STARKISS

Hi All, Just wanted you to all know that my family has decided finally to do something with the remains... August 25th of this year I have heard about dealing with the remains so often through the years so I am not getting my hopes up again... August 25th is my dad's death anniversary, the day I am seeing a psychiatrist for the first time and I am getting another hearing test done on that day too... I just hope the family can deal with the remains so that I can have closure finally... Shelley

Hi All, Just wanted you to know that I am still here but feel like I want to leave so very badly lately, it is really hard now because my beloved chelsea is going to leave me too... My mom left me, my dad left me, and now chelsea is going to leave me... I so want to leave to so that I can be with them all.. I have my good days but with the rainy weather it is so much harder to stay on track and with my siblings so far away and not really caring too much if I live or die it is really hard to stay on track here... Shelley

Dear Drowning Man, I just wanted to tell you that I am so sorrry for your pain and suffering... My story is totally different but I have also found myself thinking about suicide and figure that I can not kill myself... I figure if I did kill myself I would just make it worst for the other siblings who have been left behind... My story starts 7 years ago when I lost my mom and dad, we were on vacation in the united states and my mom fell into a diabetic coma and ended up dying in hospital down there.. Than four months later I lost my dad to cancer and along with my dad I lost my childhood home, all my friends and neighbors... I also left my job and had to move to a new city, I also discovered that I have been sexual abused by my dad... I am now suffering from major depression, and anxiety problems... I am really glad you found this website and I hope you continue to come back and read the posts.. The family here is wonderful and compassionate, and really understand what we all are going through... Shelley

Hi Niamh, Thanks but I guess I am one of the few that really think of this day as any other and I wish I could honestly tell my dad I loved him but even to this day I can not... I do miss him and thank him for some of the things he did but I do not love him... Shelley I know people are all excited about Father's day and celebrating their wonderful fathers... It tears me apart to say what I have said but If I had said I love you Dad it would be a total lie...

Hi Marty, I am so sorry to hear about your precious furbaby, I went to see my therapist today and we talked so much about Chelsea and the fact she is going to die... I did not realize the guilt I was holding on to about not seeing chelsea so much and the fact I did not fight to keep with me... I will keep you in my prayers and your beloved furbaby too... shelley

Hi All, I have been here it seems a very long time and I often feel like I should all ready be finished with my grief but I still come back and ready the posts as I like to hear from people and try to help others that have helped me in the past... I feel so very welcome when I come and I feel like I am part of a real family...Thanks to all of you for all the encouragement and support you have shown me... Marty and all the other behind the scene angels Thanks go out to you as well, I think if I had not found this wonderful website I would not be here today... I am here and moving forward because I know that you are there if I fall back ... Thanks again... Shelley

Hi Robert27, Thanks so much for all the kindness and encouragement.. My therapist says that it would be a good ideal to see my doctor as she thinks the medication might need changing for me as my moods seem really off right now... I feel that I have been in a dark hole lately and just can not see the light... I just feel that WHY AM I BEING PUNISHED SO MUCH... I know this sounds really selfish and I am sorry it does... I know that there are so many people out there right now who are suffering with so much pain but I WISH IT WAS ALL OVER AND GOD WOULD TAKE ME HOME ALL READY... SHELLEY

Hi Nicholas, I am sorry you are suffering so much lately, but thanks for asking this as I too have been wondering... I am been going through so really weird things and my therapist has now told me that my problems are no longer grief but I suffer from severe depression along with a major problem with Anxiety too... I hope you find peace and healing, and that you feel better soon... Marty, I read the article and found it very interesting, thanks for sharing ... Shelley

Hi All, Just wanted to Update you all on how Chelsea is doing, I have seen her just a few hours ago and she is a little worst than two weeks ago but seems to still be happy and able to take care of herself... I am thankful for the last two visits and I know in my heart that this is her last summer so I have planned to see her every two weeks until the end of the summer... Thanks to everyone who has sent well wishes and prayers.. Shelley

Hi KayC, She is a yellow lab and being a lab they lose control of their bottom ends... They tend to lose weight too... So Chelsea will continue to lose muscle control of her behind legs and gradually will not be able to walk... Shelley

