Tachi

Our hearing at probate is tomorrow. Ive explained this numerous times and after lunch he asks me why we are going to court. We've been over that several times. I dont know if he is forgetting or if he just doesnt listen to me. usually whenever i talk about his estate or anything about my life he goes catatonic. So I explained it all carefully and slowly. If he shows signs of incompetence tomorrow it all falls apart. Our atty is a nice younger lady who she and her husband run a small office by themselves. But that means I can never get ahold of her. I would really like to ask some questions and have some indication she hasnt forgotten and I would really appreciate her meeting dad on the courthouse steps and helping him to the room. I will need to drop him off and go find a parking garage several blocks away. Is it not so very odd that we arent taught about the later stages of Life...how to cope and how to prepare. I think most people could benefit by proper preparation. But by and large we are a fat, spoiled, and lazy society. I sincerely pray I dont need to go through what you did, I dont think i'd have the strength. But i'm glad you did, and able to visit your Mom. near the end at least she was mellow and she felt the love you had for her. Odd how in the end it boils down to the simple things. Time is precious as well as people. The Mind is a wonderful and mysterious thing. I've always considered that our faculties are all tied together, mind...body...soul...etc Time to run, want to drive downtown so i know how to get there, as well as see where the parking garages are. Take good care and talk to ya later...

I agree, passing doesnt so much scare me as becoming incapacitated. i watch my dad slowly get worse. he refuses to go to his doctor. He thinks of medicine as go to the doc, they give you something, and youre totally cured. At his stage that wont happen, its about slowing the effects. Sadly, thanks to his narcissism he wont listen to me. yes, I fear what could happen alot more than going peacefully in my sleep. I wonder if perhaps medicine has prolonged the time of life but not the quality. Why live to be 100 if those last 20 years are horrible. Esp in a society that doesnt really value the elderly. Im so sorry about your dog. I have no words of wisdom. Give him all the love you can. Treasure the good and hang in there. Some things we simply cannot change, I wish it was different. Life just seems to be full of sadness with a little joy. At least from my perspective. Yes, as soon as we are born the clock is ticking. It seems like we have so much time, never enough. Take good acre of yourself...

Thanks, almost like fireworks.....spent a couple hours cleaning off dads patio and cleaning the furniture. I learned that I am old and dont need to be out in the heat for very long. Odd seeing another proof that i'm getting old....

Thanks Marty, hope you're well. Good to have it done

Just a quick update, passed my exam this afternoon. Near the end I managed to reboot the computer I was on but the tech was able to save my exam. I had promised myself two weeks off. Want to do some things around the house for dad and probate hearing in a week so need to get w/ atty and drive downtown so i know how i'm going. And watch a ton of tutorials for artwork aaand figure out how to use the many things ive learned on these exams so I dont forget them, while preparing for the next exam.

Ok, so peggy has more reasons than just age. She really is blessed to have help and people who love her. The things we always take for granted as we grow up when we lose them...I wonder if maybe theres some nerve damage or something. I dont know much about it . That smoking, my folks quit when we were young, cant stand being around the stuff. maybe its her comfort. Yes ma'am, take care of yourself, you're all you've got. I was thinking the other night that after this exam i'm revisiting my workout program and adding mental exercises and diet and make the goal of being fit all around. I'm all i've got literally. it should ne doable to look at each area and draw up a simple plan, leave some wiggle room and just follow the plan and adjust as needed. Well off to sleep, big day tomorrow, take care and get lots of rest.

I dont know why but I have been thinking more about my past and why I am like I am. makes more sense generally. Because of many things I am too mild and dont stand up when I should. Sometimes I am in a situation where i cant do anything. When dad acts the madman and just keeps insisting on what I know is false. he is pretty transparent for what he is doing. I give alot of ground and then snap. I would like to be always under relaxed control and not let people get to me, ever. Detach. I have been waking up finally these last 3 years and trying to change. Sadly my life is not in a place to make the changes i need. Too many times in life we dont have the freedom to do the things or make the choices we would like. I have lived my life drifting and not doing what i love to do. All I want is to survive and be able to do the art I am passionate about. Now I know why my dad always criticized my art and never liked it. Mom loved it. And why when I tried creating music dad would make fun of it until I quit. now I know why i get frustrated if I try something new and it isnt fantastic right away...and I quit trying. But maybe now that I know i can defend against it. I just hate people trying to take advantage and bully, I hate people lying and playing games. I dont really have a choice about being here, not a good one, so I dont know what lesson im supposed to learn. my art is 3d, done on the computer. My love is environments, outdoor places, patios, courtyards, LOVE Japanese architecture tat isnt modern. I make places that offer peace, places i'd like to go. Enclosed my favorite that ive done.

