MartyT

Gentle reminder: See announcement above ❤️

I also consider my hair color to be "silver" instead of gray, Dee! And when I was in my 20's, I went for the frosted look, too. So today I'm okay with never having to color my hair again! (And my eyebrows are still their original color )

Without knowing anything about your history, I am reluctant to offer any advice ~ but I think in grief, it's always a good idea to consult your primary care physician to rule out any physical causes for your symptoms. That said, you may find this article helpful: Anxiety Attacks in Grief: Tools for Coping ❤️

Tuesday, Feb 15. We begin our 5 week ZOOMGRIEF series on How Grief Changes your Life. You can still register for this awesome New program to help you understand grief. The first step to healing is UNDERSTANDING! Register now: https://www.wingsgrief.org/

Wings-a Grief Education Ministry

Nan & Gary Zastrow, Founders
P.O. Box 1051
Wausau, WI 54402-1051

nanwings1@gmail.com
715-845-4159

Wishing you a successful surgery tomorrow, Karen.

I had cataract surgery on both eyes a couple years ago ~ easiest surgery I've ever had, and I'm so glad I had it done!           I hope you'll feel the same about yours. Do keep us posted, and know that we are thinking of you ♥

My dear, I don't know how to interpret the depression and despair that comes across in some of your posts, but I feel a need to acknowledge what you seem to be signaling ~ and if indeed you are contemplating suicide, I urge you to get the help you need and deserve.

As I've stated in our Discussion Group Guidelines,

We strongly recommend that our forums be used as a compliment or adjunct to traditional grief therapy or grief counseling. It also needs to be said that some people’s needs may exceed the capacity of an online message board to help. Sometimes grief can be so complicated that people get “stuck” in the process, and they need more help than we can give them in forums such as these. Individuals struggling with complicated grief are encouraged to seek the help of a professional therapist. Persons in danger of hurting themselves or someone else, those whose anger is out of control, or those whose grief does not diminish at all over an extended period of time, will not find what they need on this site, no matter how many messages they post. Therefore we urge such individuals to seek professional assistance at once, so they can get the help they so badly need and deserve. We believe that grief counseling and individual psychotherapy are among the most precious gifts we can choose to give to ourselves, and they can change our lives for the better.

The site is not intended for individuals who are in crisis and actively contemplating suicide. If you're thinking of suicide, read this first.  

• If you are experiencing serious suicidal thoughts that you cannot control, please stop now and telephone 911 or call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline, 1-800-273-TALK (8255). 
• Using your smart phone, contact the Crisis Text Line by texting HOME to 741741. 
   

I can only emphasize what Novi and Kay have said already, and I encourage you to have a visit with your primary care physician ~ to rule out any possible physical causes for your lack of appetite, and to learn if any medication might be prescribed to help with your anxiety and insomnia. Grief is hard work, and it's important that we keep ourselves in as healthy a state as possible so we can cope with all its challenges. That means paying close attention to our need for adequate rest, exercise, hydration and nutrition. I'd also encourage you to investigate whatever in-person grief support services might be available in your community. ❤️

10 hours ago, ErinMS said:

I would like to know if it's normal to have these swings of emotions and panic attacks at work. Will I be able to work there even? I know it takes time and up to me to know when that is, but the middle stuff is an unknown for me.

I can assure you that it is indeed normal to experience anxiety and mood swings when you are in mourning. Grief has been described as a tsunami, as a roller coaster ride, as the feeling of drowning in despair. It is different for everyone, yet the same in so many ways. And there is no time limit, as if the day will come when you stop missing and longing for the physical presence of the loved one you have lost. Grief is something we learn to live with ~ a heavy burden we learn to carry. It takes time and hard work, but it is something we can learn to do, if we are willing. See, for example, Bereavement: Doing The Work of Grief

I'm a great believer in educating ourselves about grief as a process, because when we know what reactions we can expect as "normal", we're better prepared to deal with them and we feel less "crazy" and alone. I cannot answer whether or when you might be able to return to work as a veterinary technician, and I encourage you to put that concern aside for now. Focus on your grief, and give yourself whatever time and space you need to work on that. You might begin by doing some reading about the grief that accompanies the loss of a beloved animal companion. If you click on Pet Loss, you'll find links to dozens of articles on that very topic.  ❤️

1 hour ago, Novi said:

We never talk about the loss of mom and dad. It's just really hard to talk to him about these things because he's just put up a wall. How do I tell him the real reason I don't approach him with my grief without hurting him? I know it's not his fault, he wants to be there for me.

