Connor'sMom

Thank you, Ms. Marty. I appreciate the additional resources. I need reinforcements as we go into the holiday season. Anxiety head to toe!

Hello, I am back with another loss. This time my Mom. New support group. She passed 09/09/21. She was a difficult lady but she was my mom. I am the youngest of 4. I was the only child she spoke to. I took care of her until the end. I have such a fractured family that I don't have anyone to talk with. It has been over a year and I still haven't written a celebration of life. Nothing. She said she did not believe in heaven. As I cleaned out her purse, she had rosary beads. I cleaned out her house and she had scriptures written down. She did not want to die. During her final hours I felt like she was struggling because she wanted a "do over." It has been over a year. I cry at the most inappropriate times. She loved the holidays and was very crafty. I went to TJ Maxx for a few things. Holiday items everywhere. I had a panic attack and went back to my car. I don't know how to grieve this.

Hello, Our world is facing quite a challenge. This will be our first Spring without Connor. It is going be 60+ in the PNW this week. He would have loved it. The sun is out. Our Cherry Blossoms have bloomed We miss him so much. With the season change, my husband and I find that we honor Connor in ways that make us laugh. "Connor would not like all of the cheery blossom flowers on his fur." "Connor would love that we just put out the lawn cushions." It hurts, but is also joyful. Please take care of you and your families. Elizabeth

@BobBlah I think we all share in your loss of Jack. Like @kayc stated, our babies are still in our hearts. Connor passed 11 weeks ago. I didn't leave the house for a month. I can still go days without leaving the house. I have learned the grief is a ride on a roller coaster. Just like you, Connor was our only child, therefore our daily "schedules" are no longer "normal." (If that makes sense). I have read all of the articles @MartyT posted above. Be gentle with yourself. Connor'sMom

@Anappa, Thank you for sharing your beautiful reflection. "After months of thought, I’ve come to realize something beautiful I thought I would share. Tonight is no different from any other night - once work is done, the kids are asleep and my wife says goodnight, I miss my little girl and usually cry for a while, but I have to take a moment to appreciate the true love she had for me and understand what she did on her last day and it’s really quite amazing..." It has been 6 weeks since we lost our sweet Connor. Our story of his last day with us is similar to yours. I find so much comfort knowing that members of our discussion group both understand and are trying to make sense of the loss of our fur angels. I miss Connor every second of everyday. I did not realize how much of my daily routines included him. Even making a grocery list....thinking we are out of xyz for Connor....then I remember. It is so uncomfortable. Lots of peace and prayers coming your way! Connor'sMom

HI @kayc Today, I was teetering on being angry. It's not my nature. But I accepted that feeling and took some deep breaths. I had errands to do and had to drive by Connor's Vet today. It felt so strange. My car wanted to take a right turn...... I am holding onto the hope that Connor and Buddy found each other. Buddy LOVED Connor. Buddy wasn't a fan of other other males, but Connor taught him it was ok to play at the park and meet new friends. It didn't mean they were coming home with us . Connor'sMom

I just received news that Connor's playmate passed away yesterday 😔 Connor and Buddy met when they were both puppies. They played together for 4 years until both our families were re-deployed to different coasts. I hope they are back together again, playing tug of war and watching over our families. Connor'sMom

@Wifflesnook Your post is beautiful. Exactly what I needed to read at this moment in time. Connor'sMom

I think I read this in one of Marty's articles (I have been reading everything in order to make sense of my grief), but I went back into the trunk to get Connor's name tag. I put it on my key chain. I'll live with that for awhile and see if it provides some comfort.

@K.D. I am thinking of you. Thank goodness for the opportunity to type our feelings of loss to people who understand. Connor'sMom

HI, It has been a month since Connor's passing. I bought a pretty trunk to put Connor's toys, leashes, costumes and blankets away. I had the energy today to organize and remove the items laying around the house. I feel like I am back at square one. I was Connor's Mom. I don't know who I am anymore. I tried an in person pet bereavement group this afternoon at the local shelter. I wasn't ready. Just a message to say that every day is going to be different. Be gentle with yourselves. Connor'sMom

Thank you for sharing a photo of Star. So sweet. (The little boy is adorable!). I hope reviewing photos of Star helps with your healing. Reviewing photos of Connor throughout the years is proving to be beneficial in my healing process. There are still the overwhelming, takes your breath away moments of grief. I am not sure when or if they will go away. They may never. But I am giving myself permission to cry. Connor'sMom

Thank you for posting the beautiful video, KayC. Kathy, I lost my Connor on 12/18/2019. I am still thick in the grieving process but find incredible comfort talking with KayC and Marty. I hope Star and Connor have found each other. Connor is a bit bossy😉 but a perfect friend. Connor'sMom

One of our last professional photos. I am so happy we did this.

Thank you Karen. I hope Connor found Mickey. 💙 Thank you for the smile re: the bathroom.....Connor would "knock" on the door and push it open. No privacy for this girl! Connor'sMom

Thank you both, KayC and Marty. Everyday is so different. I made myself go to hot yoga this morning. I want to try and get out of the house. Other yoga participants would not know if I am sweating or crying. While working from home is both a blessing and a curse, right now, I can grade papers while crying. I am also trying to stay away from friends. They mean well, but I don't want the unsolicited advice: "You need a new routine," "You need a new job outside of the house," "You need to stop crying." While all may be true, what I need is to do is let myself grieve naturally and I don't know what that looks like or feels like from moment to moment.

Thank you KayC. And I am so sorry about Kitty and Arlie. Extra prayers and healing energy. Connor'sMom

After 11 years of pure joy and unconditional love, I had to say good bye to my black lab, Connor. My husband and I adopted Connor when he was 8 weeks old. We had been married 2 months. We traveled the country with Connor. Maine to Seattle, and everywhere in between. Our families thought we were "nutty" as Connor went everywhere with us. I remember my mother stating many years ago, "I hope I am not alive when it's time for Connor to go." Luckily my husband and I were able to filter the hurtful and stupid snide remarks both sides of the family would so loosely make. On 12/19/2019, it felt like the world stopped. Yes, Connor outlived his expectancy once given the diagnose of Diabetes and Cushing's Disease in November of 2016. We were still very active and we managed his care plan to the letter. Waking up on the 19th and walking downstairs, I knew immediately Connor was not feeling well-and it was serious. 2 hours later, my husband and I were rubbing and hugging him until his last breath. The same Vet who Connor has had since 8 weeks old, was now also saying good-bye. It was, and continues to feel crushing. Takes my breath away. Connor had a very BIG life! I look at pictures documenting all of the fun trips, funny expressions, videos......it does provide comfort. Every day for 11 years. Today. Today I am angry. It has been 18 days. Those who were a big part of Connor's life are all aware of his passing and themselves are grieving the loss. The Holidays have come and gone. My husband is back to work today. I go back to teaching college tomorrow. I am mad that I cannot go a day without tears. I am just mad. I guess that is all that I wanted to write down today. Thank you so much. Connor'sMom