsts like the plague. My sister's 21st birthday is this Sunday. It's going to be so sad.

Hello, Dmanning. My prayers are with you. My situation is similar to yours, in that we thought she would recover. When we lost Grampa three months ago, we had at least a few weeks to prepare, but we never dreamed my sister would not pull through. My mom didn't want me to go to the hospital because they were keeping her isolated. She told me that when they took my sister out of ICU and put her in a private room, that I could go see her. I feel pretty bad because I wasn't there. The last time I saw her we were sort of fighting. It wasn't anything serious, just typical sister stuff, but I regret that that was the last time I saw her.

Hello, everyone. We lost my grandpa August 1 of this year. Then two weeks ago yesterday my sister had to go to the hospital because she had multiple seizures. The following Wednesday, she went into respiratory arrest, which caused her heart to stop. They brought her back, but they had her on life support. She was eight weeks pregnant, and she lost her baby. They were trying to get the fluid off her lungs, but Sunday night her body started shutting down. They took her off the machines Monday morning, and she passed away at 12:28 PM. Mom called everyone who lived locally to go to the hospital, but there was no way I could make it there in time because I don't drive, so they called my preacher, and he and a few other people from church came over to drop the bomb. I work from home, and I was working when he came over. I thought it was weird for the preacher to come to my house, because he usually doesn't stop by to visit during that time of day. There were six people in the room when he told me, and everybody was sobbing. It was aweful. I never thought in a million years that I would be saying goodbye to her so early. She will turn 21 on November 7. This is the worst thing I have ever experienced. Sorry for the long post. Thanks for letting me unload.