Tachi

Wish I could do something to help, does it absolutely have to be done now? maybe some of the other folks who've helped before. If you or someone you know has a waterproof tarp, they could put it up on pallets or wood and cover it. Cost, hopefully whoever does it will offer a payment plan. If they are short of work maybe they will cut you a break. We are 41 degrees and overcast and drizzly today. people think i'm nuts because I love this weather. We got the cards sent out. he keeps getting a few cards from the folks at American Air, I think it's up to a dozen or so. very nice people. I got a box of cards and will try and answer all I can. We havent a tree but I decorated the mantle and fireplace and a few little spaces. The mantle and fireplace I think looks nice and it has some lights. he didnt really notice so I showed him and he didnt really care. But its there so maybe he will enjoy it. You're right, I dont think he has made conscious decisions for some time. Or at least he has trouble doing so. But we did finally get his taxes filed and just waiting on the refund. He gets mixed up. he said he wanted to give me part of his tax return because i've done so much on his affairs and taxes. then he remembered it as I wanted something for Christmas worth that amount and did I get it yet. maybe next time he will forget the offer. My next thing is to learn to make him flavored pancakes. he didnt like the Buckwheat pancake mix, it wasnt really buckwheat to him. So i thought maybe add a flavor or chocolate chips or something. When can you get your hand worked on? Does the warm epsom salt soaks still help any? Too bad you cant teach Kodie to pull a small sleigh out to the woodpile and put a couple logs in and bring it back. Take good care of yourself my friend. Will be praying for your situation, hang in there.

Kodie is beautiful. Who couldn't love that face. He looks so innocent. Sounds like he's perfect for the weather. Maybe a nice Santa hat :). Praying the hand gets better, hang in there and rest. Not easy to do this time of year. Just doesnt seem like Christmas. I need to bring out what decor is left and decorate. We used to have a TON but so little left. Guess Dad trhew it out or maybe it's hidden in the attic. I'm tempted to get a small real tree. That small fake one is just aweful. Way I see it I navigate a thin line with my Dad. Can't get pulled in by his dementia and narcissism but I want to see that he is taken care of. There are obvious issues that are only in his mind so I play those off. But the real ones I want to fix. It's amazing how much bs I see. It's like almost every day something. yesterday he was mad at his dermatologist and talking bad. last time he went in she took a couple cancers off his hand and thats it. But he never told her what he wanted done. And his story keeps changing along with what he wants done. I 'think' he just wants anything melanoma removed. But I have no idea what she looked at last time. Did she not look. Did she look and took off the only ones she found? Pfft. He will know better than her and she can take off all the melanoma but he will still badmouth her. Lol Yes, he has gone down now to half a sandwich. I made tacos the same way and the same ingredients as for years. he doesnt like that taco shells crunch. No more tacos for him. I know you understand all this. It's hard knowing things only go downhill. And feeling like there's no real peace. he has gotten 5 cards now. I'm hoping that picks up now we're into December. Dad wants to send cards this year and insists on signing each. I made the list and filled out the envelopes knowing full well he won't sign them. Sure enough they've been sitting on his cart for a week untouched. I can remind him and his feelings will bruise and he will say he'll do it. never get done. But I am very glad I left my last job two years back. My best friend is still there, for the moment. they have been restructuring constantly. And stabbing alot of longterm people in the back. I think even if I hadnt quit when I did i would have when Mom passed. All in all I am glad she's not here to see whats going on. She's in a much better place. I wanted to ask how much you decorate for Christmas? Do you just get a small tree and do some lights and garland? maybe one of your helpers could come decorate. Take good care of yourself and kodie.

Lol love minions. Thats cute. hope you had a good turkey day. really good your Mom settled in that way. I've read about so many problems. I know when my Mom had any changes from her routine she got very upset. I tried Curry Chicken by recipe the other night and it wasn't good. My dad wanted Buckwheat Pancakes for breakfast so i ordered a mix on Amazon. he said they weren't real Buckwheat cakes. Nothing is ever 'real' because it cant live up to his memory of what it was like. I did buy some spices so will keep trying new dishes. dads the guinea pig i guess. Tonight I made chicken and rice with cream of chicken soup. i liked it but dad didnt. Last week I made tacos, same way our family has always made them. dad didnt like that the shells were crunchy. guess his tastes are changing or he's playing his narcissist games again. Either way he won't get tacos again. At times I think he brings a problem with no solution trying to cause anxiety. It doesn't. His complaints may be felt by him but theyre unrealistic. Like the constant complaints about the sheets on his bed. he cant accept he just tosses and turns and kicks at night. I should write a book. He's gotten 5 cards already so fun to check the mail. So how is the hand doing? guess it will take a good deal of time. Well, hang in there. It'll come along. How big is kodie getting? Have you gotten him a doggie sweater yet? I dont think we ever did but ive seen people get those. No idea if theyre good. Take good care of yourself and you folks stay warm. 30s and 40s here at night.

