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About Kieron

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  • Your relationship to the individual who died
    Partner, best friend
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  1. jimswife, I'm glad you started a thread. And how fresh this experience is for you at 15 days. I'm sorry you joined the club no one wants to join. All this is complicated by the daughter's behavior, and I'm sorry to say there's one like this in just about every family; the story is as old as time. Meanwhile, for the loss itself, you deal with it any way you can, perhaps by working. Sometimes routines like jobs insulate us a little with the sense of normality in a zone of un-reality that we know we must sometime face. The shock is real, and so is the sinking feeling of loss, the pit in your gut, the litany of "if-only-this, if only that" also known as woulda-coulda-shoulda. Been there, done that. ๐Ÿ˜– Others have given you good advice for self-care. That is vital. I hope you'll check in with us often.
  2. I think that's very much allowed and permissible and understandable at this stage, don't you? ๐Ÿ™‚
  3. Beautiful garden taking shape! Love the two poems, as well. I think you did just fine. ๐Ÿ˜ƒ Mark loved fern-leaf peonies, sometimes called the Memorial Day peony because it blooms right about now, but he used to say "My thumb is black and blue," meaning he couldn't grow anything if he tried. However my thumb is green and so I planted a couple of these peonies some years ago for him to enjoy. The weather has been very cool lately so everything is a bit behind, but the peonies I planted will bloom in about 2, maybe 3 days. And I will think of him when they do.
  4. I know just what you mean. I have wondered many of the same things you mention. it's totally fine to add to your own first post. I do it a lot with my own first-time post! ๐Ÿ˜
  5. Beautiful wild creature! Speaking of this and other signs, I told this story elsewhere here... Last fall, when I was standing by the tree that was planted in Mark's memory, getting ready to spread his ashes around the base of the tree, a little butterfly alighted, ever so briefly, on the mound of bark mulch, dipped its wings, and then flitted away. I found out later this small butterfly is called Question Mark, for the little markings on it that resemble the ? symbol. It definitely felt like a sync wink, as a friend calls them.
  6. I'll add my welcome, JTP, and essentially echo what has already been said, and to note that, oh my gosh, it's been 5 months or so for you since Bob died. The grief must be so fresh and raw, and running hot, as it does now. I "get" the feeling about waiting for him. For weeks I felt like I was waiting for him to come back from somewhere, or I would come home from work and then think, "Oh yeah, he's not here..." For me, it's been just about 26 months. Even yesterday, I came home from a day-long class I am taking as a way to make a step in a new direction in life, and felt the sadness welling up again because he isn't here to ask how it went or offer encouragement. Ana's quote, and KarenK's about the choice being made for you, are both so on-point. Wiped out in an instant, and for no apparent reason, no signs or hints of what was to come, no way to say goodbye. ๐Ÿ˜” My heart goes out to you, for that alone.
  7. Mine is, too. i avoid reading the Pet Loss section of this forum, because she's about all I have left alive from my life with Mark.
  8. I'm glad you have been able to come to this valuable realization! Yes, the whole idea of a grief timetable is a complete fiction that does a lot of harm to ordinary people struggling to cope in a society that would rather not look too closely at death, loss and grief.
  9. Johnny, it will do that, and often, for awhile longer. Let it, whenever you can, even though you'll feel like you're about to throw up from the pain, and your knees get sore. Those waters you mention have got to go somewhere, so let it do its thing. I'm so sorry that lost everything so soon and so cruelly. I can only shake my head at the unfairness of it. ๐Ÿ˜–
  10. Ana, I understand exactly this sentiment. Yesterday I kept thinking about how it feels as though my self-confidence took a "body blow" and now things that never rattled or unnerved me, do exactly that. And it's not something I just casually admit in daily life because guys aren't supposed to be that way, but this is how it is. And in another conversation, I accidentally made a profound remark. The person (who is over age 65 I believe), and I were discussing resilience, and I said something like "I think that in life, if we live long enough, our resilience can lose some of its resilience, making it harder to bounce back the way we once did." Then I had to pause and think, "Wow, where did THAT come from?" ๐Ÿ˜„ Even the person I was chatting with admitted "That's about right, isn't it?"
  11. Wow, Marg, all of this sounds like such a stressful experience. ๐Ÿ˜ฎ Having worked in mental health for many years, I will say this: medications like these, when tested on humans, are tested on volunteers. According to my understanding, most volunteers of medication trials are men, and/or people of white/European descent. Medications often (but not always) behave differently in the physiology or physical makeup of women and children (being physically smaller in size), and that of people of other ethnic/racial groups. I believe that may account for the wide range of possible side effects (or no effects!), some of them being quite unpleasant. I wouldn't wish mental illness on anyone, but many of the folks who have crossed my path amaze me with their resilience. They have shown me what is really important in life, as well as "walk a mile in my shoes" and realizing how many advantages I have had in life. Humbling, to say the least. ๐Ÿ˜•
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