Boho-Soul

Thanks Ipswich & Kaye for both your responses. kayc, just to respond to your post on tips for grief: - I am seeing my Dr. for exhaustion & migraines, I see a grief therapist monthly via Zoom calls, and self-care has always been a priority in my life, but I’ve ramped it up now more than ever. - I do have a cat which keeps me company and I chat with friends on the phone. I’d like to see them more but this Covid fiasco limits that given the area I’m in, so socializing, volunteering etc. isn’t an option right now and I’m home a lot. - I recently started back to work which gets me out of the house. Out team has a lot of PPE to wear as we provide therapy for kids in schools. Everyone, our team & teachers, are in survival mode as Covid cases increase, thankfully there haven’t been any outbreaks in the schools I have on my caseload. - I feel Covid has changed the way one grieves, the limitations of not seeing friends & family even just for hugs if nothing else ‘sucks’ to put it bluntly. I feel touch starved. I see my daughter & grandson once a week, then I ache to see them for 6 days til I can see and hug them again. Ipswich, I love your last sentence. I always believed my late husband loved me even though he was unable to show it. Lately my emotions have shifted from feelings of anger and frustration to compassion as I process how much he was struggling with his depression. I too believe he loved me as much as he could. Blessings from Boho-Soul

Am I alone in my specific situation of grieving? My late husband and I meet 25 yrs ago and we were a perfect match. We had an amazing dating life, became best friends then he proposed. I was unaware, but 1.5 years before he proposed something affected him and he began to change. He didn’t tell me but once we married and were living together I could see something wasn’t right and he wasn’t being himself with me. He would withdraw and disengage to the point I didn’t feel honoured as a wife. At the 4 year mark his Dr. determined he was depressed and prescribed meds. Within weeks I saw dramatic improvements, my wonderful man was back. But he said the meds made him feel artificial and said he didn’t like how his happiness felt fake, so he stopped. He dealt with unmedicated depression for 12 yrs and our marriage took a drastic hit. It was empty and felt like an emotional divorce. I was dealing with the living loss of my marriage, I was living married, but the marriage was lost. During this time he became a hoarder, which added to the complexity our situation. After 12 yrs he did go back on meds and was still on them 3 yrs later. Then we began couples therapy to heal our connection and rebuild our relationship. We were 6 sessions in when he suddenly & unexpectedly died due to unforeseen health issues. I’m now dealing with grief of his physical loss, as well as my feelings of betrayal for the years he was not engaged in our marriage, and there are many issues that go unresolved. I have feelings of compassion for him, but at the same time I feel the sting of betrayal. I know it wasn’t intentional but the resulting pain I feel is the same. I think when most people lose a spouse they grieve the loss of their best friend, the one who was always there for them, the one they planned a future with. I lost my best friend during our marriage, he was unable to be there for me and we no longer planned our future as most days he was just trying get through the day and couldn’t see beyond that. I’m wondering, how do you grieve when your marriage was less than harmonious? Boho-Soul