Gettingthrough79

6 hours ago, Clematis said:

I am sick - no doubt - and it's like getting knocked down again. It's very discouraging. 

I'm so sorry about your cat - that is really sad, and the last thing you need. Cats are such a comfort

I know. .I took a nap and woke up extra sick about all  of this...just slapped me in the face. I hope you feel better soon.

20 hours ago, Clematis said:

I seem to be getting sick now on top of everything else...most definitely not what I need!

I'm sorry, hope you're not getting sick...to top it all off.

23 hours ago, Gettingthrough79 said:

Oh, how I miss the cat. No idea where she went...had her over 13 years. Grief on top of grief etc...I know people may get fed up and annoyed with me because I keep mentioning my abusive ex.

Anyone who's been through it knows it's not that easy to just say goodbye.

To add to the grief we got into a big fight last night. He called me terrible names and told me he found a girl skinny enough to fit on the back of his bike after I helped him pick it out and was promised we would ride it together. That was another slap in the face.

Then he told me I needed  to "earn" my way into his family. I'm just a girlfriend. I was shocked. He's sick and I need to stop egging this on. It's making the grieving worse.

Any advice is greatly appreciated.

1 minute ago, Gettingthrough79 said:

Staggering is exactly the right word.

I find myself staggering everywhere yet I have to look at places to live, deal with lawyers and real estate agents.

One of the other reasons I avoid walking him is because he's about 100 lbs and pulls me every which way. I don't want to fall. That would make everything worse.

So, I try to sit with him in the backyard a little, try to make things half way normal. I know he misses her and the cat since she got lost. They were very close. The car accident topped it all off. Completely totaled and I have to junk it. We bought it together and loved riding in it.

It just seems like one disaster after another.

I'm just thankful the weekend is over and these 2 ex's fun excursions came to an end while I sat here and they were playing instead of being supportive.

I expect people to go on with their lives but show some compassion.

My doctor and bereavement counselor are the only ones there for me right now. No family, no close friends.

For some reason it won't let me upload a pic of Smokey Joe. I'll try again.

 

Staggering is exactly the right word.

I find myself staggering everywhere yet I have to look at places to live, deal with lawyers and real estate agents.

One of the other reasons I avoid walking him is because he's about 100 lbs and pulls me every which way. I don't want to fall. That would make everything worse.

So, I try to sit with him in the backyard a little, try to make things half way normal. I know he misses her and the cat since she got lost. They were very close. The car accident topped it all off. Completely totaled and I have to junk it. We bought it together and loved riding in it.

It just seems like one disaster after another.

I'm just thankful the weekend is over and these 2 ex's fun excursions came to an end while I sat here and they were playing instead of being supportive.

I expect people to go on with their lives but show some compassion.

My doctor and bereavement counselor are the only ones there for me right now. No family, no close friends.

For some reason it won't let me upload a pic of Smokey Joe. I'll try again.

12 hours ago, Clematis said:

Thanks! Cat on a leash is very cute. And your dog - just give it time and take baby steps. Walk around the yard and then walk across the street and back with sunglasses on. When my dad first died I felt like I was paralyzed a lot of the time. And like I couldn't breathe. Even still I am not sure if I am exhausted from  grieving - or the car accident related head injury - or both - or does it matter? I have gotten used to walking down to my dad's house and back - it's about three minutes each way. I feel sad walking down there to take care of things but I'm not crying all the way like I used to. Nevertheless, getting through things seems rather pointless. I don't remember how or when taking care of my dad became such a primary focus in my life but it sure did.

Take the best care of yourself and your dog that you can. It might be easier to take care of your dog than yourself. In the beginning when I was staggering around feeling paralyzed, there were a lot of times when I had a meal only because Lena reminded me rather vocally that she was hungry and I realized that I ought to eat something as well. I wasn't really hungry but knew in the back of my mind somewhere that it wasn't only Lena that needed to eat.

I am really not sure I would have survived the months since my dad died had it not been for Lena. It may be the same for you and your dog. Whatever it takes. The only thing you can be sure of is that nothing ever stays the same. Therefore what we are experiencing right now will not be permanent, but will evolve. Let's see another doc of your dog. What kind of dog is he? What's his name?

