Tachi

I would not understand your sister if I hadnt seen the light on my dad. mybe she catches herself and backpeddles. My dad just blusters taht hes dad so he can do/say whatever. Really odd. i agree with you, she seems a bit off. your other sister I hope takes you serious at least. i thought I would be having to help dad but nope. So far hes getting around today on his walker on his own. back to his bathroom, up and down from commode, Up from bed. he gets winded pretty easy and he took a long nap this afternoon. We talked about how he will have to take it easy because it will take a long time but hes doing great. However, he has lost some cognition. Hoping that improves as he feels stronger. he forgot where his used diapers go, so he left em on the carpet by his bed lol. I was thinking that wasnt good. he is very happy to be home. I think most of the time at the hospital he didnt know where he was. i never considered that, he forgot where he was and why. The nurses would come in and he didnt understand. Theyd wake him up ay 6am for meds and it was a dream to him and he didnt understand where the pills were from. thats why i try not to wake him up. yep, I have almost no use for my brother, never called dad once. never tried to understand dads parkinsons, dementia, alzheimers ...anything. i tell him some times and he says "Oh, really?" he doesnt have to deal with it so he doesnt care. he will probably go on about where dad caught it and tell me I cant leave the house and have to wear a mask in the house...he will be reminded he doesnt own me and needs to be respectful or we dont need to see each other. I think im changing these days. I dont really feel i have to be nice to everyone. So much of our society is big business. it shifts emphasis away from people and to stats. Ive seen it in my last job. Hit the metrics no matter what. What saves them is in getting fine people. thats where you have the ability to make an impact. Some people are good at hitting numbers, but stink at doing the job as it should be done. His PT when she came in did everything she could to brighten his day and make him comfortable. Its things like that, which dont show on paper. And thank you for your prayers as well. I have read and I think that there are things we can do to lessen the impact of aging diseases. But I wonder how early things start and if by us not starting early enough we will have some effects. I dont want to live through what my Dad is. I would be at a state home at best. No thanks. You seem in a good place. just stay active mentally and physically and keep your joy. It helps to have kodie too. hope your pup is doing well. I didnt get anything done this week, shouldnt have let life do that to me. Thats my anxiety. The rest of this weekend is introspection and plotting getting back to work. And the wildflowers are pushing up, will post pics when they bloom. Take care Edit...my brother was like a brother when we talked tonight.

Got him home today, he was waiting in his nhat and jacket glaring lol. He seems ok just weak still. his cognition is also worse at this time. he went maybe ten feet on his walker then i had to use the wheelchair. His cognitive issues also means he is bad at problem solving. so the moving from walker or chair he does in bad ways. I could see where if he were on his own he would try and fail until he fell from exhaustion. Earlier he couldnt get up off the toilet. I just hope I can get him to bed. Cant tell by watching while I help but sometimes i think he doesnt try. today he isnt understanding what im telling him, the concepts. Hope hes better once he gets rested. they gave him a thyroid med. Brother will probably shame me for giving dad pneumonia, after all im sinning by leaving the house so it must have been me. Or maybe his friends he went to fly with or the restaurant. Sadly he probably needs his pneumonia shot. Yes, your sister isnt thinking right. She isnt making sense. Either messed up thinking or making excuses for not doing it. Wish I had some words of wisdom for ya, like how to convince and trick. But cant ever make that work. She thinks you're not a ride? So frustrating. I offer to drive my dad to his club and I used to offer a ride to the VA and he just ignored it and keep saying how he had no ride. maybe they like that idea of being a victim or such. They get sooo stubborn and its like thats their reality and we're not allowed in. I just dont get the healthcare, I dont. Sometimes I think theyre more concerned for rules than helping people. they have to be flexible and create options. This is stuff they dont teach. An extended family has to have a family plan inc the estate plan and the poa and whatever else they need. I never knew anything about it. At times this place is wonderful, sometimes frustrating. One day dad had 3 bouts of diahrrea and they didnt give him anything for it, not when he asked nor when I asked. But his doctor did call me twice with updates. Will hope i dont have to take dad there again. he needs to do some exercise and get his strength back. and his cognition. Two days of alot of rain. havent gotten anything done this week. Chaircushion part 15 been through many. none work after a few weeks. Either too thick or too thin, the spokes hurt or he cant sit up straight or it makes him sit too straight. Its just not ever right. There is no 'right'. There is no sanity to it.Ordered a gel honeycomb, under 2 inches thick. he will like it for awhile and then it wont work, he is tbh insane. Im sorry about Donna. Some or maybe alot of things in this world make no sense. theyre wrong. Im afraid it just gets worse. One thing they said about dad was he was asymptomatic, his white blood cells didnt indicate pneumonia. i tbh dont think I gave it to him. principally becaise I am very suspectible to resp infections and im fine. But, I will be scrubbing my hands anytime I come home from the outside world. Bro will preach dont leave the house. he never called dad once. he said they would talk to him when he got home. I was sending emails so he could at least know and he never answered. Honestly, I dont think he cares. Ill start studying again tomorrow. Probably time to re evaluate life etc. take good care of yourself, saying a prayer for your sister.

