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Kieron

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  • Your relationship to the individual who died
    Partner, best friend
  • Date of Death
    3/22/2017
  • Name/Location of Hospice if they were involved:
    NA

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  • Your gender
    Male
  • Location (city, state)
    Mn
  • Interests
    Writing

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  1. I'd rather not create a new thread as I'm not really saying anything I haven't already said, but I do have to say It's really remarkable how deeply a new passing stirs up the sediment of my grief, as if it had settled into some crevice somewhere inside and was just waiting to be excavated. Another uncle passed away, yesterday after a long illness. This one I was not close to, but the news dredged up the old feelings as I knew it would. It didn't last long, but just remembering the way it felt afterward, and knowing quite well what my aunt must be feeling.
  2. Karen said it much more tactfully than I would have managed.
  3. Gwen, sounds like the compassion in your shrink just plain shrunk. 😞
  4. That's a great way to describe it, in very relatable terms. Sometimes naming the problem or the issue or the concept allows us to feel a sense of control, or power, or agency, over whatever it is. When we can't name it, we can't get a handle or a grip on it. James, I wanted to comment on ordering the medical records. I understand wanting to know the full story and I did this myself back in the day. However.... Having been on both sides of the situation, as both a neutral professional documenting things as I observed them, and as a patient's family member, the records will rarely, if ever, align with what we remember happening. It's been said in the various helping professions, "If it's not documented, it didn't happen." The various perspectives of the involved hospital/facility providers, some of who didn't care, whose first language was not English, or who were tired and overworked and underpaid --all of it muddied my personal recall, at least in my experience. Reading the records upset me more than it helped, because it was in the chart (or not) and thus unchangeable. Yes, some things were clarified but others were made more confused. Filing a complaint with the board of nursing against the worst offender who failed us did me no good because my verbal report didn't stand up to the written documentation, such as it was. 😞😣😣 When I was running around in his last days to try to get everyone moving in the same direction (the rehab facility, the hospital and the various other "professionals" who failed us at every step), I thought that would cut down on confusion, but it seemed to be in vain. I wish I had had the presence of mind to demand of the facility social worker, in that last meeting I had with her, why in the world hospice was not called when it was obvious he was fading fast. Talk about dereliction of duty!
  5. Welcome, we're glad you found us. For me it's been just over 5 years. The grief waves are far less intense and less frequent but yes, they do still sneak up and swamp when least expected.
  6. Sounds more like borderline, certainly a personality disorder. "Walking on eggshells" so that you don't set off one of their rages is a classic warning sign. 🥺
  7. James, you are neither of those. As Boho-Soul says, everyone's life is different. I've noticed men tend to pair up again after losing their other half, whereas women don't. And sometimes the reverse happens. It may be wiring, or gender, or socialization, or just personality, or the type of loss or the duration of it, or the trauma of it, or any combination. 💔
  8. What they usually told me was, "Life is a journey." Essentially parroting four-word phrases that get uttered all too often, as something they heard in a movie, I suppose. I promised myself I would never say these words to another grieving person.
  9. I have noticed some glitchy behavior in the forum today, for example it made me redo my profile prior to logging in. So it's not your imagination, you probably did lose posts. Speaking of haywire, something seems to be haywire with Dee, from the sounds of things. I am sure you have probably already tried this, but I know when we are sick or in pain, we miss things. Just in case this does the trick, here is what i found for your area for in-home care needs. It's my nature to find solutions, Gwen, I can't help it. 🙂 https://www.dshs.wa.gov/altsa/long-term-care-services-information
  10. Gwen, I haven't been saying much being so busy with offline stuff, but I'm with Kay, this can't go on. She has shown who she really is, both intoxicated and sober. You don't deserve more abuse heaped on you after months if not years of other kinds of abuse from the broken environment around you.
  11. So profound, Ana. Incidentally, I found this meme earlier today.
  12. For me, it comes at various times of the year, such as anniversaries, or the month of July, or the angle of the sunlight which is the same on his birthday and at his death day since they're at opposite ends of the year. And everything you describe, jathas, is perfectly understandable and very normal and natural. The anxiety is indeed very overwhelming because your whole existence was uprooted. I wonder if it's what a plant feels like when dug out of the ground and left sitting there to dry out and wither. I barely left the house except to go to work, in the months and year/year and a half after, and I don't even know how I managed to do that...
  13. If anyone has earned the right to grumble, Gwen, it's you. 💖
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