Margm

I tried to leave a picture, I did leave a picture, it was too small to read.  I just wanted to WISH YOU ALL A HAPPY NEW YEAR, better than the last.  

Well Kevin, I will think of you going through the same thing then.  I'm the chauffeur so I have to have good eyes.  I've said this so many times.  My grandmother loved to read.  It kept her alive after my grandfather passed away.  I read probably at least seven books a month.  At least.  My grandmother did not know about such things as cataracts.  My "city" aunt took her to the eye doc and got her fixed up for at least another 20 years.  She had said "If I can't read, I would just as well be dead."  I know how she felt. Y'all keep warm up in that north country.  Thanks for the company.  Good luck with yours.  Your much younger than me, but I've needed it done for a long time.  I am totally a coward.   

5 hours ago, kayc said:

you are such a good person. 

I don't really feel that way.  I've just told everyone January (or most of it) is mine.  Got to get the eyes fixed or I cannot do anything.  

I've mentioned this many times before, probably, but an author said something we all know not to be true, his being terminal, he knew it, but it hits home.  

“Everybody has got to die, but I have always believed an exception would be made in my case.” William Saroyan.  

And in my case, we are our "brothers" keeper.  Especially when she has no one else.  Her little apartment has to be cleaned.  It has to pass inspection and I realize people who smoke cannot smell cigarette smoke anymore. She is not supposed to be smoking in her apartment.  I bought her cigarettes last two weeks and she goes through more than a pack a day. I have someone to clean her apartment, she has done it before and is very meticulous.  My sister "fired" her the last time because she "talked too much."  A very sweet woman, in her 50's who lost her husband at a younger age.  My sister didn't tell her she talked too much but does not want her again.  I finally just told her to find someone.  A place advertises for $19 and I'm sure that is per hour, but my sister won't be paying for it.  The manager likes her, and if she throws her out, I have no idea what I am going to do.  I do not have the money to rent her a place and no government homes will accept her.  And, she has a cat.  I just talked to her, and she took out six bags of trash, she is not worried.  Billy always told me if I didn't have something to worry about, I'd hunt until I found it.  I miss him.  The years are nothing but a holding pattern.  

Family problems can really bring down the holidays.  We've fought my sister's cancer for 15-16 months now.  I bought her car.  Did not want to but she needed the money, after the wreck (woman ran stop sign) my car was totaled.  Either the chemo or family curse has affected her mind, and she keeps wanting to use the car.  I take her, nearly every day, and the social workers have advised her not to drive.  I feel guilty, would not have chosen a sedan, but again, she needed the money, we have to have a car (and I am her chauffer).  Her beautiful mind is affected, and she realizes it.  And I feel guilty.  Granddaughter has become a problem I cannot talk about, but if they allowed me to drink, I would keep Mogan David Blackberry handy.  I guess it is good they won't let me.  (I only used to like sweet wine.) 

Have a good Christmas everyone.  

17 hours ago, Widow2015 said:

I might not empty the box for a week or more.

If I did that the mailman would report it and I'd have a couple of police or ambulance people doing a "wellness check."  I had that happen the first week after Billy left.  Earphones on, reading till 2:00 a.m. and woke up with flashing lights.  Two police cars (at least) (county and city) and an ambulance with lights all flashing.  So, I bedhead went to the door just as they were to knock it down.  I quit using ear plugs after that.  (My family had tried to call me over and over). Do not enjoy being "on my own" but I'm not really.  Just like an "Amber alert" would be done if I was a kid, now a "silver alert" will be done if I do not report where I will go.  I missed the time between school and marriage and jumped right into marriage, which I do not mind having done.  Well, gotta take my sister grocery shopping now, it is three days before Christmas.  I live in a small (about 12,000) population city but they all come to Walmart and Brookshires at the same time.  You all be safe.  

Karen, I had time to get used to my dentures, because of small tumors on the roots of my teeth, they were (cut out) pulled many years ago. (I was 19). Tumors were benign but had eaten the roots away.  The body does many strange things.  Just keep gnawing away.  I had an uncle-in-law that even ate ice with his gums.  

I hope you all have a healthy Christmas.  

I have had so much frightening things happen to me and it all involves me getting naked.  That is not a pretty picture.  I am so scared of the cataract surgery; just promise me I don't have to get naked.  

No sweet Karen, we never stop counting.  

Hope you are doing better Kay.  I think we all suffer from "seasonal depression" at this time of year.  My son, who is bipolar, has suffered from it for as long as I can remember, and me, well I feel like the Grinch.  The thing is to remember the reason for the season, and not gifts and tinsel. I think my nephew is fixing a Tex/Mex meal at my son's house.  Kelli is stuck to the bed most of the time.  Her "Energizer Bunny" wakes up about once a week. My sister is slowly losing it.  Hard for someone with so many degrees to accept that chemo has robbed her of so many things.  She has her life, but after 14-15 months of chemo is only going twice a month now.  And we are "our brother's (sister's) keepers" when they have no one.  I signed up yesterday to be her "go between" for her Medicaid.  We got it renewed on a 3-way call. She holds onto mail and "plans" on answering, but it is only added to the stack of mail. She read me one on the phone where she was cut off Medicaid.  She has to have it. Guess I do not feel too Christmy.  I think I made up that name.  At 81, I have made it where I do not have to remember some things.  We get so much mail that we need to ignore and some we cannot ignore.  