Happy Thanksgiving! Thank you for having this forum and for all the help you've given myself and many others. I'm sure you keep very busy. Yet I hope you have some times to rest and reflect and be joyful. Take good care

Thankful your hand is better. Just take it easy. Kodie probably senses your discomfort and is being an angel. You may have to do things a little different but whatever works. Why does it seem that problems come in bunches? This old man here has decided how to cook again. Our spices are left over from Mom's cooking which makes them a few years old. I ordered a basic set and will start looking up recipes. My cooking has always just been what I like. The goal is something tender and yummy but no long prep time. yet I want to make new things and learn to use more spices properly. The Grand Experiment. My dad has gotten three cards already. One I noted was from a guy in our town. Another was from Arizona. dad is pleased but he doesnt seem to wonder why these strangers are sending him cards. I told him that AA has remembered him this year. I think this may be very interesting. I did my shopping yesterday. We are having deli sliced turkey and roast beef and umpkin pie. I'll make all the other stuff. Just not worth it making a big dinner for us two. I also wanted to say that I appreciate your friendship. You have made this year a bit brighter so thank you. I'm hoping you folks will have a Happy Thanksgiving.

Im so sorry youre in such pain. please dont reply if typing hurts you. Prayers coming that they will be able to alleviate your pain and discomfort. hang in there. I will tell you one story. My dad worked for american airlines for over 50 years. first as a pilot and then as their first flight instructor at the new then academy here in Texas. hes been in aviation since he was a young man working as a lineboy at a rural airfield in Ohio. he used to be part of a small club of flyers who met once a week to fly model planes and then have lunch and shoot the bull. But they havent been able to do that this year. So a couple days ago I sent an email to AA telling them about Dad and asking if they could send him a card this Christmas. next day I got a call from a rep and she said they'd be happy to. I've had three calls from AA and they are excited to do something for Dad. they have started sending it up thru the organisation and everyone really loves the idea. This last lady I talked to has a son with AA who works in Operations and he has been contacting alot of people and he's sending it over to the Pilots Union as well. She said theyre all talking about sending cards and some keepsakes as well and dont be surprised if he gets a ton of mail. I hate seeing my dad sitting all day grumpy and depressed. This gesture really touches my heart and I think it will make his Christmas. Now I need to get ahold of a couple of his buddies so he can tell them about it as its happening. i keep suggesting dad call them and he says he will but doesnt. No idea if he just forgets or what. I'm not telling him about it so will be a total surprise and if im lucky he will just think that they remembered him. Please take good care of yourself and Kodie. Hoping you get some relief soon.

We used to have a neighbor by the old house who worked for bell helicopter, many years ago. he restored classic cars. Once a week he drove his model A, 57 vette and 69 Mustang and wiped em down and parked em in his garage again. Always a pleasure to see that. I do prefer the older car styles, more character and sexier. After your surgery and you cab type let us know how you're doing. Will say a pryer for good outcome. really neat how people are helping you. Says theres some good people left in this world. Funny how the good ones I meet arent the well to do folks from a city but regular folks. guess they are closer to the truth. Hopefully the weather will be decent for you too. I remember as a kid and we lived outside Chicago we'd drive to see dads family in Ohio. Everyone would come over to the Grandparents' and have big family get togethers. I agree, those were the best times. I remember much of it, the way the light was when the sunset, the fireflies, Sitting on the porch late talking. It was all so warm and cozy, def a different feel. ya know what...George may have not had a retirement but he had you my friend. And somehow I think thats all he ever needed or wanted. Will remember you in my prayers. Take good care of yourself and Kodie of course