Good to hear you're doing better. Just go slow and sleep, fluids and eat carefully, get your strength back. At least she is trying. many people dont really understand how things degrade until its too late. I know that I thought walking at work was enough and it wasnt near enough. I wonder if something like yoga or taichi for the elderly would be good for her. She could even do it sitting. problem is and what I struggle with is that you cant really work hard enough to get inshape because youre out of shape so bad. But mine is coming along albeit slowly. I've also seen places where they lay you in an exercise bed and strap on electrodes which stimulate certain muscles. Thats one of the things learned the hard way about life. We do not control it, it happens regardless. And we can either take it as best we can or suffer for it otherwise. She does have help tho, and she has you. So she is not alone. As for me, coasting thru most of life quite lost. yet at certain times i would have a little whisper in my ear warning me of things to come, and I ignored every time and have suffered for it. It is too easy to get trapped in the 'here and now' and not look to the future. these last couple years have been a crash education in Life. All I really want is to live not in discomfort and create my artwork. Just seems so hard to keep from drifting. I just want to survive abd create, dont care what I leave for posterity because no one will care. just want to do what makes me happy on the innermost level. That and I get a stubborn streak a mile wide from my Mom. take good care of yourself...

Hope you're feeling better. just take it slow and get lots of rest and fluids. Watch some movies or do some reading. When I was a kid and sick i'd grab a stack of history and mythology books and just lose myself. let's see, chicken noodle soup and hot tea with lemon, better yet ginger and lemon tea. largely I think people go with how they were raised. When my folks were young physical fitness wasnt really valued by anyone but athletes. And I dont think most people understand that they should start NOW wherever they are in life. Its very tough to do. Esp getting older and no energy. I went from on my feet 40/week to nada and my legs started going. VERY hard to keep it going but i'm not giving up. I saw Mom almost fall several times making quick movements. People dont understand they slowly without noticing lose muscle mass, strength, balance and co ordination and its devastating. They just dont ever believe its needed, cause they dont see past the here and now. My dad is paying for that big time now. They say the legs are the first to go. i have no idea if its too late or not for her but very good she has her husband. Thats a consideration I have, that I am alone here. When dad goes then well, that is really it here. So looking forward I best be in better shape. People just dont understand and alot of them dont find out. Things fall away. This exam, lol. They are well known for the confusing nature of their questions. Like they purposefully want to confuse. there may be 3 ways to do something but they will only want the way you would never use. It's not a matter of 'can you do X'...but 'can you do X using the way we want". Thats what scares me I guess. Well, if I dont pass will retake 3 weeks later. Thank you for the pryers, they are needed. Tutorials...watching/reading and doing them. For 3d and for photoshop on how to do various things related to creating environmental art. Such as making architecture and creating and applying textures. I dont seem to like freshly painted houses. mine have to have some worn paint, broken plaster, that scratch where lil johnny hit it with his bike 100 times....and putting the parts together to make say a nice courtyard for tea. I seem to prefer places like an old Italian or Spanish courtyard with lots of vines and trees and shrubs and old brownish/red tile....but first things first. Ok off to fix dinner. take good care of yourself. Rest, tea, and more rest. let us know how you're feeling.

