Polly

I have and yes, it's really hard. I remember my best friend asking a few months after Richard died if I thought I would ever date again. I remember I told her that I didn't think so. I told her that Richard was so good to me that I didn't think anyone could treat me the same way. Little did I know that 1 year later I did meet someone. We met at a grief support group. He lost his girlfriend of 20 years. We have a lot in common. We started out just being friends. We would go bowling once a week. As time went on we both had feelings for each other. So we started dating. We both struggled with this. My youngest daughter who was 17 at the time really hated that I was dating. There were many times in the past year and a half that I said I couldn't do this. There were 2 times that I broke up with him for a month each time. I finally realized that it was ok to love again. I love that we both can talk about our loved ones and it is ok. My daughter is just now finally being ok with it, for the most part. 

On ‎3‎/‎23‎/‎2018 at 11:24 AM, TomPB said:

My sister talks to a "medium" regularly and had a session yesterday. She says she has never mentioned Susan. Here is part of what she sent me:

She said your sister In law susan is here, and she has a great deal of regrets about how she treated you. Meaning me (1). She then said that she is with you all the time she is worried about you, she wanted me to tell you that you cannot leave this planet no matter what until your time comes she will be waiting for you, her regrets for you are that she feels that she squandered Time. And she Loves you. She would be silent for a minute or two, and then she did say she really loves your brother.

And she said you need to listen to more music (2). I did not know what that meant.

She was with her parents, and dad. FYI dad and mom are not together she said dad has filled his karmic debt to Jo (3). Again whatever that means.

1. Yes, Susan had a negative attitude to Julie. Nobody but us would know. 2. My friend Mara, who lost her husband 3 ms ago, and I have been going to classical concerts. Just the day before I thanked her for reviving my interest and we talked abt losing yourself in the music to help with grief. Nobody else knows this. 3. Jo is our mother, who was the subject of a lot of dad's anger and was a drinker, tho I think they loved each other in their own way. Sad if they are not together.

You can imagine how this hit me. It's good, but overwhelming. Can someone really communicate with spirits? What do you think?

My sister came for a short visit on my birthday (April 4). I scheduled a private session with a medium on Thursday, April 5 for us. I really believe they can communicate with them. The first thing he said to me was Happy Birthday. He said that he lets me know he is with me through my cell phone. I was like omg! When I go to bed at night not every night, but randomly, my cell phone will vibrate and light up like I got a text message. I will look and nothing. Some nights this happens a few times in a row. I usually just say something like, Richard! then tell him good night and that I love him. There were a lot of other things that came up and I was like omg!!!!! There is no way anyone would have known these things except for Richard and I. 

Exactly what I was thinking. I can't cut him out of my life. I thought I could and thought I was ok with it. I was wrong. Being friends and taking things slow seems the best for now. Oh and as far as my daughter. I think she is growing up. She has been more understanding. Before Bill and I broke up the last time, she was trying to be nice to him. 

thanks Kay. 

I had a really tough weekend. Lots of tears. Lots of thinking. A lot of alone time. It got really bad on Easter. I worked 6am-3pm and came home to an empty house. My daughter went with her boyfriend to his aunts house. After a couple of hours of crying I realized that I wasn't just upset that Richard wasn't here. I was also really missing and needing Bill. Yes, he drives me crazy at times, but he has the kindest heart just like Richard. He would do anything for me, just like Richard. He would never intentionally hurt me or cheat on me, just like Richard. How can I not let him in my life? So on Monday, it was his birthday. I called him to wish him a Happy Birthday. I asked him if he would meet me at the bowling alley. We used to go bowling at least a week on nights that it was $1 a game. He said yes. It felt right and we had a really good time. I told him that we had to take things slow. My head is really messed up with all of this but we are so good for each other. He totally understands because he lost his girlfriend of 20 years. 

Yes, I'm really excited about this trip. I was so hesitant about doing it but my best friend convinced me that I should just do it. This will probably be our last vacation together so going to do it good. She is already talking about moving out on her own. I'm sure she will because she is my mini-me. I left home a couple weeks after I graduated. 

OMG Mitch and Kay!!!! I worked 6am-3pm on Easter then came home to an empty house. Sat here and cried for hours. Guess that was better than what you both went through.

Here is an update with what is going on. 

I started dating Bill again before Christmas. We would go out but he wasn't spending the night here. That was just too much for my daughter that is still living here. Things seemed to be going ok. Then at the end of February, I broke up with him again. I just felt like I needed some space. I was feeling smothered. I just felt like maybe I needed some time to myself. We really didn't even talk for about a month. Last week I did call him. We talked for about 2 hours. I told him that I still wanted to be friends but I couldn't promise him anything else. You see, we have a lot in common. We like the same things. We talk to each other about everything. He told me that he would rather be friends that not have me in his life. That really meant a lot to me. 