Im in shock...his doctor called me this morning. The Mri will be later today. they want to make sure he didnt have a stroke. Since he had one three years ago. She said the pneumonia was almost gone but they wondered because it was asymptomatic, the white blood cell counts were ok. Dad never tells anyone anything. he aparently had had several of the small pre-stroke episodes and didnt even tell Mom. he went in to get checked out, they ran all the tests and found nothing. Before his stroke he started having trouble with his legs. he thinks he may have fallen outside and hurt something but he didnt remember. That seemed to be the beginning. Then he had bronchitis and the stroke. The day we put him in the hospital he was fine. Then as they drugged him up he went downhill rather quickly. Kinda seems like a connection between respiratory distress and stroke-like issues. They want him there today and probably tomorrow and then if nothing comes up and hes still walking he will come home. But we're playing it day by day. very nice doctor.

It just keeps getting crazier. A guy calls me saying from MRI at hospital. Didnt know dads name and gave wrong room number. I verified with an admin and was legit but no one can tell me why he needs an mri for pneumonia. first theory was for his tremors. hes had PCP and Neurologist say thats his Parkinsons. they didnt even talk to dad because he isnt capable, so why didnt they call me. We refused. then nurse says its for his weak legs cause he fell. I keep telling them he didnt fall. i was trying to transfer him from toilet t chair and had to set him on the floor, did so carefully. So they think he fell from weakness. taked to dad again and we agreed that Mri for his weak legs is a good idea so theyre trying to get that tonight. personally they need to tell dad what theyre doing and if they dont think he is capable, which when I talked to him he was fine, they need to call me. Now im wondering how far theyre going to figure out the weak legs when it has been diagnosed as parkinsons. theyre no going to like me very much im afraid. I hate when hospitals just do things and dont explain. just say, MRI to check for cause of weakness.

I hope and pray your sister will come along. I think sometimes we have to do what is right and not what they want. She is blessed to have you. My dad thought he could use a cane at one time and I got him a quad cane. But he moved past that to a walker. talked to my brother, who hadnt read his email. he said 'Thank you for the novel', he doesnt care. dad asked me specifically to call him which I did. bro is the first born and is loved, appreciated, and valued. yet he seems to not care about dad. My value to bro is that im here doing a duty he doesnt want to do. I think he would have just put dad in a home and forgotten him. made my dad mad cause I only stayed a couple hours. I hate visiting in the hospital. Lol, he talked nonstop, even when he lost his voice. He lost his audience and I think thats what he needs, an audience to perform to. I'll call him later and check on him and he will probably be asleep.

Good news. Initially they wouldnt let me in and he was restricted, probably waiting for the results of the covid test. He has Pneumonia. his fever is now gone, his eyes are clearer and his brain is as clear as it gets. he said he walked down the hall on a walker so i know he can use one. I watched his PT test him and I think with a bit of rest he will be back to normal. No talk of a nursing home today...just whether he does PT at home or in a facility. If he can get around, even if I have to spot him, I want him to be at home. he is very much enjoying the company and attention. maybe he wanted a nursing home because of the attention he will get. My wish is as long as he can use his legs he should be at home but if his legs dont work I just cant lift him. His mind and eyes seem clearer but square one for him isnt the best. They will keep him overnight and evaluate him tomorrow. he can get around and I would want to spot him but I think he will be ok. oh, and hes very impressed with Honey-glazed carrots...and my cooking apparently stinks. he offhanded in order to compliment the food made disparaging remarks about the food he gets at home. Lol, he gets what he asks me to make. So he only has himself to blame. I know he feels much better because for the hour and a half I was there he talked almost continuously lol. His voice would start going and I coudnt hear him so id give him his water. i finally had to go.It made him mad but he'll be ok. Will see tomorrow if he gets to come home or to a rehab hospital. And we discussed that he starts talking trash about the rehab hospital he was in after his stroke. he refused to do anything because he didnt approve of what they were doing. never once did he tell them he felt it was too easy. he said they made him use a walker when he could walk w/out one. he didnt get rehab at all. Anyway, thanks for the prayers, will see what tomorrow brings.

Thats all I can figure is was searching under the bed. there have never been blankets or pillows under the bed. What i had read and why we did the Ladybird Deed is that it protects the house from Medicaid so it will pass to the child. However, I dont know what would hold in the case of dad selling the house. That would add to his wealth and may incur a medicaid time penalty. I would need to consult an estate atty. I will start sorting my things, toss most and start boxing the rest up. Start working on my resume. I do have an excellent letter of recommendation from my last landord in Lubbock. (west Texas). My best case scenario is he can walk again and he comes home and we talk. What hes thinking is since this happened once it will happen all the time. And instead of discussing it like an adult he approaches it like a narcissist. he has judged and decided how the situation is and what to do. Yes, you're right, he is in no place to make decisions. he is loving the attention. Just like talking to the priest after Mom passed, he was playing up to the EMTs and the nurses. he has certain posture, facial expressions and language when hes on the jazz. I think thats all he cares about. So im going to say in the end what a damn fool ive been for staying here. I should have found a job and helped him find a home to move into years ago. Thank you for the kind words, im trying. Life still goes on and we have no choice but to tackle adversity. My PB and J is done so im going down and see whats going on. I dont like hospitals and dont like visiting. I can do maybe an hour or so and then I need to go home. So ill check on him after dinner as well. We had a very nice cool rain last night. the flower seeds dont matter anymore but I hope theyre ok take care

