STARKISS

Hi All, I had twenty three members of my family all in the same house and this has not happened for 7 years... I had no camera to remember this day either, I would have loved to have pictures to remember this day... I am just so upset still about losing my camera and all the pictures of chelsea my one and true friend... shelley

No one understands here , it tearing me apart inside and no one cares....It is not just a camera lost it is everything I care about too... Chelsea who is dead and her pictures were all I had and they are now gone forever too... I am heartbroken all i do is cry and cry... the children got cameras this year and it just kills me to see anyone right now... shelley

Hi All, I am trying so hard to have christmas spirit this year but it is just so hard for me today...When I lost the camera card I lost every picture of Chelsea I had.. it is like losing her all over again I miss her so very much and now except for memories I have nothing left of her and it is like she was never here anymore... I am presently crying and the tear drops are falling on the screen so I am going to finish my cry..shelley

Hi All, I have had such a horrible December except for the concert this christmas season has been nothing but heartache for me... I lost my camera and the camera card too... I can not afford to buy another one... I love scrapbooking but can not do that without a camera... I hate this time of year I feel so low and do not even want to put up any decorations I just do not care anymore....

Hi All, This tragedy is so hard to hear as I too work for a school and worry one day something might happen... I just hope for all these families have support and with the help of others they will get through all of this I can not even imagine how and what they are feeling right now... shelley

Hi All, I do not know why I am feeling the way I am but it is so confusing right now for me... I have my high moments like when I did the Christmas concert and than I have very low moments where I do not know why I want to live on this earth... I know that I need to stay on this earth until God calls me home and God loves me but I get really really low that I feel just like I am going to lose it... shelley

Well the christmas dinner is over and it was alot of fun believe it or not, the food was amazing and there were some really fun games played... I got up and did the 12 days of christmas toddler style... 1 soggy soother 2 pair of socks 3 teary eyes 4 messy faces 5 yummy refreshments 6 teething rings 7 sippy cups 8 hands clapping 9 runny noses 10 pieces of work 11 dirty diapers 12 smiling faces I threw into the crowd a new soother, two baby pairs of socks, three sun glasses for teary eyes, four baby face clothes for messy faces, five baby cookies for yummy refreshments, six new teething rings, seven new sippy cups, eight new gloves, nine packages of kleenexes for runny noses, ten foam puzzle pieces for ten pieces of work, 11 new diapers for dirty diapers, and 12 napkins with faces on them for smiling faces... Got the prize for bravest performance... what an awesome night it was... Got me into the spirit this year finally after last year i did not ever get into the spirit.... shelley

Hi All, Last year I had no spirit and did not even get the tree up and ready for Christmas, This year I signed up for the Christmas pageant at work but I am still finding it difficult keeping the spirit inside of me... I want the spirit but I just feel so low when shopping in the stores and seeing everything change from year to year... You see mother type presents and it makes me cry... I see Zellers closing and I cry because it was a favorite place of my mom and dad's .... It is just like a close friend dying, I see people going into Zellers and all I can think of what a bunch of vultures coming in for the last kill...I see the rain today and it has just depressed me so very much right now too... I just would love to have the spirit right now.... shelley

hi all you all might think this is crazy but to me zellers was another member of my family because the family used to go to zellers every week for dinner... i loved going to zellers with the family for dinner and i have not been able to go to the zellers now because it upsets me so much to see how it is low sad looking around the store and how in a few days it will be no longer... RIP ZELLERS WILL MISS YOU FOREVER....

HI ALL, HERE I AM FACING ANOTHER KIND OF LOSS, PEOPLE MIGHT THINK THIS IS CRAZY BUT I JUST CAN NOT HELP MYSELF BY FEELING SO SAD AND LONELY AT THIS TIME OF THE YEAR... IT IS TRUE ZELLERS CANADA IS CLOSING ITS DOORS VERY SOON AND I FEEL JUST LIKE CRYING ALL THE TIME... THE REASON IS THAT MY PARENTS USED TO TAKE ME TO THE RESTURANT AT ZELLERS IN MY HOME TOWN TWICE A WEEK AND IT WAS OUR PLACE TO GO... I REALLY HAD ALOT OF FUN AND NOW IT IS ANOTHER LOSS... SO SAD RIGHT NOW SHELLEY

Hi All, I realized that now I was so mad at my mom as well after she died but still miss her and wish I could see her one more time... shelley You are so right I do not think I will ever stop missing her...