These past few months have been good with me and my girls. My youngest has actually been talking to me about things. She even shocked me a few weeks ago when she asked me if I had talked to Bill. I was honest with her and told her that I had only texted with him at that time. I told her that we were still friends and that for now that is all it's going to be with him. 

So my youngest only has a little over 2 months until she graduates from high school. I have a big trip planned for her and I in June. I'm taking to her to Disney as her graduation present. We are going to drive there. It's about a 17 hour drive. We are going to spend 6 nights on property and do each park plus the water parks. Then we are going to spend 2 nights at the beach before heading home. I think this will be a trip for good memories for us. I'm excited about this. I'm sure Richard would be so proud. 

Calopumi,

Thanks for sharing. I do know it's hard for my kids to see me with someone else. Heck, it's hard for me to be with someone else too. 

Ana,

Yes, it just sucks. I met someone at a grief support group a year and half ago. It was nice to have someone to go out with and do things. Someone to talk to that understood. Every time when things start to get serious I seem to back off. I question whether this is what I want. Am I really happy? I really am not sure. 

Yes, they just keep coming. Every time  something in this house breaks or breaks down I just want to cry. Richard was the one to take care of that stuff. Although I'm pretty good at fixes things it gets me every time because I know I'm now doing what he would have done for me. 

That is really sweet that you send your son a box like that. 

Allen and Katie,

I'm so sad to read this. I'm actually crying and anyone that knows me knows that I rarely cry. Butch was such a sweet man. 

I was so happy to see this Steve. I was just thinking about you two and wondering how things were going. That picture made me smile. So happy for you and Patty. 

Just an update on things. Last Tuesday night I was so down and really missing Bill. I hadn't talked to him in a couple of weeks. I chatted with a close friend of mine. She knew Richard and also Nicole. We have been friends for years. We had a good talk about everything. She gave me some really good advice. Right after that, I was on facebook and it was around 1am. Bill also was on fb. He is never up that late. So I messaged him. Then I called him and we talked for over an hour. I told him that I needed to talk with Nicole and let her know that I was still going to see him. I wasn't going to throw away what we had. I deserve to be happy. She doesn't have to like it but she has to respect my feelings. Just as I don't have to like who ever she dates, that is her choice. On Thursday, I was out shopping and decided to stop by Bill's work. It felt so good to see him and hug him. Tonight we went on a date. We went to dinner and stopped at the mall. He bought me a cat necklace at the jewelry store for Christmas. I have been looking at that necklace and thinking that it was what Richard would have bought for me. 

I have only talked to Bill twice and it was through Facebook messenger. The 2nd time was 10 days ago. I told him I was sorry. We chatted back and forth a bit but then he seemed to think that because I was talking to him that we were going to get back together. At that time I just didn't see that happening so I told him I had to go. Since then he tried to message me twice, both times I just didn't respond. I'm not sure what I'm going to do at this point. 

14 hours ago, ipswitch said:

Maybe daughters need to hear that the burden of being your closest friends and source of companionship is something they will grow to resent in a few years. Their lives.are just starting out.  They will have [love] lives of their own. 

I still miss my late husband even with a new man in the picture.  And truthfully, it was not a great marriage, he was an alcoholic.   I haven't forgotten him. Even now, seven years (closer to eight!) years after his passing I think of him every day.

Yes, I think about Richard everyday. I talk to him too. I still have a lot of his things. I just can't deal with doing anything with it yet. 

My oldest daughter, who is married, understands and was happy for me. Sure it was hard at first for her to see me with someone else, but she also saw how happy I was. My youngest just turned 18 today. She has not said one word about Bill since I broke things off with him. I have to say this has been really hard for me. I did what I did because I love my kids. I'm having a hard time with my decision though. I'm depressed and crying every day. I talked with my sister that I'm closest with the other day. It made me feel a little better when she told me that if it was her that she would have done the same thing. I'm not even looking forward to Christmas. I haven't even put up the tree. I wouldn't even bother but will do it for my daughter. We aren't even going to be here on Christmas. We are going to my sisters house on Christmas eve which is 4 hours away. All 6 of my sisters live there and also my mom. When Richard was alive we used to drive to Altoona on Christmas morning after we would open our presents. The past 2 years we just couldn't be here for that so we started just leaving after I get off of work on Christmas Eve. This year it will be even harder because I still won't be with who I want to be with. 