maybe instead of a tree you could decorate the mantle and such. Keep it up out of his reach. Or a small one on the table. I cleaned out Mom's old room and grouped all the Christmas together. Dad doesnt care much for holidays anymore. But at the least i'll decorate my room. We had nice holidays growing up. I've never had a holiday life at all. No parties or anything like that. I dont want glitter and glam and being out of work no expenses. Always been more for the snowfall at night in a deep forest. And the truer message of Jesus and peace. Something we may not see again except in our hearts. Kodie must be a strong one. All muscle and chewy teeth. great company I know. Good he has you to look out for him. One of the greatest needs is to streamline Medicare so its easily understood. maybe standardize it. There has been one good outcome of this health crisis and thats all the ability to use televisits for health care. Theyre even thinking that people can have a monitoring station that will take vtals etc and transfer that to the doctor. Stevenson...and special memories. I wish i could have met your George. he sounds like a very special person. It may not make sense but I think you're blessed for the time you had together. You will be together again one day. one of the delights of having folks who love antiques is getting to browse old books. used to love browsing the old bookstores. Old libraries. those times esp rainy days when the real world fades. I was thinking about the state of my dad last night. he never talks about how he is doing so I have no clue how it is other than what I see. from his face he is troubled at times and lost at times. Some days he seems somewhat normal. On his good days sadly he plays his old games. Or he comes up with issues that make no sense. he keeps telling me his sheets and pillows dont work...because they fall off the bed. i try telling him he tosses and turns at night. He will never listen to anyone but himself, he is the sole holder of truth and reality. The sheets were coming off because they were too slick and the top wasnt pulled up to the headboard. none of which has anything to do with it. So I took his sheets and blankets and tucked em under the matteress tight at the foot. So far so good. I managed to find him pillows sized between toddler and travel, so far so good. It wont last. the hard thing for me is that he must always have an issue, always manufacture something wrong. And it seldom makes sense. It could get worse. Well, now that i've passed my exam I need to start looking at an IT specialisation to move into. More study lol. We are 40s and 60 tomorrow. Hope you folks arent too cold. You should read some Christmas stories to kodie. I dont know what it is but for all thats going on there is still joy. Hang in there my friend. get your operation and see how it helps. there is hope. Take good care

Thanks for the poem, I like it. True too. Praying for your pain. Docs need to get going. You need some peace. And end of pain. Any word from them, can they do anything at all? You'll need one of the kids to get you a tree for Christmas and set it up. Do you get a real tree or just decorate the house? Dad hasn't wanted to decorate much since Mom passed. It's just not at all festive here. But will put some things up. I forget that as pretty as it is snow can be a problem too. Guess i'm lucky that i'll be inside. I guess the good news is that I passed my exam with 85%. Such a relief. Honestly, about halfway thru I thought I was a goner. Now I need to review my basics and decide what to study next. I've spent the 3 days since mostly doing things for dad and just relaxing. As far as I can see he has medicare and a policy from American Airlines as a secondary. I finally got to talk to a rep at AA. His Medicare is thru United Health and the AA will be added in for a Medicare C that takes over. His coverages dont change, the AA adds some things and his Part D is now paid for. Good thing is that all his medical is setup to autobill from his checking acct. I take care of all of it. he either cant or wont. he thinks he's the lord of the manor and im his footman or whatever else service he needs. Honestly hes very lucky im here. He also forgets or doesnt understand how to work the remote or his TV or both. Its obvious the remote doesnt work so I ordered him a new one, and its exactly the same. If he cant work this one he wont work a universal. He also cant get a properly sized pillow. he has a kids and a travel pillow and needs in between. Tempted to buy a foam one and cut it down. So how big is Kodie getting? Big as a house yet? Too bad he wont get big enough to pull you on a sled. That might come in handy. We were 90 two weeks ago and down in the 40s now. Fall is here to stay. Ours is short and will go to Winter. I'd rather see it 60s for awhile. Good thing I got 2 days of yardwork in. Take good care of yourself and Kodie. Stay warm.

Gee wiz, finally found out what my brothers new job is. All this time he has been working in the upper stratospheres of programming and IT. And he never told me. His new job is from home and he works for the company that created and runs the Lojack product. they make products that let a company track their employees driving etc and compile it in a readable report format. I dont need nor want him to try and direct my life, kind of what he does now on occasion. but he could have been telling me about what he does and how to get started so i could consider it. That also tells me he doesnt care he just wants to control. I laughed when i found out.

