MartyT

21 hours ago, aleck1998 said:

I found out today I gave my father my covid illness, and I am now fearful and feeling extreme guilt.

My friend, I watched a video yesterday of a doctor responding to a young man whose story is similar to your own. He didn't get the vaccine, he got COVID and he passed it on to his both his parents. Now he is consumed with guilt. I will say to you what this doctor said to him: "Please don't beat yourself up. We all do the best we can with the information we have, and in the face of conflicting information, misinformation, disinformation, poor communication from authorities who are supposed to be looking out for us, who somehow can't understand that shaming people into submission is not gonna work, that focusing on taking away people's freedoms with mandates and things like that without really sitting down and explaining the why is not gonna work . . . " You can watch the entire video here: 

My dear one, I am so very sorry to learn of these terrible, tragic losses of not only your youngest son but also your oldest. It's as if you'd been climbing this mountain for years, and just as you thought you'd nearly reached the summit, you find yourself at the base of yet another mountain to climb. I simply cannot imagine the depth of your pain.

I assure you that there is nothing, absolutely nothing, wrong with you. I don't know you, but I would suspect that you are in a state of shock and disbelief, as your mind struggles to take in this most shocking and unbelievable happening ~ AGAIN. It is as if you've been struck by lightning, not once but twice. How often can that happen ~ and if it does, how can you possibly survive two such catastrophic events? And if it had to happen to someone, why did it have to be you? I imagine your entire view of the world has been turned upside down, and none of this makes any sense at all to you. This is just not right, and it is so unfair!

Please stop judging yourself for how you are reacting to this most horrific loss. Give yourself time to let the reality sink in, and don't try to eat the entire elephant at once. Dose yourself. Take it in as slowly as you can ~ one moment, one hour at a time. As you've learned already, grief is a process, not a single event. Slow down. Turn off the judgments. Rest. Breathe. Allow the enormity of this loss to wash over you, and let it be what it is. Know that you are not alone. We are here with you and we are listening.  ❤️

4 hours ago, kayc said:

Nothing I do helps.

Have you considered having Kodie neutered, Kay? I understand that dogs can also be sterilized using vasectomy as an alternative . . . 

No disagreement there, Kay. If ever I disagreed with your sound advice that you give so freely and so generously in this forum, I would say so. ❤️

4 minutes ago, kayc said:

In the end, I've done all I can do, I have to let go of the outcome.

Yes, you have, and yes you do! ❤️

There are dozens of resources "out there" that you may find helpful, and links to many of them are listed here ~ but if it seems like too much information, perhaps there is someone in your circle who can review this list for you: Caregiving in Alzheimer's and Dementia: Suggested Resources  ❤️

Remember also that ours is a skewed sample of self-selected individuals whose presence in this forum reflects its title: Loss of a Love Relationship. Those whose issues were resolved successfully and whose relationships survived aren't likely to post here.

All is well here in Florida, Kay. This storm passed us by ~ but it surely is wreaking havoc on the East Coast.

I wonder what would happen if you told your sister that you realize that she wants you to take her to the doctor on 9/3, but it will not be possible for you to do that. In other words, what would happen if you just said NO?  ❤️

Hello and welcome!

If your husband died just six weeks ago, you've barely just begun what will be for you a journey that is unique to you alone. 

We know a lot about what is considered "normal" in grief, and you can read lots of articles and books and research on the topic. Still, it must be said that how grief is felt and experienced varies with the person who is feeling and experiencing it. It's as unique to you as your fingerprint. That's because so many individual factors are involved: how your person died; how attached you were to each other; how old you are now and how much life you've lived already; what support you have available to you; your own past experiences with significant loss; your particular personality traits, how resilient you are, and how you've coped with past losses and challenges; what you were taught about grief and expressing your thoughts and feelings as a child ~ these are just some of the factors that will affect how you mourn the loss of your husband.