Well.....I'm testing the pellet stove out right now. So far it's working properly. Youtube  is my best friend. LOL! Luckily the pellet stove is my 2nd heat source. but without it I go through a lot more heating oil.

thanks Kay. We will see what happens. Right now I'm focusing on me. He told me he will wait for me because he loves me. I told my best friend what he said and she  believes that he is not going any where.

Ok, now I need to see if I can fix this pellet stove. Last winter the exhaust fan went out. I figured out how to replace that myself. Now I believe the sensor went out. At least that is what I'm hoping is wrong. Got a new one so I need to figure out how to replace it. Wish me luck.

On ‎11‎/‎22‎/‎2017 at 9:01 AM, ahhope4u said:

I am sorry -it is never easy dealing with teenagers- I had three- perhaps instead of breaking it off for you- your daughter just needs a bit of time- if it was her -we would tell her that her feelings aren't going to change overnight -if they truly love it it will still be there, to be patient- not to rush- the feelings of true love will still be true love tomorrow or the day after she graduates- or in a year- Do we believe what we have been teaching?    You deserve love and happiness- even scripture says remarriage is good-(it keeps us out of trouble:) )       Many Blessings

Thanks. So true. It has been almost 2 weeks since I broke up with Bill. I'm not sure how I feel about it. At times I like having my time to myself, other times not so much. I think I need this time to figure things out. You are right.....the love will still be there.

Thanks George. I will look for it. I realize that now. I was caught off guard and let her get to me, which is not me at all. I know I handled the situation wrong.

Kay,

Thanks for your reply. I appreciate it. I also have thought about pretty much everything you said. So....not offended at all. I was just at my breaking point last week. I just couldn't deal with any of it anymore. I'm at work  right now so will share the rest of my thoughts when I'm home. I hate typing on this phone. 

It's been awhile since I posted here. It has been a little over 2 years since my husband died. Last year I went to a grief support group for people that lost their spouse. It was a small group and I made some good friends from it. It was an 8 week program. After it ended a couple of us decided to all get together and go bowling once a week. It was nice to get out and have a nice evening. I looked forward to it. My youngest daughter(she is 17) and a friend would also go. As the months went by there was a connection with my friend Bill. He lost his girlfriend. Bill and I had a lot in common. We started dating at the beginning of the year. It was hard. My daughter was not happy about it. I tried talking to her about it. As the months went by she seemed to be a little better with it. Things also started getting serious with Bill and I. My 25 year old daughter was ok with it. She just wanted me to be happy. Then around the 2 year mark of my husbands passing, my 17 year old started getting nasty about me being with Bill. It got so bad that last Thursday I told Bill that I was done. That I can't see him anymore. I felt like I had to choose between my daughter and my boyfriend. I felt like what kind of mom chooses their boyfriend over their daughter? Bill is so heart broken. I am too. We really loved each other. My daughter has been herself these past few days. Me? I feel like I lost again. She is going to graduate from high school in 6 months. I know she probably won't stick around much longer after that. I don't know if I did the right thing with this situation. My heart hurts so bad again. This is all just so hard.

I've been wondering how things were going for you two. I'm so happy for both of you. It is crazy to think about how my boyfriends and my hearts were torn out and we both never thought we would be with someone else so special. I didn't find him on this website but we did meet at a grief support group. We have been dating for 9 months now. My 17 year old daughter has finally come around with the whole situation. It has been hard on all of us. Today was a hard day for me. I had to go to the lawyer and sign the final papers for Richards estate.

Butch,

I am speechless. I'm so sorry.

Steve,

Bill and I just had that conversation the other day about talking so much about our lost loves. We both agreed that if we were dating someone that hadn't lost their loved one that they might not understand or would get jealous. Btw-We both believe they had something to do with us meeting.

Ohhhhhhh, this is so how I feel!!!! Except it's more like a foursome. My new love also lost his love. We started dating 8 months ago. The mixed emotions are so hard. Being so happy and sad at the same time. How is that even possible? My boyfriend does remind me of Richard in so many ways. Sometimes he will send me a text message and I swear the text was from Richard. This always happens to my boyfriend. I will say something and he gets this deer in the headlights look. I know what he is thinking, that I just sounded like his love. Makes me wonder if they had anything to do with us meeting.

Yes Kay. Me and my girls. Yes, I have come to accept that it can and will hit me at any given time and that is ok. I am glad that we took this trip. It really helped turn a sad time into a happy one. We always would include the girls and do something fun for our anniversary.