I need to get some things off my chest.
My boyfriend has suffered a tragic loss within the last few weeks. His son passed away. My heart shattered when I heard the news… the loss of a child is the worst thing any parent will ever experience. But knowing the love of my life was suffering, made my heart break.
I have been trying my hardest to be there for him in ways I feel appropriate. I don’t want to be too overbearing or overstep any boundaries considering his emotions are all over the place. I’m more than willing to stand by his side while he goes through this tragedy, all I want is to help him move forward in life without his son. I want to make things easier, in any way I can. I’ve done some research on how people deal with things like this while they are in a relationship and it all seems to end the same.
A few days ago he seemed to be having one of this “better” days. We were talking and joking all day. We were having a conversation about how much we loved and missed one another (we haven’t seen each other since before his son passed away) he had finally called me “baby” which he hasn’t done in quite some time. It made me feel so good. My heart was fluttering and my eyes were lit up with joy. I felt as though my boyfriend was coming back, slowly but nonetheless he was trying. The next thing I know… he’s asking me if all of this is too much for me. I reassured him that none of this was an issue. I told him im here for him no matter what, no matter how long it takes. You have all of me, forever. I love this man will all my heart and soul and I have for a very long time. He told me it might be better for me to move on and find happiness elsewhere. He said he loves me too much to put me through this. He’s good some days and on others he is not and he feels it is unfair to keep me around while all this is happening. I’m trying my absolute hardest to understand where he’s coming from but I simply cannot. He has my heart and I’m finding it hard to accept that we are over. The next day, I texted him asking if this is really what he really wanted, he replied with “yes I need some space, I don’t know how to feel. I’m good and then I’m not” I’m was so angry and hurt. I don’t like not knowing and being in a “grey” area of limbo.. it seems so unfair. I told him I love him way too much to just be friends and I want all of him or nothing. I said if you don’t want to be together then just block me because I can’t handle not having you. I regret saying that to him. He respected my wishes and blocked me… I wish more than anything I hadn’t said that. I’m going crazy without him and it’s only been one day. I miss him, I need him and I love him so much. I’m worried about him and his well-being. I want to know how his days are, if he’s crying, if he’s eating or trying to sleep. He’s my world. I know I need to respect his space but damn… this is hard.
ive read many threads here of people going through the same kind of situation and they all pretty much end the same. I don’t want to lose him. I lost him once before and I had just gotten him back. Our history is really complicated (lol) I don’t know. I just need some advice. What should I do? How do I feel better even though this is not what I want? I miss my boyfriend terribly. I haven’t stopped crying. I need help.