People say that i am "selfish" for smoking cigarettes...

[MariesBabyGirl1990]

Hi everyone, i am new to this group. My beautiful mam passed away in Oct '15. ever since that harrowing night i have been smoking cigarettes. before that day i never smoked a day in my life (expect for experimenting with cigarettes. i tried one - wasn't keen)  i also have a lung condition - I was born at 27 weeks gestation and am lucky to be here today. I'm 28 years old. I was too young to lose my mam. She was my best friend i was so extremely close to her and miss her beyond life itself. So anyway, i started smoking the night she passed... I could smoke up to about 10/15 a day, it depends i suppose. If im stressed i find i smoke a hell of a lot more. My breathing has become awful. i have been back and fourth to the emergency room with it countless time but i am always dismissed and told "its all in my head" or "that i am fine". expect for one time,  a very nice nurse ran a whole battery of tests and she bluntly said to me in a very nice way that if I DON'T stop smoking now - that i wont see 30 years old. I couldn't believe it, but yet, here i am still smoking. i cant give up, im not ready yet and i don't want to. My son is 6 years old and i know that he needs me around but i will be ok, i know i will. everybody is on my back about me smoking, me da, me husband, me family Why cant they just leave me alone and mind their own business? Its my life and i should be able to live it the way i choose to... Am i selfish for smoking? Its how i can cope the best. I really do find it helps me... I know that may sound strange.. but it does, i cant explain it, but it does.

MariesBabyGirl xxx

[Kieron]

Tobacco is well-known for calming nerves, so it's not surprising that it's a coping mechanism for you.  Having said that, I'm sorry that you've lost your mum.  Everyone here knows the struggle is real, so you're in the right place to share your story.

[kayc]

MariesBabyGirl,

I'm sorry for your loss...I had my mom until four years ago (I'm 65) but I lost my dad when I was 29...I was a daddy's girl, so it was pretty hard...I feel I've had to live my life without him and it seems unfair when I see people my age that still have theirs.

My late husband smoked, he died right after his 51st birthday, way too young.  We were supposed to grow old together...we didn't get to.  Did his cigarettes contribute?  Yes, there's no getting around it, they did.  And now I'm close to losing my sister Peggy, she smokes also.  She went into the hospital for surgery, she's not in good shape, now she's in rehab, and I worry she'll come home and immediately start smoking again (she's had 24 days without now).  I wouldn't want to be judgmental and call her selfish for it, but I guess it is kind of a selfish choice...there are other ways to calm yourself, I know, I live with GAD (general anxiety disorder).  The doctor can help with that.  I can't be around the smoke so if she's chain smoking in her tiny house, I can't come there.  I want to be there for her, help her, do laundry, clean her house, etc. since she'll need the help...I've told her she can choose to have my help...or she can smoke, the choice is hers.  I hope that doesn't sound mean, but it's realistic...I was exposed to her smoke May 31st and the whole month of June I suffered from it, allergic reaction to it caused ear infections, then I had a bad reactions to the medicines and I don't want to repeat June, it was truly miserable.

My husband smoked, it calmed him, I got that, I didn't chide him for it...but now he's gone and I'm here alone, so I know it's a real consideration.  

The choice is yours to make, regardless.  I guess a person has to weigh all of the considerations and make the best decision they can for them.  We can't make other people's decisions for them, we can help them think of things to consider but in the end it's their choice and we have to accept it, consequences and all.  I wish you well with your continued journey.

[MariesBabyGirl1990]

Thank you so much for your replies Kieron & Kayc. i hope you are both keeping well XxX