I sat on the patio a bit and listened to the rain, its cool and fresh outside and thats always a gift here. we dont get much rain. I forgot you get deer, i guess they get hungry just like everyone else. better than bears I guess. Stay warm, sounds like winter and that needs to be over. Grandkids are fun. I bet they give you lots of energy you never knew you had. I bet they love kodie and vice versa. Thats one very friendly pup I bet. i remember my dads folks well in Ohio. old small town. old house. pretty town. We would come up and all the family gets together. Sorry to hear about your sister. I know that I always have hope things will just hold the same until the end. but it is never that way. She sounds like my dad, cant do things or make decisions. This has been the toughest week. Three nights ago dad was extra week and needed help getting to bed, took an hour. Hi legs were just so weak. the next two nights he was more like his old self and didnt need help. This morning I found him on the floor with his head under the bedframe. he said he didnt fall but I wonder. If he fell how did his head get halfway under the frame. he was so weak he could barely move. I got him in bed and tried to find out what happened. he had his hearing aids in so he made it ok at first. he said he was looking for sheets and blankets. they were on the bed. Whatever happened he was just making things up. he slept all afternoon so was hoping he would be better. no strength at all in his legs. i got him to the potty but couldnt get him back in the wheechair and ended up calling the EMTs. We went ahead and sent him to the ER. he had a fever of 101.6, they started IV and antibiotics> he seemed better in his room in ER but even with his aids either he couldnt hear or he was ignoring me. they started testing and did a covid test and were supposed to do a urine test for UTI. But what killed me, my dad has given up. he was trying to gaslight me. telling me it isnt fair for him to expect me to pick him up all the time. This is the second such incident in 23 years and he's accepted it as the new norm. he said he had no indication he would ever walk again. he has given up. And he didnt even have the decency to talk to me honestly. They were supposed to finish testing and then send him over to the hospital side by midnight and call me but no one ever did. the little bit I read he is making a bit too much for medicaid but there are a couple ways around it. in any case they will take his income and he gets $180/m spending money. I 'think' since we have a ladybird deed on the house medicaid cant take the house but need to check. In any case if he cant walk he will have to go to assisted living and he will lose everything. he is so eager to just give up and go and he has no idea what it means. What this means to me is that i will quickly have to find a apt and a job. good luck finding a apt with no job. Im very much in trouble here. I will need to figure out what his options are if he goes to a Center. because if he just trusts someone from the hospital he will be taken advantage of. Anyway, i sat outside and couldnt cry. My dad had a fever and I didnt even think to check. Hopefull its just a UTI and not Covid from his buddies. cause ill have been exposed as well. Prayers appreciated because I dont see a way through this. take care

I guess all you can do at this point is hang in there and hope the body heals, or find a new doctor again. Poor kodie, id say he needs a stepladder but oh well. Great that you get to see family. Blissfully missed the call with my brother last week but we will do that tomorrow. Just so oppressive. Dad has been up and down. last night it took an hour getting him to bed as he could barely use his walker. In general he could do a few small things differently and have it easier but nope. he either knows better or has been doing it that way for years. So funny, I offer a solution or even say the name of an actor we see on TV and he iimediately says no thats not it. then later tells me the same name I gave. But now its his idea. he had his intestinal attack again, he says once a month. So he needs to have it fixed. Will get him an appt and they will suggest diet and fiber etc, which he already does. he thinks he must be the same perfect every day. Grandkids sounds alot of fun. Do you spoil em rotten? Have they been up to meet kodie? Was curious do you have alot of flowers where you live? Or does the forest have too much shade? Im trying some TX wildflower seeds. Tbh, my dad sees me as his servant who is obligated to stay here and serve his every whim. We've been over and over it but a narc cant change I think. I have to be careful with my time. take good care. We have 85 days and 60s night. Going to go sit on the patio for awhile after the news.

Hope youre feeling better. Hows the mouth? You've had your fair share and then some. life needs to be giving you a bit of a rest. Poor kodie. pets dont know why their friend is gone. but will be really happy when they're reunited. Sounds like some unseasonably warm weather, here as well. We will get some 80s next week I think. Love the 60s and 70s the most. Not supposed to but I sneak the window open at night. Just feels so good. Im wishing for some more rain in the hopes the grass will grow. Its maybe half so far. Will need to patch it. Was curious if you plant any flowers or any potted plants there? Will be doing very little here, some seed and small starters. Zinnia and lantana so far I think. I will say that I am a more experienced person now. But sadly I have great difficulty focusing, and motivating. Not from laziness but I cant seem to take several ideas and form the whole anymore. And my memory isnt what it used to be. Sounds like you were blessed to have your MIL. I think people who have never had a narcissist have an extremely hard time believing and understanding. esp since Narcs play the angel. My dad still does and always will play the game. What is so frustrating is with his dementia he makes some really poor decisions and gets really hairbrain ideas and he still expects them to be carried out. He gets his new mattress tomorrow. he wont like it but he will have to love it. I hope he will finally stop wanting to spend money and hoping the grass comes in well enough he wont insist on having it redone. he cant afford to waste a couple thousand. I redownloaded my old landscape software and so far its working. Need to explore fully but we shall see. Attached you will see its simplicity I am impressed by the fact that you weren't given a rosy life. But from this viewpoint it seems you took whatever you had and made good things happen. Its true we have to do what we have to do. But it seems that you didnt let things get you down or stop you. Well, time to go call my brother. I talk for maybe 5 minutes of an hour but dad really likes the calls. I dont know why they cant or dont talk more often. I guess dad has nothing much to say. You and kodie take good care.

