Margm

I took a short road trip to see where my grandmother was born.  It is just a black and white sign now, no houses but one that was lived in and one brick home that the vines and vegetation we have here in the humid south had covered.  It looked like a ghost house but not many years ago it was modern.  An old car was sitting there too and I'm sure years ago it was driven.  And, this part of the country, this country road, paved, was where my grandmother came from.  It was a big family at one time, but no sign of where it could be.  The road changed and had Arkansas road numbers.  All my folks on that side lived right on the Arkansas/Louisiana line.  My depression opens up if I think too much on "what once was" and I was so into genealogy that I would stay up all night just following a clue.  But that was before Billy left. Now I never look at Ancestry.com.  My cousin took it to great extremes with galleries of pictures (I helped), histories, etc.  Once I found my grandmother's baby sister that my cousin knew nothing about (cemetery, naturally).  Now it makes me sad.  I know I have to buy a memorial stone and have it engraved.  I have the cemetery plot behind my mom and dad's, next to my aunt and uncle's but I was gonna wait on them first.  They are both 90 and still take short walks each day.  Not sure I've got that long.  Makes me despondent to do this, but I sure don't want to make my kids have to do it.  Well, enough of this feeling sorry for me, going to go read my paranormal books.  I tried reading my old authors and was bored.  I kind of like the wolf shifters and witches.  

“Some day you will be old enough to start reading fairy tales again.” ― C.S. Lewis

I think he was talking to his niece when he said this, and he did not mean it in the way I am taking it.  No blood and guts, you can get them w/o all the romance, and they are free on my Kindle.  I think I read seven in two weeks in a series.  Weird probably.  I am.  

My mom always loved learning something new.  Even into old age.  I still have my "new" senior phone I have not started up.  It is so easy to use the flip phone.  Got the new case where I can carry it in my big pockets. On top of that our bank/credit union sent out news they would be closed for 3-4 days (we still could use all our ATM's, online banking, etc.)  Went into the bank and the tellers were replaced with computer things on the wall, no people.  You talk to a little person, real person, in the picture.  Does not help, my shaking.  But to their favor, someone to help.  The picture that was put up about the old woman with the man telling her how to "go on-line" really is reality now.

I took my son over to Walmart in the "city" because the meds make him afraid to drive.  Know he will not worry about my trips to Arkansas if he does not have to go now.  Will talk to my regular doc and see about scheduling cataracts surgery in November.  The problem is getting all my sick folks well enough to drive me.  

Kay, I'm glad your daughter has found someone.  I always begged my sister to have a companion of some sort.  Can't make someone do something they do not want to do.  My kids only have each other (and me).  They say they want a companion like me, and their dad had.  They lived with us, it was not all roses and tulips.  But I sure wish they had someone to help them and be there for them like Billy and I had each other.  

Happy Birthday Kay and Kodie.  Hope today is better.  I never liked birthday celebrations.  Billy did.  Just another year tacked on and those still living born before 1945 are in the 1%.  Somehow maybe I ought to feel good about that, but I sure miss a lot of people that did not make the 1%.  

Somehow Dee, I tried remembering what would take the place of computers if we threw them out the window.  We do not have the big front porches anymore waiting for the neighbors to come sit and visit.  In a lot of cases, we do not even know our neighbors.  That small town living is gone, along with a lot of other things.  

(Seems like I told this once before).

When the screw in teeth came out as new, my oral surgeon let me know with my dentist's bill it would be $9000.  Think maybe they have gone down.  No guarantee on the teeth, they fall out and you're out another $9000 if your so disposed.  They are hidden/held-in, with what looks like dentures.  As it was, I've followed a friend along who had whole mouth extraction and screw-ins. I cannot take oral antibiotics, so I would have had to lose the teeth and go back to dentures and I could not afford it anyhow.  My friend put daily happenings with the teeth, and she had a long time of hurting and soup.  After awhile she was not putting anything.  But my cousin has a few of the screw ins and loves them. 

