Not Sure What I Am Doing

[AnnaLisa19811]

The past 3 days I've been in some funk? Physically, I feel tired don't feel like doing anything, I want to be left alone, but I don't, Bills are coming in. I wish my brain would shut off, the days are long, nights are lonely on the 8th of this month, it's going to be a month it does not seem like it though? I question pain all across the world why do people have to suffer at all? I didn't think my dad was going to survive my birthday May. 30 he died on his birthday 6-8-17 in my presence a little before 3 pm took care of him since 2001 on & off. Anyway, just mumbling

[AnnaLisa19811]

3 minutes ago, AnnaLisa19811 said:

The past 3 days I've been in some funk? Physically, I feel tired don't feel like doing anything, I want to be left alone, but I don't, Bills are coming in. I wish my brain would shut off, the days are long, nights are lonely on the 8th of this month, it's going to be a month it does not seem like it though? I question pain all across the world why do people have to suffer at all? I didn't think my dad was going to survive my birthday May. 30 he died on his birthday 6-8-17 in my presence a little before 3 pm took care of him since 2001 on & off. Anyway, just mumbling

Every night when I go to bed, I hope that I may never wake again, and every morning renews my grief.
 

[kayc]

I am sorry for your loss of your father.  What you are describing is classic grief.  In time it will sink in and it won't hit you afresh every day, we get used to it and adjust, learn to cope with our loss, but we do continue missing them.  It's been four weeks, you're probably still feeling some shock, numbness.  Losing our desire to do anything or engage in life is normal.  It does take our pushing past our comfort zone and even then, we may not feel the same.  I've lost my parents, in-laws, grandparents, my husband, many pets, etc. so have been through this a time or two.  I've learned that grief continues but it evolves, it doesn't stay in the same intensity, which is good.  

It's good to express yourself, so I'm glad you found this site.  Others should be along shortly.

http://www.griefhealingblog.com/2013/02/parent-loss-continuing-their-song.html 

 

[MartyT]

AnnaLisa, my dear, you don't say how old you are or whether this death of your father is your first experience with significant loss. As Kay says, some of us are "veterans," having found our way through grief any number of times, and although each loss is unique, when we've been through it before, we may have some idea of what to expect and what we might do to cope the next time. But if this is your first, it can be quite frightening and disorienting ~ especially if you've been in the role of caregiver for your father for so many years.

I encourage you to do some reading about what is normal in grief, so you'll feel less "crazy" and have a better idea of what you might expect in the days and weeks ahead. By browsing the threads in these forums, you'll discover that you're not alone, and you may pick up some coping suggestions that may work for you, too.

And in addition to the article Kay suggested, you might give the following a read ~ and be sure to check out some of the resources listed at the base of each as well:

Grief: Understanding The Process

In Grief: After Caregiving Ends, Who Am I?

 

[kayc]

Thank you, Marty, I looked for a Caregiver loss article and didn't find one, this is just what I was searching for.