Glad kodie is ok. Goes to show you never know whats coming in Life. How is your hand and all the aches and pains? You folks still getting cold weather and snow? We are in Spring with 70-80 alot of days. had hard rain a couple nights ago. Curious to see if the grass grows. dad hadnt dont anything for a couple years and finally last summer i started cleaning up the yard but the grass was browning out. last week dad wanted to have the whole thing re-sodded, I suggested he wait and see how the grass comes back. It doesnt look good though. He bought a new bed mattress. Hopefully we avoid new grass. I can resod small areas but cant do an entire lawn. yes I have both powers of atty. The doc signed his DNR but he doesnt have an ID to get a notary to do it. We tried with two bank notaries and both declined because they didnt understand the forms. I emailed the Tx health dept and they affirmed I was correct and they needed to sign the forms but they didnt care. Alternative is to get two witnesses...neighbors to sign, we shall see. then need to draw up a Trust, which an atty may need to do. So trying to keep dad from spending money. he seems to get the hairbrain ideas then either forget or realise they were hairbrain and drop it for awhile. he just goes from one issue to another. Even though one may be solved we come back to it. Its the dining room chair now. he cant pull his chair to the table, I glued coasters on his old chair but he still has trouble so we got his office chair. Got locking wheels for it. Now it turns too much and rolls too easy but he cant pull himself to the table without pulling the table apart. As you see he will say two opposite things in the same conversation. The issues are in his mind, perception. It isnt that HE has an issue, its the object thats broken. My dad refuses to believe in elder abuse, says it doesnt exist. he thinks he can do what he wants and it doesnt effect me. I am the houseboy after all. In a sense I cant make him do anything. Sometimes people act like all I have to do is tell him and he will do it. On his good days he may be his old narcissist self, bad days and he looks for guidance. I agree, lol, he is nutty as a fruitcake. Just hope he doesnt get worse. yes, my bro is a trip. he will be a handfull when Dad passes. I see how he interacts with his wife and he is domineering and I can tell by his words and tone he thinks he is the authority. That doesnt nor will it fly with me when the time comes. he thinks he has me fooled but far from it. I expect he will insist on handling the estate and making all the decisions...nope. And isnt it sad. That you wish for someone to be the good sane person you need instead of the 'off' person they are in reality. I'd love to have a real dad. I cant blame anyone really for my failures in Life. Ultimately we are the only ones responsible. But I do feel I was strongly effected and if not for that would have had a much better chance to have created a good and prosperous life. One thing I realised the other night. unlike most boys I was raised to not learn to do things. most dads teach their kids as they grow up, all the guy stuff. Like whats incolved in the house and the plumbing and appliances. I have always been treated like I break things. If something doesnt work how he thinks it should, whether realistic or not, then ive done something wrong. I was never allowed really to do anything and he never showed me. because only HE could be the one to make things work. he felt that would threaten his position as man of the house if he shared the sacred knowledge. he never shared his finances or about the house, even with Mom. So now, when I need the knowledge and skills to take care of things, I dont have it. So im expected to be able to perform adequately without knowledge and experience. I love Google Well next is probably cleaning up flower beds, amending soil, planting flowerseed and mulching over. Lets see if my thumb is still green lol. take good care.

ahhhh, so it blocks him up, gotcha. Youre a good Mom. Like people it does take times to heal like that. I feel like if I always let my Dad do his crazy ideas he will go broke pretty fast. his judgment is shot. he just got new glasses again, same as last years. First he says trouble reading then no the glasses wont help. now he wants a new mattress. just now he wants the entire lawn resodded. There are some patches but he doesnt need to be having someone tear out healthy grass. Seed is much cheaper and works well. The lawn is too early to tell whats good or bad. he just has the feeling that its been bad for several year so it needs to be redone, thinking 2-4k$. he has it but it will take a deep cut in his finances. i try and be practical. Wait for the grass to start greening up and see where you have dirt and get it patched. he and I are not going to get along anymore. he is not basing decisions on fact or evidence. Sleep seems so important for the elder age yet so hard to get. I try and leave my dad alone to sleep and hes usually up by ten. I spend alot of time doing things for him and I feel im wasting my time. He doesnt understand that he cannot replenish his money once its gone. he had alot of misc expenses and he spends his income every month now. When its all gone and he needs something important like medical hes going to be in a bad spot. I think sadly when he passes the estate sale will be immediately and the house will be sold as soon after that as is possible. Which means cheaply. I was using a very old PS and this new one does cool things but you have to go thru the steps exactly right or it wont work. Some tutorials i think i've done it exactly right and it still messes up. I'm thinking that's where the artistic part comes in. My dad is so used to being 'god' with his narcissism he refuses to listen to anyone but himself. It hurts him, so far in small ways. I think now he wants to feel like he isnt powerless. he comes in and announces he has made a decision, like a king making a proclamation. It always includes spending money. i was actually going to see how the grass came in this year and use some patch seed. I think that is appropriate and I asked him about doing that this past Fall. but he made fun of me and told me it was fine, it did that every year. now hes 180 on steroids. Dad has the United aarp ins. From what I understand his old employer combined his secondary United with his Medicare and they added a little extra coverage. Ive spent alot of time for him on the phone with all his insurances. united was very nice but all of them are confusing. Tbh I feel I have to look out for him. I feel responsible for him. he kept telling me im not. he cant accept that he has issues that affect his thinking and judgment. I think he was so scarred by being poor growing up that he feels he has to be the big spender. Is afraid and shamed if he thinks people will see him as cheap. "I can afford it'. There is nothing wrong with being appropriate financially. It's just stupid and wasteful to opt for the expensive option when you dont need to. I know when he's making a bad decision when he cant support it. When he just says the yard has looked bad for several years instead of telling me where and why it looks bad and why it needs to be ripped out entirely, even the good grass. Why he doesnt want to wait until it grows out and see exactly what he needs. I think he cant reason like that so he just says do it all. I dont know why he suddenly thought of the yard when he never goes outside. And I dont know why he suddenly now thinks it needs help when last fall he didnt. Now why he thinks it has to all be redone. he keeps thinking he needs to do things to fix the house and property. To add value. But what he forgets is he doesnt have alot of money. he could do many things to start taking it back to new condition. But it isnt necassary and he needs to be saving his money. I have very little patience im afraid. his insanity frustrates me, mostly because he is a narcissistic fool too the end and it will ruin him. It will not ruin me. It may sound cold but I wont spend a penny to bail him out. My brother can do that. I have tried to let my bro understand how dad is, partly so if the time comes to do something legally with dad he will understand. but he doesnt want to know, and frankly I dont think he cares. So I would be fighting my dad, who thinks he is always right and is normal plus my brother. I also dont have money for courts and lawyers. I also wonder if part of this junk is just narc dad trying to be in charge and lord it over me doing things I dont approve of. So be it, I hate that he can still pull my strings. That he will ruin himself and my chances of handling his estate. I get very tired of there being something every day or two. Its like he works hard to find something weird and dumb that makes no sense. It makes it extremely hard to ever relax or study. I kid about having my stroke and passing, tbh the only thing I fear is being effected and not passing. If I go I wont miss much seeing as the rest of my life will be a bad time. I just dont want to have a stroke and have to be in a home. Sounds weird I know. but just nothing to look forward to. Tired of the frustration of looking out for someone who never listens. Why do I even bother. I wish i could make my heart into stone and just not care. k, sorry im ranting, bad bad day i guess. Glad Kodie is better, you are a good Mom. Ya'all take good care.

