Shock and Disbelief

[julied12]

I wrote you last year talking about my 15 year old queensland heeler Jasper that we had to put down.  Hardest thing I have ever had to do.  On the same day we were doing this, our 3 year old queensland heeler had her first seizure.  As if we didn't have enough on our plate that day.  Riley came to us on June 1 2015 at 8 weeks old.  Found out 2 days after we got her that she had a heart murmur.  Did all of the tests and and more when she turned a year old but was told she could go on to live a normal life.  Then the seizure happened.  For the last year we have been dealing with those seizures.  She was only having one a month so we didn't need to medicate her.  In January we adopted a 12 week queensland heeler as we thought she could use a pal after Jasper - it was on the 6 month anniversary of his passing so it was a good sign.  Riley did ok with him and they seemed to have a bond - she tolerated but let him know when he was being a pain.  In April things changed with the seizures and we started her on medication.  She had not had another seizure since being on the medication.  July 4th, 2019 at 11:10 pm she started to have a seizure that she was not coming out of - 20 minutes later we were loading her into the car and headed to the ER.  Riley took her last breath in the car and passed away in route.  We are devastated and in total shock.  I cannot believe that a four year semi healthy dog passed away like that and I am really struggling.  I hadn't gotten over Jaspers passing in 13 months and now I am grieving again.  These dogs are my children and I just don't know to cope or deal with this.

[Kacy]

I'm so sorry for your loss.  Four years old was way too young to lose your baby.  I also lost one of my dogs on the way to the ER, so know how devastating that is.

Have you spoken at all to your vet to see if he/she can give you an idea of what happened?  Did they ever say what might have caused the seizures?

I wish there was something I could say to ease your pain, but I know from my own experience that there are no words to do that.  I hope at some point you are able to come to peace with all of it.  RIP Riley.

[kayc]

Julie,

I am so sorry no one would expect this, not in the prime of her life!  It has to be a shock.

Grief is the hardest thing I've dealt with...I lost my husband unexpectedly 14 years ago, we never got to grow old together.  I've been dealing with it ever since.  I've long since absorbed the shock and had to learn to adjust to life without him, I've never stopped missing or loving him, he's been in my thoughts and on my mind every day.  Time does little to heal our hearts, it's what we do with it that can help.  I've had grief counseling (and yes there's some that specialize in loss of pets), journalled, come to this forum (that was a real lifesaver!, started a grief support group, and even did art therapy. It's not one of those things but all combined that have helped me.  Learning that it is normal to feel as I do under the circumstances, has helped me.  Knowing there are others affected by their losses in much the same way has helped me not feel so alone in it.  Your journey will be unique but will also have some similarities to others.

I have found it helpful to memorialize my pets that have died, I've purchased memorial stones for them, others have done other things like plant a tree or put in a fountain.  It's a tribute to them.  Some have built shadow boxes with their collar, favorite toy, an urn with their ashes, a picture of their pet.  

https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2013/03/memorializing-pets-we-have-lost.html
http://www.griefhealing.com/memorializing.htm
https://www.personalcreations.com/product/pawprints-in-heaven-memorial-marker-30192930?q=30192930&start=&spell=&srchSuggestion=y&trackingpgroup=pid

[julied12]

Thank you both.  My dogs are my kids and I think this why it makes it so much harder for me.  I have some guilt as I brought our 9 month Simon into Riley's world back in January.  She tolerated him but I am not sure if it caused her more stress - even though the seizures did not increase until several months after Simon came to us.  In answer to your question - it was determined to be epilepsy.  She had a heart murmur that was checked regularly and that was stable (in rare cases that can cause seizures) and she had been tested fro various things that also contributed to seizures but all of that was negative.  I have always tried to educate myself with things like this and everyone kept telling me she could live a long life with epilepsy so I never thought this could happen - hence the shock.  Maybe I should have had more information.

[kayc]

Here is a link you might find of comfort...
https://www.griefhealing.com/comfort-grieving-animal-lovers.htm