yes ma'am, can't argue or convince insanity. That is the scariest thing i've ever seen. And I wonder if that's not how serial killers are, how they decide that what they are doing is ok. I wonder if perhaps he sees that his understanding of the world is false and he cant reconcile it. I would think that if you sense the end is coming and make your peace with it you might do something other than just sit in the dark all day...that is not at peace. I dont know how to say this without it sounding bad, but if he's not going to take at least the minimal precautions to prevent falls and injury then he's going to end up in a bad way and expect me to provide fulltime care. Which I cannot do. He's also going to go broke and then wont understand having to sell the house. I want to write a book when this is all done but I know people have already done so and much better than I could. Aging is dangerous and scary. When our society got so advanced that we stopped valuing and thus understanding and caring for our elderly...we took a huge step backward. All of us will visit that time and we can only pray we don't have issues. All this sheds light on so many things in my life. But there is no blame, just some understanding. we are where we are and thats all. All I can do is move onward. Retention in studies is almost nonexistent...I have this dialogue running through my head on this stuff all day. Studying but this in my head, there is no focus. I just don't know what will be next, a fall, stroke, a bout of anger....I don't know if he will be here tomorrow and life will go upside down. maybe i'm supposed to learn focus in all this, if there indeed is a lesson in all things. It's certainly out of my hands. Prayers appreciated for the next few weeks, IF I can pass the exam then Mom's probate hearing on the first and get the Deed on the house fixed. That at least will be a big relief. Will take two weeks off and do some things around the house and some art tutorials. Then maybe will have something nice to show. It's funny. I no longer can say how 'we' as a society have been raised or how we are because things were different for me. I was not taught strength and resiliency and to stand up for myself. But trying to learn that now. have we largely created a society like me? If I was the person i wanted to be/ should be...how would I be now? Anyway, thank you for your words, take good care of yourself.

Its hard to understand. But thru his issues he doesnt perceive the world and his life properly. he has had issues with weakness and at times dizziness yet refuses to see the doctor. He fell once that I know of and it eventually led to filling 3 discs with cement. he remembers it as his neck and will defend that to the end. The nurse showed me the bandage when i picked him up from the hospital and they fixed the bottom 3 on his lower back. The docs report lists the ones worked on and yep they are those last 3. He doesnt do anything to take care of himself, just sits all day. He needs to get some exercise and could use a little sunlight and sit on the porch. But he just wont listen. If I say it he will say the opposite. Last night as we were getting readu to go out to eat he got weak and/or dizzy and fell. As far as he says he wasn't hurt. He refuses to go to the doctor. I pointed out if that happens in the car he will wreck. If he falls again he may not be so lucky and may break an arm or worse and he just shrugs. I don't know if he is being contrary or if its just because its me saying it. He doesnt have alot of money and he doesnt save for an emergency. Today he told me he will die soon and he was at peace with it and he wanted me to be also. He doesnt want his life prolonged artificially. No idea why he thinks he is about to die. I told him that I understand he has a dnr order and that he doesnt want to prop his life up which would be for a short time. he wants to die when his time comes. But that I want to make sure he has the best quality of life he can. If he has issues that the doc can help with then we need to do it and not just ignore every problem. Tbh, I think he has just given up and doesnt want to even try to address his issues. This is where being a narcissist will kill him. There have been many things since his stroke that he could have done that would make it easier now. but he knew best all along and never listened to his doctors or therapists...or me. His hearing aids from the VA, that are free, one quit working and the other was going. Didnt want my help, didnt want a ride to the VA, didnt listen when i suggested send one in and then the other when ya get that one back. So he ends up paying 5K to his audiologist when he could have gotten em for free. I'm frustrated. I had already learned to not believe the compliments or praise and to never let my guard down. But of the things he said about his estate...like providing a small acct to pay the bills until i can get the house cleaned up and sold...those are turning out to just be wind. I can never trust him because I know he isnt 'real'. I never know when he is trying to scam me. Hoping to be ready to look for work end of the year and for that i hope he is around that long. I know that sounds mercenary but have to take care of myself foremost. My exam was going to be tomorrow but after his fall yesterday I pushed that back to monday and im glad I did. Been so distracted all day. i cant push it back again tho. It's funny how when I used to think of death and of aging I thought of it as growing old and then passing in my sleep. And I thought that my dad would be the same way. But its what happens til then thats scary as can be. You can lose your mind. You can have any number of issues...which can cause falls, breaks, strains, and other serious injury. SO many things i think children dont know about helping their parents and planning for their own old age. But then how many parents will even listen? Feels so weird here now. Like i'm stuck waiting for him to die and hoping he doesnt fall and break something or need to go to a home. And I see stuff but get scoffed at if I suggest so i dont. Tbh I dont know how hireable I am at present, yep g/l focusing on study tonight. Take good care of yourselves, i'm just frustrated. Seems like I have issues studying and remembering because all this is just constantly running through my head.

