Gettingthrough79

Who understood me,

Who got me. Who accepted all my goods and faults. Who listened to me. Put up with my bs..

How do I go on without her?

Thank you all for the kind replies.

I made it to church last night by the grace of my doctor who picked me up and drove me.

She has told me to drop him as well. I just can't wrap my mind around someone so cold at this time. The loss of the cat, the car, {which I worked so hard to get}, having to move from the house, my mother and the person I THOUGHT HE WAS is mind boggling and heartbreaking to the worst extent in the world.

Kayc you stated everything perfectly and seachelle you are completely right about letting him go. I need to find the strength from somewhere to do it and do it for good.

I feel too alone and vulnerable right now and my whole routine and world collapsed.

On top of that, I'm hearing of all these bombings. What has the world come to?

I am truly frightened.

38 minutes ago, kayc said:

I know, it sucks, doesn't it?!  You will get through this, tell yourself that every day, let it be your mantra, even when, ESPECIALLY when you don't feel like it.  You didn't feel like it, but you did it.  That is what we do, one day at a time, one step at a time.  They say, "fake it until you make it", I've had to do that.

Thank you for your kind words and caring.

I'm sick of the "you'll get over it, time will pass, take care of you, move on, do what you have to do."

Enough is enough. It's aggravating.

No one knows what this feels like unless they've been through it.

After the wake is over, people move on and the person who's  experienced the loss has to keep going through it.

I'm not stupid. I said hurtful things to him and I understand he feels insulted.

I've apologized over and over and I never cheated or (atleast in my opinion) did anything that bad to have him put me down so bad.

He said once he feels so insulted all feelings were lost for me. 

 I am so scared to be alone and miss both him and my mother so much it makes me sick. My whole world got turned upside down. Normally I would be asking her advice and talking to her right now but instead I am sitting alone in an empty house pining for both of them.

I also just lost my mother but he never mentions her nor seems to care about my grief. I am suffering from a doubly broken heart and do not know how to get through.

I always ignore red flags. He told me in the beginning when he would break up with someone, he would just be sitting at the bar and his friends would come over and tell him how devastated the girl was, yet he would just shake his head and not care.

I never learn.

I was so sickened this morning I could hardly move. I almost cancelled my appointments with my real estate agent but I forced myself to go and every breath I took hurt. I was wobbly and couldnt walk.

We were supposed to sell this house together and move to a different state but she was taken before that happened.

1 hour ago, Cheryl J said:

Brianna, I think most of us that is going through grief do this.  I know I catch myself doing the silliest things that I normally would not do or forgetting things that are important.  Its like our brain is in a fog.  You are not alone.

Cheryl

Hi Cheryl, I just sent you a private message.

I am in a complete fog.

I woke up nauseated shaking, still in shock and I have to go look at a condo in an hour.

I am finding this too unbearable. 

Everyone I talk to is going on with their lives yet I feel paralyzed.

I feel like I just can't move. 

My cat got lost, my mother just died, my car got totaled, I broke up with an abusive bf.

I feel like I'm going nuts.

If it wasn't for my dog, I wouldn't be here. 

I'm with you Cheryl...feeling the same today.

I can't even get off the couch but I told him off a million times today.

It doesn't make me feel much better and he won't reply.

Thank you so much for this reply.

I feel truly horrible today. It took me until almost 2 pm to get out of bed.

I finally told him to take off but he already did anyway.

I am laying on the couch just staring at the wall, nothing has helped.

I hate to point fingers but I cannot believe what a piece of trash this guy is.

I feel so vulnerable and he is taking advantage of it.

I have to stop it.

Thankyou for the replies.

I woke up  feeling sick about this.

We argued last night and he said I am hateful, nasty, bla bla.

I said I am still mourning the loss of my mother. Is it too much to even be a friend and offer me to come to the show with you?

I always told him how much I wanted to go to a truck show. It's like he's torturing me.

At least found my charger..was using the wrong one.

Feels like I'm going nuts.

My laptop isnt charging and spoke to my ex and he informed me of some fun activities he's doing this weekend and next.

We were supposed to be doing these things together.

Now, my mother is dead, we're broken up and I'm feeling lonely as ever.

Thank you Kayc!

I am exhausted but I got up and ran my errands with the help of my one and only left uncle who drove me. 

Thank you to anyone and everyone who has been following and supporting me.

The pain is still so unreal that it makes me sick to look at the sun, the air, the birds, the sky, but I did do what I needed to do.

I need to take a picture of my mother's death certificate for certain legal reasons and I am dreading it.

Please send prayers and positive thoughts my way.

Thank you Marty for sharing your experiences and helping others.

I am reading some of the articles you posted.

I'd just like everyone to know this is ilotuslove. I felt better not having my email shown. I just want everyone to know it's me.

I know I have to do it. I have been doing it, but it hurts to do. We would discuss what we both wanted to eat then order.

I am ordering all alone. Eating all alone. Thinking how much she would tell me how much she enjoyed this or that.

There's not even a ghost that I can play along with. I will sit there, eat my food (luckily I can even eat anything), and think of her.

3 hours ago, Clematis said:

I've had to have someone with me all the time, and I started way too soon. I wasn't even close to being ready. They pushed me a lot on getting rid of his clothes and at some point after getting rid of his underwear, pants, long-sleeved shirt, and most of his sweaters and coats, I skidded to a stop because it felt totally out of control. This left me with about half a closet full of short-sleeved woven shirts with a collar and a pocket, which he wore almost all the time upon moving to sunny Arizona.

Like you, I push myself too hard, and last summer was the last thing I needed to be doing with a head injury. I am really glad to be back in my house - not so much to be here, but to have the work done. Much as I would like to have just dug in at his house and stayed there, I couldn't afford to keep both of these places indefinitely. Now, I have stopped most of my work on his stuff, and am trying to focus on my temporary work. Maybe if I do a good job of it, it will lead to more work.

Laura, you are so sweet and I feel every drop of pain you're going through. Thank you for being here and helping with your words and your thoughts.

1 hour ago, Cheryl J said:

Adorable!!!

Thank you. He's like a little man.