Dad seems to be worse. he told me tonight the lightswitch in his room was in the off position earlier and yet the light was on and the switch loose. Nothing wrong with it. I hope he isnt going to start calling his handyman for false things. they are very expensive. Then he asks if his ear doc doesnt anything else. Come to find out his left hearing aid isnt working too well but he doesnt want to get a new one. I explained they said to change the battery, clean it and use the remote to adjust the volume, if that doesnt work we take it in. Not sure he can still change the battery but he cant do anything else. With his doctors and such he ends up going out at least once a week. last week was the eyedoctor and tomorrow will be his new glasses, then next week adjusting his new glasses, same script as the ones he got last year. They wont work and we will get them adjusted many times. he will say in the office they work but then he will complain and we go back. He ordered some new slippers, a size too small. I told him he just needed a size up and he argued. i ordered them anyway and he likes me for now. But whats great now wont work next week. I'm the one who gets to run down to ups to return them. It just goes on and on. We did however get a light with a sunbulb for him to read by, he told me that was a great help. then told his optician he still cant read w/out new glasses. he tells everyone a different story. I cant get mad at him for it all, he cant help it. And my brother thinks dad is normal for 94. I should be able to tell him how Dad is but he doesnt want to know. If it comes t the point dad needs more care than I can provide I dont know what will happen. I know I will be out of luck because I am no where near ready for an IT job. Anyway, sorry kodie is sick, hope he's feeling better. We used to hear about rawhide chews and breath fresheners for dogs when I worked at walgreens. I dont trust em. Hopefully was just a lil bacteria and he gets back to normal. I wonder if they can have pepto or anything? ive never heard. I know they can have some human otc just much smaller dosage. https://www.akc.org/expert-advice/health/is-pepto-bismol-safe-for-dogs/#:~:text=Pepto-Bismol Dosage For Dogs,medication and call your veterinarian. wow interesting For once I dont want your snow. We have a nice two week run of 60s and 70s and this is my favorite. the air has a finer quality, a different smell and feel. just stay warm and fix some hot cocoa. Sorry to hear about Peggy. Sounds like it. Hopefully it regresses very slowly. Ive read that the speed and degree varies. It is odd to me that none of Dad's doctors has ever asked me how he is or asked about signs of dementia or mental issues. Back again to thinking our health care, esp for seniors is pretty deficient. Seems more maintenance than problem solving and preventative. Does Peggy seem to have a few hours later in the day when she's worse? ive read that many get that time. Going to make some tea and try and learn Photoshop. 'Try'...such a big program. Take good care of yourself, stay warm, and hoping Kodie gets back to normal, Take care

Hope you have better luck with a new set of health providers. Seems like some of them only know one trick. And if it doesnt work youre stuck. I would say I'd take some of that snow but I think i'm ready for Spring. Its been up and down 40s to 70 so cant complain. Do you feel any better? Dad seems to be having luck with a lunchmeat sandwich for brunch instead of pancakes. He had said before no gluten and no milk and now he claims he doesnt know how bad a problem he has with anything. But then he has his attacks. I think he has just forgotten whats he can and cant eat. he is on a kick of shopping. So far things he could use tho some he doesnt need. But he did get a natural light floorlamp and he can see print well again so he can read. He wants to get a backup generator for a freak winter storm next year. His thinking is just so odd. he doesnt want to heat by fireplace. But run the house heater, and well run everything. that kind of generator is very expensive. he got an electric blanket, tho he has sworn them off because he thinks they cost $100/month to run. I tell him the truth of things like that and he doesnt listen. Someone else can tell him and its a new revelation. You are prophetic ma'am. I did label each handheld device and it has helped in that regard. His big nemesis is that he has to hold the remote with his thumb on the trigger and his tremors make him press buttons whe he doesnt want to. So he complains the program just jumped. Ive told him once he has his show to put the remote down. But he cant. Tbh I could get drawn in and spend all my time chasing his crazy stuff, he has started wanted to go shopping. maybe fine if he knew where to go and he would get something. he has terrible trouble making decisions. his version of shopping is to go multiple places and compare and talk to salespeople, then maybe buy something. I really dont care to waste my time like that. Thats why we have amazon.com . I am very selfish of my time. because no one else will care about what im doing and what I need to get done. I know he doesnt. hang in there on the hand and the pain. Im sorry to hear its still goinbg. Hope and pray it fades away soon. Thanks for the recipe, will try next time I have chicken defrosted. I discovered something good. Apple Butter Chicken. had a new idea and tried it and turned out well. Cut up some chicken breasts, smother in apple butter and then roll in flour. brown in olive oil, drain any excess oil and add chicken broth. Dust with beercan chicken spice or whatever you like to use. Simmer in broth, I did 2 and a half hours and I shred it halfway thru. Came out super tender, great flavor and very tender. Definitely adding that to my recipe box. i dont know how that jibes with how you eat tho. Going back to the books. take good care of yourself and stay warm.