Mom, in her dementia or whatever it was that afflicted her became sweeter and more childlike. And she forgot things. One time she saw a Coca-cola commercial and said out loud how she wondered what that tasted like. Of course she had had them plenty of times before. So dad got her a 6pack of Coke, which she wrinkled up her nose at. Near the end she wasnt herself yet maybe she was more so. I dont know at what point either of them started changing. I couldnt tell in a phone call. sadly, I didn't understand what was going on when she was still here. But yes ma'am she is at peace and she doesnt have to endure the fears she had. Even though I would love to have just one more day with her and talk about life and laugh, all in all I think its better this way. Thank you my friend.

Thank you....it's interesting now how I look back and things fall into place. And how what he did was to keep me down. Its odd that for the last four years, a couple in animation school and a year now studying for my IT certifications he has not encouraged me nor shown any interest. Funny how when he had episodes I knew something was wrong with him but this really makes it clear. Sad to think about all the people who deal with this and dont understand. Very sad to think that Mom had to deal with it. At the end she was afraid of so many things. I honestly think it for the best that she passed. She is at peace now.

https://narcwise.com/2018/09/18/what-happens-when-narc-knows-you-know/ my best friend sent me this website and there are some good articles, describing my dad to a 'T', so much so is scary. I can understand how things must be for him but considering how he has treated me and knowing what he is capable of i will not ever be close to him or trust him or leave myself in a vulnerable position. If it comes to it I would just have to leave no matter the cost to me or him. Anyway, thought this might be a good read.

Yes ma'am...and I see that you came through it all and are a good person. It gives me hope. I've been doing some studying in the evenings on life. based on the last couple years events and how I acted and felt it seems that i really didnt understand much of life nor myself. At this point in time this is my road and I must walk it. My challenge is to learn and prepare for what is to come. My challenge and opportunity is to consider that this is the last phase of my life. As I cant say I like my past I can attempt to create my future. Who do I want to be and how do I want to live. the test is to see clearly and to be able to change. I understand that when I pass I will be forgotten. I will not change this world nor leave behind much of note. And that's ok. And lest I forget I wanted to wish you ladies a Happy Mom's Day Take care

There are no words, you cut straight to the heart and all i can offer are tears. God bless you my friend, I am deeply thankful.

In case i didnt say it Marty, thank you very much for the link to the resources, i will be reading through it. A good man once said that if we cannot change our circumstances then perhaps it is we who can change.

Kay You know, thats something that I think about. That we should take these things during this time alot less seriously. this time is brief and there are important tgings here and lost of distractions. yet not having trained in any discipline of the mind, heart, and spirit I find that something will just grab me against my will and I dont even notice til after. I dont like it, and its something I can work on. I seem to have a great weakness when someone confronts me with totally erroneous bs and wont understand the truth. When i can i walk away but no clue what to do when i cant. Not sure how to google that but I think its time to work on these things alot more. Distracted sorry....I will see Mom in heaven, dad wont. dad has always made fun of Christians and faith. That makes alot more sense now because I think for him there is no God. To him its just a religion made by Man. He sees himself as all knowing and in a way its like he is his own god. It always made me wonder because it seemd when he didnt know about something he just came up with the cause and understanding and that was gospel, dont question it. I suggested tonight at dinner that since that problem with his back is fixed he move on to the next urgent issue and go see his doc. I am thankful for his back being fixed and that it wasnt worse. I think that God has me here to take care of my dad. It is a sore trial and im not strong nor wise. I consider that life doesnt get better, it just ends. I guess ive finally grown up. Im done bugging you folks, thank you.

