DawnMarie

No I don't work for the county. I live in a county that is the third in the country that's considered crooked and I believe is just as evil. My extended 'family' and I don't exactly see things eye to eye and so therefore I'm the 'black sheep'. I have PTSD due to an incident of false (and proven so) alligations resulting in my children living with my ex (a PC 290). I've been in therapy, (through the county), over this until recently. When they discovered that I had an attorney involved with my disability claim, they discovered they can't get control as my payee, they pretty much cut me off as no programs are available without guarantee of reimbursement. And I mean right after James died I got a new 'case manager' and my therapist has denied to speak to me. They are worthless in my eyes. I also have been in consultation with a wrongful death attorney and the county just FORCED the cremation because I couldn't come up with enough money for a funeral home service much less a second autopsy on my own. So now, any question of what's in his medical file and the coroner reports discrepancys cannot be reevaluated. And I've seen with my own eyes there were, as well as what I witnessed in the hospital, that's why I contacted an attorney. I have done all I can about this and given the outcome to God. I want to assure that all children and their future families in this community are safe from malpractices and the gross negligence I witnessed with my husband. Hind sight is 20/20 and I know how he died was being covered up. The officials here misuse their authority and power with major control issues that the general public 'don't know won't hurt them' attitude and anyone else becomes a huge target. There's a fine line between intelligence and insanity and a human being can only take so much. And this is only at a county level. I'm not only starting to question the integrities of the state, but that of the US as well.

Hi,. Yes, unfortunately, I have recently lost my spouse. March 23, 2016. His name is/was James. He was only 41. Sharing my story is very difficult right now. It's like reliving the nightmare all over again. I watched the whole thing while trusting his care givers were doing their job. It's a very very deep opened wound still. I don't have the strength right now. And I'm still very confused by it all. Everytime I do, my anxiety, stress, and blood pressure suffer greatly. God lead me here, because I don't have the support needed to go through this. I'm lost emotionally. I'm turmoiled., exhausted mentally and physically, leaving me to feel broken and vulnerable. I struggle with depression already, but this is the worst thing I've had to go through in my life.. It is in addition to other issues, not directly related to his death, that is making it even more difficult. I'm a mess. At times I sleep for days, others I'm up all day and night, or (like today) I sleep for a couple hours at a time then wake up for a short time just to sleep again for a short time. I have no idea what the next day has in store and I have a difficult time wanting to handle any task at all. I'm all ALONE, even in a room full of people. I live in California and I just want to run away, but I know running from my problems won't change anything. Because I have no clue what to do, it's making me feel I'm making every decision wrong. The county is absolutely NO help here. I don't trust them part for this reason as I feel they're abandoning me when I'm needing help the most. We hadn't found a Church since our Pastor's retirement, and our Pastor's from out of town, although very supportive, are too far away. So, I'm here in hopes of some sort of peace. Some sort of understanding so I can cope with the reality as it still seems so surreal.

It's hard to try and keep busy. It's only been 2 months since I lost James and I've been on an emotional roller coaster ride. I get angry and lash out, only to realize I'm lashing out for the wrong reason. I'm miserable and faking it just doesn't seem right.

I understand what you mean Gin. I'm so lonely and lost right now. All I wait for is to go to sleep

Hi. I'm new here and don't know what I'm doing. I'm computer illiterate and I only have my stupid smartphone. But regardless, I know I need help. Am I the right place?