hope your weather is better. We had strong rain last night and will again this weekend. 50s and 60. how ya feel? Hoping better, maybe it just take a bit. What happened with your carport and stuff? is the hand any better? Im just a load of questions today. Dad had his 'colitis' a couple days so we changed him to soup and sandwich for brunch. Also cut out the Boost. He is and isnt lactose intolerant. He just believes whats in his mind at the time. he wont eat safe, was eating bacon and milk products. At one point didnt eat bread. Now its all fair game. Except i sneak out the bad stuff. he doesnt understand what foods are bad for his system. he keeps thinking his phone controls TV and the remote makes phone calls. He wanted to get rid of his new phone cause he couldnt change the channel. Then he wanted to switch back and forth between phones. There is little if any understanding. He complains of things that dont make sense. like when he went to bed last night his sheets were piled up on one side. I turned the corner down so he could get in. I dont know if he just complains as a narcissist or if he really doesnt understand. Sounds like kodie is almost grown. Does he play with toys or go claim his own? Im going to be good and watch some videos on Windows. Long series but got a great promo price on one of the training websites so taking advantage of it. take good care.

How are you feeling hope alot better. Things have been crazy here. Winter storm of the century. lost power for the better part of a couple days and temp bottomed out at -2. Have power and water and gets over freezing tomorrow so looks like we survived. Tho many have been without power all week and some also no water. Stores are almost empty because no deliveries. Hope they get restocked fast. havent gotten anything done this week. dad has good days and days he thinks his remote is a phone. His digestive is off again, he calls it daihrrea but who knows. he blames diet but then insists on eating things that he shouldnt. Tomorrow he starts a bland diet. His other big issue is he cant hear. I can hear tv plainly in my room. I have to go in and check the volume on his H aids and if they need cleaning or a battery. he wont do it, just sits there and cranks the TV volume. Hows your weather, you folks cold and snowy? My vertigo...have had a couple slight episodes but that was the first real one and it stinks. I dont know if doing the maneuver knocked em out or the benadryl did but lets hope that was all of that. Hows Kodie doing? bet that puppy is huge. My first doctor did house calls. I remember he came one time and I hid under the bed, lol. Dr Gibson, very fine man. Take care of yourself and stay warm. I have to go in and fix the TV volume and Dad's hearing aids.

Hope youre feeling better. I have lost all respect for most doctors. I think they push them so hard to make covid calls that theyre seeing it in their dreams. they get money for the diagnosis and treatment as well. What was it they gave you for it? If its hydroxychloroquine and zinc thats good stuff. Of course since you dont have it anything would work. Crazy times. Seems to me you deserve a vacation with all thats been going on. Hope you get some rest. i woke up today with vertigo. messed me up for half a day. first time and I dont want that ever again. Took a motion sickness pill and half a benadryl. Looked on webmd and found some physical things to do to try and dislodge the calcium crystals from my inner ear. I laid back fast and vertigo hit me hard. Definitely my left ear. Yes ma'am, the Church job is no no longer yours. Someone there needs to get organized I think. Ive been looking at all this with dad. Its almost as if I deal with someone who is mildly insane, in that they are divorced from reality. At times he's almost normal, at times what he says makes no sense yet it makes perfect sense to him. Still other times I can tell by his face he is struggling. Thats the hardest part, seeing a problem but he wont admit it. he wont allow help. Hi memory is getting bad. Asking me about something I told him a few hours before. There must be so many like my dad and your sister who need more. But theres no money in it so no one is interested. maybe thats one area govt can spend money on rather than sending it overseas. I seriously dread after he is gone and the end years for me. Its 25 degress and the high Monday will be 18. This is Winter alright. guess I best get to sleep, hopefully no more vertigo. take good care of yourself and kodie. Hope and pray you get over all the illness and aches and pains.

