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Dolores (forever Sean's Mom)

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  1. akhockey mom I am so sorry for the loss of your son. Yes I do know of your pain. I lost my only child Sean March 5th, 2007. It will be 9 months Dec. 5th. This is my first Christmas without him in 18 years. You are right its not fair. He was also one of the good kids. Going to college, working. Everything going for him in his life. He had to have that motorcycle. His dad and I didn't want him to get it, but he said mom I'll be okay. He had it 2 weeks and that was his third time on it. I knew in my mothers heart that was going to happen. See he and I also were mother and son , friends. He was the light of my life. Keep up your fight for his honors. You as his mom should have the honor of hearing his name called and going up to get his diploma. I had that. But I'll never have anybody that has my blood in their veins, no grandchildren, no one ever to call me Mom again. I know its not right. It's just not. The light went out of our lives that evening. It will never be the same. Walking wounded is what we are. I know Sean has pushed me to do things, I never thought i would do. I just don't know why I'm still going. But I am. My saying now is "Living Life For Sean". I plan to see my son again some day. That is my reason to go on, I guess. I will keep you in my prayers, believe me from someone who didn't pray alot, I wouldn't still be here without them. It has got some easier, but then you feel the guilt because you forgot for maybe a few minutes. But I prayed for god to help with this unbearable pain. I guess the saying is we are never happy huh! Hugs and Prayers Dolores (forever Sean's MOM)
  2. My songs that has helped me is When I get where I'm going-Brad Paisley, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F1i6xd9Wg50, Wind beneath my wings, and Have I told you lately that I love you- Rod Stewart. I sung this song to my son on his 18 birthday, his 19 birthday 2 months after he died, I played it at the cemetary for him. I will always play this for Sean every year. He used to say Oh! mom everytime it came on in the car and I would start singing it to him. Wonderful, Wonderful, memories. This friday will be 7 months he has been gone! God I still miss him. Dolores (forever Sean's Mom)
  3. Julie: So sorry for the loss of your son. I lost my Sean March 5, 2007 due to a motorcycle accident. He was 18 yrs old. He was my only child. I wish I could say something to make you feel better. My son has been gone a little over 5 months and it seems like yesterday. The fact you are a single mom would be hard, my husband and I grieve different. Like you I feel so alone. I will say I'm coping better, I still have my days. I found it necessary to take some medicine to get me through. I hate it, but couldn't handle it on my own. Sean was in college and worked at Krogers. He was getting a promotion at work. I will miss all the dreams we had for his future, as I'm sure you will with Garth. I still don't know if it would have been better for me if i had a another child or not. I don't think I could be there for them. But you must continue to try for your daughter's sake. Think of it this way you still have a piece of you that will live on. I hate the fact when i leave this earth there will never be a piece of me to go on. You have that. Cherish it! I know how hard it is for you. No one should have to suffer a loss of a child. Its been over 5 months and I hate it that I'm used to him not coming through the door. Sean would want me and his dad to go on, but it will take alot more time I'm afraid. I will be praying for you. Believe me without it i would have never had made this far. If you want to write back and tell me about Garth please do so. It helps to tell people about them. Dolores (forever Sean's Mom)
  4. Deonna: Cherish every minute with your boy! I did with mine. I always considered Sean a gift from God! Also that is what his name means. I can't think of one single minute or moment of regret. He was the greatest! It's hard living on earth without him. I just passed the 5 month period. It still seems so unfair. It still takes my breath away! I see his face and wonder what his last thoughts were as he was losing control of the bike. You know us mothers, was he afraid, did he know he was going to die, did he think of me and his dad. It hurts to know your child suffered any pain. They said it was instant. BUT! I'm still hurt, and some times its hard to breath. I dread the up coming holidays. I don't know how to make it through them. Sean and I loved Christmas. It was our holiday. I just miss him more and more. I'm glad for the 18 years 10months and 12 days with my son. I wanted more!!!! Missing my boy like it was yesterday! Dolores (forever Sean's MOM)
  5. Deborah: I hope to get to that point someday! I probably sound so selfish, like I'm the only person to lose their child. I feel that way sometimes. That's why I went looking for someone who can share my pain. Thank you Deborah! I will try to keep the faith. I know Sean would want me too! Everyone on here has been so kind and offered alot of encouragement. I'll keep on one day at a time, one minute at a time. I miss my baby!!!! I don't know if I will ever get used to that. Dolores (forever Sean's Mom)
  6. Thanks Deborah I too write in a journal. Just not every day. I am sorry for the loss of your daughter. There is no pain like this is there. To loss a child. It will soon be 5 months since Sean's death. I miss him like it was yesterday. Although i am in great pain, I realize how lucky we were to raise him. He was the light of my life. He touched so many lives. I'm grateful for that. But I'm still struggling to find a way to go on. He was my reason to live. Now how does one go on after loseing their only child. I will because I want to see my son again. But How! There are days i think I'll be okay, then bam something happens, then I'm a mess. Does that happen to you. Do you think we will ever have peace. I know they say put everything in God's hands, I try. Somedays I just don't understand. (Why!) I guess i will never know. All i do know the light went out of my life, I live in a dim world now. Please everyone keep us in your prayers. I feel like mine aren't being heard. God Bless you Deborah and your family. Dolores (forever Sean's Mom)