Good news for me and my sister.  No cancer showed on the PET scan, so she will take a chemo "shot" I think that was what it was, for awhile once a week.  Trying to put some weight on.  Took my son off the anger med and starting a new kind (actually it is old, but new to him.  Got to "coast" off the old one first. 

Y'all take care.  

On 9/30/2023 at 1:08 AM, V. R. said:

I always tend to think the worst, I was already an anxious person before, now even more so

There are times I cannot write, at all.  I have the familial (essential) tremor and sometimes when I'm anxious, if I have to fill out papers my hands won't stay still.  I can type (sometimes) but have to go back and make corrections.  My job was a transcriptionist and it actually helped me to type faster until about 2014, when my colon ruptured from the radiation, I had had 32 years before.  Now my chin shakes so I wear my mask around my ears and just below my chin, which minimizes it.  The tremor causes no pain, just embarrassment (for me.)  I've had it since 6th grade and it has evolved to where it is now.  But anxiety is my constant companion and because of the colon rupture I cannot take (by mouth) meds that will help.  Xanax helps, but if you take it too often your body gets used to it and needs more.  Illegal to have more.  My doc won't give it to me, so I go back to my old clinic I used for over 20 years, and my doc knows I do this.  It is inherited (the tremor) and I'm just thankful my kids did not get it, or my sister, or my grandchildren. 

Karen, after you get used to the teeth, you will not miss toothaches at all.  They will rub raw places sometimes and you get dentist to smooth that out.  Good luck with that, I think you will be so happy to not have a toothache that you will love them.   

For someone who was on here every day, this is a mystery, and this Dee person may have pulled off the perfect crime.  Bless her heart (Gwen), she did not have any close relatives, I don't think.  And we are nothing but a group of people who knew her closest thoughts, but we all are mysteries to her too.  Darn, we knew her so well, but we are all helpless to find her.  

If you could do a wellness check with police, I think they would do this.  

Dee, hoping all is well with your daughter and I know you are thankful she has a husband to watch over her.  That means a lot.  Mama never had to worry about me because Billy was right there whenever I needed him.  Know that brings back memories to all of us.  Karen, I'll bet you feel like a new woman w/o the hurting teeth.  My sister needs a lot done, but is too busy fighting the cancer.  My son is waiting on VA to finish up on his teeth.  He did oral tobacco, like a good ole country boy, but was able to stop.  Unfortunately, Billy never could let the tobacco go.  Oh well, I can't let my Xanax go either, but if I took more than prescribed, I would need a heavier dose and they wouldn't do that.  I think we get time alone sometimes and it feels good, even though we'd rather have someone we miss terribly forever.  

I never knew any name but Gwen.  We are still fighting humidity and my daughter broke away from the radiation to a Louisiana neurologic and oncologist who will treat the teratomas with a chemo pill for a year.  In my memories on Facebook I see my sister has been on chemo now for a year.  They are stretching time between it though.  She goes to pulmonary doctor and is going medical transportation, and afraid she can't breathe with this weather.  My daughter is taking a stretch of steroids and she is already hyperactive.  She just came by after going to her family practice doc, the specialist the day before.  Of course, Scott is bipolar and the mood stabilizer they put him on is worse than the depressed mood, so he has to go back to doc, but he puts things off, like I do.  I'm headed to Walmart to get my prescriptions right now.  My son went with me Monday on the long trip back to Arkansas and I drove most of the way up there, but I stopped in Glen Campbell's hometown and let him drive the rest of the way.  My taking the curves on two wheels (I'm exaggerating) made him nervous.  He has a brace on his right leg though and his speeding made me nervous.  All together we drove about 10 hours almost non-stop (trying to make my old home legally in the lease holders name).  So, I had to revisit the home and it brings back too many memories.  Worried about them all.  (I had rather travel by myself). I won't get into the worry about my granddaughter.  My son said "Mama, you're the oldest one and it looks like you should be taken care of instead of everyone else."  Guess I ought to just be thankful I can still do it.  It would have to be a drastic thing to stop me.  I keep thinking of Robert Frost's poem that ends with "miles to go before I sleep."  Y'all, take care. 