Oh, I thought someone hit your car, sorry. One I will sleep properly, maybe. Glad the fires are better. seems hard to get under control. Good thing is that nature will reclaim in time. My brother and I only talk when he and dad talk. he never says anything about his life yet wants me to talk about mine. And I know he doesnt care. He thinks he's being a good brother and he thinks he's looking out for me because I cant so he tells me what to study. Im sure he cant understand why im not listening. He cares only for himself so im not fooled. I'll stay in touch until I settle my dad's estate then he and I are done. I may not make the best decisions in my life but they are mine. Wouldnt you think they'd make medicare much easier to understand? I still havent a lue if dad has med and a supplementary or just medicare. he has no idea. His old employer sent him a letter that sounds like theirs is joining with medicare but waiting for more info. Dad read it but didnt understand it either. Its rough when he has no clue and whatever papers he may have had were thrown away. There were days when I would lay in the grass and watch the clouds. When I was bored and channel surf for a movie. Now i cant find enough time. Odd. Well good for you you keep active of body and mind. That certainly helps. They say as we age we sette into patterns of both and we decline. good to shake things up. Would like some rain please....cooing off here, 60 at night but in a drought. Likely no snow this winter. Tuesday is exam day. I dont feel anywhere near ready but have to try. All it would do to fail is waste 329 dollars, a year of my life and crush the tiny remnant of my ego. then i'd have to study for a month, shell out money again and try again. take good care of yourself and Kodie, stay warm as Fall deepens. I do enjoy this season the most. The colors, rain, the smells. Nothing like walking in the forest with crisp cool air and the scent of pines and brush. maybe in artwork i'll do that.

Hope youve been able to get some rest and the pain is subsiding some. How are you feeling? That sounds like a rough day. Good that you have Kodie for company. Is the car ok? Things like that make me want to just stay home. I think i've only filled up the car 3 times since this pandemic thing started. Tbh, I dont know if ive maintained my sanity or not. I think I am depressed most if not all of the time. And I know to an extent he cant help it but this is all just very depressing. I'm not a caretaker who goes home to a life. This is my life. It would help if I pass the exam but I have alot of trouble retaining info. My brother is forever suggesting things for me to do and saying how I have nothing to do. It shouldnt but it makes me very angry. I tell him truthfully that I have much more to do than time. What I wont tell him is how I struggle to learn my art software. It feels like hes prowling around like a good narcissist looking for a crack to slip through. I have been so conditiond over the years that sometimes I dont know if dad is just showing his dementia or ia trying to gaslight me. Both get my defenses thrown up fast. Well, their own faults. I can imagine you keep very busy. And feel guilty if you relax for too long? Understood, I think my days of doing nothing are long gone, but my ability to do many things has gone with it. I feel the bite of age and of losing abilities and skills. thats Life. Hope the fires are better? We really dont hear anything here. take good care

Going shopping tomorrow and getting some Truenature probiotics. Going to stock up just in case the election leads to more riots and disrupts the supplychain. Exam on Friday and dont feel ready but I guess i'm pretty burned out on studying. I just don't remember well these days. If I pass will take two weeks off and do somethings around the house and dive deep into artwork. Attached is my last one, nightscene. I have been enjoying getting out in the yard some days and trying to make it better. My Dad is fine as long as i'm home to cook his meals and help him to bed. he seems to have issues always. As soon as one fades another crops up. But he is trying. I think when I pass the exam im going to take him to Ihop for dinner. He is pretty well tied to his walker. And he doesnt walk around for very long. His PT is over and I dont tghink he's doing it on his own. he told me once it wasnt taxing or making him sore, it wasnt doing anything. He expects an instant result without work. But then Mom spoiled him for decades. yes ma'am I know that I dwell too much on all that and I would like to be disciplined. Look at the situation, decide the best coyrse of action and do that to the fullest. then once you've done all you can do drop it. No need to ruin your precious time with things you cant change. Or things yet to come. It's a good reminder that i've become lazy the past couple years. I do need to clean the patio furniture so I can work in the cool evening air. When you get a day off like this do you start wondering what you need to be doing? Lol, somewhat like when people retire. have the fires gotten under control yet? We havent seen anything except the occasional about California. Take good care of yourself and Kodie of course.