  7. Ellen So sorry about your daughter Kate. She looked like a beatiful girl. I understand about feeling lost. I lost my son Sean March 5th, 2007 due to a motorcycle accident. You feel you lose your identity. I have said I don't know how to be anyone but Sean's Mom. He was 18 it is hard, Sean was my only child. Before Sean died I worked as a aide. I was a aide to a boy who is Autistic for 5 years. I went to a vocational school with him. I know how they grab your heart. He is wonderful. I start work in the fall but Bill is 20 now and he is finished with school. He was like my second child. I just wanted to say thanks for sharing your story about Kate! See in my grief, I had forgotten how special Bill is and how much I miss him. Losing Sean turned me into a really selfish person. Grief is so hard. I am doing some better. I always say 1 step forward 3 steps back. I will keep trying and my thoughts are with you in your grief. Take care and my prayers are with you. Dolores (forever Sean's Mom)
  8. Thanks Lyn. I pray every night and everyday for acceptance of Sean's death. I miss him like it was yesterday. Dolores (forever Sean's Mom)
  9. Gyspy So sorry for the loss of your daughter and baby, you are right. We are not supposed to bury our children. I lost my son in a motorcycle accident on March 5, 2007. He was 18 years old and my best friend, he was also my only child. Take one day at a time and one minute at a time. I hope you have support in your sorrow. I could not have made it without my 2 friends and my sister. I can honestly say I would not have made it this far without them. My husband and I are in different stages of grief and do not grieve the same. I just wanted you to be aware in case this happens. Once again I am sorry for your loss and will be holding you in our prayers. It has helped to talk on here to all my new family. God be with you! Dolores (forever Sean's Mom)
  10. Bob! Hi just wanted you to know you are not alone. My son died in a motorcycle accident March 5th 2007. He was my only son. I know some of the pain you are feeling. My husband feels better getting out and doing things, I don't. It all seems pointless right now. Sean was 18 and my best friend. They tell me to take it one day at a time and one minute at a time. My thoughts are with you! One day I hope we learn to accept, it's still to soon. Prayers are with you and your family, and please pray for me and my husband. I firmly believe we won't be able to do it without them. Dolores (forever Sean's MOM)
  11. So do I Lori! Life has changed! I've found its a sad , sad world we live in. Sean has let us know he is still with us! One day I'll tell you all about it. Its truly amazing. I pray every night that he will come to me in a dream. But he hasn't. But he has sure come to alot of people who he knows will tell me. I believe he is trying to help me and his dad. I didn't believe before i sure do now. Keep us in your prayers it is so hard learning to live without him here on earth. One day, one minute at a time.
  12. Thank you Marty! I will pray that your boy makes it home safely. Nobody should have to go through this! We are not suppose to bury our kids. Its just isn't right. I miss Sean with all my heart. It sometimes feels it is getting harder every day instead of lessening. Yes I would have gave my life for his. I used to tell Sean if something happened to him they might as well take me too. He said awl mom i'll be alright. I wouldn't want you to do that. He would'nt either he say Mom get over it, it will be alright you'll see. I know Sean wants me and his dad to go on and not be sad all the time. But Sean will have to patient this one time. It's gonna take awhile if ever. I hope one day! I will check out your web site Marty! Thanks for telling me about it. It has helped to talk about Sean! Thanks everyone and keep us in your prayers! Dolores (forever Sean's Mom)
  13. Thanks everyone! It has helped getting on here and talking about Sean. There is a group in Cincinnatti Ohio and Columbus ohio. One is 1 half hours away and the other 2 hours. We have had support from friends and family. Hopice came Out to Northwest school for one night for 6 weeks, but I felt it was just to soon for me it had only been a month. I went to 2 of them. There were like 5 familys there that had lost a child. I was the only one there who lost there only child. They were still having a hard time after 6 months, 2 years, 4 years, and 6 years. I thought If this is what its like It'll never get better. My pain hurts so bad sometimes it takes my breath. I don't have another child to go on for. I feel lost! We were so close Sean and I. I haven't driven since his death, or go out much in public. I have some recently. Only where I think I won't know anyone. I'm not ready to answer how are you! I know people are just being kind. But the answer would be something they would't want to hear. My husband and I have seen people we know they usually act like they don't see us. They say its because they are afraid, because if it happened to our child it could happen to theirs. I really understand that, but sometimes it hurts. My sister has been a blessing and 2 very special friends. I wouldn't have made it this far without them. My son wrecked in one of those friends front yard! She says it was mean't to be that way so she would be the one to call me! I believe that! and God knew that I would need her. We planted a tree, weeping cherry tree there for her and me. Instead of looking at the ditch I try to focus on the tree. It has been hard for her, our kids graduated together last year. She has had to go in and out of her driveway to come to see me. But she did it. I think god for her everyday that she was with my boy in is first minutes of death. He died instantly they said, but they tried to tell us when we got there that he had a pulse, he didn't. They wanted to give me hope. I would have rather known the truth. I could have held my boy in that ditch the last minutes on earth instead of clinging to a friend and screaming till the ambulance got there. I miss my boy today as much as March 5th 2007 on that monday night at 6:20. I keep praying!!
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