I keep telling myself to stp caring and being drawn in. He plays this little game where if I say something no matter what he has to say the opposite. If its cloudy as can be and I say it looks like rain he says ;nope no rain today;. So I just say...the weatherman on the radio says rain later and its sprinkling, and he just keeps quiet. Things that he has absolutely no clue about that I have extensive experience with he will disagree and be very wrong, but he will argue it to the death. Just so he can be right and feel superior. I can no longer trust him and I have no respect left for him. Studying is taking longer than I had thought so i need this place to stay. he does treat me like an 8 year old. he expects that whatever he says will be taken as gospel and it is disrespectful to disagree/ tell the truth. That doesnt work with me. But ive learned that it does no good and try not to say anything when he is wrong unless it pertains to me. I wont suffer just to boost his narcissistic ego. But for some reason i still have compassion for him. Theres no way he could survive on his own. My next lesson is to not be caught off guard and just let him talk on and on and not try and help. I think the only reason he tells me about his woes is for the sympathy and so i can suggest an approach to solve...so he can tell me thats wrong. So lets short circuit the game and not offer help. Sad thing is that there are so many things he doesnt understand but acts like hes the authority. Or that he could do to help himself but wont. A few weeks ago he had a sore back and took a hot shower and apparently his BP dropped and he fell. He had a badly injured vertebrae and the two next to it a bit less. So he had the vertoblasty (?) where they inflate the vertebrae and inject bone cement. They did three. When i went to get him the nurse showed me his dressing and explained his care. the dressing was on his lower back, clearly. Tonight he yet again made the statement that they worked on his upper spine and oops I corrected him. he cant stand to be corrected because he can never be wrong. Sadly he is wrong alot. And I reminded him the nurse showed me his dressing and it was clearly on his lower back. he argued to the death it was on his neck. This is what I dont get, does he think im a liar? Or that I am so stupid I dont know what I see. He has done this many times over the 4 years ive been here. I think he just has a badly messed up memory. I just dropped it because even if I showed him his doctors papers which lists the T11, T12, and L2 vertebrae (lower back) he would just say they made a mistake. because he cant be wrong. Tbh, this scares me. Today reminds me and I am determined and maybe this means im not a good person. But unless his madness affects me and my life I will say nothing. I will not suggest anything that may help him nor any ideas as far as a cause or solution to his issues. I must remain aware at all times so he doesnt lure me in and i can just keep my mouth shut and just say uh-huh and not play into the game. I guess i'm just a slow learner. But i believe this is the best compassion i can muster, dont feed the madness. he seems to think that he can say whatever he wants as rudely as he wants just because he is my dad. Trust me we went rounds on that one. he doesnt have Mom around to dominate so he still tries with me and he will never get there. Honestly i would be better just moving away. my compassion says he couldnt survive very long so im needed, but it would be the best for me. I just cant be me here or develop ino who i want to be. maybe thats my challenge, to develop anyway. I seem to stress at the falsehoods and stupidity. Sadly, I am not far enough along in IT to land a job I can live on. learning is proving to be very difficult. Guess i am stuck for awhile. It will be a huge...HUGE lol deal when i pass exam two and get on with education after that. Sorry for the ramble and thx for letting me vent. I see how I am now and was all my life and now that I understand how my dad is alot of things make sense. That feeling that you are and were never good enough. Thankfully ive started pulling past that. ive developed too strong a personality and a very strong aversion to bs and manipulation. I consider that I wont become who i am until hes gone. those times will be difficult, so be it. Aight, thanks again and take care everyone.

I'm sorry for your loss. You're right in that we dont get over it. Has been a year and a week since Mom passed and i think of her all the time. It seems to me that in our society we dont prepare people for loss. Its going to happen, but we seem to ignore that and then people just gloss it over and expect you to hide it. Long ago we would live in a group, maybe a tribe, that would come together in such times and help each other. but now we are too modern, or so we think. We turn our backs on our humanity and the things we really need. It's good you have a bro and sis to help and make sure your dad knows he is loved and cared for. I think that's most important. The best thing we can do is not just to deal, but to honor. The little things that you keep in your life that are from them. The way they were will always be in your heart. My mom was the kindest loving soul. When i'm out and about I will have a smile and a good word for people, I notice that its mostly the older folks who arent afraid of this old stranger :)....Mom used to paint until her arthritis got too bad, and that was maybe 25 years ago. in cleaning out the kitchen cupboard I found her old brushes, they now sit in my closet. When I cook for me and dad anytime I use bell pepper I cut the top off and place it on the sink divider, because thats what mom always did. In case she is watching I want her to know that I am thinking of her and that i love her. I dont know if you have regrets...I seem to have so many from my life. Its hard to internalise things some times. But I know in my head that regrets are a trap and it doesnt matter anymore. Its difficult for the heart to accept that. Its hard to not open up and talk about life, maybe another time. But what I learned is that life is rough and its never about having a perfect life or avoidng trouble and tragedy. its about becoming a good strong person and living your life so you have better choices. To be able to handle the hard times when they come, for they will come. Thank you for the post...will be praying for you and the family. This is a good place with some wonderful people, if it helps reach out to them.

