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SonofASA

To my dear Mother

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Over the years I've come to know the meaning of the phrase "You don't know what you have until you don't have it anymore" on an intellectual level. Then there were the moments when I didn't have enough money to pay the bills or lost a pet, or even tried to relate to someone else who lost a loved one. But when my Mother passed away on 4/3/2019, what began in me was a profound understanding of that phrase. I just finished crying for the umpteenth time despite all the support and encouragement I've received from relatives and friends. I felt that I had said all I needed to say to Mother and I long ago made peace with her, but I really, really, really want to put my arms around her one more time to tell her that I love her. My siblings and I are going through her extensive records to make sure the estate is handed over completely to Father so that he can finish the process of making the living will finalized. We don't need or want the money. The point is to keep it out of probate. The thing with Father is he never involved himself with the financials and has no idea of what is going on until we explain it to him. That's a long way of saying that the last 11 days have been emotionally taxing because we all enjoyed and loved one another. Mom built and guided a solid family that will stick together, but for me the sentimentality is most difficult to handle. Mother and I were very much alike in that regard and almost every item that she wrote on or trinket she kept reminds me of the times and places we've been through which evokes feelings of happiness and longing followed by profound sorrow for not having her here. She never wanted us to be sad, but it is very difficult not to be so at this point. But I endeavor to mourn her and expect sadness much less often that I do now just over a week after her passing. Love your loved ones folks. If you haven't already, videotape them talking or having fun, you'll be glad you did. I have a few hours of her and wish I had much, much more, but I will treasure what little I have. I love you Mother. You represent all the good in me and I endeavor to live life as you did. There aren't words adequate enough to describe how good you were to me and I can say that I am the most fortunate person in the world to be your son.

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I'm sorry for your loss.  It's been 4 1/2 years for me, hard to believe, it seems like yesterday.

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