I encourage you to let yourself think and feel whatever comes to you along the way, without worrying about or passing judgment on how you (or others) think you're "supposed" to think or feel. You will get through this loss the same way you've dealt with other significant challenges in your life ~ and we are here to offer whatever information, comfort, guidance and support you may want and need along the way. ❤️

9 minutes ago, aleck1998 said:

And it's okay to feel anger.

Is Anger One of the Stages of Grief?

In Grief: Acknowledging Jealousy and Anger

2 hours ago, aleck1998 said:

I just want her to be apart of my life. I just want my best friend back man.

What you want is understandable, but judging by her behavior she has stopped being your "best friend" ~ if indeed she ever was. I'm sure her returning these items (which clearly meant so much to you) must feel like a kick in the gut ~ something akin to her putting the last nail in the coffin.

Still, she does acknowledge your thoughtfulness in giving these things to her, and she is being honest when she says it didn't feel right for her to keep them.

On 8/19/2021 at 2:55 AM, aleck1998 said:

I did nothing wrong… the person simply did not love me as I thought. No problem is too big or to small under true commitment and that’s a commitment she could no longer promise to me

It seems to me that this statement tells you all you need to know about this relationship. I hope that with the sadness you are feeling, you'll also allow yourself to feel the anger and the pain. You are mourning the loss of something that meant the world to you ~ and your loss is worthy of your grief.

I'm so sorry this has happened to you . . . 

2 hours ago, jc1030 said:

I'm not sure whether to believe this, but I want to think this is true. 

If you choose to believe it, and if it brings you comfort to do so, who is to say that you are wrong?  ❤️

You'll find more on this topic here: After-Death Communication: A List of Resources

Thank you so much for sharing your uplifting and heartwarming story with us, Missy. Blessings to you, and thank you again ❤️

1 hour ago, Gwenivere said:

how to handle the morning going into something that will make me hurt more

Please talk to your surgeon and anesthesiologist before your surgery (they will stop by to see you just before you're taken to the OR) and let them know of your concerns about post-op pain and ask what they can prescribe for you afterward, Gwen. And know that we're all with you in spirit as you go through this latest challenge. ❤️

Your Molly is adorable, my dear, and we're all so sorry for your loss. You've found your way to a "tribe" of kindred spirits here: We are animal lovers all, and we know how much it hurts when the time comes for these precious souls to leave us. I hope it brings you comfort to know that you are not alone in your grief. Today just happens to be the birthday of my own beloved fur baby, and I miss him as much today as I did when I wrote this nearly ten years ago: Saying Goodbye to Beringer❤️

3 hours ago, kayc said:

I just wanna go home!!!

We hear ya, dear Kay! Any word on when it will be safe for you to go back to your own home? ❤️

3 hours ago, Gwenivere said:

I want so much to be able to hug each of you that have helped my with your words, feelings and prayers.   If only I could.  Love you all.

7 hours ago, Marg M said:

This is my birthday, I am 79 years old on this August, Friday the 13th.

We're all thinking of you and pulling for you, Gwen. I'm so sorry this is happening to you. How I wish we could make it all go away. Keep us posted as you are able to do so, and know that we care . . . ❤️

Dear one, my heart reaches out to you in your pain, and I am so very sorry for the loss of your precious son Joey. Your loss is so recent and so enormous and so, so hard ~ and I'm sure you're still in a state of shock, just as your other children and your husband must be. As you say, everyone in your home is suffering. While I am pleased that you've found your way here, I hope you also will consider reaching out to some of the many bereavement resources that are "out there" and readily available to help you and your family find a way through this horrible tragedy. You may not be ready to search for such grief support in your community just yet, and that's okay. Maybe a friend or relative would be willing to help you with this. In any event, I want to point you to where you (or they) might begin.

The following article lists links to a vast array of articles, blogs, books, interviews, websites and organizations aimed at parents just like you: Resources for Bereaved Parents.

In the meantime, know that you are most welcome here, and we stand ready to offer you the reliable information, comfort and support you need and deserve. Feel free to share your thoughts and feelings with us, ask us any questions you may have, and know that we will do our best to respond. ❤️