Physical Reactions

[lucyred]

Hi, I am new to this site. I just got desperate for some help. I think I'm going crazy. It does'nt make sense because I have lost loved ones before, but I'm really having a meltdown over the death of my Father. I have known for some time that he was dying, so it doesn't make much sense that I am having such a hard time of it. Is it normal to have panic attacks over the death of your father when you are 51 years old yourself? I would love to just crawl into bed , bury my head and not come out for 24 hours, but I am alone to take care of my ailing mother-in-law, and have no time to greive. My husband had to go out of town to help out a family member on his side of the family, so I have no-one except two kids and a mother-in-law that expect me to care for them. How do I get through this without losing my sanity completely?

[Seanboy]

Hi Lucy, sounds like your the strong one in the family, I'm sorry for your loss of your dad, I know how tough that can be. Its important to take care of you too, try to talk to your family and express how your feeling and maybe they can help out more. Let them know that during times like these its important for a family to work together.

Please come here if you need a shoulder, the lights on 24/7, always remember that.

Much love headed your way,

Sean.......................

Edited April 15, 2006 by Seanboy

[shell]

Lucyred,

I am 52 and lost my dad a little over a year ago. I had problems with anxiety attacks when I was in my twenties and finally overcame them and did well for over 20 years. About two or three weeks after my dad died I started back into the panic attacks. I had a week and a half long panic attack (no kidding!) until I finally broke down and called my doctor, who put me on meds. I just couldn't get a handle on controlling them again and it was so frightening and frustrating. I am still on the meds and they have saved my life and sanity. Not that I'm recommending them for everyone, it's just the solution I decided to take. There are several good sites on panic attacks, with a lot of help and suggestions. Try: www.anxieties.com

www.anxietypanic.com

www.anxietycoach.com

Hope this helps, good luck, and hang in there,

Shell

[Paul S]

Hi, I am new to this site. I just got desperate for some help. I think I'm going crazy. It does'nt make sense because I have lost loved ones before, but I'm really having a meltdown over the death of my Father. I have known for some time that he was dying, so it doesn't make much sense that I am having such a hard time of it. Is it normal to have panic attacks over the death of your father when you are 51 years old yourself? I would love to just crawl into bed , bury my head and not come out for 24 hours, but I am alone to take care of my ailing mother-in-law, and have no time to greive. My husband had to go out of town to help out a family member on his side of the family, so I have no-one except two kids and a mother-in-law that expect me to care for them. How do I get through this without losing my sanity completely?

Hi lucyred:

Yes, it is normal to have panic attacks and various other physical reactions to the death of a loved one. Pretty much all of us here have experienced something like panic, anxiety and fear. Its all a part of grief. Your age doesn't matter.

How do you get through this w/o losing your sanity? Frequent this discussion forum for topics that seem relevant to what you're going thru. Post new topics to ask questions. And you probably have more time to grieve than you think.

I lost my Mom last November. I had been her caregiver off and on for 10 years. I am 43, and feel much like you do. After she died I had to contend with a sister who was the executor of Mom's estate, and said sister just pushed me aside as if I didn't matter and took over everything. She started tossing Mom's things out just hours after her death. I never had the opportunity to mourn early on in familiar surroundings, the house had been torn apart. Before her funeral 2 days later, there were a dozen or so trash bags lining the back porch and near back yard, full of Mom's things. Since my Mom was my job, I had to deal with joblessness as well as the grief. I also had to relocate, as the estate needed me out of the house so it can be sold. So I had to move on top of that. Toss in financial and economic hardship, and you can see that like you, I had to contend with some very serious issues in addition to figuring out how to deal with grief. But I managed. Did I mention that I'm a recovering alcoholic? Only sober 3 1/2 years at thge time? Add sobriety stress. Oh, boy did I want to drink! But I didn't.

Did I feel as if I was losing my sanity? Yup. But through getting some grief counseling at a hospice, getting some books of grieving and bereavement, and finding this discussion forum, I learned that basically everyting that I was experiencing is normal.