Here's Lena - "Mom - open the door! Or get the staff to do it! We are on the wrong side of the door!"

Cat on a leash has to be the cutest thing ever.

I spend time with him when in the backyard when i have the strength to do it because it seems about as far as I can make it right now.

On 9/22/2016 at 3:53 PM, kayc said:

She's going through more than grief, she has a lot of things she's facing at once, it's got to feel overwhelming, which can render us feeling paralyzed.  Yes, tackle things one at a time, start small, it will help you see your way above water again.

Thankyou kayc for understanding  <3

Cat on a leash has to be the cutest thing ever.

I spend time with him when in the backyard when i have the strength to do it because it seems about as far as I can make it right now.

He's about 9 now and the only thing I have left.

I'm scared of losing him too. 

I'll really lose it..I pray he stays healthy.

Two ex's of mine are planning excursions as I sit here in grief and mourning

I don't expect everyone's life to stop or revolve around mine but it hurts to feel this way knowing they are going on, having fun,  meeting new people, while I can't even get in the shower.

It just makes things hurt way worse.

11 hours ago, iPraiseHim said:

Because progress is movement and movement is a form of exercise.  Our bodies are designed to move.  I literally had trouble breathing regularly as the grief pain would take my breath away.  I could only look at a moment at a time for a day was too long.  You can get through it.  I also had trouble sleeping only getting two hours of sleep a day.  Friends in this group suggested I go to the doctor to get help from my regular physician to help my mind just slow down and relax.  I resisted at first but knew it was a good suggestion so followed it.  Grief pain hurts deep and takes a lot of energy.  Crying actually releases energy, tension, and reduces the cortisol levels that keep us stressed. I don't like to cry but it helps. You can do it even when you don't FEEL like it.  Feelings are not facts.  Our emotions can be tricked by them.  I am learning to find out what i am supposed to be learning about them and this grief journey. we support you and a rooting for you.  I am praying for you. - Shalom George  

I have trouble catching my breath too.

I make it halfway up the stairs and have to sit.

My car is totaled so that's bringing more anxiety. I need to get out of my house to do things but then again maybe it's better I'm not even behind the wheel feeling this terrible.

8 minutes ago, MartyT said:

OUTSTANDING! Give yourself a pat on the back! I am very, very proud of you! Well done! 

Thankyou! 

1 hour ago, MartyT said:

Your body needs nutrition and hydration in order to function, whether you fell hungry or thirsty or not. That is part of the reason that you feel physically weak. Try eating smaller amounts of nutritious foods several times a day, rather than trying to prepare and eat three square meals. Remind yourself to drink a glass of water several times throughout the day. Again, my dear, start small. If eating something and drinking water are your only goals for today, then let them be enough. Set the bar low enough that you'll be able to achieve your goals. Baby steps are still steps, and any forward movement is better than standing still. 

I managed to sit in the backyard for awhile and eat half a sandwich.

How can that feel like such a task? 

I have so many affairs I need to handle and barely make it from the bed to the couch.

My chest is heavy and I feel physically weak.

I've done what I can..reached out to counselors, switched meds, but yet I can't seem to move. Ive forced myself but haven't eaten and find it hard to do the simplest of things. 

44 minutes ago, MartyT said:

Diagnosis is not the same as treatment. Your doctor needs to be aware of how you are feeling and whether whatever she has prescribed is working for you.

Just the fact no one, no drug, nothing can bring back all these losses is making me sick.

43 minutes ago, MartyT said:

Diagnosis is not the same as treatment. Your doctor needs to be aware of how you are feeling and whether whatever she has prescribed is working for you.

I was just put on a new antidepressant which I received today, plus anti anxiety medication which hasn't worked since my mother's diagnosis and death.

1 hour ago, MartyT said:

Good for you! You will get through this, dear one. One step, one moment, one day at a time. And you are not alone. We are here with you.  ♥

10 minutes ago, MartyT said:

Given the symptoms you describe, I think you'd be wise to call your doctor.

I've spoken to her.

I'm already diagnosed with gastritis, anxiety, ocd, and depression. 