Hi All, I know that Chelsea is in a good place now and that my dad and mom are with her... She was a yellow lab and it was love at first site... I miss her but realize that she needed to go and so it is hard but I know someday i will see her again... shelley

Thanks Marty, I am trying so hard to stay positive , I have my good days and my bad days... I told my other therapist that I could not cry, because every time I started I heard my family in my head say stop being a cry baby... She told me to ingnore the voices and to just go ahead and do it... On October 2 this year it was my mom's birthday and I again started to cry this time infront of my therapist and I heard the voices and I stopped and she told me that it did not make me weak if I cried... so right after that I started again and I cried for along time and even if I heard the voices I heard hers say just let it go... I am in a good way right now but often see or hear things that might make me upset or think of my parents but I have had several good days so far... shelley

Hi All, I am not as bitter as before towards my living arrangements but still I sit in this house, I have prayed everyday and I have been answered in some ways... I have now hopefully a new therapist for longer term, I met some really great new friends, I have a wonderful job, I have food to eat... I know that God will keep a close eye on me and I will get out of here soon... I am still alive and I am sick with a cold but I am still who I am and no one can change that... I am worth living for... shelley

Hi All, I just wanted to add that I am so sorry to hear about all the pains, sicknesses and deaths that are happening ... I too do not sleep much at night and tend to write things from my mind down ... I try and put my thoughts on paper so that I might be able to rest but it does not happen... I worry now that more and more losses are on there way for me and I am still struggling with the ones I have... I am praying for us all for good night sleeps and for all the people in this world who have lost loved ones so that they can find peace... shelley

Hi All, I still feel like I want my mommy so very much but I think that no matter how old you get you are still your mommy's baby.. She has been gone for 7 and a half years and I still miss her like it was yesterday... I watch movies and I think of her, I go out and eat and I remember something about her... I thought after 7 years I would be better off ... But it still hurts so much... shelley

Hi All Just updated Marty with this news but I felt I should share it with all of you since you have been always there for me when I need it the most... I have found a new therapist and if everything works out it will be a more long term solution to all my problems... I see her this Monday and if I feel we match than I will see her weekly until we both come to the conclussion that I do not need a therapist any longer... Wish me luck and Thanks for always listening and being here for me... Lucky am I to have such wonderful website family as I do ... God Bless and I will post after my meeting with her... shelley

Hi All, I have the worst time when a person becomes my friend, I keep messing up and the person unfriends me all the time... I say or do something to chase the person off... am I that unloving or friendship material... I had a really nice lady as a friend and I told her I hated the meet up group she ran and i also said some other things that were not nice and now this lady and i am not friends anymore... I am heart broken and do not know how to stop myself from doing this ... I know that grief is when you lose someone but I really feel like I am grieving over the friendship we had... Shelley

Hi All, As July 25th comes closer I am feeling really, really low again.. On July 25th is the day that my dad was diagnosed with cancer... It was a very fearful day for him and for me... He was in the hospital for over a month before they diagnosed him... He died one month later of cancer...

yes i have contacted them and it has a waiting list and you can only go for a three month period and than it is finished...

hi all , I am really frustrated today, i have been seeking therapy for along time now and every time i think i have found someone it just blows up in my face... I can not afford it and the government will not help people like me who are poor and really need mental health help... Anyone got ideas.. i have talked and talked to people but have not found a solution .. .Shelley

PLEASE MAKE IT STOP, I CAN NOT TAKE IT ANYMORE.... I MISS HER TOO MUCH... THERE IS NO ONE AROUND TO TALK TOO ABOUT THIS...

Hi All, Having a very extremely difficult time right now all I can do is cry for her, It will be a year this month that my beloved friend passed away... I feel like my heart is breaking all over again because I miss her so very much... I have no one home for over a week to talk to and no therapist as of yet... I just wish I could hold her one last time... Shelley

I WANT OUT THIS LIFE IS WAY TO ROUGH I WANT OUT THIS LIFE IS WAY TO ROUGH

Hi All, I did make a phone call to the Durham Catholic Family Services and they told me that it could take up to three months before I could get a therapist... I am so upset I get so very low and feeling like I just want out....