True...I will do what I can without surrendering myself. As i'm finding out life is very hard at best. Just do the best we can. Thats the measure of a life and not wealth and fame. I suppose we are all in our own fog of sorts. his moreso I think. For what you've come through in life and ended up the person you are , well you're a good person. Thank you

Thank you for your kindness. I have enough trouble and I cant imagine the strength you have. Will definitely do some reading so thanks for the suggestions. he had that fall a week ago and although it seems all he suffered were pulled and bruised muscles he is still sore and weak. I explain how sore muscles and all that work but he just totally ignores. Mom passed a year ago this coming saturday and he is thinking of her and at times seems very sad and lost. i can understand. He just wont let me help. Will be here if he needs me.

First of all, thank you. Seriously. he has a important need to be in control. Early on he tried being a bully and telling me what to do. We set that straight. But he still tries at times to sneak that in lol. He i believe suffers dementia. He has to understand and dictate what everying means. I dont care except when it will cause harm and then i will respectfully and casually tell him truth. he will argue his misconception til hell freezes over. Anyway, you know how that goes. Its like someone is walking down the tracks and the train is coming but they wont listen when you tell em to get off the tracks. I think all I can do is help correctly when he asks. The last stage of my life begins when he passes so this is a breather to re educate and improve my mind and physical shape. I am trying to hold the line financially so that I have as much as i can for the transition. I am grateful he lets me stay here while I study. I dont think at this time i could make a living off what they pay lower retail mgt here. I would be working two jobs and not studying. I seem to have learning issues so is very frsutrating. I had decided i wont be sitting here trying to sell this home and going broke. If we can get the estate set up in time then when the time comes I will be able to sell the home etc, else i will be hoping my big bro agrees on selling the home (joint heirs). If he causes delays then I wont waste my money here but go ahead and find work and an apt and either bro can buy out my interest or the bank can foreclose, maybe out of that we get to split whats left, no idea how it works when the bank sells the home. My hope is just to survive and get back to artwork. Whatever happens it wont be fun and will probably be very painful. One must do what one must do. I dont think Life is about fun anymore. You get here and have to do the best you can. I will do my best. If it comes to it i'm walking away and my brother will deal with it from Cali. just need to find out if I do and the bank forecloses, since the house will sell for more than the mortgage do we get the excess. Ok, book over, sorry. Thank you for the kind words of caring and take good care of yourself.

I think you may be right. At times he seems his old self and at times he just seems to not care. Is hard to explain but guess its his narcissism...he is king of the castle and center of the universe. Whatever he says is true because he said it. No matter what he does it isnt wrong and no matter how he acts he is never rude. If you tell him anything that he doesnt wish to hear he just acts like you're not even there. He will not let me take care of him nor help him. he gets some crazy ideas that are wrong but he wont listen, because in order for him to be who he is his youngest son is seen as an idiot child. Yet I still do what I can to make him safe and try to keep him as happy as he can be. He has been somewhat this way for years but after his stroke got much worse. There were things he could have done after his stroke and things he could do now to feel better, but he doesnt listen. For the last week or so he has been complaining variously of weakness and soreness (he took a tumble) yet he wont go to the doctor. I may be a terrible son but i'm not having a huge fight trying to get him to go. He also hasnt been eating like he used to. The last few days he has been sleeping a few extra hours a day. Thats how Mom was the week before she passed. I know he has probably given up and doesnt care and i dont know how to help. He doesnt think he needs help. Everytime he naps or sleeps I fear he wont wake up. And I guess im selfish because not only will we lose him but his estate isnt ready yet and that would send my life into hell. Meaning trying to get a job in retail mgt at 61, which wont pay enough, and probably going broke waiting for probate and get everything settled. I can and yet cant really imagine how he feels. I think it would be much better for him if my brother and his wife were here instead of me. All I can do is the best I can. Thank you for listening.

Thanks, aiming at end of month, things just dont stick like they used to. The anniversary of mom passing is the 13th, going to try and be there for dad. he just doesnt seem to want any help or support at all. I dont think he cares for me very much. I'm trying to take what care of him i can and not interfere but i've noticed he will either totally ignore me when i say something hes not interested in or just dig in with the opposite of what i tell him. Just dont know that I can do anything to help. Maybe you folks understand it but i'm totally lost. Now he wants to have the funeral home post an obit for Mom in the paper. At the time he didnt because he didnt think anyone in town would remember her. I see so many things that would help him, but theres nothing I can do. Plants....when I rented a house before moving home I did the yard and found i could grow things outside well. Inside plants were another matter, nothin doin. If you're planting outside place it so it gets the rising sun and is sheltered from mid day sun on. keep the roots mulched and cool.