Take good care of yourself. Does no good to run yourself into a cold or flu. Life does seem to have a way of pushing us at times. Definitely have noticed how much ive slowed. Hope Peggy is hanging in there. Dad keeps having things that need taking care of, some legit and some just strange. His old glasses stopped working. they started giving him blurred and double vision. Then he put his new ones on and its fine. What I try and do is fix dads brunch and go read email and whatnot til noon, have my lunch and chat w/ dad a bit. Study til time to fix dinner and run errands as needed. Have an hour for dinner and chat with dad then study for two hours and watch movies with dad. After the news hes snoozin and generally I get my own time. And of course I do alot of research on things for him and what he needs, he has no clue. My biggest issue is just not retaining well. many times when i try and concentrate I just get very sleepy. I dont know if its that I need more sleep, I def need more exercise. Buddy of mine sent an article about the link between gut health and mental health as well as physical well-being. Going to try some probiotics. Hope you get a chance to get some rest, hang in there and take good care.

Take good care of yourself. My heart goes out to her also. And my thoughts and prayers. There has been what seems more than the usual pain and tragedy lately. When I lost Mom it wasnt like anyone else. I was just totally numb for awhile. Yesterday dad was talking about how hard it is to stand up from the chair. So i preached doing his PT. Today hes walking without his walker. I have no idea what to think. Finally taking exam in two weeks. Since I announced that dad suddenly feels the urge to resolve all his problems lol. I dont feel ready tbh and I expect a bad outcome but have to take it. I don't know why but it's just so hard to focus and to remember. Theres a Notary at my Wells fargo I think. Will look at the POA tonight and with luck we can get the POA and DNR stuff done. Thank you Take good care of yourself and your furry energetic friend.

Im sorry to hear. For all we think we know and can do. Things are still beyond us. My prayers are with you folks and him. I hope you're doing ok. We have one more warm day then a cold front. Set exam date for 17 days away, made the mistake of telling dad and now hes coming up with problem after problem. Things he didnt care about for years suddenly he needs fixed. Need to do some reading on creating POA for Dad. Take good care

sigh, typed comment in the wrong place. never try and think at 2am i guess. lol

Gee whiz, I apologize, time is not my ally anymore, I just dont seem to undrstand how to manage it. I thank you again for the recipes, will try em as soon as I can. I dont stand halloween. I dont get why people think all that horror is ok just because it isnt real. Several years ago at work i heard the lil skull scream and i saw it fill with blood and it struck me so hard. Even tho all that is play or fantasy it still effects your mind and soul. I think thats why so many of these people can do horrendous things, their victims arent real to them. Its like a game. I do love Fall though. the colors and the cool temps and hopefully rain. Too bad kody cant share his energy, maybe he does a bit. Its always good to have that joy around tho. Thats how we are as kids. No worries no doubts, no fears. just a joy in and of it all. I know he's good company. Went to the audiologist. very nice girl fixes the aids. dad sits down and she asks whats wrong. he looks at her and says "They're both workin now".....lol....but she cleaned em and attuned em. If the wax impacts the filters etc then apparent he either cant hear anything or it stops working. Dad had told me the filters were nothing and the dial didnt do anything (volume) and the button was nothing (modes). So he has forgotten it all and im best off researching on google. But we gt his ears working, she gave us some new filters and batteries. I had googled and saw that they have a remote. Found it in the closet and she fixed it up. he can adjust volume now. Found out that despite what dad told me he doesnt have a DNR at the house and I wonder if he has one at the doctors and hospital. Did some research and we can do that without an atty tho I need to do some reading on it. We also need both Powers of Atty and t set up a Trust. Tho an atty laid out options for me that apparently in Texas may not need to but again have some reading to do. Then will have to catch dad on a strong day and make a trip for signatures and notaries. he likes his PT that comes to the house, nice folks. he rolls his eyes because he doesnt have to work hard. he had PT after his stroke and they worked him so hard he was sore and never went back. I told them about that, but I hope they step him up. But then it doesnt do much good because he wont do anything on his own. he's supposed to do the routine every day, nope. The exercises he does are the same ones I and his neurologist suggested he do, so hes been able to do these at home all this time. But it gets him someone to see twice a week so its worth that. Going to say the obvious, but I get the impression that your George was a very good man. Yes, you have to take some time for you. Even if its 30 minutes every night. Read, listen to music, light some candles, take a walk. So many people get numb over the years. So many things are closed to them by their own doing. And once we start being that way its harder to change it. better to never get that way. I think part of my Moms loneliness was that her life was family for so long she forgot herself. i wish I could have done more for her. I wish people would understand. I could tell them but they wouldnt listen. Take good care of yourself and kody. We are past the hot weather and headed into Fall. next week a couple days with highs in the 70s and rain.

