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Angry.


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My father committed suicide.  Breaking my heart and the hearts of my wife and oldest living son.  Caleb has gone through nothing but hell these last several months.  I found my father when he shot himself.  I have been dealing with a lot of anger.  I was unfaithful to my wife.  She has the love to forgive me.  I don’t know where she finds such forgiveness.  My anger at my Dad is mixed with guilt.  And anguish.  I’m angry that he left this world selfishly without thinking of Caleb particularly.  He’s only nine and struggles daily.  He’s been inpatient several times.  His life is a painful struggle and there is nothing his mom or I can manage to do to comfort him.  THIS is why I’m so angry.  Then I feel guilty.  It’s a vicious cycle.  

I miss my mom and dad every day.  😞

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11 hours ago, A&K said:

I don’t know where she finds such forgiveness.

It's never easy but she remembers the love between you and all you have shared.  It can be better than it is, and that is the hope before you.  

11 hours ago, A&K said:

THIS is why I’m so angry.  Then I feel guilty.  It’s a vicious cycle.  

I miss my mom and dad every day.  😞

Feelings can be complicated, we can feel opposite feelings at the same time, both of them very valid.

I'm hopeful with counseling your family can be helped through this.  It's not just one thing, but one thing on top of another.  Each and every thing will have to be dealt with one at a time.  It's a lot, but worth pursuing.  My heart goes out to you and your family.

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I’m so sorry your hearts have been broken. Your story sounds very painful. I can’t even imagine what it must have been like for you to find your dad. I’m glad you have such a wonderful, forgiving wife beside you. A friend of mine killed herself in December and my emotions have been all over the place. I’m super sad. Then I get mad and I feel guilty because I didn’t see the signs. It’s a vicious circle. Have you and your wife considered GriefShare? I went when my mom passed away. It gave me the tools I desperately needed to start the healing process. It also put me in touch with other people who were going through the same emotions I was. It really helped to know I wasn’t alone. It might help you and your wife too and they may have some suggestions to help your son also. Don’t lose hope. I will be praying for you and your family this week. 

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