Ouch, hope you're ok. If you have it try soaking in warm or hot epsom salt bath. I was in a car wreck years back, that messed up my back, and epsom salt soaks really helped. be careful, like you need to hear that. Hope your replacement is as attentive as you were. I think she will have a hard time living up to your standadrd but she will learn. When Dad first got home from rehab hospital after his stroke I looked into devices that would make life easier. medicare didnt pay for alot so i would explain the item and ask if he wanted it. he always said yes but then didnt use most. he thought medicare was paying for all of it so he saw it as free money and sure lets spend it. Mom told him I was buying it. My idea was see what he could use then he could pay me back. He didnt offer to reimburse me but Mom did. For the first year after mom passed if we fell short in food expenses I just covered it. Finally I realised I was nickel and diming myself and I quit. I also noticed he would really want something then find fault and never touchj it again. So I dont spend my money on anything for him. he buys it and if he doesnt want it I take it to UPS and return it to amazon. I cant tell you how many times now he describes a problem yet no solution is acceptable. Its funny that some he has refused later are wonderful. But he seems to be using this android ok. I got him a stylus and that seems to help with his tremors. Tbh, he hardly ever needs a phone. Only for calls. I developed a pre-ulcer going through my divorce. Its been mostly no issue for a long time. I drank carbonation and that is death to me, silly me. I think that the second lesser bout is from coffee creamer. twice ive been sick on a day i used it. the past two days were same powdered cappuccino with no creamer and im fine. Going to behave. Funny you mention lemon as I got some the last food delivery. dads friends talked him into an Iphone a few years ago. he just couldnt understand how to use it. One day i smelled something weird burning. Dad had opened his Iphone and tried prying the battery out with a metal screwdriver and set the battery on fire. Luckily it was by the back door. he threw it on the patio and burned a hole in the doormat. he could have burned the house down. In his elder years he has lost common sense. i found him one day with a screwdriver working on a lampsocket while it was plugged in. he told me I needed to rewire it...no. So he was rewiring it...I told him i'd throw it out if he did. Cant trust him. I suppose if you dont need and cant use one then its all good. These folks with expensive Iphones probably dont need but a fraction of what they do. Sounds like Kodie is wishing for more snow. It must be wondrous for pets to play for the first time in snow. Something from the deep past and ingrained maybe. Take good care of yourself. Enjoy your new bubblewrap clothes. Just dont wear em to sleep or you'll wake up every time you roll over. Take good care.

Sorry it's taken this long. I lose track of days it seems. There's nothing to mark them. Hope you are well. Our weather is up and down, got some rain, but generally 50s by day. I'll take it. Dad has his good and bad days. Got him a new phone, an android. he had so much trouble opening his flip phone. I dont know if the android will be usable since he has to swipe. Food...we have tried 5 or 6 kinds of pancakes and buckwheat cakes and he doesnt like any of them. I told him his sense of taste was going. He just doesnt like anything, it can't live up to his memory. How is Kodie doing? Big as a horse yet? How is your hand? I was remembering the other day reading of an old Chinese remedy... dit da jow...kungfu uses it for their sore bodyparts where they strike objects, so hands and feet etc. Made a crockpot of roast carrots and potatoes, good stuff. next is cheesesteak and then some baking. Trying to find a plan in studying. I have a basic list of things to know to get a job, the basics. Some of them there is no text or course per se. Charting my way in an open sea. Still no tax return for dad. I try the 'wheres my refund' tool and nothing. I need to call his taxman. I know theyre very behind but this is silly. Read that IT field is still strong. And that the 3D field is really strong. Too bad I can't go there. The Church is blessed to have you. Hope that all gets done. Well, time to cook. Making dad some cheesesteak and me some leftover roast. Oh, day three of no coffee. had a carbonated beverage for some reason. And it tried to kill me that night. Ive learned my lesson. I had bad stomach etc from my divorce many years ago and generally eat safe. Time to pay more attention. Take good care

Sounds like your nutrition works well. Hard for me to do so since I also cook for dad. Isn't it nice how we start to eat better and we get to like the flavor etc. Thats the danger of the outdoors I see. After all he is an animal and has the urges of his kind. dad is at that point where nothing works and nothing is good enough. he cant taste or smell and can barely hear sometimes. Nothing is good or right or real. I had ordered him a bookholder before. But he refused to set it on a desk or table to read. he had to read in his chair. With the big soft cushion. that when he set his bookholder on the chair cushion it was uneven. i suggested he try a hospital sidetable. Slide the feet under his chair and the tilting holder is rt in his lap. But he kept making excuses. It wont fit under the chair, the book would sit too high etc etc. My brother sent an email suggesting the same holder and I told him about before. he just ignored me. I suggested he had enough room on his computer desk and he said he would measure it and see. he wont. My Brother gave him 3 months of Audible, which he has tried twice before and it works. but he doesnt use it. I remind him because he forgets badly. but he doesnt use it. he just sits in front of his TV and complains theres nothing on or the remote is broked or the TV is. Nothing is broken except for him. You have a very interesting family history. it surprises me mre people dont find out and save it. Pass it down. Moms family came down the Mississippi to Arkansas before the Civil War. She only told e the good stuff in her last couple years. I should write it down before its lost. hope you had a good Christmas. Snow? We were 60s I think. Had a cold week and a couple days rain and back to sun and 60s. My brother *sigh*. Was cool and sent me some books and then ore. he thinks Ishould do Russian icons since im artistic. I constantly tell him I dont have time for all I want t do. And yet he keeps trying to push me into other areas. I just say thanks, its on the back burner. I know what I need to do and nothing and no one will derail that. i get my stubborn from Mom. Brother sent dad an expensive humidifier to help dad sleep. he also wanted us to turn down the temp to 68...no. i understand cooler temps help us sleep better. But considering dad has a sweatshirt and tshirt and a couple blankets and a duvet...thats too cold. you have to be comfortable and not catch a chill. Brother just gets ideas he thinks will solve things and ignores all sides. dad has sleep issues from Alzh/Parkinsons and his stroke. Temp and humidity may help a little but not going to make a big impact. Crazy family. Hope things get better. hang in there. here is a pic of the cards. i dont think dad really cared much. At the end he didnt even open them. people wrote really nice notes and letters and if he wanted he could have made some friends. he didnt want me to send thank you notes. may do it anyway. I thought it might make his Christmas bright. Honestly i think hes beyond that. he doesnt see his mental issues. So far they are something we can handle, minor things. Anyway, enough of that or you'll feel like my bartender. take good care of yourself. making roast carrots and taters tomorrow. robably take a few days in the crockpot.