One of the young girls from another country did not know what "knock on wood" meant.  I think she may have met our teacher friend from Arizona, (not sure of anything.)  I hope they are happy.  Hope our Hawaii and Arizona woman and fellow are making a go of her restaurant.  Lots of memories.  Anyhow, I will "knock on wood" because this ole body does not need anything else to happen.  I know everyone says the cataracts are easy and results are great, but since last hospitalization 10 years ago, I am afraid of everything.  Still get my checkups and blood work done every four months.  Still good results with the starch diet being the only one this old radiated body can handle, and shots, not pills for the antibiotics, and another "knock on wood." Enough action happens in my family, do not have time for "me."  My anxiety chases off all bugs and viruses, I guess.  Even a termite does not want to invade a fence post that can only stand against the wind.  

I did decorate my patio and went to plug it in and the receptacle would not work.  Michael (our "fixer") was here Monday morning as soon as I called.  Beautiful 4-foot white flocked tree with pine cones flocked and white lights.  I put little red shiny pinecones all over it.  It is very pretty, but I miss the cedar ones from the woods, cut down and stuck in the corner with tinsel and old saved glass trimmings. I do have the Grinch climbing over the fence and it has stayed for two days anyhow.  

We are missing a lot of people.  Sometimes I think the holidays bring us down.  Gin has not been on in awhile.  Dee, and a few more.  Gwen, of course, that is a big mystery.  

I have the largest patio of any of the apartments.  I never go out there.  It is covered with a privacy fence I can only see over by standing on tip-toes.  Going to look for my Rosemary small "tree" to put on the table.  We get a new tree every year.  I am going to put outside lights all along the top of the fence and ordered the Grinch below.  The fence looks like what he is "climbing over" and probably won't stay long as people are prone to steal things, if they like them, from private yards, automobiles, etc.  It is teenagers and I live in a "safe" part of town.  Does not matter though. I'm more like my grandma, no small children around, Billy was our child at Christmas, and I hate presents.  I am going to take shadow boxes and put the fishing flies that he would sit and make as a hobby to each relative.  I only like lotions as a gift, and Kelli already gave me a pair of Sketchers slip on's.  Brianna is with her boyfriend and his family more than here, but she is 24, so she is flying the coop.  I feel empty nest syndrome all over again.   

Hope you get to feeling better.  Y'all have some cold days, but I guess that makes Christmas.  Sounds like you needed to stop off at an urgent care to at least get meds.  Stay 25 feet away from Iris.  She sounds as self-absorbed as the friend of Gwen's.  Sure wish we could get word to her that we miss her.  Haven't put up Christmas.  Went to see my cousin.  Long time.  He has had strokes, broken hip they don't dare do surgery on.  He stood from his wheelchair to hug me.  Still looks like the little boy of so many years ago.  He is a year or so older than I am.  Still has his dark hair.  Billy's last sister passed away in NM.  Her husband passed less than a month ago. Seems very sad season, but I thought of Billy welcoming her to Heaven.  I almost could see it.  

Good luck on the weather Kevin. Good luck with the family situation.  I dread Christmas.  Granddaughter won't come because she and her mom are at (sometimes) a silent war.  I'm trying to hold on to a sanity that at age 81 is tenuous.  My daughter is mental, my granddaughter is full of hate.  Age 24 is not a child anymore, but damage has been done and both want to throw me in the middle.  I do not know how to save me, much less anyone else.  I wish they would not put me in the middle.  Someone is always angry at me because I'm tired. My staying silent makes both angry at me.  Families can kill you.  My son is angry, and like my dad, it seems to come out to the wrong person.  My daughter lives at his house, he wants no part of their anger.  Neither do I.  I remember marrying Billy to get away from my mom.  In 1960, there seemed no other option.  Billy knew it.  Frying pan into the fire.  Made the best of 54 years and I miss my protector.  Best years of my long life. 

It is 55 degrees and sunny.  Got to get groceries.  Get cataracts taken care of in January.  Had cause to go to urgent care, shower made my ear stop up and my aggravating it did not help. I put up with it for three days. The female doc took a lot of time with me just talking.  How do you find a doc that will do that anymore?  Not medical, just talk. My state group insurance picks places that are "free" and I'm sure my insurance paid it, but it was free for me.  You can't say you have a wonderful experience with doctors anymore.  I can now.  I'm glad it was just an aggravation and not serious.  

My sister is in her 14th month of chemo.  I bought her car.  She needed money more than the car.  It was her idea.  I am her transportation nearly every day.  She wants days where she keeps the car and it is in my name, but she is covered under the very expensive insurance that I pay too.  There are tear places on the sides of the bottom where she runs over curbs.  She needed a jeep.  

Have I griped enough?  Golden years?  Someone that was not old made those words up.  