Have to wait til dad gets paid again to food shop then will try these new things, they sound good. He went out with his buddies the other day then had lunch. he didnt even think of his new diet so i'm not going to do it for him anymore, why bother. he got one of his attacks the next afternoon, no idea if that was the cause. no idea if lactose or wheat flour etc is doing it. He had a virtual doctors visit and he was telling her different things than what he had told me. Its harder to cook special for him and I dont think is worth it. He did agree to do PT inhome. We get a very nice younger woman. As soon as she sjowed up Dads hearing aids went out, both. So I was answering all her questions and yelling her other questions in her ear. now until wed its a very loud tv that he doesnt understand I wont sit with. I suspect hes faking but what can one do. Each hearing aid cost $2400 and go out about once every other month. I never know if its broken or what. Your Mom was probably afraid of you seeing how she coped and that you might see that she had slipped and couldnt be as she always was. My dads same way. he cant work the remote half the time. But its always the remote or the tv at fault. I agree dementia is a different reality. Your Mom was blessed to have you helping out. The good thing about being disciplined is it makes it easier later in life I think. You have the good habits to get things done on autopilot. My Mom had her routine and I didnt get it until she was gone but thats how she coped. She never let on and I never saw it. And thats one of my deep regrets. I often wonder if once the nest is empty if cooking becomes lees important. maybe not al at once but slowly. Cooking like you and my Mom did is less popular I guess. I enjoy it as long as I can keep it simple. Altho I love trying new things I tend to find a few things that treat me well and stick to them. Our range, sigh, its a convection range which means it has to have a certain iron skillet etc, and what we have sticks like crazy. Even with oil or butter everything sticks. I sincerely miss my teflon coated pans of old. beautifull things they were. Dad doesnt understand that i just cant cook whatever, and that im not the excellent cook Mom was. You should gather recipes with your diet and write a cookbook. I finally reinstalled Windows on my laptop. It erased most everything but so far its fixed. Their tech support was worthless. I dont think I lost anything. They are evil little critters. Thanks for the recipes, will try next time I can go food shopping. I was making my dad corn tortillas with sausage and egg and he doesnt like nontraditional food. Its got to be what his Mom gave him or it isnt food. Well, he can go back to what he had before. Ill give him an egg sandwich tomorrow. Then the pancakes when I can, he'll love em. Learned that despite what hes always told me he doesnt have a DNR order in the house. Claims theres one at the doctors and his hospital but no idea now. We are going to get a POA both legal and health, a DNR for the home and check the other two places. And we're doing a Trust to cover passing his household possessions. I hope thats all. Oh, and hes buying a new bed. he keeps trying to go out and shop and I defer him to online shopping. I know hes bored and he got to go out. but he doesnt need to tempt fate nor do i. His version of shopping is spending all day going from store to store with no idea where to find what he wants. my version of shopping is to think and decide what you want, look online and find it, then if you can get it online then do so. i dont like wasting time i guess Anyway, thats my latest book and I hope it helps you fall asleep lol. Oh, hows kody doing? is hes growing big? Take good care and will catch ya later.

Thx for the recipe, going to try it. Dad gets real upset about something. i question him carefully to see if we can help. then he talks to his doctor and tells her different things than what he told me. lol. he has the occasional urgen poo. I vaguely remember he had some issues with milk and gluten, so we are now avoiding both and is hard to find food. Thank goodness you mentioned the site. I thought maybe my computer was messing up. Im 62 so yep hes a kid. Sounds like a good one too. Sounds like you get along well, outside of your injuries. Its funny to me seeing people so much younger acting like theyre the authority of things. No clue. well, dad is going out tomorrow. His buddies are flying their planes in some field. hes going to get up at 7 despite his sleeping pill. No idea where hes goin or when hes comin back, they might go out to lunch. But his buddy is taking him and I trust the guy. Just worry bout him walking on a filed, hes horrible on uneven ground. I like your method, eat what works for you. For me is chicken and rice w/ some green veges. just feels good. I think I should have saved Moms cookbook and sent it to ya instead of my cousin. Its rather odd how all my life i kind of thought things would just turn out, like cosmic justice. Doesnt exist. I realised that bad things happen to good people and if we dont take care of things ourselves then its not going to happen. You really do have to fight for yourself. Time to fix the laptop, I hope. been having lots of trouble the past few weeks and nothing has helped yet. take good care of yourself, hoping and praying for the hand and all the aches.

