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Kieron

Contributor
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    243
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About Kieron

  • Rank
    Advanced Member

Previous Fields

  • Your relationship to the individual who died
    Partner, best friend
  • Date of Death
    3/22/2017
  • Name/Location of Hospice if they were involved:
    ABNW

Profile Information

  • Your gender
    Male
  • Location (city, state)
    Mn

Recent Profile Visitors

843 profile views
  1. Ugh, it just dawned on me that today would be the monthly support group, locally, and it would be cancelled, for obvious reasons. Crap. 😒
  2. Anniversaries are always, always hard, and I cannot begin to imagine the experience you are describing. 😔
  3. Welcome to the group, although welcome often seems almost an inappropriate word at times, but I guess it's all we have. There isn't any "how" to feel. You just feel whatever you feel, as it comes, when it comes. And you get through this raw experience moment by moment, hour by hour, day by day. As George says, grieving takes energy, and at 5 weeks, it's pretty fresh, so expect any, all or just some of the effects he describes, and expect them to come and go at will. In the face of this loss, it's very okay to not get some things done, not be unable to concentrate, because your thoughts are very much occupied with absorbing the reality of a huge void in your life. I was advised by a Native American acquaintance, early on in my loss journey, that in her culture, and in another way of life, I would have been excused from any and all social obligations for an entire year. Unfortunately, modern life doesn't give us that time. Add to it this new social isolation, well you can hardly be blamed for being at a complete loss for how to perceive this new normal. None of this is normal, anymore! Just know we're listening and we get it.
  4. There's another well-turned phrase that captures the feelings. Love it! 😍
  5. I find this simple phrase leaping out at me. Wow. That is so eloquent and to-the-point. Is my past and was my future. The way you transposed the is and the was just makes my writer's heart shiver. Did you intend to put it this way? Or was it just happenstance? Yes, this tiny bit has done wonders, for sure! 😊
  6. Physical memories such as this are common, I'm finding. The angle of the sunlight this time of year has reminded me of the sinking, wrenching and gutted-out feeling I had that afternoon of the day he died, when I got home from the hospital, after. The light on the wall at this time of year is exactly the same. So I understand hating this reminder. It's probably a lot like the way certain scents become associated with an event.
  7. Gwen, is this person projecting her own "stuff" onto you? Browbeating is particularly nasty. I used to work around someone who was like that, and the environment (and she was in charge and she let you know it) became so toxic that I had to leave or become ill or depressed. Ugh!
  8. Thank you, Dee. it's the result of years of practice. There is a stylus used in this method that delivers very fine lines, for precision. And you won't see the bad ones. LOL My first two I still have in a box. I take them out sometimes to remind myself how far I have come.
  9. Thank you. I've been doing these for 18+ years now. Kay, it's a real egg, emptied out beforehand. I have ruined too many full ones that cracked and leaked, for various technical reasons, to bother with full ones anymore. Traditionalists only use full ones. in the old days the eggs would dry out over time because the whites would evaporate, leaving the yolk to dry out and rattle inside like a bean or pebble. Nowadays the shells are thinner b/c of chemicals and pollution etc. so they are more likely to rot inside and explode. No thanks. It's not a stencil. The design is sketched out in pencil very lightly, on the white shell, b/c then you can somewhat erase mistakes. Once you begin to apply hot beeswax with the heated stylus, the wax adheres firmly and will not remove until the end stage. Once you are done with layers of wax and dye, the egg is held next to a candle flame. The beeswax melts off readily, and you can gently wipe it away, revealing the design. It's a tedious, laborious process but when it turns out well, the feeling of accomplishment is unmatched! 😎 Marg, tell her they are called pysanky. Singular, the word is pysanka. She can find online groups where tricks and tips and styles and how-to's can be found. I learned a lot from experienced people this way, as well as my own mistakes. She can get supplies from several vendors so if she wants references, let me know. I know a lot of people and vendors by now. The cost is minimal, compared to a lot of hobbies! If it's any comfort, I have a slight tremor that I can adjust for (again, practice) and have to use magnification for best results. Ah well.
  10. I don't know how I reached the three year point. But here I am. The strange relief that the pandemic didn't hit during his last month of life... that weird sense of relief is actually more bothersome at the moment, but I am able to put it into context, versus wondering if I had grown too casual about this whole anniversary. If that make sense... At any rate, to distract from the endless noise from anxious people, I turned to my springtime hobby of Ukrainian Easter eggs. Mark found me a starter kit for making these, and at first I was skeptical but once I figured out how, I really got into it. It's very meditative. I hope you enjoy. In the symbolic language of Ukrainian Easter eggs, the star (also referred to as a rose, if there are multiple petals) represents the Sun, warmth and life returning from the darkness of winter. Some say it represents as well as the presence of God or Spirit or whatever you want to call it. The band around the perimeter of the egg is called an eternity band, and (obviously) represents eternity or timelessness. The wave or meander is a classic symbol as well, and can mean water or just eternity. There are infinite ways to design the star on an eggshell, and I find myself returning to it again and again. The method is known as wax resist, and in certain parts of the world it is called batik (think of the colorful saris that Indonesian women wear). It's been in use for generations, reaching back into pre-historic times. The people of what is now Eastern Europe revered the egg, because in a time when winter was hanging on and food was scarce, birds began to lay eggs as the Sun returned, and of course when you crack an egg, what drops out but the Sun! So people associated eggs with the return of life, food and energy for survival, and began to decorate eggs in the springtime, and the eggs gradually took on magical meaning, held powers against evil and misfortune, and they supported the return of warmth, life, food, abundance, and happier times. Then along came Christianity and it blended rather seamlessly with this tradition. There are esoteric or hidden meanings as well which require some study to understand, but it's really quite a fascinating topic for me. I hope this takes your mind off the heaviness of the times, even momentarily.
  11. She's a beauty, all right. I'm sorry for the intense pain you're experiencing and I can only guess how deep your connection to her is. Some people seem to so easily adjust to the loss of a beloved pet, or else they hide it really well. Say, does she have different colored eyes or is it a trick of the light?
  12. I've got that tendency, too,. It's hard for me to make friends, since I prefer a few deeper connections as opposed to many casual acquaintances. So I find myself tolerating just a bit more from some people than I ought to, and if they go too far ( and several have presumed too much, or else they have ghosted me), I pull way back and put them in their place as acquaintances. This new "norm" of social distancing is really putting this in perspective.
  13. Welcome, and sorry that tragic circumstances have brought this to your door, so to speak. Ruined and broken are very apt words. I assure you many more such words will come to mind as the weeks and months go by. Like Kay says, you don't have to traverse this road all in one day. Take it moment by moment, if necessary, as you absorb something that's trying to absorb you at the same time. And it's hurting and going to hurt so much because it's often darn near unbearable at this point. Every little thing will bump your broken heart, as it will for the kids, just like after you smash your thumb with a hammer, every dang movement seems to jostle that poor digit. Give yourselves permission to sit with the feelings, however painful they are at first. I've found that there's no way to the other side of grief but through it. Not away, not under, not over, not to the side, but through. Just know that many of us here really "get it."
  14. I can understand that. I recall classroom discussions of Abraham Maslow's hierarchy of needs, which states that human contact is as much a need as food and shelter. Maybe it's not as essential as air and water are for immediate survival, but going without food, shelter and human touch is just a slower death.
  15. It's dawned on me that if this had happened exactly three years ago, Mark's rehab center would have been in lockdown and I wouldn't have been able to visit, at least not without a thorough screening. I'm so glad we're spared this ordeal. As bad as the situation was then, it would be unbearable today.
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