And I'll bet you have them abundantly.  We were about 200 miles north of our old home and we'd get them faster than Louisiana.  Good luck with your pup.  

4 hours ago, kayc said:

Tried to no avail to access Outlook, gave up, they blocked me out and won't let me in,

Yahoo.com blocked me.  When I'd call I would get oriental people who would not talk to me except quote me a price to get back in.  Changed my email address with gmail.com.  That has been months ago.  Spent many hours and minutes trying to get back into a place I had been in for years that now would let me in only if they charged me (I think) $12 a month.  No reasoning for change, no warning, nothing done wrong or different.  I am usually at the whim of a voice that tells me I can speak in complete sentences.  It finally understood "I want to speak to a human" and after much waiting, their lines were all busy I was told, then I got the oriental voices that find it just as challenging to speak to a lifelong Louisiana accent, and an old one at that.  I am not computer savvy as you are.  When we used to change programs at work I would have our "teacher" write a list beginning with #1: Turn machine on.  I had about 10 things numbered to use as a map for me and then it was so simple they used it to train all to  use that program.  Right now, if they give me seven numbers to memorize for five minutes I have to write them all down because I hate numbers and will forget the first or last three.  I want to tell them I am that 1% still living at my age, but they would not understand that.  Still remember telling Brianna I was born in 1942 and facts hit her in the face, "Mammaw, you were born in the dust bowl time."  No, that was before me, but I am stuck in her mind with the invention of fire and the wheel.  

On 9/9/2023 at 2:28 PM, Widow2015 said:

Well, how does it work for you?  I'm sure you won't have much trouble learning it.

I get the case in Thursday.  Then I will play with it.  Will charge it up first.  Don't see a place for that ??Sims?? card.  Back in the box.  I will call Lively when I feel "lively" enough.  

My mom blamed my bad teeth on her not taking calcium when she was pregnant with me.  I would have an excuse to leave school and walk the couple of blocks to small town America dentist.  When I was 19, after marriage, I had to go to an oral surgeon who noted all my roots to my teeth were eaten away by tumors, non-malignant.  Back in 1961, we didn't have things like we have now, but I got a good fitting upper plate and many years later a bottom plate.  Don't regret a minute of it.  Did go to bed many a night with those nasty tasting toothache packs between my jaw and hurt tooth.  A friend took us daily through her "screwed in" teeth and that poor girl had a hard time.  The cost was prohibitive and of course no guarantee.  Still, you wore a fixed "plate" to hide the screws.  My cousin thinks it is the smartest thing she has ever done, no problems.  So, two sides to it all.  I think when the soreness goes away, you will be very happy with no more teeth problems.  Good luck with it all.  

Not dentists anymore, cataract removals.

It is getting close/past time for mine.  Have not been to doc but such a coward. 

Oh, I just looked at it and picked it up and put it back down.  I've got running to do tomorrow, so it will be Monday.  Until then, my other works fine..  It is supposed to be simple, it is kind of a smart phone, called a smart phone, but a not too smart phone.  That is the way I understand it.  So, maybe it will be easy for me.  

I just feel Gwen would get in touch with us if she was able to.  I'm worried.  

I got my "senior smart phone" in and took a day to get up the nerve to open it.  Now I have opened it, even picked it up, but put it back in box.  Will play with it tomorrow.  

I like reading yours too Dee.  I like to imagine where you live from the way you describe it, and Kay's, the way she describes it, and I miss hearing from Gwen so much that if I knew any way to contact anyone she knew, I would do it.  Also with Kevin's being in Canada.  And, I'm supposed to remember "I Praise Him" 's name, but I miss his "Shalome's."  

That is so funny/sad at same time.  This is exactly the response to everything.  What part of the 20th century were they born in?  Not ours.