Hang in there and keep after the doc, dont be shy of asking for help. My mom never wanted to. All 5 foot of her 93 yearold body would be climbing on the kitchen counter to get in the top cabinets. finally got her to promise to come get me instead lol. Theres still some good people around. Sounds like that young fella has a good heart. everything is an imitation...yep that both my dad and my brother. I now see it. Really neither hide it well. And have no clue I know. Maybe its just a natural tool of the beast. Tbh I wont ever get married again. At this point I really dont have anything to offer and dont have the time or money. Even if I did my emotions are enough of a rollercoaster to not inflict it on them. From what ive seen from this point in life on people just want to find someone they can stand being with so theyre not alone. If it makes em happy more power to em. never been that way and never will. Will keep praying for things to keep happening. I would normally be happy to just do artwork in my sparetime and its enough. lost the use of the software I know, the one I was learning and so am learning the rest and no doing well. Been working into one in Photoshop the past two days, going thru a tutorial. It just wont work. I might just breakdown and buy a class or two online. It feels like cheating but... I dont know how much repair you have on your place. Its starting to pile up here. This is what my brother refuses to understand, the things that need to be fixed that either pay for repair or spend time I dont have. The yard is burning up. Grass is turning to dirt. the sprinkler system needs fixing. Some heads are crooked and I doubt the waterflow is correct, I need to replace some faucet gaskets and gaskets in the hosereels. need to clean off the patio furniture. I would love to clean out the garage and have someone buy dads tools and stuff but he wont sell it. he still thinks he can do everything. last one was fixing a light socket, that was plugged in. We dont even need his powersaws and etc. He also has been having digestive issues. So he tells me he will leave it to me to change his diet and fix things. I politely and firmly refused and told him im not a doctor. I do remember being told 4 years ago or so that hes lactose challenged and Gluten challenged, so now on a diet free of both. Personally I think his intestine has just lost its muscular abilities. no strength. I also suspect he has something else internal going on. Esp since hes sleeping alot. Well, if that didnt put ya to sleep i dont know what will. Hopefully nothing else bad will happen, need good stuff to happen. Take good care of yourself and hang in there.

All you can do is keep after that doc. These days I wonder if they've forgotten the point of being a doctor. just wish there was something to help. You need a kind soul of a kid to help ya get ready for winter and such. the more you could eliminate tasks that call for using the hand the better. Maybe someone to stack the firewood close to the door and deliver groceries every week or so. Keep your eyes open I guess. maybe as a thanks for your years of service the Church would send someone to help. hang in there. It was 107 today.... My brother is a narcissist, thinks he knows everything, is never ever wrong (even tho he often is because he passes decree on things he knows little about...just like Dad). Hethinks he has to tell me what and how to do things because I obviously have no clue. i would like nothing more than to tell him to shut his yapper but that would greatly upset dad because my bro is his favorite and I have to deal with Dad daily. Anyway, my brother is a leftist/socialist and swallows everything the media says. So hes adamant that this virus is a plague of death itself. And hes so afraid of getting it....well, hes an idiot. I refuse to also be an idiot. Im staying safe but im not hiding. Dad is at the point he has two calendars to mark the day and his appointments but he forgets to notice them so he always thinks he has an appt each day. he has asked me what my bro did after colege and then later as an afterthought what ive done. I wanted to say 'not a thing dad, pretty much just wasted my time'. Then yesterday he asked if I had always lived in this area and talked about Scott and Bill his sons like he had forgotten i was Scott. The good days are fewer. last night he was already asleep when i went in to watch TV at 8. Think I will turn on a movie when I fix his breakfast and maybe he will get interested. To be honest my biggest failing is myself. I seem to have no spark anymore. favorite part of a sermon, 'the warfare is in the mind, its how you think, its how you feel' win it in the mind and win it in Life. Just cant seem to stay organised or frame a plan of action in my head, but I keep trying. I thank you for your kind words and your friendship. And i hope I never yak too much here. I tell myself that I must find a way to take advantage of these isolated times to do as much learning as I can...because any day it will all change and then there will be no time. take good care of yourself my friend. Will be praying for your hand and your situation. Something may yet come around.