Just now, Gettingthrough79 said:

He is and I just feel too paralyzed to do that even though I love him so much. I'm lucky enough to get able to feed him and open up the yard so he can do his business. 

I truly feel like I'm losing my mind.

Thankyou...I feel more alone then ever. I feel so overwhelmed. Trying to take it slow but it's so hard.

I'm shaking, twitching, with chest pains.

4 hours ago, MartyT said:

 

It sounds as if your dog is the most important "person" in your life right now. I wonder what would happen, dear one, if just for today, you take your dog for a walk ~ even if it's a short walk? As the saying goes, a journey of a thousand miles begins with the first step. For you this might be an important first step. Might you consider doing that?

He is and I just feel too paralyzed to do that even though I love him so much. I'm lucky enough to get able to feed him and open up the yard so he can do his business. 

I truly feel like I'm losing my mind.

47 minutes ago, MartyT said:

Good for you! You will get through this, dear one. One step, one moment, one day at a time. And you are not alone. We are here with you.  ♥

Thankyou...I feel more alone then ever. I feel so overwhelmed. Trying to take it slow but it's so hard.

3 hours ago, MartyT said:

Grief can do that to us ~ make us feel crazy. But you're not losing your mind, my dear. You are grieving. While these crazy-making effects of grief are "normal," they can be frightening if we don't understand what is happening to us. Have you done any reading about what is normal in grief ~ and therefore to be expected? It's important to know that, even though you feel powerless and helpless, you really are not. There are lots of things you can do to help yourself feel less paralyzed. One thing is to get up and get moving. Taking your dog for a walk, no matter how short, will get you out of the house. Give yourself credit for having the will to get up to feed him. Now, why not try taking him for a short walk?

I just spoke to my grief counselor from hospice. He told me to keep posting on the site.

I am trying to reach out although I don't want to move. I'm also very disappointed I don't have any close family left.

In one month I lost my mother, my cat, my car, a boyfriend. The trauma I feel from the caregiving and watching my mother turn into dust is unbearable. I couldn't stop looking at her sunken eyes and ribs that would stick out....feeling her tumor through her side.

I'm too wobbly to walk him now, but tomorrow I will try. And, I will also try to get in the pool.

I've  ever experienced such grief. My mother was my was my best friend. We were co-dependent and constantly together. Everything I do, I think of her. I am shaking and the pain is unreal. 

I also have been doing some reading on grief. I never realized how bad it can feel and the effects it can have one someone.

I can't escape it. No naps or talking or getting out of the house seems to help at all.

My doctor said it's too new and it won't go away over night. I just wish it all away. 

I am also having a hard time even making phone calls or taking care of any financial affairs. The weight on my chest is too heavy.

22 minutes ago, MartyT said:

 

It sounds as if your dog is the most important "person" in your life right now. I wonder what would happen, dear one, if just for today, you take your dog for a walk ~ even if it's a short walk? As the saying goes, a journey of a thousand miles begins with the first step. For you this might be an important first step. Might you consider doing that?

He is and I just feel too paralyzed to do that even though I love him so much. I'm lucky enough to get up and be able to feed him and open up the yard so he can do his business. 

I truly feel like I'm losing my mind.

I can't even eat the past two days.

Most of my family just judges. Theyre really just distant relatives. My whole immediate family died.

"go to rehab, get over it, God loves you,"

My cousin just told me to put my dog in a kennel and check into the hospital. Been there, done that. Just sit in a room and have people listen and say talk it out. 

I would never leave or abandon my dog.

I feel terrible I haven't taken him for walks and can't take him for his favorite rides in the car because I got into an accident.

I feel like I lost my life and most people DO NOT UNDERSTAND. They blame my feelings on on everything except my losses.

I am just so sick and tired of it all.

Finally allowing my self to cry. 

I havent done it since her passing.

I feel like I lost both arms and legs.

3 minutes ago, kayc said:

I didn't know there were bombings in SI right now, I'll have to check the news...
You have a very caring doctor to come get you like that.  They're hard to find!

Bombings in NJ AND NY...

2 minutes ago, kayc said:

I didn't know there were bombings in SI right now, I'll have to check the news...
You have a very caring doctor to come get you like that.  They're hard to find!

She is a God send,