I was hoping you would have no problems with it at all.  I guess we all fall into something as we get older.  Certainly, the road is full of ruts.  Just showering one of my ears would not unstop.  I withstood it (and aggravated it) for three days before going to the urgent care clinic.  Only happened once before.  Did not get it infected, thank goodness.  Just not being able to hear out of one ear made me think of my good friend who is deaf now.  Take care of yourself George, sometimes we are the only ones we can depend on.  My family stays sicker than me most of the time.  They have to take me in January for the dreaded cataract surgery.  After you have had so much wrong with you in younger years, I don't want to be touched.  Was glad to have the ear unstopped anyhow.  Keep us updated George.  I know you cannot lift heavy stuff for a while, so please be careful.  

That is what happens when you have wonderful neighbors, sometimes they give you everything.  I like waving at mine.  

I'm not sure I could do my "business" at 12 degrees either.  It is a shame we don't have dog boxes like we have cat boxes.  Y'all stay warm.  A friend of mine had a raincoat and boots for her pup.  It is colder in Louisiana too, but it is 54 and raining.  

Yes, I would eat it when Billly cooked it, or his mom.  Just didn't like it when I cooked it.  We were discussing my cooking today at our Thanksgiving dinner.  No one can cook old south turkey and dressing like I can, no brag, just fact.  The simple chicken and dumplings I never could master.  My nephew was talking about my dumpling (singular) and how it was good once you cut it into pieces.  This was true and they all laughed. No matter if I followed a recipe, used biscuits, flour tortillas, no way could I ever fix dumplings.  And really, the thing was the dogs would not eat them either.  

I remember the cabbage soup diet.  On my high starch "diet" I can have spinach and green beans.  I can have most underground veggies except turnips.  Makes no sense, but tell that to my intestines.  They don't like me much anyhow after I let them all get burned up from radiation.  I just have to cut out and down.  I used to would not cook cabbage but Billy made the best "fried" cabbage ever.  Loved cabbage slaw.  I would certainly love to have stuffed celery.  I miss all our southern soul food and skillet cornbread.  But, I sure don't miss what they do to me.  

Know you feel lots better with the weight going away.  

On 10/31/2023 at 12:21 PM, Margm said:

Go to doc next week, blood work and he listens everywhere.  That's about it.

Well, he had asked me to lose four pounds and I did.  ALL of my lab work was excellent and that is a pure miracle, with my starch diet.  Now he wants me to lose five more pounds.  If I don't die soon, I might be at my high school weight in 5-6 years.  Maybe longer.  Lots of family problems.  One of us needs mental help bad, but I think she is narcissistic, so not sure it will help.  I think you need to tell the truth to be helped.

Still sleeping with the fan on at night, turned away from me but just moving air around.  It is 50 degrees right now and I saw a map that showed y'all in the NW area, Canada included (of course) are in for some very cold weather.  Think maybe y'all are more used to it than us (I don't know what to call us, hillbillies (?), no hills, rednecks (?) nah, and we are not Cajuns either). Just flatlanders.  

One thing I do not like about getting to be 81 is that if I look forward to something, I might forget it, and for sure not to buy green bananas. 

Cover up and stay warm folks.   

One of the doctors that trained at the hospital where I retired from is a surgeon now in my home town.  His mom was pruning her rose bushes and stuck a rose bush thorn in her hand.  She almost died, really, from a thorn from a rose bush.  Strange little things can hurt us bad.  Billy kept getting scrapes and hurt from moving rocks at our place where he thought he was Jeremiah Johnson.  We rushed the nearly 40 miles to the closest clinic more than once.  The time we had to rush Brianna, when she was a tiny tot was the last draw for me.  We moved away from the beautiful mountains only about a half mile from the clinic.  Every little thing I would have Billy at the clinic.  Taking his blood pressure I heard skipped beats.  Took him directly, no appointment.  He was sent to a cardiologist who said it was "normal" (wasn't normal to me.)  Living close to clinic did not save his life though.  

You have certainly had your share of scrapes, jabs, cuts, dog bites, and wounds.  I guess saying "be careful" is too late.  I agree, you have slept and woke up from the head hit and know what to look for.  Maybe a soft pair of gloves under workmen's gloves would help with all of your activities.  When I go out around the apartments I take two hiking stix along with me.  Yet, my closest calls have been getting out of bed in the morning, legs stiff, have to sit down a few times and then get back up.  We are accidents, trying to just mobilize safely.  It is not easy.  

Of course you are up to date on your tetanus shot, I hope.  (I'm not, but will get one next week when I go to doc.) 

Showing we "like" the post sometimes seems not enough.  My heart is with so many.  But "like" is a heart, so maybe we can feel the emotion that goes into it. 

You do manage to keep busy up on your mountain.  Nothing going on here except it finally got cold.  Took my sister for her chemo, weight only 90.  She can't get it to come up. That is four more than it has been.

Kelli's little fur-baby is 14.  She is deaf, can hardly see, and has a hard time breathing.  I dread this.  At the vet two weeks in a row.  They call her a miracle pup.  I know Kelli is going to be so sad.  We all will be, but she has been her constant companion for 14 years.  

That's all I have.  Go to doc next week, blood work and he listens everywhere.  That's about it.