STARKISS

Hi All it is official i have to change therapists as my therapist i have now is raising her prices and i now can not afford her anymore... i did a session today and it was about my journal i found that i wrote when my parents had both died and left me all alone.. it was so amazing the things i wrote in this journal things i had forgotten i had even written about... It made me cry so much while i shared it with my therapist... I do not know what i am going to do... the thought of starting up with a new therapist scares me to death all the bad memories relived all over again... i have lost one therapist all ready and this will be the second... I do not think i can do it a third time... shelley

Hi All I still do not know where I belong now that Chelsea is gone and my parents I have no one really to hold on too... My family is still here but they have their own families and I find myself left out so much lately... Shelley

Hi All, I just read this and noticed that there are several parts of it that I can not do yet... It has been six years for me and I am still not half way yet... shelley I feel that there is something wrong with me because I think I should be farther along... I am not doing well enough I need to get moving faster...

Hi All, Just wanted you all to know that I managed to finally go to the place that Chelsea lived before she died... I wanted to let you know that i had a hard time doing this and I figured I would cry but all I felt was extreme numbness... I would have loved to have a great big cry... shelley

Hi All, I am requesting Prayer yet again, I am having a very, very difficult time this year... i am trying to fake the happy christmas stuff but it is not working and i am just very angry that I have to do this... I need to sort my life out because I lost Chelsea and I should be able to grief her but I am not allowed in the eyes of the family after all to them she was just a dog... Shelley

Hi All, Just a quick update on things in my life right now... I am still living in the abusive house and trying still to get out.. I am hoping that soon it will get better and that I will be free... I am still praying every night and hopes that God will answer this pray soon... I am scared some nights that things might just get so bad that I might get totally kicked out of this place with no where to go... Keep praying for me... Shelley

Hi All, I need some prayers right now, This has no connection to grief but I know this website does understand and I really need your prayers right now.. You see I am in a house living with my sister and her husband and their family and this environment has become very abusive emotionally and verbally towards me...For years I received abuse from my father(sexually,verbally,and emotionally,) This went on till the day he died... He stopped the sexual abuse earlier but continued with the emotional and verbal abuse till he died... Now I am in a place that the abuse is getting worst and I am stuck here with very little money and no way out right now... I have contacted the local social services department for my name to be put on the list but I have not received the paper work yet... I was also told that it could take up to ten years to find a place... My therapist is writing a letter to go along with the paper work in hopes that they realize I am is a very bad place right now... So you see it really has nothing to do with grief but if you could see it in your hearts to pray I would really appreciate... Thanks Shelley

Hi KayC, It has been extremely rough this long weekend as it was seven years ago that Chelsea left my side and moved in with my brother... Now that she is gone it is just so extremely upsetting and I know in time I will go and see her grave but for now I will just have to move forward the best I can... Thanks for all your kindness... Shelley

Hi Melina, I am farther along with my journey and I can not really remember at 14 months I think I was still pretty numb and worried about what was going to happen to me... I lost my mom and dad in the same year so I was grieving my mom and than dad died and I had to deal with them both... It has now been 7 years and things are better but special days still are a big problem for me... I do miss my mom but realized that she is in my heart and all I have to do is go somewhere quiet and close my eyes and think of her and this seems to help me just by knowing she is looking down at me and sending her love my way... Shelley

Well it has been three months since I lost my beloved Chelsea and no I have not made it back to her grave.. I have tried many times but I am just not ready to face the grave of my beloved friend... My therapist wants me to go this weekend but I just do not feel strong enough to do it... I think that alot of it is the fear of really crying for the first time... I have this thing I can not cry much at all especially infront of people something inside of me keeps saying Your just a cry baby stop that noise... Well another special day this weekend and all alone again... I miss you Chelsea...Shelley

Well it is Thanksgiving in Canada and yes another special day, Last year I spent it all alone because the family just left me out of it all.. This year it looks like I will be doing the same thing because the family just does not want to bother with me anymore.. I miss my mom so very bad right now and I also miss my beloved Chelsea...My therapist wants me to visit Chelsea's grave but I just can not do this right now I miss her so very much... It has been three months and it seems just like it happen yesterday... This is the 11th Thanksgiving without my parents and it is not getting any easier... Shelley

Hi Marty, Sorry Marty she will not return any messages or emails, I have cancelled several times including this past weekend... I think she is just fed up with me cancelling so much... I owe her some money too so I think I will try to drop by her office next weekend and drop off the money I owe.. I just do not think it is going to happen any more for me... I have just been to a company seminar and I found out that instead of 110 dollars a month for 30 pills I will now pay 56 dollars a month which is so good... I also have another medication that cost 52 dollars a month and another that cost 80 dollars a month so therapy is just not in the cards right now...Shelley