Severed nerves doesnt sound good, I hope youre not hurting you to type. Hopefully by now youve heard from the doc on a steroid shot, may have to call him up. Ive had a couple really good ones in my life and then ive had doctors that should have been accountants. Too bad theres no one a bit closer. Can someone come stack it by the door? Maybe someone from Church would come lend a hand. Guess there are some drawbacks to being on the edge of town so to speak. Is there anything at all that helps with the pain? It must be difficult to resign your office at the Church, tho as you say its time. You'll have to keep in touch with those you dealt with closely and of course you'll see em all at service. just dont be shy about calling em up. Do I sound like a big brother yet? lol. Hard making changes sometimes, yet if not necassary then advantageous. I never know with my dad if hes playing his little narcissistic games or if hes sad and depressed or if he just doesnt have a mental spark to watch a show or read a book. His latest game is to tell me he wants something, then tell me why what I ordered wont work. he doesnt give me all the info, or what he wants isnt available. He just likes making me waste my time and tell me how its the wrong thing. Control is what he thrived on and is now starved on. That show of emotion, frustration and I still havent learned to control it completely tho im better. His buddies have found a gym to go fly their planes in and want to have lunch after. Of course thats just what dad needs in one sense yet not at all good as far as the virus. One comment I read about whether or not to take an elderly parent out to eat...how horrible it would be at that age to not be able to do something you enjoy. So, im torn. Of course its his decision and not mine. My brother...lol...took his wife to the dentist. 'supposed to be' the only ones in the offices. but she could hear another patient in another room. So when he got her home they quarantined from each other for 14 days. Thats the first time theyd been out since it all began. I dont know if he'll ever come out again. Anyway, take good care of yourself, I hope the hand gets to hurting less. Doc needs to get on the ball. Enjoy the weather, we are 99 all week. Edit: its difficult being treated like the idiot son. because he has some freak thing about not showing weakness and never admitting a problem he endangers himself and gets angry and verbally and emotionlly abusive if I try to help. He will lie to me. I'm an adult. Not perfect but actually pretty smart and somewhat wise. I waste alot of time researching things and if im not comfortable with what ive found I will ask a professional. Yet in his loss of mind he makes things up, that are wrong or halftrue and he will defend those to the death. because he can never be wrong and I can never be right. Ive picked him up off the floor, ive held my breath hoping and praying he doesnt fall, because hes too whatever to allow a lil help or to listen to me tell him what will help. Ive cleaned his bed from the pee so many times. Ive looked into his eyes when he was quite mad. And prayed he would come back. I know you've been thru worse. Maybe he would be happier in a home, where he might have someone to talk to. But he wouldnt last too long. They wouldnt spoil him or allow his bs. I sincerely doubt he would go unless they dragged him there. Everyday he starts out sitting and staring. Sometimes I can get a program on cable and he will watch. Sometimes he will try and change the channel using his cellphone. He will often not be able to work the remote. The other day he got youtube displaying in Phillipino. And deleted the settings menu. He never thinks anything is wrong, he always has hayfever and allergies and he takes a pill. But rt now he coughs so often and I hear the phlegm, but he refuses that anything is wrong. I know that at anytime he may pass. then I will have to fight with my brother, settle the estate if possible and find an apt and a job. Life holds no fun. No future. there will be no thank you. No 'job well done' and no reward. If i'm lucky I wont end up broke on the sgtreet. then maybe i'll pursue happiness. But when he just sits there and stares like hes depressed, even tho I know he wont talk and wont allow help, its pretty darn hard to concentrate. because even after all he is and has done and I dont respect nor love him, hes still my responsibility. And its like caring for the devil, you never know. Sorry to let that out and no need to reply to it. guess that was therapeutic or something. I went to get food tonight. I realised that getting out is needed to maintain social ability. But most of all to bring us out of ourselves and restore our focus out of our home circumstances and remind us the world is out there. anyway book is over.