Teach Kodie to fetch firewood and place it in the wagon, that would be a neat trick. We have to just do the best we can. Have you any snow yet? We are 70 today. feels good but seems odd. Hope you have a good Christmas. Do your kids get to come visit? maybe you can do like us. We're having Christmas dessert on skype with the brother. Lol, kinda ruins my appetite lol. Dad is back to fighting his bedcovers. he can't understand that he just tosses and turns at night. Tonight i'm tucking them in the side of the bed he doesnt get out from. Now I find out he can't read because he can't hold the book still from tremors. I tried and tried to help but he doesnt listen so I quit trying. I think he just likes having troubles. Tried the pancakes, thank you, those are very yummy, dad even liked them. he may get spoiled. I often brown chicken then add broth and simmer for a few hours. I discovered that if I burn it just a bit it has more flavor. Also got some new spices and enjoying those. Tho I don't have the time or energy to learn properly. Had you ever considered making a cookbook? Seeing Mom's I wondered how many families had a strong and old cooking tradition. And how many folks could do a nice cookbook. Also wondered how any folks knew family history. Dad can talk some about his grandparents and Mom knew about her family before the civil war. Have you ever considered making a family history book? Take good care of yourself and kodie. Will be praying for some relief from pain. Thank you for all the kind words this year. It's been a rough one. friends help us make it through. Merry Christmas and God Bless

Wish I could do something to help, does it absolutely have to be done now? maybe some of the other folks who've helped before. If you or someone you know has a waterproof tarp, they could put it up on pallets or wood and cover it. Cost, hopefully whoever does it will offer a payment plan. If they are short of work maybe they will cut you a break. We are 41 degrees and overcast and drizzly today. people think i'm nuts because I love this weather. We got the cards sent out. he keeps getting a few cards from the folks at American Air, I think it's up to a dozen or so. very nice people. I got a box of cards and will try and answer all I can. We havent a tree but I decorated the mantle and fireplace and a few little spaces. The mantle and fireplace I think looks nice and it has some lights. he didnt really notice so I showed him and he didnt really care. But its there so maybe he will enjoy it. You're right, I dont think he has made conscious decisions for some time. Or at least he has trouble doing so. But we did finally get his taxes filed and just waiting on the refund. He gets mixed up. he said he wanted to give me part of his tax return because i've done so much on his affairs and taxes. then he remembered it as I wanted something for Christmas worth that amount and did I get it yet. maybe next time he will forget the offer. My next thing is to learn to make him flavored pancakes. he didnt like the Buckwheat pancake mix, it wasnt really buckwheat to him. So i thought maybe add a flavor or chocolate chips or something. When can you get your hand worked on? Does the warm epsom salt soaks still help any? Too bad you cant teach Kodie to pull a small sleigh out to the woodpile and put a couple logs in and bring it back. Take good care of yourself my friend. Will be praying for your situation, hang in there.

Kodie is beautiful. Who couldn't love that face. He looks so innocent. Sounds like he's perfect for the weather. Maybe a nice Santa hat :). Praying the hand gets better, hang in there and rest. Not easy to do this time of year. Just doesnt seem like Christmas. I need to bring out what decor is left and decorate. We used to have a TON but so little left. Guess Dad trhew it out or maybe it's hidden in the attic. I'm tempted to get a small real tree. That small fake one is just aweful. Way I see it I navigate a thin line with my Dad. Can't get pulled in by his dementia and narcissism but I want to see that he is taken care of. There are obvious issues that are only in his mind so I play those off. But the real ones I want to fix. It's amazing how much bs I see. It's like almost every day something. yesterday he was mad at his dermatologist and talking bad. last time he went in she took a couple cancers off his hand and thats it. But he never told her what he wanted done. And his story keeps changing along with what he wants done. I 'think' he just wants anything melanoma removed. But I have no idea what she looked at last time. Did she not look. Did she look and took off the only ones she found? Pfft. He will know better than her and she can take off all the melanoma but he will still badmouth her. Lol Yes, he has gone down now to half a sandwich. I made tacos the same way and the same ingredients as for years. he doesnt like that taco shells crunch. No more tacos for him. I know you understand all this. It's hard knowing things only go downhill. And feeling like there's no real peace. he has gotten 5 cards now. I'm hoping that picks up now we're into December. Dad wants to send cards this year and insists on signing each. I made the list and filled out the envelopes knowing full well he won't sign them. Sure enough they've been sitting on his cart for a week untouched. I can remind him and his feelings will bruise and he will say he'll do it. never get done. But I am very glad I left my last job two years back. My best friend is still there, for the moment. they have been restructuring constantly. And stabbing alot of longterm people in the back. I think even if I hadnt quit when I did i would have when Mom passed. All in all I am glad she's not here to see whats going on. She's in a much better place. I wanted to ask how much you decorate for Christmas? Do you just get a small tree and do some lights and garland? maybe one of your helpers could come decorate. Take good care of yourself and kodie.