Hi All, I just lost my therapist and it is all my fault... I have just had an major blowout with my brother in law .... He yelled at me and he screamed so much... I need my mom so very badily right now I feel so alone... I just want her to say things are going to be okay.... I know what people are thinking... I need to grow up or just leave the house but where can I go I have no money and I am afraid.... Shelley

Hi Dwayne, So Sorry you have been ill, I am keeping you on my prayer list and praying for you to feel better soon... I too have been sick with what my doctor thinks is the flu... I have had the runs and sore throat, bad cough and lots of aches and pains... Here is to us both getting feeling better soon this I pray... Shelley Glad to hear you are feeling better...

So Sorry for your losses, I can not even imagine what it is like for you, i lost my parents four months apart and was devasted from that so I can not even think how hard it has been for you... I lived with both my parents until they died, my mom died in Las Vegas while we were on vacation and my dad died in his sleep after being admitted to hospital... After that I lefted my parents house after it was sold and moved in with my sister and her husband and family... I left my job all my neighbors and friends behind... I was sexually abused by my dad and was also physically and emotionally, and verbally abused by my dad too... I moved in with my sister and her husband who also verbally and emotionally abuse me too... Again I am sorry for your losses ... I will keep you in my prayers... Shelley

Hi Their youngest, I can not even imagine how hard it would be to deal with two deaths so close together... I will keep you in my prayers and ask God to help you deal with the upcoming weeks... My mom died April 18 2005 and my dad died August 25 2005.. they were four months apart... Sending you a peaceful hug... Shelley

Hi Di, I do hope you do not leave us all here, everyone of us has something special to share with ours.. It is who we are inside that counts and not if we believe in God or not... We have to understand who we are and live for us in this life... I know that we are all different and wouldit not be a boring place if we all thought the same... We are unique and we are special each and everyone of us... Please do not leave you are needed here.. Shelley

I look at the picture of your beloved fur baby and can really understand how much he meant to you... He looks so affection and loving and he looks like he would be there every step of the way through your life.. As you move forward try to think of all the happy moments he brought to you and I wish I could take away your pain and I realize that it will take time for you to even start to move forward... I will keep you in my prayers and you are in my thoughts as the next few days move on... Shelley

Hi Marty, So very sorry to hear about your beloved fur baby, I can not even imagine how sad you feel right now... I know when Chelsea died I thought my life was over but now I want to keep going for her... Please know that i am thinking of you and keeping you in my prayers... Shelley

Hi Nicholas, Sorry I can help with that but I am not sleeping more than four hours a night and thought it was the grief journey causing it but now I am not sure...My doctor wants me to go to a sleep study consultation to see if it might be a sleep disorder... I have just recently been diagnosed with ADD too... I am going to the sleep specialist today and I am worried what might happen... Shelley

Hi All, Just wanted everyone to know that I have decided to return to the house Chelsea lived at and to visit her grave... I am still upset and realize that it will be very difficult but it is necessary for me to do it so that i can move forward... Shelley

Hi All, Just thought I would you all know that I am planning to go to see my brother and see Chelsea's grave next weekend... I think it is what I need to do to move forward...I know that it will be hard but I think i just need to go and do it... It can not be as hard as facing the Psychiatrist this morning and being told that I have ADD and Depression... Wish me luck and keep my in your prayers... Shelley

Hi All, It has been six years for me for my mom and yes I have my good days and my bad ones.. I really miss her somedays and other days it is not so bad... With my dad it will be six years on the 25th of this month and no i do not get sad at all anymore with my dad and I think this is mostly because of the abuse he did to me... Maybe one day i will truly miss him... Shelley

Hi Kay C, I am sorry you are feeling this way, I can only keep you in my prayers in hopes things get better for you... Shelley I have a psychiatrist appointment this Friday to get tested for ADD, than the following Monday I have to see a sleep specialist because I am not sleeping at night for along time... Than the following Thursday I have to have a hearing test done... I am also waiting on some blood test results also... I hope this finds you better today... Shelley

Hi All, I did not go to my brother's house where Chelsea lived on the long weekend, I just could not make myself go knowing that Chelsea is dead and she is in a grave on his property... I saw my therapist today and she wants me to face the house because she says that I will not be able to move forward in my grief over Chelsea if I do not return to his place... She says it will be extremely hard to do but it is a necessary move to continue with my grief journey and letting Chelsea go... Shelley