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Kieron

Contributor
  • Content Count

    190
  • Joined

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About Kieron

  • Rank
    Advanced Member

Previous Fields

  • Your relationship to the individual who died
    Partner, best friend
  • Date of Death
    3/22/2017
  • Name/Location of Hospice if they were involved:
    ABNW

Profile Information

  • Your gender
    Male
  • Location (city, state)
    Mn

Recent Profile Visitors

683 profile views
  1. Meant to be, I suspect! 🥰
  2. Wow, Gwen, that's a profound analogy if there ever was one.
  3. yeah, you always wonder about new people who make an appearance but don't stay, and sometimes they have such an effect that you often where they went, if they're okay.
  4. That's too bad that she didn't live to see this very important legislation. The violence against Native women is under-reported but widespread, but people are finally starting to become aware of it and actually talk about it, which can only help.
  5. While I was there at the moment Mark passed, and don't remember any smile or other expression on his face, I do remember the distinct feeling that all the air had been sucked out of the hospital ICU room. It was like a depressurized space where all the oxygen had escaped, like a wind in the doorway feels if you stand on the threshold. I remember gasping for air as though I couldn't breathe. Then the sensation was gone, as though a great, big door had slammed shut, restoring "space normal." Without going into any great detail, I felt--and still feel--as though a great force, bigger than anything I can comprehend, came along and bore his spirit off, or else it was the departure of a huge force of nature from this dimension. He was certainly larger than life in some ways. 🥰
  6. Johnny, the first anniversary was the hardest. it felt like a door slamming shut on the past, *our* past. 😢
  7. it took a long time to reach a point where I felt able to live or exist in a way that was more than mere "autopilot." At one time or another, in varying degrees, I was eventually able to develop these habits: Resting or allowing myself to sleep more, especially in the dark winter months; making sure I ate decent food and stayed hydrated; adopting a habit of exercise daily (Tai Chi, in my case), and avoiding toxic people, violent media/TV/movies, etc. Learning to stop my mental wandering down unhelpful paths was especially hard, i.e. replaying what happened, singling out people whose behavior or inaction led to the death, etc. These are just what worked for me. Your mileage may vary. I'm sure others who have been at this longer will have wonderful suggestions. 😊
  8. Welcome, Amberley, and I am sorry that Life dealt you this harsh hand. All the wishes and struggles you describe are felt by others, in their own way and individual experience. That feeling of being able to write an entire book about what happened, I do know that feeling. The feeling of slipping, of having nothing left to live for, and struggling with faith, are things that I feel we each have to work on all the time, and when we can't hold on, that's what things like therapy and grief support groups are for. Edit: and of course calling crisis services when necessary. All I could do in the aftermath was breathe, take it one moment at a time if necessary, and try to express the onslaught of grief emotions when I could, or wait them out when I could not express them. Everyone here "gets it" so don't hesitate to come here to vent, remember, wonder out loud, and confide.
  9. Three years ago today, Mark collapsed from what would turn out to be septic shock. He had been anxious the night before over some physical issues that, in hindsight, were a warning, but I dismissed them because they were seemingly minor and anything like this had always turned out to be nothing. I wasn't as patient with him as I wish I had been. When he didn't come home by midafternoon, I started to wonder and worry, and he didn't answer his cell phone. Finally he did manage to answer, but sounded groggy and far away and I heard someone in the background say, "We have to send you to the hospital. You fell down and were out here for some time. Something is wrong." I gathered that they were sending him to a certain hospital. My life and his just went sideways from there, and everything slid out from under us, tumbled headlong into an abyss I am still picking my way out of.
  10. Welcome, and I'm sorry that this devastating loss has come to pass. I felt a little eerie reading your first post as my given name is the same as your son's and my birthday falls within those days in which no one knew he had died. That's exactly how it feels. 😞
  11. You write so well and so touchingly about your beloved grandpa. It sounds like this loss was something you could see coming a long way off, and sometimes that makes it seem even worse because you know it can't be halted. I'm so very sorry you are enduring this. I hope you will keep writing about him.
  12. This is very true. Quality over quantity! 😐
  13. Welcome, and sorry that Life has turned out this way, that you lost your dad and that it seems you given little or no time to grieve and care for yourself. I'm going to say some potentially difficult things, with the understanding that I am interpreting and filtering. through my own lens of life experience, what you have described. Apologies if anything seems harsh because it isn't intended to be. I would like to ask: who, if anyone, has tried to make things as easy as possible for.... you? A year has passed. Each of you grieves in your own way. However... It sounds as though she has been carried, supported and helped, basically treated like glass from the sound of it, all this time. It seems that in her mental state, she has given little thought to who else is suffering... you. You are the one who was forced to shove aside your feelings and be the adult when she could not be. We all go a little crazy when we lose someone we love, and we all do and say stupid things in the aftermath. Heaven knows I did. Her behavior is her own choice. Hurtful as it is, it's her own behavior that she has to answer for. You can't change her or control her. My suggestion is to work on yourself and let her work on herself. You did all the work in the aftermath, the obituary, the funeral, etc. Now you need to be given time to work on you. Seems to me someone needs to acknowledge how you stepped up to the plate, not just her in that way you felt was insincere. Has anyone else done so? Lastly, you describe yourself as a caregiver, and it sounds like you work with people living with or battling cancer. I would respectfully ask you to consider whether it is time to do some caregiving for your own self? Have you gone on a little vacation? Seen a bodyworker/certified massage therapist (because your body is probably aching from all the grief and emotions)? And then to consider seeing an experienced individual and/or family therapist/counselor/psychologist who can help you examine the relationship you have with your mom which sounds very complicated, made even more so by this death of someone you both love.
  14. Wow, what a great reading selection! 💕😍
  15. Kay, that's a cute one, and here's something similar I found somewhere online...
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