The same with Billy.  We spent our time in AR walking the back roads and then suddenly it was impossible and for me to enjoy all the things we did, he would have to be here.  You cannot call Amazon.  You can work with it somehow, think it is bottom of page "help" and eventually they will call you.  I have the same problem.  You get an artificial man who tells you that you can tell him anything and he will understand.  I wonder if he understands "go to hell" which finally you tell him another impossibility.  I wonder if he understands that.  I've been dealing with them too.  When your call comes in, you find you understand the dummy man better than the nationality they have sent you to.  I did get one sweet girl (both were sweet), but one did not understand "redneck deep south great grandmother" dialect  and I could not understand her English as a 2nd language dialect.  I tried.  She tried speaking slow, but voice was high and either I need a few classes in her foreign English class or she needs more in mine.  I do admire them for learning English to do a job, but I just want to talk to someone #1, and #2, I just want to converse where we both know what the other is saying.  Still better than the humanoid man's voice that says I can "tell him anything."  If you hit the right "help" place, they will call you back.  

Your little hands take so much trauma.  Mine shake so I have had to quit peeling potatoes.  Have not hurt  them yet, and yes, I'm going to "knock on wood" right now (but not with any force).  

We didn't have an A/C until 1967, when my daughter was born.  Even then, it as the RR depot's that they had given my dad.  But, we, as a family were all born in June, July, and August.  I remember the window fans put against the screen window and waking up to damp sheets, and they felt so good.  (Before 1967).  The oldest generations built their houses high up, there was a porch overhead for all us kids to play under (and snakes).  The ceilings were high and I do not remember screens on those big open windows.  My great-great grandmother one night took her kids, built a big fire outside and all slept around it.  Wild cats and other varmints roamed those back creek bottom woods.  My grandmother left us her "Memories" in book form.  (Typed papers in folders.) They didn't realize if they were having a climate change heat wave or not.

That is such good news Kevin, almost as good as this Louisiana state of bayous, creeks, rivers, lakes, and Sahara Desert #2.  We are actually getting rain.  Of course when we get the tail end of all those hurricanes that are scheduled, we just might all be under water.  

I guess you all are getting your autumn cool spells.  It is still so hot here I shower and "glisten" all day.  You said "touch wood" and I wonder if that is the same as our "knock on wood?"

I have not got mine yet, but my fingers shake, so I would imagine I'm not going to have fun.  Right now I have to roll over to my contacts on my flip phone, hopefully, a small bit smarter one I will be able to just reach them without all the different motions.  We'll see.  

I have used a flip phone for as long as I have had a cell phone.  Jitterbug, I think.  I have looked at their "smart" phones for the past couple of years and I ordered one today.  I would say "pray for me" but not sure God is in favor of me and "smart" in the same thought.  If you looked it up, you would see any simpleton could work it.  It is 'FOR SENIORS" but I think I'm past even "senior."  They do not have the fancy prices the fancy smart phones have, but my Jitterbug has been jitterbugging along for a long time.  

It said it was bad because the water from the Gulf was so warm.  I can only imagine.  It is 92 here today, and that is a cold wave.  We have broke the record for number of triple digit days and up to 112 in some places.  If I got outside you could see the heat in the air.  Y'all were smart to keep high up, but we can't stop the electricity from going down.  Here, a few miles from where I live, they grew soybeans and corn.  There is an energy company coming in paying the farmers more than they could make off the crops to use all that land and put up some kind of energy panels, acres and acres of them.  The Hallmark looking little villages will be taken over by this company.  I remember my grandmother writing about them growing crops and the federal government paid them to plow them under.  Made no sense to her and it doesn't me either.  Guess we have to hope China has a bumper crop of corn and soybeans.  Of course produce will go up in price, but perhaps people that had to do without electricity during our last storms in Louisiana might have utilities to be available sooner.  A lot I do not understand.  Stay safe Marty.