I'm so sorry that you're feeling such distance from your brother as you long to share your grief with him. I want to share some readings with you that I hope will help. And if you think your brother would be willing to read one or more of them too, you might share some of them with him. Inviting him to read something that you found helpful can be an effective yet indirect and less threatening way of letting him know what you may be feeling. Just make sure that you read them first, so you'll know what you're recommending and why:

How We Mourn: Understanding Our Differences

Grief Support: When Others Fail to Meet Our Expectations

Losing A Cherished Pet: Myths and Misconceptions

Is Pet Loss Comparable to Loss of A Loved One?

Helping Another with Pet Loss

2 hours ago, kayc said:

I guess I'd better let my common sense prevail.

Yes, Kay, for heaven's sake, please do! ❤️

Using Music to Help with Grief   ❤️

PARTICIPANTS NEEDED!

Coronavirus Bereavement Study

Graduate students from the Ferkauf Graduate School of Psychology of Yeshiva University
are seeking volunteers over age 55 who have experienced a loss during the COVID-19 pandemic
to complete an online survey.

The survey should take less than one hour to complete.

Participants will be entered to win a $100 gift card

Study link: https://yeshiva.co1.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_3vLoEbRbxni2j7E

Contact: Richard Zweig, Ph.D 646.592.4349, 516.343.1840

Whew! Breathing a sigh of relief for you and with you, Kay ❤️

6 hours ago, My beautuful Tiger said:

Can I just be honest? Am I bad?

I assure you that you are not bad, my dear. Not at all. Years ago I had two cockapoos (littermates, one male, one female). I liked the female and took good care of her, but it was the male whom I really loved. He was my velcro dog and my soul mate. His life ended one day when he got hit by a car, and I found it very hard to accept that he was the one who died instead of his sibling. I struggled with guilt for feeling that way, just as you are struggling now. But gradually I came to realize that feelings are neither right or wrong ~ I really couldn't control how I felt ~ but I could control what I did with my feelings. So I continued to care for my other dog, and did the best I could to continue giving her the life she deserved. As a fellow animal lover, I trust that you will do the same.

Allow yourself to mourn the loss of your Tiger, even as you continue to care for his brother.  ❤️

See Pet Loss: Supporting Your Grieving Pet  

And I imagine this feels like yet another loss for you, my friend, and I am so sorry for that.

After my father died, I kept a reel-to-reel audio tape of what I thought was a recording of him playing his banjo and singing favorite old songs with his older brother. It took years for me to work up the courage to listen to it so I could hear my father's voice again. Finally I paid someone to convert the tape to a CD, only to discover that the recording contained only his brother's voice ~ nothing with my father's. It felt like a kick in the gut . . . ❤️

See also Death of A Parent: Negative Impact on A Couple's Relationship

2 hours ago, Marg M said:

I can't remember the sweet thing Marty's dad used to say about women and perspiration, but I passed that point and just plain sweat.  

"Horses sweat. Men perspire. But women only glow."   You're welcome. 

Keep us posted as you are able, Laura! We are thinking of you and sending healing thoughts to you!  ❤️

Screaming into a pillow is an alternative that may help . . . ❤️

I'm so sorry for your loss, Paul ~ and everyone here knows how much it hurts. Wishing you comfort, healing and peace . . . ❤️

We hope and pray that your surgery went well and will have been successful, Gwen. Do let us know when you know . . . Gentle hugs to you from all of us! ❤️