I AM SO SAD ABOUT MY INCREDIBLE FATHER

[ILOVEMYFATHER]

I am so sad. I just do not want to go on since my INCREDIBLE FATHER is not here. I am just a young person, only 51. My INCREDIBLE FATHER is the BRIGHTEST LIGHT IN MY LIFE.

My INCREDIBLE FATHER was doing very well. I allowed myself to be happy. Now, I realize that I was punished. 

[kayc]

You don't tell us much about your story, but if your father passed, that isn't punishment for you, it's a part of the natural life/death cycle, we all experience it.  I am sorry for your loss.  It can be very hard to get used to life without the person who has always been there for us, but it can be done with enough time and effort.  Been there.

https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2013/02/parent-loss-continuing-their-song.html

[ILOVEMYFATHER]

I feel that because I allowed myself to be happy when my Father was doing well, that I was punish.  I feel that I must never try to be happy.

 

[MartyT]

As we often say here, my dear, feelings are not the same as facts. Feelings can be totally irrational, unfair and make no sense at all sometimes. This feeling as if your father's death was doled out to you as punishment for allowing yourself to be happy when he was alive and well is just that: a feeling. It is up to you to decide if that feeling is justified as fact, and if you find yourself unable to be objective about this, I suggest that you share your thoughts with someone you know and trust (perhaps a pastor, relative or close friend) who can help you to see this more realistically. I don't know your religious beliefs or what you've been taught to believe about life and death, punishment and sin, but I can assure you that the death of someone dearly loved will cause us to question nearly everything we thought we believed before. That is just the nature of grief. See, for example, Religion and Spirituality in Grief and In Grief: When Faith and God Don't Make Sense. I also encourage you to watch this YouTube interview: 

 

[kayc]

I love that distinction, Marty!  My pastor has a saying, "It's okay to not be okay" and for most of us there is that time when things just aren't perfect and we're feeling it.  It doesn't mean we don't deserve to be happy.  Feelings can really mix us up!

This video is very worthwhile to hear...wonderful message!  I've learned all this the long hard way by making my way through grief, it would have been great had I read this book years ago, it lays it all out there for you!