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Kieron

Contributor
  • Content Count

    168
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About Kieron

  • Rank
    Advanced Member

Previous Fields

  • Your relationship to the individual who died
    Partner, best friend
  • Date of Death
    3/22/2017
  • Name/Location of Hospice if they were involved:
    ABNW

Profile Information

  • Your gender
    Male
  • Location (city, state)
    Mn

Recent Profile Visitors

616 profile views
  1. Dump the doc. There has to be another doctor more understanding and sympathetic in your area. Can you call your health insurance carrier or managed care organization/company and ask for a referral? If you are hospitalized, you have the right to ask for a social worker or patient advocate or other hospital representative to meet with you and discuss your options. You don't have to go through this alone.
  2. I, too, am sorry that you have found yourself n this club that no one wants to join. For you, it's been barely a month, so the grief is raw, fresh, and sharp-edged. It hurts like nothing else does. I remember how it felt as though I was a well-rooted plant that had been yanked from the soil and tossed aside, to wilt and wither, exposed to drying winds and harsh sunlight. It's like no other feeling in the world. Kay's tips are good ones. I have found that the only way through grief is literally through it. There will be what they call a "grief tsunami". Let it wash over you when it comes. It will find you no matter what you do, so let it have its way. And whatever gets you through the day, through the hours, the minutes, is yours to decide, I think. Mine was to write. I wrote incredible amounts of poetry, some of it bad, much of it pretty good (in my opinion 😎). I also journaled a lot, and worked in the yard, or on something creative like cooking because Mark was a fantastic chef and I think I was trying to emulate him (never coming close though... his soups and stews and sauces were phenomenal). Wishing you some measure of peace.
  3. Wow, and here I thought I had heard my share of stupid remarks. That even tops the one I was subjected to (a few weeks back) in terms of insensitivity. Do people even hear themselves spouting these asinine opinions?
  4. I think this is a most gracious way of looking at a very complicated situation with very complicated people involved.
  5. Mark would be 63 years old today. Soon it will be three years since he's even been at home, because he was hospitalized in late November 2016 and never came back. I got through this day with wistful thoughts and only a few tears at times, and other times with disgust and resentment at all the idiots in the world today, running around full of life, creating pain, harm, destruction and mayhem everywhere they go. Why do they get to be alive while others don't? This morning I looked through some of his clothing that I have saved for various reasons. One button-down collar short-sleeve shirt, sort of a sage-green plaid pattern, still smells like sunblock lotion, and it made me smile a little because he was applying it on a pontoon boat ride one summer day a decade ago. The bottle went "splooch" and squirted a *lot* of sunblock all over his shirt. The shirt was pretty well protected from the sun that day! 😄 Yesterday I stumbled across a local nonprofit that collects used clothing for persons homeless, indigent or otherwise disadvantaged, who are hospitalized for whatever reason. Often these folks are discharged again afterward with poorly fitting castoffs, because sometimes what they wore on admission had to be cut off to perform procedures etc. Plus-size clothing is needed the most. So it seemed fitting (heh) to donate all his XXL clothing that has sat folded for 2.5 years, to this worthy cause, and also apropos since he himself once experienced homelessness or at least instability, and would give you the shirt off his back. Doing this was a no-brainer. The nonprofit came to take the donations today, again with rather interesting timing. May these nice shirts and pants cover and dignify those who would otherwise go without! ❤️
  6. No, there is nothing for it. It can only be lived. How ironic... life, after death.
  7. I have no doubt he will. You seem very tuned in to him. ❤️
  8. Medications *are* hard to adjust to-- you're right, maybe he should try taking something, and get back to you! Some people can't handle the side effects. Some side effects are socially embarrassing like excessive salivating/drooling, or else sleeping too much, severe weight gain, excessive appetite, dry mouth, blurred vision etc etc. Sheesh! If they work for someone, great. If not, that someone might try something else.
  9. I tend to agree with you, Marg and Karen. I have worked in mental health for many years and I was told by someone in the know that medications are mainly tested on volunteer subjects who are white/European-descended, and many of the subjects are male. Many medications have different effects on different ethnic groups, and women's bodies often handle medication differently than men's bodies do. Everyone is different and what works for one, won't work or may even harm another. It's scary. I'm exceedingly cautious about what medications I will take after what this person told me.
  10. Yep. All I can really do is 🙄. The shoe will be on the other foot in due time.
  11. At my grief group yesterday, the facilitator shared this quote that he said a mentor gave him to share with others who need it. I thought it was remarkable, and indeed it made me choke up the first time I read through it. I don't know who to credit, unfortunately, but I'm sure someone here will know! 😊 "In time, but certainly not yet. the grief of his/her loss will fade and be replaced by the realization of what a miracle it was that s/he ever existed in the first place."
  12. In my experience, my arms and shoulders ached like crazy for many months. My forearms, in particular, had this phantom pain that seemed to be bone-deep. When I decided to see a bodywork professional who did deep tissue massage, she told me that she believes grief is carried in the arms and shoulders and it manifests there quite often. In another way, I felt the grief and loss as a sensation of starving. I eventually realize that Mark's cooking was literally an act of love, and he put love into whatever he made, and when I was deprived of it, it felt like I was starving to death. I know I am not imagining this. After 2+ years, it's not as noticeable, so I guess one can get used to anything, but on occasion, on my way home from work, I long to come home to one of his stick-to-your-ribs meals. 😔
  13. There's another version of this somewhere but I can't locate it at the moment. When I do find it, I'll upload it.
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