Just keep reaching out, and coming here. You're not alone in this.

[Guest Guest]

Dear Lucyred,

Regardless of your age you are still your parents child and no matter if the death is expected or not ........loss is loss. It takes time to adjust and it is normal to feel all kinds of feelings. Grief is a process. I lost my mother September 2005 (expected.....cancer) and I still am adjusting. I just had my frist birthday *51 and I found myself crying in the early hours of the morning. Generally, I am doing better. It takes time. You just have to give yourself time and space to feel what you feel. I hope you feel better soon. Sometimes people may seek help from their Doctor if the symptoms are severe. I wish you all the best.

Diane

[lucyred]

Thank you all so much for your shared sympathy and pain. I know that things will get better, but sometimes it is just too much to bear. Yesterday was the 1 month mark of Daddy's death, and most of the time I am alright. Then for no reason at all I'll have another panic attack. I am afraid I'll have one driving down the road or something. I never know when one will come. I had them a few years ago, and went on meds for them, but I got addicted to the meds, and really don't want to go through that again. Withdrawells were horrible. The Dr. just cut me off, cold-turkey. I know now that that was the wrong way to quit them and wouldn't let a Dr. do that again, but still, I am afraid to get hooked on them again. My hubby is home now, but he is depressed about financial problems and is no help to me. When he gets down, I get another attack. I have an appt. with a dr. in the morning. Maybe I'll get some help.

Lucinda

[Guest Steve Y]

any kind of stress can retrigger other problems youve already had. think of it like that's your brain recalling its coping strategies for dealing with bigtime stresses.

i can relate. when i faced a job loss, it triggered allllll the things i experienced when my mom died and i found her. its like i bottled up those things and they all came out. i had flashbacks of finding her, and performing CPR on her. it was like something out of horror movie.

anyway, i found out i was exp. post traumatic stress disorder. wow, what a nightmare.

id suggest being evaluated by a professsional, medications can help. as can therapy. too often people hold these things in, and it can be worse than the original trauma itself.

God bless,

Steve

[lucyred]

I finally went to the Dr. and got some short term sleeping pills to help out at night. Then my Mother-In-Law, whom I take care of, went into the hosp. in critical condition. When it rains it pours, if you know what I mean. I have spent the last two days in the hosp with her, but woke up with a sore throat this morning and didn't think it would be appreciated if I took that to her. Oh well, maybe it's my body's way of getting me away from there for a little while. She is improving, so at least it doesn't look like she will be # 3 in 3 months time, as far as deaths of close relatives. I am her caregiver, and we are very close, so it would probably put me over the edge, if you know what I mean!!. Thanks for all your support. It's nice to know that there are people out there, perfect strangers, who are willing and able to help out and be a "shoulder" figuratively speaking. Hopefully soon I will be at the stage when I can reach out to help too.

[shell]

Lucyred,

Yep, when it rains it pours! I think you're right about your body forcing you to take some "time out". My mother always says, "Everything happens for a reason." Sometimes it takes years to figure it out, but its usually true, although there are some things you just can't ever imagine had any reason (especially a good one!) attached to it. Glad your mother-in-law is improving. Also glad your doc gave you something to help you sleep. Sometimes we just have to resort to medical help, you can't always fight everything yourself.

Take care of yourself,

Shell

[FUNNYFACE]

Lucy Red:

Remember that you need to take care of yourself or you will be no good to anyone....Not even yourself.....

I have ignored my own health and well being over the last few years because I am "the nurse" literally... and I have to take care of everyone else....Father, Mother, Husband, friends.....I never had time to take care of me....I could wait. My Father had Alzheimer's for 15 yrs and died in 3/05..my Mother had many health problems and I took care of her and she died 9/05...my Husband has tons of health issues at age 58 so I have to watch over him ...friends always need my help for one thing or another ....and now....guess who has health issues of her own.....ME.....I have been so busy taking care of everyone else I have neglected myself......

Soooooo the moral of this little tale is.......Please....take care of yourself....you are the only one that will.......

I will keep you in my prayers....

Funnyface