Missing My Sammy, The Pink Nose Tabby

[MissMySammy]

I met Sammy when he was 4 hours old. He came home to me when he was 8 weeks old.  He gave me joy for over 18 years and took a large part of my heart when he went to heaven 2 days ago. Sammy was the boss as soon as he was brought through the door.  His curiosity was a wonder. Her needed to see how liquid spilled out of a cup when he pushed it to the floor, how many tissues remained on a on a particular toilet paper roll, and if he could fit into the large soup bowl.  For the entire time he was with us I was never again able to sleep nights. He woke me up in many ways: batting me on the head with his paw, wailing from the hallway, jumping on my dresser and banging on the tambourine hanging on the wall.  He was from a litter of 7; the only pink nose tabby. Sammy had many jobs. He was the social greeter when people came to visit; he was the assistant helper when the cable guy or plumber came to fix something, and he kept me hopping with his demands for munchies. He was a fussy boy.  At his prime he weighed 17 pounds. At the end he was not even 4 pounds.  I was so lucky to have my precious boy for so long, but I do not feel lucky. There is nowhere to go to dodge the pain. It hurts more than I can say. I must find comfort that he was not alone and he was surrounded by those who loved him when he left us.

[Maylissa]

Dear MissMySammy,

I'm so very sorry for your loss of Sammy. You don't mention what led to his passing but I imagine he must have become quite ill if he had lost that much weight...the poor, little guy. 😿

You're right though -- "There is nowhere to go to dodge the pain." But then, would you really want to "stuff" all of that, as if his life didn't matter and it didn't cause you so much pain from his passing? After all, Sammy was a huge part of your life for a long time, and your role as his caregiver and companion (or pet parent) for 18+ years, plus your present pain, is a direct reflection of just how much he meant to you and what you meant to him, and of how your life together was so entwined. Plus of course, if we "stuff" difficult feelings, it only leads to worse things for us, on many multifaceted and connected levels.

It can also take a long time, after much personal effort, to really embody feeling "lucky" for having someone so precious in our lives, along with the anguish it causes us to lose them. You are not alone in your perspective. For instance, it has been many years since I lost my own furchildren, yet that feeling of gratitude, or feeling "lucky" to have had them in my life, remains MIXED with the sorrow of missing them still. Reflecting on our lives together, I also still must reach for little islands of "comfort" to help balance that ongoing sorrow. 

Your descriptions of Sammy's characteristics did make me (still ambigously) smile though, reminding me of some of the countless ways my own furkids graced my days. Cats are all such amazing characters! 💖 Our animal loves are all unique and wondrous, and as such I would highly suggest documenting everything you remember, as it comes to you, about how Sammy was, in all its/his beautiful detail, so you will have as much as possible to keep those memories alive as the years go by. We often think we'll remember everything, but we often lose bits and pieces as time rolls on, and our memories do tend to fade a bit.

I also understand how it "hurts more than (one) can say." Words are often wholly insufficient to capture our heart's deepest feelings. But it's also healing to purely FEEL whatever you feel in any given moment, with as few filters or blocks as possible put up to interfere with that process, so that those deep feelings stand less chance of becoming lodged in your body's very cells. Just grieve as much and as hard as you need to, and let that be permissible.  

You were there as he returned to spirit, and that alone counts for a LOT....for him, and for yourself. Never forget that many people do not give their precious animal the gift and comfort of their presence at their passing, but YOU DID, and Sammy would have been grateful for that...for what he deserved.

Again, I offer my heartfelt condolences on Sammy's crossing, and wish you everything you need to get through this most difficult journey.

Blessings, Maylissa

[MissMySammy]

Dear Maylissa,

Thank you for your comforting thoughts. It meant a lot to me and will help me in upcoming times of grief.  I will document my thoughts and memories of Sammy. Oh my, such memories of my sunny-hunny boy. Writing about him will provide comfort. Thanks for that idea.  Bless you. - Abby, who loved Sammy.

[kayc]

Abby,

I am so sorry you are missing your Sammy.  It sounds like he made himself an integral part of your home for many years with his antics and curiosity.  These are the memories we are left with, that we shared in life with the furry one we love/d and that love continues still, just it displays differently now, they live on in our hearts and memories.  We are the ones that carry their legacy, that hold that place of importance and honor to them.  Wow, he must have really been through it to have his weight drop that much.  I had a 19 year old cat, King George, and he lost a third of his weight at the end, he had cancer.  I'm glad your Sammy was not alone when the end came, he knew you loved him.  I'm sorry that it hurts so much, the gaping hole they leave in our lives is huge.  It takes much time to adjust to all the changes it means to us.  Wishing you peace...

[MissMySammy]

Hi kayc,

Thanks for your comforting thoughts. He was so much a part of my life and now I feel empty. Thankfully, my husband and I are each other's support. No matter how much time we have with our sweet pets it never seems to be enough.  I am trying so hard to focus that it was a mercy that it was Sammy's time. It's my job, now, to realize that as much as I miss my sonny boy, it was the best thing for him to leave us when he did.  I hope Sammy, King George and many others meet in Rainbow Bridge. Bless you. - Abby