STARKISS

Hi Nicholas, Thanks for replying, I hope I do not get that bad I am sorry your sister suffers so bad with them.. Shelley

Hi All, Since the start of my journey I have had the problem with the family about my parents remains, I have had trouble leaving the old house behind, I have had to deal with so much... I am now out of the blue having panic attacks... My therapist says it is because of everything I am going through with the house and the remains of my parents... I am so scared I had one on Saturday and it scared me to death, I started to cry and could not stop I thought I was going to die... you see this is why I have to deal with the remains and I am going back to the old house so that I can stop these Panic attacks from ever happening to me again.. Shelley

Sorry All, I had a major panic attack yesterday so I am still sort of coming back from it... I do wish I just could do something though.. Shelley

Hi All, Enough already I am at my ends with all of this, I need closure and I am stuck in this quick sand of dealing with the remains of my parents my siblings tell me that if I go and do something on my own they will disown me and I will be out on the streets so right now I am in quick sand and I am slowly sinking... I just do not know how much longer I can hang on like this ... Shelley

Hi mfh, I understand what you are saying when my mom died my dog Chelsea who lived with her did so many strange things and after my dad died she completely went crazy for a while... At first she would go through the house as if she was looking for them both and she would do this again and again for the first month or so... Than it was also not eating for the first two days... She is now back to her old self and she lives with my brother... Shelley

Hi Marty, Thanks for sharing that article with me I just read it and I found it very interesting.. I had a session today with my therapist and just before going in for my session I had a very weird feeling and weird things happen to me.. When I discussed this with my therapist she mentioned that it sounded to her that I had a panic attack and so we talked alot about what might have set it off but I really still do not know what it was... I know now that I will heal in the end but it might take several years to get through it all or it could just take a few it is up to me and the way I deal with everything that has happened to me... Thanks again Shelley

Hi Nicholas, I am glad you had nothing left to say, when my mom died it was sudden and unexpected and I never got to say good bye to her only to her body that was dying infront of me.. I was not even in my own country at the time we were on vacation... When my dad died he had gone to the hospital the night before with a simple fever and the next day he died.. ( he did have cancer but I did not realize how bad).. His death was also unexpected and sudden... Shelley

Hey Em, I reach out and call someone or email a friend, I also go for a nice long walk and look at the nature growing up around me, I also take out scrapbooks of the family I still have around me and think of all the good times I had..Shelley

Hey Becka, Thanks for the encouragement, I really needed it... I have felt down for a while I think it is because my doctor now thinks I might have ADD and is sending me to a psychiatrist to get tested for it.. If that is what I need right now I just wish I could have a little peace and not so much of a struggle.. I will try to keep my chin up but some days it is just hard to do .. Shelley

Thanks Robert27, I will keep that in mind and I am sure that I will need to vent alot in the near future...shelley

Thanks Carol Ann, Thanks for the nice words and by the way you made me cry today.. It was a happy cry but I am so honoured to have such a great friend and one who really understands me... Shelley

Thanks Carol ann for all the nice words, I feel so special to have friends like you who really understand and care about us all.. I feel like I am a member of the human race here.. Thanks again Shelley

Hi All, Since the deaths of my parents, I really hate my life and the way it is going.. I try really hard to just live life the way my mom would have wanted me to.. I try to make myself happy and to make myself seem like I am perfectly okay but I just can not do it anymore... I can not make people understand what I am going through.. They believe that i am mentally challenged and want to stay sad all the time.. I do have problems with anxiety and depression but I am seeing a therapist to help me deal with these issues.. I am also seeing a psychiatrist to get tested for ADD because my doctor thinks I might be ADD.. It just seems that it is one health issue after another for me right now.. SORRY I JUST NEEDED TO VENT.. shelley

Hi All, Well yet another holiday and boy I am getting so tired of feeling blue all the time.. I have family but none of them really care about me and what I am going through.. They told my therapist they cared but they were just putting on a show for her in the real world they care only for themselves.. I just feel so blue right now and wish that my mom could be here with me, but of course that will not happen.. I just needed to vent again and tell someone what I am feeling.. I just wish I had someone closer to me so that when this happens I can get a real hug and personal contact.. Shelley

Hi Pink pony, I am so thrilled for you just knowing your son is safe and sound, I have a friend who has a son over there.. Yes indeed April 21st has new meaning... Happy days ahead for you I bet, Big hugs... Shelley

Hi Sunstreet, I feel so ashamed of myself, here I am telling you all my problems and I have not realized how bad things are for you, I wish I could take them all away from you and give you a very peaceful life but I can not... I can pray for you and send you hugs and I will keep you in my thoughts always my friend and I will be there right before you if only in spirit... You are a true friend Carol Ann and I think of you as amazing.. Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers Shelley

Hi Niamh, You are so welcome my friend, I am glad I actally helped someone... People around my house tell me I am so self centred and I am trying so hard not to be... SO Thank you for this message.. Shelley

Hi All, I think that some days I just wish I could let it all out and get on with it, I cry but I stop myself and than I feel awful because I know that I should have cried more... I figure it has to because I was always told that when I cried I was a cry baby.. SO now I can not cry all but a few minutes and I feel like I really need to let go... How does one change this? Shelley

Hi Sunstreet, I wanted to post this to tell you that you are so special to alot of people and that Raymond sounded like a pretty nice man.. It must have be nice to know that you had such a bond with him and I think you both were blessed to find each other.. I am sending you peaceful hugs and I am keeping you close in my prayers and know that I am standing beside you as you do this for your special friend... Shelley

Hi Niamh, Thanks for sharing this good article with all of us, I read it and it really made me think... Shelley

Hi Niamh, Thanks I am going to need people with me even in spirits, I need to do this just because I am so scared to I need to follow through and finally put the old house where it belongs in the past... I know that it is just a house and the memories are inside of me but I just need to finally say my good byes and get on with it... Shelley

Hi Niamh, Thanks for all your encouragement I would not be here without people like you... I am trying so hard to do baby steps and eventhough I fall back a little I am going to keep going because I know that you and others are rooting for me and I want to make every proud of me and I want to get through this grief journey too... I know I have along way to go, not just with the grief journey but also in my sexual abuse work and my self esteem work too... I did not know how much I really hated myself until I started going to therapy... But back to my grief journey I just want to really say I appreciate everything you have done for me...Your friend Shelley

Hi All, This sounds so weird since I now had memories of the sexual abuse my dad did to me... I can not say I love him anymore but I guess since there were no memories when I wrote this that is how I could say what I did... Shelley

Hi mlg, I am working all the summer the school is closed but there is a daycare at the school over the summer... I am trying to do it one step at a time but I seem to climb one step and fall back down two steps... Shelley

Happy Birthday Carol Ann, I am so sorry that you are sick but I hope your day is going as well as it can.. I hope you celebrate your birthday when you can make that trip to the island... You are a true friend to me and I appreciate all that you have done... So here are some healing hugs and special wishes on your special day... Your friend Shelley