Thanks To you All, for all the prayers and encouragement Shelley

Hi All, Just wanted you all to know I have arrived home from seeing my beloved Chelsea and she has lost alot of weight... She is barely walking around and she is having eye problems but seems to be in good spirits... Thanks to everyone for their encouraging words and support it is greatly appreciated and I hope to return to hear in three weeks... Shelley

Hi KayC, Thanks, it is not that my family does not want me to drive it is that they want me to drive... They tell me that they will not drive me anywhere and if I want to go somewhere I need to learn to drive to get there... Shelley

Thanks Marty, I will give Chelsea a kiss for you, and thanks for all that you do for us all... I am glad someone is proud of me I know my family could care less... They are just evil... Shelley

HI ALL, JUST WANTED YOU ALL TO KNOW THAT I AM GOING TO SEE MY BELOVED DOG CHELSEA THIS LONG WEEKEND AND THE FAMILY IS SO EVIL THAT THEY REFUSE TO DRIVE ME TO SEE HER THINKING THAT IT WILL MAKE ME WANT TO LEARN TO DRIVE A CAR... BUT I HAVE FOUND A WAY TO DO THIS WITHOUT MY EVIL FAMILY AND SO I AM GOING TO SEE MY THERAPIST AND THAN TAKE A BUS TO SEE MY BELOVED CHELSEA... THANKS EVERYONE FOR ALL YOUR ENCOURAGEMENT AND UNDERSTANDING.. SHELLEY

Hi All, I just received word that Chelsea my sweet little girl is dying and is not expected to live to the end of the week... I am totally heart broken and feel really guilty that I have not seen her alot... She is the only one I have left in my close knit family... Shelley

Hi All, Well I just received a phone call from my sister-in-law the one who has Chelsea and she told me that Chelsea is really ill and may not live much longer.. She told me to come and visit and to see her...I am so in shock now I knew she was going to die but who is ever prepared for death of a loved one... I feel extremely guilty right now because I did not see her much in the past and now she is going to die soon.. I really want to see her but I also do not want to see her in such pain... I know I will try and get the courage to see her before she dies...shelley

Hi All, I so want to say Good Bye and make it forever I have had such a rough time and no one around me cares or understands... Shelley

Hi, I have had flashbacks and I was always wondering why I felt I could not move forward in my grief journey it is because of these flashbacks... I know that the ones I had are awful and I can only tell you that I feel for you and I am sorry you are having them... With myself they were of abuse and sadness so I talked with someone about them and I am not having them as often since I started talking with my therapist... Good luck with the flashbacks and I hope you find some kind of peace and calmness again my friend Shelley

Thanks Kawaiinicole, I must admit I am on Wellbutrin for my depression but also because I am on a waiting list to see a psychiatrist to be tested for Adult ADD which also freaks me out too... I have a fabalous therapist who is helping me deal with the thought of seeing a male psychiatrist... I have never had to talk to a male about personal things before so it is a little upsetting... I have also had more suicidal thoughts so I am scared to tell him about all of this... Shelley

Thanks Marty for always thinking of me when I need it most. I read the article and it was great help... Shelley

Hi Niamh, You are right, it was so hard to walk by and I thought it was going to be easier after all it was 6 years since I saw the house I thought that it was long enough but I guess I was wrong... Now I just hope I can take the memories and move forward and start living again... Shelley

Hi emptyinside, I too feel this way and I agree it is normal to feel like this, I usually just speak out when I am alone and I feel like talking to my mom... I feel also sometimes that she is actally there listening... I also find a picture of her and I try doing the empty chair thing where I put the picture on an empty chair and talk... Shelley

Well Good bye 42 Third Street in Bowmanville, Ontario Canada... I will always remember the fun times I had while living there but I have to move on and so I say Good bye old friend I will miss you but I have my memories forever.. Shelley

Hi All, As some of you know I have had a very rough time with the thought of going back to see my old childhood home,, Some of the reason is that I was rushed away from it before I could finish grieving and also say a proper good bye to it... Another reason is that I had alot of abuse happen at this house by my father... I also felt like I lost another piece of me because I lived there for so long.. Well I did it friends I walked past the house and eventhough I cried so much I managed to walk past and walk past again... I even met up with an old neighbor but could not talk for long due to the fact I was crying alot.. Shelley